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| Friday the 13th: XI; Fan Fiction | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 24 2006, 10:38 PM (150 Views) | |
| NCR | Dec 24 2006, 10:38 PM Post #1 |
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What?
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This is strictly fan fiction. I need some feedback and I will post more chapters after I get enough feedback for this one. Friday the 13th XI by NCR Chapter 1 "Get the hell out of here!" Yells a man standing at 5'11 with black hair cascading down to his shoulders and a scruffy beard with bits of bread crumbs in it, being dressed in a camoflauge blazer along with black overall pants covering his underside. "Would you just listen..." A small girl with golden blonde hair pulled back into pigtails and dressed in a dress obviously to small for her is interupted by the man smacking her across the face and slamming her into the floor. "Their are no such thing as monsters... hun." The man stands up to his feet and laughs before grabbing onto his bottle of Jack Daniels on the table and taking a swig looking back at the girl and shaking his head. The man made his way over to the door, looking back at the girl who is now sobbing in the corner reaching for her father's arm. The man grinned and reached behind him grabbing onto a small hachet and tossing it behind him, to show the girl he was certain there was nothing out there. The man turned the door knob and opened it to reveal a man standing in the doorway at 6'2 his face covered by a hockey mask that had one side of it chipped off revealing the corner of his mouth. The man backed up a few paces, as the girl screamed. "Jason!" The girl let out into a yell as Jason drove the machette into the the man's right eye, blood spilling down his face before he backed up a few paces and fell down onto the table limply. The girl began to sob uncontrolably but, kept her eyes on Jason her vision blurred from the tears swelling around her eyes. Jason began to make his way over to the girl and the girl began to shake uncontrolably and shot to her feet running over to the door and began to pull on the doorknob but, couldn't manage to get it open. The girl turned around crying, as Jason raises the machette into the air and slams it down at the girl. The alarm clock blares through the shack as a man no older than 30, opened his eyes slightly and looked around his sorroundings as if scared that there would be someone right next to him. The man leaned up to a sitting position, black lines around his eyes showing that he was tired. He pushed his feet out onto the floor and stood up looking around the shack, and held his head his vision blurred. "Tommy! Come on Tommy!" A fist slammed against the door to knock as Tommy looked up to the door and made his way over to the door, turning the doorknob and turned it to reveal a man dressed in a black muscle shirt and blue jeans that sagged down to reveal his boxershorts. "Jesus christ man. Thank god your alright, we heard ya screamin." Said the man patting Tommy's shoulder and Tommy made his way backwards into the house looking around gripping onto a shirt onto the floor and pulling it over his head. "Heh... Yeah, I was having... one hell of a nightmare." Tommy grumbled as he rubbed his eyes and approached the doorway once again glancing behind the man to reveal a girl with coal black long hair, cascading down her back dressed in a black T shirt reading "Teen" and a red mini skirt. "James, hurry up! My parents are gonna be pissed if we're late." Yelled the woman leaning against the car, and James turned around raising one finger into the air to tell her to wait before turning back to Tommy with a look of concern upon his face. "Look... Why don't you and Kiley get going. I'm fine, its just another day right?" Tommy mumbled before looking up to James with a smile, to attempt to reassure him he was fine. "Alright, man. Take it easy, and I'll check up on you on my way back through." James embraced Tommy with a hug with one arm before turning back to go back to his car. Kiley hopped back into the passenger seat and James climbed in the driving seat turning the key and reving the engine. James turned to see Tommy standing in the doorway looking to the floor, and frowned before driving off down the road. Tommy let out a loud sigh before grabbing onto the door and closing himself inside the small house. Tommy looked around for a moment, before going over to the calender the lay upon the wall above his dresser and pulled the sheet off that read "12th" to reveal the day "Friday, October 13th". |
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| NCR | Dec 24 2006, 10:59 PM Post #2 |
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What?
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No feedback? Thats saddens me
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| NCR | Dec 24 2006, 11:22 PM Post #3 |
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What?
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Looooooking for some feeeeedback! |
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| _DL_ | Dec 24 2006, 11:47 PM Post #4 |
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BURN IT DOOOWWNNNNNNNN!
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It's a good start, a bit confusing at the beginning. |
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| ATC | Dec 24 2006, 11:52 PM Post #5 |
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Resident Stoner
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It was a dream. |
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| _DL_ | Dec 24 2006, 11:58 PM Post #6 |
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BURN IT DOOOWWNNNNNNNN!
