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The Endless quotes thread
Topic Started: Sep 3 2006, 07:21 PM (325 Views)
TheObserver

I thought this would be fun for everyone, but please don't double post.

Alright now, we all have heard them in some way, shape or form in movies, wrestling, our friends, or just from anywhere so here is a place to put some of your favorite quotes.

You can put as many as you want.

This I wanted to do for a bit and I thought I made a thread when I first came here but I guess not so let the quoting begin.

Just give credit to the movie, actor, wrestler or whoever said it.

I'll start.

Spaceballs
 

    Sandurz: I don't know. They must have hyperjets on that thing!
    Dark Helmet: And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart?!
    Sandurz: No sir!
    Dark Helmet:Well find them, catch them!
    Sandurz: Yes sir! Prepare ship for light speed!
    Dark Helmet: No no no, light speed is too slow!
    Sandurz: Light speed too slow?
    Dark Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to... ludicrous speed!
    (entire crew gasps)
    Sandurz: Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't know if this ship can take it!
    Dark Helmet: What's the matter Colonel Sandurz... chicken?
    Sandurz: (stuttering) Prepare ship...prepare ship for ludicrous speed! Fasten all safety belts, seal all entrances and exits, close all shops in the mall! Cancel the three ring circus! Secure all animals in the zoo...
    Dark Helmet: (grabs the radio) Give me that, you petty excuse for an officer! NOW HEAR THIS: LUDICROUS SPEED!
    Sandurz: Sir, hadn't you better buckle up?
    Dark Helmet: Ah, buckle this! LUDICROUS SPEED, GO!!!


Stone Cold Steve Austin
 

If you put the letter S in front of Hitman, you have my exact opinon about him.
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SRP76
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The Man. Any Questions?
From The Boondocks episode, "The Block is Hot":

Mr. Ed Wuncler, the local millionaire business tycoon, pulls up to little girl Jasmine's lemonade stand. Jasmine's friend (and 10-year-old political activist) Huey Freeman is at the lemonade stand, passing out pamphlets. Mr. Wuncler buys a lemonade, and the conversation starts :

Mr. Wuncler : I admire the entrepenueral spirit in young people....

Huey (interrupting) : You mean like those twelve-year-old girls in your sweatshops in Indonesia?

Mr. Wuncler (looking down at Huey menacingly) : That's right. Every morning when I get out of bed, I put one foot on the floor, and the other in the ass of a twelve-year-old Indonesian girl.

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4400TVJunkie
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All hail King Booker!
John Cena: I'm not gonna let you come out here and run your mouth. We're in the Great White North but you can bite my White South.
Kurt Angle: You know I didn't think it was possible. But I think I finally found somebody in the company that's whiter than I am.

:lol:
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WWEFootos48
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God
Didn't I make a thread in General Discussion just like this? :???:

Anyways, I have two quotes, both from The Office's "The Injury."

Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day.

Michael: (after he fell off the toilet) Get Ryan! He needs to lift me, and he needs to clean me up a bit... Bring a wet towel.
Toby: Ryan is (Ryan drags his finger across his throat) ...dead.
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TheObserver

I gazed through the General Discussion area and did'nt see a thread for it, but if you have the link then I'll just merge this with that. :tu:


Kurt Angle

Once upon a time there was a kid who talked a lot of smack. He's whiter than me, but he thinks he's black! My name is Kurt Angle and what the heck?, I won a gold medal with a broken freakin neck, You better step off cause we ain't friends, I'm movin on up like the Jeffersons, You don't scare me no no no, I may suck but you just blow.

New Jersey is in dire need of a hero. Bon Jovi does not count!

Rey Mysterio, I want you to remember one thing: you’re a boy in a man’s world, and I’m a man that loves to play with boys! No, no, no! Wait a minute! Shut up! What I meant to say is: you’re a boy and I’m a man, and tonight I’m gonna love to manhandle you! No! Hold on a second! Shut up! Rey Mysterio, you remember this, pal, you’re a boy and I’m a man, and when you and I get together here tonight, I’m gonna get on top of you and … no, no! Damnit! Mysterio, just get your ass down here!

Spike: I said, leave my girlfriend alone!!
Angle: What is this?? Saved By The Bell??
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WWEFootos48
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God
This would be it. It's not exactly the same, but for the most part, it's the same concept. You can keep this thread seperate.

