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The All Purpose Negima Fanfiction Thread Backup Redux; In case TvTropes shuts down forums. may we never have to use this.
Topic Started: Apr 6 2012, 07:22 PM (12,378 Views)
OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber.

Quote:
 
Broken.

Very early on, Natsumi-chan had shown an interest on theater, so Harley-mama put on a wig and a shoody costume, drove her to the local theatre school, and enrolled her there under a false name.

Unfortunately, Natsumi never understood you were only supposed to tell them "Break a leg!" and not to break their legs before going off onto stage.
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OverMaster
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Top Ten Ways Negima Could Have Improved Several Movies.

10. "The Sharknado knows kempo!"

9. "What if we make a snowman?" Fate asked, knocking on his sister's door.

Sextum's head peeled out, they shared a hollow, cold stare, and then she just said, "Sure, why not?"

8. "Yes, we all know you're worried over the fate of Frodo and Sam, and saddened over Boromir's death, but right now, let's take a break with the rest of the Followship at the public baths to bring you a 100% Nude Movie!"

7. Mana shoots first.

6. Chachamaru then turned around, and droned in an Austrian accent "I'll be back."

"You damn should, since I've only sent you to do groceries," Evangeline grunted.

5. "I... I hate manure!" the manure-covered Fate realized as, way ahead the road, Chao raced the Delorean to a fiery blaze leading her back to the future...

4. Negima: Days of the Future Past retcons UQ Holder away.

3. Jason Vorhees runs away into the woods weeping to himself after the 3-A's class trip to Camp Crystal Lake, is never seen again.

2. "I told you I liked apple..." the old millionaire muttered his last words as the snow globe slipped from his fingers and rolled across the manor's floor.

1. "First Rule about the Ala Alba club: You don't talk about the Ala Alba club," Negi warned.

Chisame gave him a blank stare. "Well... duh!"
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OverMaster
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Replacement.

"Well, class," Konoemon sighed, "we got it already, you don't like Fate-kun as a replacement for Negi-kun, and he doesn't like you either, and since this arrangement is obviously making everyone unhappy, we've decided to give you a new substitute teacher."

Everyone clapped, Fate most of all.

Konoemon rasped. "You don't have to look so happy over my admission of a personal mistake in judgement, you know. Anyway, please welcome your new teacher."

A tall, drop-dead gorgeous fifteen-years old with long raven locks and green eyes stepped in. "Good afternoon, I'm Ichiro Bloodborne, half-human, half-vampire former classmate of Setsuna-chan in the Shinmeiryuu, and I'll be rooming with Asuna and Konoka, and I've got a dark, mysterious and tragical past I have been adviced never to share with you so please don't ask, although maybe if we make a Pactio, and... are you in love with me yet?"

The girls all pulled their offensive Artifacts out and used them on him all at once, obliterating him immediately.

"Please, Grandpa, stop bringing those awful carboard Original Characters, will you?" Konoka complained. "You can do better than this!"

"-- how about your great-grandson from the future who is actually a test tube baby made from Negi-kun's genetic material?" the Headmaster asked.

So the girls attacked him next.
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 1 2015, 10:09 AM.
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AonSao
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Blue
I'm surprised they didn't replace Konoemon after the first OC, get someone better suited to protecting and guiding a school full of teenagers, like Eva.

Just imagine it, Headmistress Evangeline.
There's a point where it tips
there's a point where it breaks
there's a point where it bends
and a point we just can’t take
anymore
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Archivist10
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Nah, she'd probably dump Konoemon in the underground and then she'd dissapear for two years.
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OverMaster
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We Have Lost.

Negi stared blankly at the TV.

"When Mundus Magicus sends its people," the new president of the USA was saying, "they’re not sending their best. They’re not sending you. They’re not sending you. They’re sending people that have lots of problems, and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing killing spells. They’re bringing multi armed women who strip and fondle other women. They’re bringing artificial living killing machines. And some, I assume, are good people. I will build a great wall — and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —and I’ll build them very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall on our border with Mars, and I will make the martians pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

Negi's shoulders drooped. "All is lost."
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OverMaster
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Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber.

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Brother Sun.

"Dad," Makie asked, all innocence, "can you tan yourself?"

Joker turned around to give her an upset, bile-infested glare. "Why, I oughta!" he said, raising a hand to strike. "What kind of question is that--!"

