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Topic Started: May 25 2007, 02:30 AM (793 Views)
Leviathan
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I don't debate. I'm always right.
I'll still browse, and may even reply. But I can't guarantee it. Here is why.
My mom is going to die. She has cancer, and it can't be treated. I found out last weekend. Some of you may remember me mentioning a hurt feeling. That was the reason.
Special thanks to AJ for caring. There...Now you have the short. Wanna read the long? Doesn't matter.


First off…My mother is like an angel to me. Let me re-phrase that. My mother is an angel. She has had a very hard life, but managed to survive it all….Until now.
I’ll start by saying that we, as a family, were very poor, while growing up. You see…My father was injured on the job at a very young age, and was forced in to retirement. Money was very scarce when I was growing up. But, my mom always managed to have a meal on the table for us. No matter how hard things were, she kept us going with her bright spirit, and determination to make things seem normal. By “normal”..I mean. She always tried to make us feel as if we were not lower than any of the other people in our area that were well off. That doesn’t seem so special…Right? I mean…Most moms would do that.
However. My mother was also raising a child that wasn’t supposed to live past her 12th birthday. That child would be my sister. My sister was born with Cystic fibrosis. This is a disease that eventually kills the digestive, and respiratory system. My mother had to continually monitor her, while trying to take care of my brother, and myself. She had to administer drugs, perform phisio therapy (a lung exercise) and basically keep an eye on her at all times.
At that time…The hospital in my small town was not equipped to take care of a child with this disorder. So…My mom would travel 200 miles (once a month..by bus)…to a hospital that could care for my sister. Eventually…The disease took my sisters life. After fighting to save her, and losing the battle…My mom almost went crazy. But…She got through it.
Then…We move on to my brother. My brother was killed by a drunk driver. There was no warning. It was a complete shock. At that time…I didn’t think my mother would make it. But she did. Here is what was really hard about my brothers death. When he died..His body was not found. The search was given up on after a few weeks. So…We (my family) had a memorial service…with no body to burry. That alone almost killed my mom. But again…She pulled through. A few months my brothers body was found. So…we had to go through the whole thing again. Another memorial…and this time…a burial. All the while…I wondered how she was able to pull through. Guess what? She did it all for me. She had to keep going, in order for me to keep moving on with my life. Now let’s move on to today. You see…I have a problem with depression. Not that EMO shit. I’m talking real, clinical depression. It comes, and it goes. It’s a battle I have been fighting since I lost my sister. My mom has been there for me every step of the way… like the angel she is. She takes my boys every weekend. She watches them when I have to work, and charges me nothing. Skip forward again. I’ve been noticing over the last few months that my mom has been sick. I wasn’t sure what the problem was. But I knew she was sick. Last weekend…I couldn’t take it no more. Very concerned, I had to ask. “Mom. What is wrong with you as of late?” That’s when she told me. She has cancer. Actualy…She is full of cancer. So much, that there is nothing that can be done. My mom has 6 months to live…at the most. This is the most devastating news I have ever heard. My mom means the world to me. She is my angel. She was trying to keep it from me, in order to spare my feelings. I don’t know what I am going to do without her. What did a saint like her do to deserve this death sentence?

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Madness420
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Man Levi I'm really sorry to hear that. My family is going through a similar situation. My grandpa has cancer and he'll probably be gone within the year as well. In fact he's even told us that he thinks about killing himself rather than suffer through it and thats the last thing I ever thought I'd hear, especially from him. He's just not that type of person. In a way I think he's glad because my grandma died from cancer about 15 years ago so at least they'll be together again or at the very least he will not have to live without her anymore.

My advice I would give to you is honor your mom's memory and everything she's done for you and given to you by raising your kids the same way and always being there for them like she was for you. I think the one thing a person does that makes their parents feel prouder than anything else is for them to be good parents to their kids. I really can't type anymore because it's starting to choke me up. I'm very sorry and I wish you and your family the best.
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Purple Marauder
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Stand Back! There's a Hurricane Coming Through
I really sorry to hear that Levi. I don't claim to know what you are going through as both of my parents are still alive and relatively healthy. But, the only advice I'd give you is to spend as much time with your mother as you can and tell her everyday how much you love her. If as you say she has about 6 months, try to make those 6 months about living and not about her dying.
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_DL_
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BURN IT DOOOWWNNNNNNNN!
I'm truly sorry for what you're going through Mr. Levi. I can only hope that time will quickly heal your wounds.
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JD Storm
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McDonald's Heavyweight Champion
Madness420
May 24 2007, 10:25 PM
My advice I would give to you is honor your mom's memory and everything she's done for you and given to you by raising your kids the same way and always being there for them like she was for you. I think the one thing a person does that makes their parents feel prouder than anything else is for them to be good parents to their kids. I really can't type anymore because it's starting to choke me up. I'm very sorry and I wish you and your family the best.

