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Unequally Rational And Emotional Thread; It's Negima with Everything Else Added!
Topic Started: Apr 15 2012, 06:40 PM (11,699 Views)
OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

I thought about it, but I couldn't fit her in any non-contrived way.
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The Secret Origin of the Unequally Rational and Emotional Slime Girls.

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Melona had a very nice life, in her never falsely humble opinion. As an elite minion to the dreaded Swamp Witch, she, along her partners Airi the Infernal Temptress and Menace the Fallen Queen, watched over the Witch's domains, robbing, attacking, and ocassionally eating (in every sense) the foolish travellers wandering the land.

Slimes were most often seen as the joke of adventurers' campaigns. They were thought of as the stupid monsters they killed for fun and to become stronger while training. Melona, being a slime even if a very shapely and smarter than the average one, always took offense to that stereotype, even if her own race had never bothered to contact or even raise her. She never clicked with any other Slime she met, but still, in her mind, the slime race deserved respect just because she belonged to it.

So Melona took high pride on protecting the territory the Witch had assigned her, and on surpassing the quota of dispatched paladins Airi aand Menace took every month. It was an easy job, until the day she ran into those three stooges.

There was a very young and tall one with dark reddish hair, a lean one with black hair and glasses, and a tanned, mountain-of-a-man one.

They were complete idiots, except maybe the one with glasses, who was merely easily fretted.

They gave her the beating of her life.

What was worse, they had the unmitigated galls to camp on her territory that night. So she planned a counterattack, retreated back, and then attacked them again.

They gave her an even worse beating.

After that, however, they invited her to eat with them. After an angry rant of disbelief, Melona gave up and sat down to eat with them. As she did so, she began remembering those needs she had long forgotten, and since they all were reasonably handsome for humans, she offered them the prize to a hero's victory.

The one with glasses spat his drink and refused, blushing violently.

The youngest one looked tempted for a moment, but then rejected the offer as well, looking aside and muttering something about someone named Arika killing him if he ever repeated something like 'that thing with Siesta-chan'.

Only the tallest of the three took her on it, while the other two walked away to mind their own business. A pity. Melona always liked to be watched, at anything she did.

The next morning, she booted them out of her swampland, and the young one chuckled as he walked away, asking the huge one, "Hey, you took precautions, didn't you?"

He was picking his nose. "Precautions? When the hell have I needed precautions against anything, boy?"

The one was glasses was warily looking back. "Um, don't you think maybe you should have made sure she doesn't..."

"Ha ha! No way! How could a slime and a man ever have children? That's so dumb!"

"Well, not like the laws of nature and you have ever gotten along..." the one with the sword insisted, and Melona shook her head to herself as she turned around and slinked back into the swamp.

Nine months later, during a meal, she coughed three tiny balls that sprouted eyes, looked up at her, and then stretched short stubby arms at her.

"Mama!" they all said at once.

Even now, as she narrated that story to the elder gentleman in black visiting them, she chuckled with pride.

"-- and I've raised them all by myself! Who needs idiots like that man, anyway? I'm sure they'll be up for any job you want to give them!"

He nodded slowly, looking down at the three tiny troublemakers sliming all around their mother. She knew what kind of creature he really was. She wondered why he bothered hiding his real appearance there, but then, that was his business to keep.

"I see. Well, with that kind of illustrious pedigree, I am sure they are able enough for the assignment I have for you. It is amusing how life turns out, since it is related to the offspring of one of their father's companions..."
Edited by OverMaster, Apr 12 2013, 09:47 AM.
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Wow! Batman hired thali me girls? Cool!
I AM THE OVERLORD OF ALL CRACK!!!!!!
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Hm, the 'elder gentleman' is the Count.
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Oh well...
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Interlude: That's News to Me.

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As both Ala Albas walked around the Academy, Twilight Red noticed a giant TV screen with dozens and dozens of students, and even some teachers, gathered around it, watching in awe at what seemed to be a dubbed news flash from America.