Anyway, as for more quotes:

This is from The Office's "The Secret" episode.

Dwight: There are several different ways to tell if a perp is lying. The liar will avoid direct eye contact. The liar will cover part of his or her face with his hands, especially the mouth. The liar will perspire. Unfortunately, I spoke to Oscar on the phone so none of this is useful.

Michael: (ordering at Hooters) I will have a chicken breast, hold the chicken.
Hooter's Girl:(looking annoyed) Is that what you really want?
Michael:I'll have the gourmet hotdog.
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TheObserver

You sure man? I can combine the two, it's almost like this, so it's up to you man. :grin:

Oh, I got some more Angle quotes.

Kurt Angle

Austin: "Champ to champ, I love you! I've had my eye on you for a long time... I love you."
Kurt: "You - you love me?"
Austin: "Yeah. Hey, I got something for you."
(Kurt gets an unsure look on his face and takes a step back)
Austin: "No, hey, lighten up..."
(Austin gives Kurt an Austin 3:16 hat, and gives Kurt his medals back)
Kurt: "They're my medals!"
Austin: "You know how long it took to fish these out of the Detroit river? I got 'em for you!"
Kurt: (grinning) "Oh my god! Stone Cold..."
Austin: "Did I tell you I love you or what? Put 'em on."
Kurt: "This is so great! This is the happiest day of my life! I look good, huh?"
Austin: "Damn right you do."
(Kurt hugs Austin)
Kurt: "Thank you. I love you too."

Like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie. The Big Show is a big waste of talent. And like Abraham Lincoln, I'm honest almost to a fault. If the Big Show had my 3 I's, then maybe he wouldn't be such a big disappointment and like Marion Barry, actually I'm nothing like Marion Barry and shame on you for re-electing that guy.

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4400TVJunkie
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All hail King Booker!
Gosh, Kurt has said some funny things in his day, hasn't he? lol Here's another one where he parodied Shawn Michaels "Sexy Boy" theme. Sherri sang back up too.

Angle: I think I'm cute, I've got Gold Medals, I've got the moves, that makes them all tap out, the Angle Slam...the Ankle Lock, Marty Jannety...still can't walk, I’m just a sexy Kurt (Sexy Kurt), I’ll make you’re ankle hurt (Ankle Hurt), I’m just a sexy Kurt (Sexy Kurt), I’ll make your ankle hurt (Ankle Hurt).

Angle: Whatcha gonna do to me Cena? Huh? Whatcha ya gonna do to me? Here's a rhyme you can take to the bank Cena. This BS is over, I won't take your crap. You mess with me, and I'll make you tap. Wordlife!

Now, some quotes from the best show ever The 4400 which sadly had its season finale last week :cry:

Diana: Your tissue is healing itself from trauma that quickly! Kevin, you've developed a 4400 ability!
Kevin: It's getting there - it doesn't always work.
Diana: Doesn't always work? You just put a scalpel through the back of your hand!
Kevin: I know, I was nervous about that.

Shawn: So what you're saying is if I smoke this cigar, I'm going to see the future?
Claudio: Your future. A possible one anyway. As I said, use with caution. You might not like what you see. But it seems an appropriate gift for a man on his wedding day.
Shawn: Well, it is better than a toaster oven. Thank you, Claudio.

Shawn: (to Richard) I can heal people. You can move things with your mind. We live in a crazy world.

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TheObserver

Here are some of the best ones from......well my favorite show of the year so far.

How I Met Your Mother

Hula girl: Wait a minute. You're that lame army guy.
Barney: What, no, no, that's some other guy. And he was a kick-ass fighter pilot.
Hula girl: I cannot believe I gave you my number.
Barney: Yeah, well you did, thanks.
Hula girl: Yeah, well give it back.
Barney: Well, uh, I don't think so. I earned it, fair and square. I'm calling you.
Hula girl: But I'm never gonna go out with you.
Barney: But how will you know it's me. I'm a master of disguise! Yeah.

-----------------------

Ted:[to Barney]Don't say "legendary." You're too liberal with the word "legendary."
[Flashback]
Barney:We're building an igloo in Central Park. It's going to be legendary! Snowsuit up!