listen to this advice, Levi. Madness has plenty of wisdom, in his comments.


the way i see things, you should celebrate your mom's life & the great things she managed to pull off. celebrate the fact that she had such a great impact on your life. celebrate the fact that she did the impossible, in order so you & your family wouldn't suffer so much.

i can certainly understand why you have such a close bond with your mom. like yourself, i grew up in a poor family. like your mom, both my parents went to Hell & back, in order to make sure I had a decent upbringing. while my life wasn't nearly as tragic as the one you've described, i can safely say that i've gone through enough bullshit to comprehend what you're emotional state.

with that said, i will say that you're mom is one hell of a woman. this is the time to make sure she knows how important she's been. make sure to tell her that you cherished all the time you spent with her.


if you believe in an afterlife, then you can take comfort in knowing that she'll be honored by more then yourself. she'll take a great spot in Heaven.


as long as you continue to have pride & happiness with your mother, her death won't be a sad occassion. to a certain extent, you'll be relieved that she won't be allowed to suffer, anymore. she'll finally be allowed to reunite with your brother & sister, in an afterlife.....which, to me, does exist.


until that time finally happens, i will be praying for a miracle. not only does she deserve it, but she's earned the right for this miracle to happen. the miracle, in this case, is to beat this cancer & live a long, happy life.
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Nubochanozep
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This is quite terrible news. I don't really have any advice, having not been through anything remotely like this before, but you can bet on the fact that everyone here will be here for you in any you want. Totally sorry for this stuff.
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Terrible Fry
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My mother has also been there for me and supported me during my darkest times and she has put up with so much crap in her life, as well as my own. I'd hate to see her go through something like this after everything she has been through and everything she has done for me. Your mother sounds like a true saint, so my thoughts will be with you and your mother Levi.
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Cybrus
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STAY HYPED!!!
They say that people in difficult situations often find comfort in knowing that others are in similar situations. I don't think I've ever told anyone here this simply because I never thought it was relevant, but my brother-in-law has brain cancer. He was diagnosed with it about this time last year. When they first found it, they told him that it was too deep in his brain to operate on and that he would only have about 3 months to live. He went to another doctor for a second opinion and ended up having an operation and having the cancer removed. However, it did grow back. He's been fighting it with chemo and other treatments. He's had his good days and his bad days. He's legally blind in one eye now and has difficulty seeing out of the other eye at times. They originally gave him 3 months to live and he's still going relatively strong a year later. I don't know the severity of your mom's cancer, but just there is always a chance that she'll live longer than 6 months. If she does or if she doesn't, be sure to spend as much time with her as you can and let her know how much she means to you. And most importantly, never feel guilty for feeling what you feel. If there are times that your emotions get the best of you and you don't think you can be around her in her weakened state, then don't feel guilty about that. Just go with it.

I don't know how much comfort it would be, but you know I'm always available if you'd like to talk or anything.
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MY85
It's a fabulous new day, yes it is!
The closest I can relate to Levi would be back around the time when my mom had the Guilliam-Barré virus (she got it from a dog I had) and spent with treatment over a year and a half, I really thought my mom was dead for 9 months until I finally got the chance to see her in the hospital. Bad thing about it was that she never be able to walk normally again and use her hands normally. The damage that the virus did to her Central Nervous System was enough to disable what I've mentioned. And despite that disease, she still helps around in the house doing activities like cooking, laundry and other stuff without being paid. My dad is the only one who sustains my family and I don't live with my dad, only with my mom and bro. My mom's the person I get most support from despite all the stupid things I may have done in my life. She's still there for me and I would be damned to lose her.


Levi, if anything, I really hope you go well through all of the things you've mentioned.
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TheObserver

That sucks man. I know what it's like to have someone close not be around anymore.

Not like a mom or dad but I've had relatives die that I cared deeply for and even friends who I've felt closer to then most of my own relatives.

Just think of the good times you two spent and in do time, things should get better emotionally.