"What's that?" she asked, walking closer to the crowd, and watching how the screen displayed a series of bizarre images of three bright flying streaks, one red, another one blue, the third one green, flying all over a major metropolitan city, hitting and knocking out hundreds of wild, maniacal acting monkeys and apes rampaging all over. "Seriously, what the—"

"Oh, that's a Lexcorp Plasmatron screen we have set for the upcoming Mahorafest, " Suzushiro Haruka began explaining, "so all assistentantes can behold all sthe sights all around the campus at once while—"

"Not that!" Asuna pointed at the three blurs, which now were stopping in mid-air to reveal themselves as three tiny girls in colorful clothes, hovering over the defeated simian horde. "THAT! I, I mean, what in the... how in the..."

Her Ayaka laughed in a very Chibi-Oujo way. "Oh ho ho! Asuna-san, I'm so honestly sorry your relatives were hurt, not to mention you missed your family reunion!"

"You're going to miss a lot of family reunions!" Asuna yelled as she jumped on her.

Magus Erebus was as surprised as the rest of his Ala Alba. "Say, aren't those—"

"Ahhhhh!" a girl with her blond hair in two short tails at her sides gushed, wearing a dress as blue as her huge eyes. "They're so cute, aren't they, Momoko-chan, Kaoru-chan?"

The girl in light green with a baseball cap and dark short hair standing at her right cracked a smile. "Cute my foot! But at least they can kick major butt! Wow, did you see all of that? America rules! We never have flying brick fights like those over here! Why do our superheropes have to be miniskirted bimbos sticking to the shadows?"

The redhead with the big red bow on her head at her other side bopped her head with a fist. "Hey, Kaoru! As the Vice President of the Mahora Sailor Senshi Fanclub, I'm going to ask you to take that back!"

Deathnote Paru looked back and forth between those three girls and the three pint sized powerhouses onscreen and muttered, "This world is freaking weird."

"— and so, the day was saved, as you could say, by these three new young heroines, " the newscaster was saying. "They have yet to issue an official statement for the press, but when asked by a reporter, one of them, asking to be called 'Bubbles', " and here the camera showed a closeup of the blond one, waving happily for the viewers, "announced their trio would be called the Powerp—"

"Hey, it's Snapper Carr-san!" the Makie from another world pointed up. "Hey, they have one of those here, too!"

"Shhhh!" the three girls near her in red, blue and green hushed her.

"In an early statement for the Daily Planet and the WGBS, " Mr. Carr was continuing, "Superman welcomed the three new young heroines, and expressed a wish to meet up with them, for the purposes of—"

Calculator began trudging away. "I think I don't want to keep watching anything more of this. I feel like I'm trapped in the sidelines of a Cartoon Network show, and if I stay, I might be pulled in to the middle of it. And I'm not in any mood to meet Johnny Bravo."

"But, but, just look at them, they're so cool and cute...!" the Makie she knew the most kept on pointing at the screen.

"— In other news, 'Alex', the dancing lion star of the New York Zoo, continues missing, along with several other animals from the park, " Carr continued. "In a desperate attempt to locate the prized attraction, the city has hired the services of world renowned Pet Detective Ace Vent—"

Twilight Red began rushing after Calculator. "On second though, I agree with Chisame."
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Continuation at last.

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Wednesday Morning:

To keep his mind out of his other recent troubles, Negi had resorted to think almost exclusively about Evangeline's upcoming challenge. She had promised she would tell him about it either that night or the next day at most. Chisame was sure Eva just wasn't putting any real thought into it, delaying her decision as much as she could, but since last night, she did not feel like expressing her opinions on it, or almost anything else for that matter.

They were running for the school in an unusually tense silence along an oblivious Satomi when they noticed a small crowd of suspicious looking men and boys, including a funny looking barefooted guy in a pink gi, a gigantic brute shaved bald, a teen with spiky black hair and a kendo sword, and several unkempt thugs; all of them surrounding someone else. Negi's teacher senses and White Knight tendencies buzzed inside of his skull, and he slowed down, eventually stopping altogether to watch from a distance, ready to interfere if necessary.

While Satomi failed her reality check and just kept on running, Chisame slowed down as well, going back on her steps to stand beside Negi and look in the same direction. "What? What is happening? Oh, no. Don't tell me they're going to try Ku Fei again…"

"Huh?" Negi tilted his head aside to give her a quizzical look.

"You'll bite the dust today, Captain Ku!" one of the males threatened.