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I know that, but it's the wording that made me read it a few times. |
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| NCR | Dec 25 2006, 04:18 AM Post #7 |
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What?
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Chapter 2 The sounds of laughing begins to play through, the sounds of the lake. Unknowingly to anybody but, Lori Campbell and Will Rollins of what lay under the surface. A body of a decaying human like figure, dressed in a coat that it covered with moss and mud as of now along with the rest of the clothing. The face of the body was hidden by nothing more than a hockey mask, and in his hand lay the handle of the machette laying flat on his palm. lay a machette that had rusted due to years underwater. The body lay motionless on the floor of the water, his hockey mask now of a brownish color from what seemed to be blood. The body's hand twitched only for a moment, before going limp once again. After the twitch the body's leg curled up near the body, and the hand with the machette in it clenched and gripped onto the handle of it. Finally the eyes of the body open, revealing one eye and the other one seeming to be cut out all together. Bubbles began to surface upon the water, as the body surfaced out of the water stepping up onto the land breathing heavily, but silently. The body stepped out onto the sand and turned his head out into the wood, hearing the sounds of giggling teenage boys and the sounds of drunk male teens in the distant. The body stood there for a moment, before turning to his side looking in the direction before slowly starting toward the noises. Jason Voorhees has returned. Jason began into the wood, his machette gripped in his hand he walking like a machine that had its target set on its prey. Jason would follow the voices to the bowls of hell if need be. But, eventually Jason approached a large barn in the middle of the woods, with lights in it and music blaring from inside. "Come on Austin! Dance with me!" Giggled Anna as she grabbed onto Austin's hand and began to dance with him. Austin began to dance as well, moving his whole body to the music as Anna began to giggle and turned to a disgruntled Darren in the corner and made her way over to him. "Whatsa matter grumpy bug?" Anna cried as she took a seat on Darren's lap and licked his cheek. Darren set her in the chair, next to him noticing she was under the influence and Anna let out a loud "hmph!" and made her way over back to the dance floor to dance with Austin. Anna began to drunkly stagger dance on the dancefloor as Darren looked on cosumed in jealousy and got up to his feet making his way over to Austin and drove a fist into his cheek knocking him to the floor, Darren kneels down next to Austin and begins to drive numerous blow into his forehead. Darren slams a fist into Austin's jaw forcing him to bleed and Anna pulls Darren off in a hysterical cry pushing Darren off of Austin and running out of the shack. Anna ran to a nearby tree and layed her arm on the tree beginning to sob of all the fighting, the mascara running down her face. She turns around to lean against the tree sniffling slightly, before her face went pale white and emotionless. Anna shook for a moment, before looking down to spot a bloody machette sticking out from her stomache. Anna groaned it pain before Jason withdrew the Machette from her stomache and her entrails began to fall from her body onto the floor, and she fell into the pile of blood and entrails. "You see what you fucking did?!" Yelled Austin pushing Darren out of the way and making his way outside with Darren following close behind him. Austin stops dead in his tracks at the sight of Anna on the floor, and quickly runs over to her pushing her onto her back and spotting the deep gash in her stomache. A shiver goes down Austin's spine as he backed up a few paces and turned around to spot Jason standing behind Darren now the Machette raised in the air. "Move!" Yelled Austin, and Darren quickly turned around and dodged to the left as Jason struk the machette down at him, the machette getting stuck in the tree trunk. Jason attempts to budge the Machette out of the tree, but gets distracted by Darren attempting to punch Jason but, Jason catches his fist in mid flight. Darren throws the other fist but, Jason catches that one as well and bends them backwards as hard as he could snapping them and the bones ripping through his skin and blood pouring down his veins he letting out a scream. Jason then proceeded by pulling his Machette out and driving it through Darren's stomache, and pulling it out allowing him to lady a bloody corpse on the floor. "Your forgot one bitch!" Yelled Austin as Jason turned around and Austin slammed a steel pipe into Jason stomache knocking him back a few paces. Austin continued by slamming the steel pipe into his hand, forcing Jason to drop the Machette before Austin slammed the Machette into the side of Jason's head. Jason turns to face Austin, and Austin hits Jason in the side of the head again. Jason turns back to face him only to get hits again. Austin let out a yell and brings the pipe down vertically but, Jason catches it this time and drives it forward ramming it through his neck and pinning him up against the tree. Jason leans down slightly, and picks up his Machette before turning to the woods and beginning to make his way through the woods looking for his next victim. But, the legend of Jason Voorhees had returned and unstopable. |
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| NCR | Dec 25 2006, 04:19 AM Post #8 |
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What?