Be strong Levi.
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4400TVJunkie
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All hail King Booker!
I have very little to add since all that needed to be said has been but I will tell you that I do know what it's like to lose a parent. I found out my mom died when I was in middle school. I never knew her as she and my father split when I was about eight months old. It was hard because I didn't know her and knew I never would.

What I'm trying to say is that right now, you're hurting badly but cherish the fact that you spent valuable time with her and were able to know her as a strong woman, friend, mother, and role model. While she may pass on, your memories of her will never die.
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WWEFootos48
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God
I'm very sad to hear that type of news. Although it's not the same situation, I know how much a mother can really help. When my father lost his job a few years ago, my mom was the only income coming into the family. After we were kicked out of our house, and had to move to our cousin's house in a completely different city, in one of the worst houses I could imagine, she still made sure to keep her job and work. Even when she needed to have neck surgery, she still kept working. Eventually, all her hard work paid off, and she had enough money to bring us back to our hometown. Now, she doesn't have a job anymore. If she lost her job only a few months before she actually did, I would still be living with my cousins, away from my friends, and in what is pretty much a crackhouse that serves parties nearly every night. I owe nearly everything I have to her.

Quote:
 
What did a saint like her do to deserve this death sentence?


Although I'm probably wrong, and even if nobody believes the same thing, I believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe her dying is the ultimate test of your will. If you can get through something like this, life ahead of you could be much easier and much more rewarding in the long run. It'll be hard, no doubt, in ways I cannot comprehend, but I think even if she isn't there, she'll still be "there," following you, making sure you get through everything.

That's just what I think, though.
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Leviathan
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I don't debate. I'm always right.
Thanks for the support guys. It's appreciated. My mom has cancer in both lungs, her spine, her hip, lymph nodes, and various other places. The cancer is spreading so rapidly, they won't even attempt treatment..as it will only make her terribly sick for the remaining time she has left.
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WordsLeftUnspoken
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Friends Don't Let Friends Drink Friends
Leviathan
May 25 2007, 06:52 PM
Thanks for the support guys. It's appreciated. My mom has cancer in both lungs, her spine, her hip, lymph nodes, and various other places. The cancer is spreading so rapidly, they won't even attempt treatment..as it will only make her terribly sick for the remaining time she has left.

As you know Levi I lost my Grandmother and my Grandfather to cancer and also an Uncle died from cancer and my Aunt has cancer it very very hard to deal with and it hard to see people in such a sick state you will always think what did they do to deserve it but sadly there is no answer I can give you.....Just know you have friend that are here to talk to you when you need it and that your mother is in are hearts right now I am sure everything here wishes you and your family strength right now as you all need it

Try to be with your mom as much as you can....I know it hard and I know its very easy in these times to slip into a dark place but I can tell you its not where you want or need to be Levi your a great guy and I am so sure your mother is way proud of you she done a great job in raising a guy who cares about his friend someone who is alway there when he is needed and someone very trust worthy
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jackymatic
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He died for your sins
I'm at a loss for words....
I'm very saddened and I hope you and your family can pull through this situation
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WWEFootos48
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God
I don't know why, but death hurts for even people that are only indirectly involved. I know that I felt really bad for Jarrett after he lost his wife earlier this week, and now I feel sad about this. I really can't imagine how you're feeling, but it just plain sucks to see something like this happen to somebody you've actually conversed with, even on a small level such as this.
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Legacy
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snooooooooop
Wow Levi. I am truly sorry for all that you had to go through in your life. Give your mom alot of fun for her last 6 months. I wish you the best bro. :cry: :(
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Leviathan
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I don't debate. I'm always right.
Thank you all so very much. You guys are solid in my books. And, hey. I don't hand out that compliment very often. It's reserved for friends. This means a lot to me, as I have pretty much given up on friends outside the net.
I should explain. For a while there. (my whole life, to be exact)...I ran with a very tough crowd. It wasn't until a while back that I noticed they were no friends of mine. They couldn't relate to me having kids. They couldn't relate to me only drinking on weekends, when my little fellas were not around. Actualy...The only time I have been going out with them, is when they knew they needed some sort of protection. You know....A fist to fight their battles. I didn't realize this until I told them of my bad news.
Their reply.."wow. that's too bad. Are we still on for Friday night?"
What the fuck is that?
So...Fuck them. Fuck them all. They couldn't give two shits about my pain.
Anyway...I'm drinking, and listening to sad songs. One of the songs is off Ozzy's new album (black rain) is hurting me the most. I don't expect anybody to understand, and won't bother you guys with this any more.
But... listen to this song, and imagine yourself about to lose a parent. It's quite sad.
PS. Excuse my grammar. It's much worse than usual. Anyway...Listen to the song. Ozzy rules.

http://media.putfile.com/Here-for-you-85
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TheObserver

Levi man, I'm kinda in the same situation. Not with my mom or anything but the friends thing I can relate to alot.

