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All hail King Booker!
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Hogan Family bares way more than you'd want to know on Stern Author: Unknown Continuing the recent string of wrestlers appearing on the Howard Stern Show, the Hogan family returned today for more fun to plug Brooke's new album and the new season of "Hogan Knows Best." Whereas the theme of the last appearance was Hogan's overprotetective parenting style, the theme today (and for the new season of the show, it seems) was the strained marriage of Hulk and Linda. A recap:
-Howard says if he was single, he'd date and marry Brooke. Says she's good looking and rich, and he'd just sit and wait for that inheritance. You know, because Howard needs money.
-Howard asks Robin how much she thinks Hulk has invested in Brooke's career. She's unsure but guesses $400k-$500k.
-The family comes in, and Howard says how great they all look. Hulk jokes that if Howard marries Brooke, they'd both be trying to kill each other for their money. You know, because Hulk needs the money. By the way, Robin was wrong, as Hulk says he has invested between 2 and 3 million dollars in Brooke's career.
-Howard compliments Brooke on her FHM cover and says she's turning in to quite the lovely lady.
-Hulk says he's not as protective as he used to be now that she's 18. Well, that and because the show needs a new storyline.
-Brooke says she has braces behind her teeth. Howard brings up what recent guest Aaron Carter said (he claimed to have dated Brooke) on the show. Brooke said Aaron was exaggerating and that they dated for a couple days, but did admit to kissing him.
-Howard then embarrasses Brooke in front of her parents by asking how far she has gone with a guy. Says she hasn't had sex, but has done more than kissing. She admits to going between 2nd and 3rd base, but once Howard explains to her what 3rd base is, she says no way. Baseball terminology for dating must not be hip with kids today. In other words, as Robin put it, she has not done any "below the waist" stuff with a guy.
-Linda, who knew the lingo, said she had gone to 3rd base by the time she was Brooke's age. Brooke said she hasn't even had time to get far with a guy because her career has been so busy. Howard couldn't believe she was 18 and hadn't gone that far. He jokes that he knows a nun who is 18 and has gone to 3rd base.
-To corroborate Brooke's story, they ask Nick. Nick says he knows nothing, and Brooke complains Nick can do whatever he wants and her parents don't care. Howard says Brooke has to be careful because she's so rich and famous that any guy who scores with her will go blab about it. Brooke agrees, saying that she just kissed Aaron Carter and look what that turned into.
-Hulk said Howard has his 100% approval if he ever wanted to date Brooke. By the way, Howard and Hulk are the same age. Howard jokes that he is so small that he could make love to Brooke and she'd still be a virgin. Besides, Howard says, Brooke can beat him up if he gets out of line. Brooke agrees, as does most of the listening audience, I'm sure.
-The Hogans moved from Tampa to Miami, in a new home that cost $12 million. The house in Tampa is still theirs, so I guess they had no takers. They also say they own a beach house. Nick brings up the recent news report that Howard makes $1,000 every 24 seconds. Well, Tito Ortiz made about $200,000 every 30 seconds on October 10th.
-Talk turns to the marriage. Linda says it has been stressful with the move, the cameras always around, and Brooke's career. The storyline they are playing is that they are on the brink of divorce. They'd better be careful with that one. Hulk says they are arguing a lot but says he loves her and wants to be married forever. He claims they sleep in separate hotel rooms sometimes.
-Robin says Hulk always calls in to Bubba's show and sounds miserable with his marriage. I guess it's normal to call into a national radio show when you're a celebrity and your marriage is suposedly in trouble. No doubt it's a stressful life, though, as Linda uses as her defense. Hulk says Linda is very attractive but "mean as a snake" to her. Every little thing is his fault. Linda says they argue over the direction of Brooke's career, which I guess explains the image makeover in recent years. They argue about things like songs picked for the single, who handles their traveling, etc. Howard says Brooke should learn to decide these things on her own because she will need to do that later on in her career anyway. Brooke says she has told them to lay off a little.
-The kids are not concerned their parents will divorce. Nick says even if they did, the family is so tight they'd still be okay. Howard believes there will be a divorce. Said like a true divorced man. Linda says No, and that they've been married 22 years.
-Nick jokes that Hulk will say he never wants to talk to Linda again, but the next day they want to make up. Hulk says they last had sex a week ago, but Linda says it was more recent than that, at the hotel in New York. This grosses out Brooke.
-Howard yells at Linda for acting so stressed, saying she has a great life and her job should be to make Hulk happy since he has provided so much for her. Says she hit the lottery by getting a good loooking rich guy who is in good shape and muscular.
