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| 5 Word Christmas Story | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 6 2010, 01:49 PM (2,607 Views) | |
| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 08:40 AM Post #271 |
STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came |
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| Kraul | Dec 25 2010, 08:43 AM Post #272 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 08:44 AM Post #273 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a |
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| Terrible Fry | Dec 25 2010, 09:11 AM Post #274 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 12:17 PM Post #275 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just |
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| Kraul | Dec 25 2010, 12:28 PM Post #276 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 12:31 PM Post #277 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting |
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| Kraul | Dec 25 2010, 12:39 PM Post #278 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 12:42 PM Post #279 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause |
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| Kraul | Dec 25 2010, 12:45 PM Post #280 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 12:47 PM Post #281 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough |
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| Terrible Fry | Dec 25 2010, 01:01 PM Post #282 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 01:02 PM Post #283 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" "Pegging with me?" she asked. |
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| Terrible Fry | Dec 25 2010, 01:04 PM Post #284 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" "Pegging with me?" she asked. "Yes. You just strap on |
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| Cybrus | Dec 25 2010, 01:06 PM Post #285 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" "Pegging with me?" she asked. "Yes. You just strap on" -- She interrupted mid-sentence: "You watch |
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| Terrible Fry | Dec 25 2010, 01:08 PM Post #286 |
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Whoops! Wasn't meant to quote you. T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" "Pegging with me?" she asked. "Yes. You just strap on" -- She interrupted mid-sentence: "You watch too much Christmas porn on Edited by Terrible Fry, Dec 25 2010, 01:09 PM.
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| Cybrus | Dec 26 2010, 12:42 PM Post #287 |
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STAY HYPED!!!
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Christmas is over. Shall we call this story complete and start a 5 word New Year's story instead? |
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| Kraul | Dec 26 2010, 12:43 PM Post #288 |
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T'was the night before Christmas, and I was wicked drunk. I could have sworn I had made it home, but the lady I woke next to beat and raped my junk for hours and hours. She smelled of stale banana's foster and cheap perfume. I loved the way she lied. I soon left in search of her pimp. He was a pimp named Slickback. I laughed at his ridiculous name. However, he was loaded with...very unlaughable and very dangerous hypodermic needles filled with pure candy cane syrup. I immediately knew exactly what to say: Please, sir, may I have it all at once tonight? The man was shocked and thought I was a nutter, but didn't realise I was luring him into my trap. However, Admiral Ackbar then appeared but before he could speak I sliced him into fishsticks. Slickback gasped then started crying. Then, Santa appeared out of the fireplace without any warning. He looked at me with his sunken dark eyes and shook his head displeasingly. I simply looked away, but he gazed at me with such unrelenting ferocity that I had no choice but to obey my instincts. So I ran. And ran. And ran. And then I ran some more. I stopped. I looked around. Then I ran some more. Damn, was I ever exhausted! But I looked behind me and that fat bastard was only five feet away! I screamed "Leave me alone Santa!" But he just kept coming! "What's that in your pocket?", he asked. "A gun, motherfucker!", I responded with enthusiasm. However, Santa whipped out his shotgun and fired wildly. I dived behind one of his reindeer, hitting my head hard on part of his body I didn't expect - his glowing nose. "Rudolph! You gotta help me!" Seconds later, a pink Cadillac -- pink Cadillac? What the fuck! -- arrived. Slickback stepped out wielding Comet by the collar. He puffed his cigar and said "Now, you look here fat man! This foo here made me see the light! Christmas isn't about this shit! It means kissing babies, hugging fat girls." That wasn't the answer I hoped for, but Santa seemed to gain a sparkle in his crotch upon which was very creepy, yet so fascinating. So I took my disturbing obsession for sparkles aside and kneed Santa in the gonads. "Yeah! Yeah! Just how I learned from mom!" I yelled. Just then, Mrs. Clause came from out of Slickback's Cadillac. "Now, this is how a baby reindeer can be conceived." I was flabbergasted. I just started backing away slowly, but couldn't stop myself from wanting to know more. I stepped forward and asked: "Mrs. Clause, tell me one thing please. Have I been bad enough to go pegging with you?" "Pegging with me?" she asked. "Yes. You just strap on" -- She interrupted mid-sentence: "You watch too much Christmas porn on TV." We laughed. The end. Okay, now start one if you want. 
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