If anyone looked at my profile on myspace, that pretty much sums up how I feel about people that I thought were friends of mine but turned out to be deceiving.

Talk about how much they can't stand this or that person but whenever they see them it's like "oh hey, what's up". It's pure bullshit and rather pathetic. As time goes on I just have to come to realization that you can't change people that don't want to be changed and the saddening part about it is that when they finally see that they are playing themselves, it'll be to late.

The poster you see is who I am, I was known for having a bad temper.......seriously but then time caught up and I took a step back and looked at things, asking myself why do I get upset over the smallest things? Truth be told though, I still get that way from time to time but it's only cause I have hyperthyroid which mixed with adrenaline is something that isn't a good site if I do get to that point but even so, it's not like I do it online.

Unless I get drawn to that point but even that rarely happens.

I'm letting you and all know alittle about myself since Levi had the courtesy of opening up.

Now I can go on and on about why I do the things I do but that's for another time. :)
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JD Storm
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McDonald's Heavyweight Champion
now, i can certainly relate about bullshit friends....those who say or act one way, but do different things when you're not around. that's a main reason why i don't associate with people, off-line.

as far as losing family is concerned, the only family member that i lost (whom i cared about) was a grandmother. still, i know how i would feel. i know i would be devastated. i would probably be suicidal, in this sort of situation.

with that said, you will be in my thoughts for a long time to come.
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Kingpin
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Your smarkness scares me.
Dear Levi,
Please pardon me for replying so late to this thread, but i had no idea of what was happening in your life. I had just sent you a PM, and later Madness's post on SS revealed that all was not well in your life. I came back and checked out to see what it was and lo and behold i discover this thread.
Where do i start? Levi, you are my bro man. And when i read that about your mother it hurt me too..............a lot. I hope by now you know that i don't fake my feelings and i am about as direct a person as you will see. Usually i am not good in these situation and can't handle words so well. I am not the most articulate person.
Much like you levi, i too may soon be losing a loved one-My maternal grandmother. Her situation is getting worse as time passes by and while no one in the family is saying it, in a way we all know that it's only a matter of time. Last year, my brother in law's sister lost her unborn baby and before that it was my aunt diagnosed with cancer and before her my uncle earlier in the same year. He has passed on to the afterlife as well.
I know it hurts real bad bro and i know nothing i say can give you relief from your pain. I too have a strong bond with my mother and while i certianly grew on the total opposite side of the spectrum in terms of finances i still see my mother as a person who sacrficed a lot to make sure i am who i am today. Her honor and her safety ranks above all else. All matters of business and personal leisure take a back seat to her requests. My mind would not be able to handle such news about my mother. I would go months without functioning properly. Even stepping into her house would make me cry.
I really hope you can keep it all together Levi. Life has thrown many obstacales in your way and it seems it doesn't want to leave you emotionally well. I remember your last one and it was painful for me to see a personal friend.....a brother go through such emotional distress and pain. I hoped you would find hapiness in life after that and that things would always be well for you and your loved ones. It appears i had underestimated things and forgot that the only thing certain is death and the pain it brings and am reminded of it as i read your post.
Leviathan John, be strong man. Be strong and remember all the good times you had with your mother and always remember that she wants to see you happy. Cherish all these moments and make great memories of them. I read your post about listening to a song. I can relate to it as well. What is it about songs that can bring out tears? They can bring out emotions. They make you feel sad and yet you still want to listen to it again and feel that pain again? Why? I don't know.
John, i will pray for you and your mother and i hope that in the afterlife she can look to others and proudly declare that her son John Schrader was one of the best people in the world that she left behind. That she can rest in piece knowing that she did her best and left with the love of so many.
John, you have my best wishes.
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Kame

I'm sorry I didn't see this thread before, Lev. I'll always be there for you.

In the fifth grade, I had a very scary experience where both my dad and grandfather were hospitalized in the same month.