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More feedback needed for Chapter 2. |
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| 15 Shows | Dec 25 2006, 04:30 AM Post #9 |
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Aint cheatin aint tryin
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Why does Darren get to be in it? |
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| NCR | Dec 25 2006, 01:06 PM Post #10 |
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What?
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Cause if I named a character 15shows it would sound stupid.
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| NCR | Dec 25 2006, 01:56 PM Post #11 |
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What?
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Chapter 3 Tommy sat on the bench staring at the concrete below his feet as if intrested with it. People passed Tommy at times, and stopped to stare as if he was a freak. Tommy had come close to losing his sanity once before, after murdering Jason Voorhees. Tommy wasn't only the one to murder Jason Voorhees but, also the one responsible for his reserection and if he hadn't more than one person would still be alive. It has been four years since, the last time Tommy had heard about Jason last time he knew, Jason was still chained to the bottom of Crystal Lake. Tommy had locked himself in a secluded shack in the middle of the Crystal Lake Woods, trying to escape the memories of Jason but, the nightmares continued to return to his head every day and night. "Tommy!" A voice yelled out from down the street as Tommy cocked his head to the side to look down to spot Ryan a local boy dressed in blue overalls and had short black hair in a bowlcut who had lived her all his life. "Tom... Tommy! It happened again! Last night!" The boy ran over to Tommy and began to frantically pull on his pantleg. Tommy pulled away slightly but, the kid grabbed his arm and began to pull. "Come onnnn!" Cried the kid but, Tommy pulled away and leaned back against the bench folding his arms across his chest not falling for the children's trick. "Oh my god!" The kid yelled as a boy with a kitchen knife and hockey mask covering his face came up behind Tommy, and Tommy let out a yell and fall off the bench onto the floor turning around in shock before, noticing it was one of the kids. The kids began to giggle as the kid who was impersonating Jason took fof the mask and tossed it into the bushes along with the kitchen knife. Tommy rubbed his elbow where he had fallen before walking over to the hockey mask and looking it over for a moment, before pushing it up to his face and strapping it on. Tommy reached down to pick up the kitchen knife, and watched the kids continue to laugh. Tommy made his way over to the one who was impersonating Jason, and stood towering over him for a moment, before lifting up the kitchen knife a stabbing it into the kids shoulder. The kid let out a scream as blood trickled down his arm and Tommy drove the knife downwards on the kids jaw slicing it clean off and it falling to the floor along with the boy. Tommy then turned his sight on the other boys and began toward them. Tommy's eyes shot open from his sleep, drenched in cold sweat he began to breathe heavily as the sheriff made his way over to Tommy and shook his head at him for a moment. Tommy seemed to not even notice the sheriff until, he lifted Tommy to a standing position and Tommy snapped back into sanity. "Come on boy, I'll drive you home." Grumbled the sheriff as Tommy looked up to him and nodded his head before slowly following him over to his police vehicle and sitting in the passenger seat uneasy. The sheriff started the vehicle and began down the woods road turning to glance at Tommy who was staring out the window having the expression as if he was scared. Tommy placed his palm against the window looking out into the woods before spotting the sight of a gray moldy head out in the distance turn to look at Tommy for a moment, and Tommy's jaw dropped before grabbing onto the sheriff's arms and driving them directly into the ditch. "Jason! He's here! He's in the woods!" Tommy screamed as he began to frantically attempt to get his door open, it blocked by a mound of grass. "Tommy... Just calm..." The sheriff attempted to say, but Tommy had kicked the door open enough for him to slip out, the sheriff following close behind "Come on Voorhees! I'm right here! Where did he... Where did he g..." Tommy's staggered backwards before having his eyes roll into the back of his head falling backwards onto the ground in a segure. The sheriff leaned down attempting to help Tommy, before radioing in for backup. In the wood, a foot steps out from behind a tree and in plain sight stood Jason Voorhees staring at the seguring Tommy on the floor, before looking over to the sheriff who was radioing in. Jason began to make his way back into the woods, but before dissapearing turned his head abruptly to stare at Tommy one more time. |
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| 15 Shows | Dec 25 2006, 04:57 PM Post #12 |
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Aint cheatin aint tryin
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No it wouldnt. |
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| NCR | Jan 9 2007, 03:34 AM Post #13 |
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What?
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When this is critiqued more I will write more chapters but as of right now, I am temporarily disbanning this Fan Fiction. |
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8:46 AM Jul 11