-----------------------

Lily:Why would Natalie hang up on you?
Ted:I don't know.
Barney:Did you sleep with her sister?
Ted:No.
Barney: Did you sleep with her mom?
Ted:No.
Barney:I'm losing interest in your story.

---------------------------

Barney:Ladies, gentlemen, Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the Re-return. I finally nailed Shannon. Told her I'd call her tomorrow...ayeah, right! And I rediscovered how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres!
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_DL_
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BURN IT DOOOWWNNNNNNNN!
Wedding Crashers:

John Beckwith: You look beat. Soft mattress?
Jeremy Grey: Soft mattress? Yeah, it could have been the soft mattress. Or the midnight rape. Or the nude gay art show that took place in my room last night. One of those three probably contributed to the lack of sleep.
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Purple Marauder
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Stand Back! There's a Hurricane Coming Through
Eric Cartman From South Park:

Quote:
 
Mr. Garrison: Does anyone know what sexual harassment means?
Cartman: When you are tying to have intercourse with a special lady friend and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind.


Quote:
 
Kyle: Wow! That's a lot of seamen, Cartman.
Cartman: Yeah, I bought all that I could at this bank, and then I got the rest from this guy Ralph in an alley.
Stan: That's cool.
Cartman: Yeah, and the sweet thing is, the stupid asshole didn't even charge me money for it. He just made me close my eyes and suck on a hose.


Quote:
 
Eric Cartman Quotes

Cartman: You so much at TOUCH kitty's ass, and I'll put a firecracker in your nutsack and blow your balls all over your pants.


Cartman: You seem a little irritable, Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina?
Kyle: There's no sand in my vagina!


Cartman: How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor.


Cartman: Okay, Token, give me a sweet bass line.
Token: I don't know how to play the bass.
Cartman: Token, how many times do we have to go over this? You're black. You can play the bass.
Token: I'm really tired of your racist views on this.
Cartman: Well then, get tired of them after you give me a bass line!
Token: (Plays the bass expertly) Oh, Goddammit.


Quote:
 
Cartman: If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, 'Hey. Why don't you stop ... dressing me like a mailman ... uh, and making me dance for you ... while you go and ... smoke crack in your bedroom ... and have sex with ... some guy ... I don't even know. On my dad's bed.
Stan: Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?
Cartman: I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.


Quote:
 
Cartman (singing): I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.


Quote:
 
Cartman: Alright. Look. I didn't want to have to say this, but I think maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us doesn't believe in it enough.
Kyle: Huh?
Cartman: Heaven could be like the pixie fairies of Bubblegum Forest. You only see them if you really believe in them.
Stan: What?
Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing heaven because one of us is a J-O-O.
Kyle: What does me being a Jew have to do with anything?
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TheObserver

Zoolander:

Quote:
 
Have you ever wondered if there was more to life, other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?


Quote:
 
Do you understand that the world does not revolve around you and your "do whatever it takes, ruin as many people's lives, so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied along the way, just so long so you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist, no matter how many friends you lose or people you leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way"?...


Quote:
 
Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!


Quote:
 
Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude.


Quote:
 
You have no evidence. Han-stupid destroyed everything.
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MY85
It's a fabulous new day, yes it is!
Scary Movie 2

Father McFeely: I came as fast as I could. But you know at my age the little soldier needs a lot more thumpin' before it starts pumpin'.


Mean Machine:

Doc: Come on, where's your manners Danny? What would your old mum say?
Danny Meehan: (smiles) Fuck me!
Doc: Wish I met her.


There's Something About Mary:

Dom: Here you've been in therapy, you know, thinking you blew it with the greatest girl ever, and really it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you.
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Purple Marauder
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Stand Back! There's a Hurricane Coming Through
Mallrats:

Quote:
 

T.S.: But they're engaged.

Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.

T.S.: Why not? It's bound to come up.

Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I gurantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?

T.S.: Sure, why not?

Brodie: He's an alien, for christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!


Quote:
 
Brodie: One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.


Quote:
 
Brandie: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?

Brodie: I already did once today! But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on this plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane starts spinning around, going out of control, so he figures it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad! So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and they land safely and everyone puts their penises or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.

Gill: Well, did he cum, or what?

Brodie: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
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4400TVJunkie
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All hail King Booker!
Andy Wang on Ultimate Fighter
 
See, this is what happens when you mix alcohol and a campfire with crazy white guys....trouble!
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