-Howard thinks Hulk wants a divorce so he can go crazy and date tons of women. Now we know what Howard was thinking before his own divorce. Hulk said No. Robin says Hulk calls Bubba on the air and says he's out of the house and has nowhere to sleep. Brooke says she has to act like a psychologist to them sometimes. She probably had years of practice, growing up with Beefcake and Knobbs around the house a lot.
-Linda says they are around each other all the time and they just need their space sometimes. The kids say their parents would be lost without each other. Robin says she thought the same thing about Howard and his wife, but then he went on a dating spree for 6 months.
-Howard asks Hulk what percentage of him wants a divorce. He said last month it was 100% when Linda hung the phone up on him. Linda felt the same way, but now it's different and that when you love someone, you have to stick with him. Artie jokes that Hulk would definitely get lost without Linda... lost in the huge Playboy mansion, that is.
-Hulk says he doesn't want another woman in bed with Linda. Brooke says that if her parents were swingers, she'd divorce herself from them. That would be funny. Linda does say women have come on to her, even in front of Hulk.
-They bring up Hulk's claim to Bubba that he's 10 inches. I'm not sure if they were talking about his pecker, or after this interview, his nose. Nick was asked how big he is, but claims never measured.
-They talk about Nick's car accident. Nick says he is currently in the middle of getting his GED. He admits to never studying, but did score the highest possible score on the GED test. Admits he doesn't need to work but wants to anyway just to make his own money. He denies going out late every night. Both kids deny drinking and drugs. What's the secret? Brooke says when they were little, one of their cop friends showed them pictures of people on drugs and it scared them. Howard asks if one of the people in those pictures was Artie?
-Nick will not answer what age was the oldest woman he ever scored with. He does say he'd love to meet Debra Lafave (the blond teacher who slept with her student) and said she could get him to enroll in school again. Says he never tried with Brooke's friends but says they are all hot.
-Brooke denied saying Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson were ever mean to her. Meow. Says they were all nice to her, including Lindsay Lohan.
-They talk about the new single. Who paid for it? Hulk said he did for awhile, but then the record company did. He had invested so much money in Brooke's career, he claimed, that he had to go back to wrestling because he had concerns about money.
-Paul Wall comes in. He gets goofed on for being a "wigger." Howard says Paul is "blacker than most black guys." Asks if he worships blacks. Paul said his wife is black and he worships her.
-Howard taks a look at Brooke's outfit and asks why Hulk lets her dress like that. "Brother, after FHM, you can't go back to Radio Disney." Howard says he'd love to take Brooke's virginity. Hogan said he never took a woman's virginity, not even his wife's.
-Did Brooke practice dancing in front of the mirror when she was a kid? Says Yes, to Britney Spears records. Howard jokes she will be doing that on their wedding night (when he marries Brooke), too. Linda said she met Howard's girlfriend at a movie premiere once, but can't remember her name.
-Eric the Midget made the obligatory phone call. Howard tells him not to screw up (like he did last time with Cena). Does Brooke want to work with other producers? She names her current producers and said she would love to work with other people in the future. Brooke says Eric sounds so nice over the phone. Arite: "He's a little sh*t-head."
-Another caller asks a question too naughty to print. Brooke's answer is she has never said "Oh God, oh God!" yet, except when she goes to church.
-Howard mentions the plugs, and they perform the song, "About Us."
-Howard worked the sound board, and did such a good job that the dancers couldn't even hear the music. The dancers get air time, saying they are professionals who studied dancing for years in LA. They've danced with Usher, Mariah Carey, and Missy Elliot, among others. "Ever bang Usher?" Howard asks them. "Will you bang Paul Wall or Nick after the show?"
-Howard then played clips of some old Hulk songs like "Hulkster's in the House," which were hilariously awful. Hulk says Bubba was the one who first noticed Brooke can sing. He took her to a friend's studio and it took off from there.
-Linda said she is amazed by the VH1 show's success. Says when people come up to her on the street, they ask her about the show, not wrestling. Brooke said it's frustrating because she's 18 and wants to move out, but can't because of the show. They plug the show and Linda says to stay tuned and see how their marriage does. Jeez, at least Hulk is a little more subtle when he's working an angle.
-Back from commercial, Howard says he thinks Brooke was really into him but that darn Hulk never leaves the room. He said they never had backup dancers in the studio before and that they need to build a trap door for next time, so he can press it and the dancers would fall through the ceiling.
-Another good segment, but it sure sounds a lot like when the Osbournes come in and do the show. It helps that Howard is such a huge fan of Hogan Knows Best, but it would be much funnier if it wasn't so obvious the family is working everyone.
Interesting is all I can say....
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