Makie winced, closed her eyes, and readied herself for the slap, but it never came. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Joker was instead using that hand to rub his long, pointy chin thoughtfully.

"-- a darn good question, that is!" he admitted. "I spend my whole time either in a cell or prowling around during nights, so I haven't ever had the chance to see if I can! Now I`'m curious..."

---

"Why are you so red and swollen up, by the way?" Batman asked as he dragged the cuffed clown out of the bank.

"I'll answer that with another question, do you think this counts as a tan, or not?"
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 13 2015, 09:32 AM.
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OverMaster
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Anya's Reasons.

"But why, Anya-chan?" Makie whined. "Why must you go away? Why must you leave us?"

Yuuna placed a hand on Makie's shoulder. "Maki-chan. It can't be helped. Anya-chan has pressing major obligations with her very important post at London, and he has to—"

"Actually," Anya sighed, "I'm just sick of Japan."

"Eh?!" the girls said, all at once.

Anya tossed her hands up. "You know how in manga and anime, whenever a foreigner comes to Japan, they always end up loving your culture and society because you guys are self-centered enough to think you're perfect and everyone has to love you? Well, it doesn't have to work that way! Don't you think I suffered a lot while I was here?! Your food sucks, your commonal baths are actually ickier than I thought at first! You are all so hypocritical, saying one thing when you're clearly thinking another, and don't think I didn't end up seeing through your attempts to manipulate me, Konoe!"

"Oops," Konoka said.

"You all expect one to like being wrapped into your bothersome yukatas while listening to your horrible music! Your society is hideously sexist, and just ask yourselves, how much recognition have you received from the local magical comunity over all you did, compared to the boys? Chopsticks are the devil's work, your TV shows are lame and exaggerated, and don't get me started on the Yamato Nadeshiko thing! You're perverts while hiding under a facade of good manners, although I at least can respect Saotome being honest about it!"

"Why, thank you!" Haruna grinned and nodded.

"You have all these weird, overly complicated ceremonies that are far more complex than they need to be! You follow your authorities around like sheep without ever complaining or objecting even when they're obviously exploiting you! You pretend to smile at foreigners but you consider yourselves above them, and before you say anything, ask yourselves how many Koreans do you have at this school! And Ku Fei, they only treat you as the Baka foreign stereotype used for laughs without even realizing it!"

Ku Fei blinked. "Aru?"

"See, that's what I mean! Damn Akamatsu, like I care if he blacklisted me! You are quick to apologize over and over for your mistakes, but only after being found out despite trying your damn best to hide and deny them! And then you don't try to actually improve yourselves either! Your schools bully their children but you won't admit it, you are horrible people to the sea life that feeds you, your storytellers can't properly wrap their stories to save their lives! You stigmatize those with emotional problems, forcing them to try and pretend they're okay when they obviously are not! And that damages their lives forever, but you won't care as long as you can keep your facades of normalcy, which is all you care about! You—"

Negi raised a hand calmly. "This is just because I'm not going with you to receive my therapy at Wales, isn't it?"

"Well, it's doing wonders for my anger management!!"

Satsuki had gone to brood at a corner. "Someone— someone from THE BRITISH ISLES has just criticized my food...!"
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 24 2015, 12:32 PM.
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OverMaster
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Why Did Hakase Fall for Godel?

"Yes, you've just found out my most shameful secret, Hakase-san," Godel stoically said, pulling the shreds of his battle-ravaged shirt back over his exposed torso, trying to cover the metal peeking from under the false flesh as best as he could. "After nearly dying during the battle to purge the Senate and avenge Princess Arika, my men had to place my brain into a nearly perfect mechanical golem copy, animated by the magic of—"

Satomi's eyes had grown huge and starry. "How I never before could realize how perfect you were?!" she wondered aloud.

"Eh?"

Ba-dump! Ba-dump! Ba-dump!! Satomi's heart went.

—-

"— sure, why not, whatever," Akamatsu shrugged and went back to lovingly work on Touta's half-naked sweaty frame.
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OverMaster
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Runs in the Blood.

"Sister," Negi asked, "what is a prostitute?"

Nekane blinked.

—-

"What... Would you please repeat the question?" the Magus asked, after massaging the thick knot down his throat.

"What is a prostitute, Sir?" Nekane asked, all innocence, while standing next to a just as curious and expectant Negi.