My grandfather's heart was continuously stopping and the doctors couldn't do anything but monitor him for the rest of his life. My entire family was praying for him. Who wanted to see him go at the age of 53? Within the next few weeks, he miraculously began feeling better and actually managd to pull through.

My father, on the other hand, has had cardiovascular problems his entire life. At one point, it got really serious and some doctors believed he wouldn't make it. After school, my mom would drive my sister and I to the hospital to see him. At night, when it was time to go, I never wanted to go back home, I always wanted to stay by his side. He also managed to make it through a full recovery.

My advice is stay strong, continue to pray to the Lord and open your heart up for a miracle. I wish the best to your family at this hard time. If you need some one to talk to, you can always PM me.

Anthony (Kametsou)
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TapOutAngleLock
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Ring Of Jankowski's Honor
Sorry dude. I know how you feel. When I was nine I saw my mom die right in front of my eyes.
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L69
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Sorry for not replying earlier Levi.

I have lost many family members through Cancer, and it isn't nice, however, they weren't as close as a parent. It is a harsh time for everyone in your family and you in particular as you have explained.

Your "friends" didn't really help either, showing no concideration or respect towrds you or your family, that is just bullshit.

As Anthony/Kametsou explained, just pray to god and hope for a miracle. It does work.

I wish the best for you and your family, during this time, and I hope that the best can only happen.

Regards,
Luke.
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Legacy
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snooooooooop
I haven't lost a parent, but all 4 of my grandparents so I know how you feel also Levi. Stay strong bro.
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Leviathan
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I don't debate. I'm always right.
Geez, guys. Ya got me all mushy here. (for real)

Anyway. Straight to the point. I had no intention of updating this thread. I was just going to let it fade away. I didn't want to be so morbid. Ofter all..It's not your problem. It's mine. But. Since KP (god bless his heart, and god bless all of you) responded. I should give a small update.
My mothers situation is far worse than I previously reported. If you want to know why...continue reading.

My mother is now hospitalized, as she can not breath without the help of an oxygen machine. Last week, My father, and I were talking, and couldn't believe that a lung transplant was not an option. After all...With a lung transplant, the other cancers could be treaded with therapy. (Or so we thought)
So we contacted another cancer specialist for a second opinion. He was more than willing to give his opinion. Matter of fact...He gave us some serious hope. (long story)

So, this past Monday she was taken by ambulance to the Dixon Center. (a cancer clinic in my area)

However. Things didn't get better for my mom. Things got worse.
Test results showed that her right lung has been completely consumed by this cancer. And now...her left lung is getting just as bad....The cancer has now been detected and confirmed in her liver.

Apparently..This is the most aggressive cancer there is. It's spreading like wild fire.
But here is the worst part. Doctors now give her a month...maybe two to live. And she can never leave the hospital.
My heart is broken (to say the least) It's killing me. My father is a huge mess, and I don't know where to turn. But I didn't want to burden you you guys with trying to reply to my situation.
Anyway. Long story short. My mom (god love her) will be leaving me in the next two months.

Umm. I don't know what else to say.

KP. I got your pm. Even in my current situation....I am interested. Check your Pm's.

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Ashy Shaq
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The Silver Standard
I am really sorry I didn't reply earlier. I never had a family memeber die, besides my grandmother, but my father prepared me for that. Just keep strong, and remember, if worse comes to worse, she'll at least be in a better place.
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PeckU2
Franchise Player
Wow, Levi Im really upset I didn't see this sooner. I was reading some things on SS and like KP came here to look what was up with you.

I want to say I'm sorry, but I don't think thats right. You obviously have a great relationship with your mom and that means alot, there are some people who dont even know their mom.

I really don't know what to say. I know you got little ones and thats going to suck when they ask about their grandmom, but atleast she got to know them, and see you with them. I've got one grandfather left, I lost my grandmom (my moms mom) when I was 4 to lung cancer. my grandfather and grandmom (my dads) were really hard because I was older and I lived with my grandmom during the summer, man did that suck being there when my grandmom first got sick, me and my younger cousin.

keep your head up levi
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Cybrus
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STAY HYPED!!!
I'm sorry to hear how quickly your situation is turning for really, really bad to that much worse, Levi. I wish I could write a bunch of pretty words that would somehow help you get your mind off everything for a while, but I know I cannot. Please know that you continue to be in my thoughts and that if you ever need an ear to speak into that I'll gladly lend you mine.
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Leviathan
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I don't debate. I'm always right.
Once again. Thanks guys. It's appreciated.
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