This was going to be just as difficult as it had been back when Nagi asked it, even if in a fully different way.


Addendum.

Quote:
 
"I have been asking this to everybody else, but no one ever wanted to answer me," Negi said. "And those few who wanted to answer always were silenced by someone else. So, what is a prostitute, Mother?"

"That has a very simple and straightforward answer, Negi," Arika said. "A prostitute is a traitor to their country and people."

"Is that it all? I figured it would be something more... complicated..."

She shrugged. "Well, it's what everyone called me when I was being held prisoner under charges of betrayal, so what else it could possibly be?"
Edited by OverMaster, Aug 11 2015, 06:25 PM.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Thirty One Clown Princesses in Amber.

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The Law of Inverses.

"So," Makie said, "what gave me the idea was, you know how, the more henchmen we throw after Batman-sama and Robin-kun, the quicker they have them beat?"

"Uh-huh," the Joker hummed.

"And the more girls gang up on Robin-kun, the more we keep getting into each other's way, and the easier it is for him to escape!" she added, gesturing with both hands for effect.

"Riiiight..." he snarled.

"And that time, when all of you big guys went up together against Batman-sama and Robin-kun, when it was you and Mama and Unca Croc and the Bird-Man and Unca Eddie and Freezer-Man and Fire-Fly Guy and all the others, even the guy who looks like a mummy, and yet Batman-sama somehow kicked your asses despite it being totally ridiculous..."

"Don't call him '-sama'!" he threatened.

"Sorry," Makie said. "And then there was what Kaede told me about her childhood and ninja and numbers, and not that I'm good at math, but that got me thinking, if it works for good guys versus bad guys, it has to work for bad guys versus good guys, right? So I decided to give it a shot and throw a challenge for them all, and... are you mad at me, Papa?" she pouted, almost crying now.

He stared in disdain at the beaten Justice League Unlimited, Outsiders, Teen Titans, Young Justice and, somehow, Legion of Super-Heroes scattered around Makie's feet. "I get the general principle, but I still don't understand exactly *how* you could do it!"

"Well, I've been training a lot lately!"
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OverMaster
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Not the Guest Star We Need Or Deserve.

"Now, before you start your first day at the job, Negi-kun," Headmaster Konoe said, "there's something you need to know. If you ever see this man anywhere within or close to the Mahora borders," he added, pulling out a profile picture of a hairy man with a cowboy hat smoking a cigar; next to that picture there was a smaller one showing the same man wearing a black and yellow spandex mask that only showed his stubble, "warn us on the double and don't even try to talk with him. His name's Wolverine, also known as Logan-san. At least twice a year, he will come to Japan, which invariably results into massive assaults of ninja sects resulting into hundreds of deaths, massive public and private property destruction, and a disturbingly large amount of underage girls and other females who fall in love with him, despite his poor personal hygiene and rough manners."

Shizuna-sensei sighed dreamily then, making Konoe and Negi share a mildly creeped out look.

"I understand, Sir," Negi nodded. "I will always keep it in mind."

"Good, good," the old man said, pulling out another picture. "Now, this other man is named Deadpool. If you ever meet him, call us as well, but only after vigorously praying for your life and mental health, and we'll immediately ship you or your remains back to Wales, considering you have passed your test automatically. No blame will be placed on your shoulders. Please don't ask me on this subject and just trust my word on it, will you...?"
Edited by OverMaster, Sep 6 2015, 07:45 AM.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

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Like Cats and Cats.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Heathcliff," Fate said.

"Garfield," Negi said.

They paused.

"This tangent never happened," Fate said.

"Agreed," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.
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OverMaster
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Coffee Season, Tea Season.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Tea," Negi said.

"Coffee," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

Fate nodded. "Very well. Coffee, then... I'm glad you have finally seen the light, Negi-kun." Having said that, he bowed and left.

Moments later, Negi bawled into a stoic-looking Asuna's lap. "Why, why?!" he lamented. "It always worked for Bugs Bunny!"
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OverMaster
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Bizarro World.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

"Tea," Fate said.

"Coffee," Negi said.

They heard a loud, terrified gasp and looked towards the doorstep, where now stood a Kotaro with hugely wide eyes and a hand on his chest.

"For a change," Negi explained, "we were discussing which drink is worse this time."

Kotaro breathed easier.
Edited by OverMaster, Sep 16 2015, 05:41 AM.
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