"Yeah!" another bully roared. "I've trained extra hard for this!"

"This time, it's you who's gotta no chance!"

"Ku-Fei san?-!" Negi almost sprang after them. "Oh my gosh! I have to protect her!"

Chisame grabbed him by a shoulder, holding him back. "Eeeehhh! Don't you remember what she did in Kyoto? She's in no risk at all!"

And effectively, his dark skinned blond student was visible now as nothing but a whirlwind of elbows, punches and kicks, striking every adversary down with deadly efficiency, all in the span of a few moments, even resorting to split kicks when she had to hit two at once. Since all of them were rushing too close, they kept on getting in each other's way, making them even easier pickings.

Negi watched on with a wide open mouth while Chisame explained. "That girl is apparently even better than Chao. Since she enrolled, she's been the undefeated champ of our yearly Martial Arts Tournament. A whole lotta guys tries beating her down every day, but..."

Now all attackers were spreaded across the ground around Ku, bleeding noses, black eyes and swollen cheeks. They only could twitch at most, and only the one with the pink gi and long thin ponytail could muster a choked "This... This can't be... How can you keep challenging the might of the Saikyo Groove...!"

"Hah!" Ku struck a still pose with a lifted leg, one that gave a free pantyshot as the breeze blew her skirt up. "You're still all weaklings! When will I meet a man strong enough for my tastes-aru?" Then she noticed Negi's presence and happily greeted him, "Oh, but if it's Negi-bouzou! Nihao!"

He smiled back at her, with a frozen and flushed smile. "Good... Good morning, Ku Fei-san, I... Ah..." He doubted for several moments before mouthing an "Excuse me, but there's something I'd like to ask from you, as a favor..."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Wednesday Afternoon:

"You? And Chinese Martial Arts?" Ku had blinked stupidly a few times.

"Y-Yes..." Negi had answered. "That powerful pale girl I fought in Kyoto used the same style I saw you using to fight multiple enemies at once. I don't understand it too well, yet, but apparently, I'm fated to battle her again, so I want to be ready..."

Ku Fei had smiled more sweetly than was her custom. "You're telling me... You want to get stronger with my help-aruyo...?"

"Exactly!" he had smiled at her.

"Ho ho ho!" she had patted his shoulder several times. "I'll do it! I love strong guys, and if you get strong enough to beat me, you'll be my boyfriend!"

"Aaaahhhhh!" his hair had stood up, just as Chisame's. "B-B-Boyfriend?-!"

The Chinese student had laughed again. "Calm down, calm down! That part is only a joke! ... For now, hu hu hu."

"Ah... Ah, yes, a joke... Funny, heh heh..." Negi had to force himself to smile. Chisame didn't even attempt it.

Now they were practicing after the Baka Rangers' reinforcement classes, with Chisame, Matoi and Chamo watching on, at an empty lot near the World Tree. Negi kept on tossing punches that Ku blocked easily, countering them by grabbing his arms and effortlessly twisting them back, holding herself back enough to avoid hurting him. After a long while of that, and with Negi still unable to land a single fist on her, Ku moved on to teach him basic fighting stances, telling him on how to prepare a defense with an arm and an offensive with the other. Magus Erebus' pre-Kyoto lessons were proving to be a great help there. Chisame found that fairly boring, although Matoi seemed to pay the utmost attention, as if she was trying to absorb the information as well.

They had been doing that for more than two hours now, as the evening began spreading its dark cloak over Mahora. And right when Chisame thought she was going to fall asleep out of boredom, an unexpected voice startled her.

"Ah... So you were here all this time..."

Negi stopped what he was doing for a moment and looked at... "Ohh... Natsumi-san? W-What... What are you doing here?"

The freckled girl who had just arrived looked down blushing. "I... I was, uh, just walking around, doing nothing in particular, and I happened to see you here, ah, all of you, actually, sorry, everyone, but actually, I wanted to ask you some questions, on a play we'll be having, you see, because it's an English play, and—"

He blinked, then flashed one of those smiles Chisame had come to dread. Not only because they were too scarily shiny, but because they always were the prelude to being dragged into someone else's mess. "Oh, okay, sure! I'll be glad to!"

Murakami began fluttering at how easy it had been. "Oh, actually, it's nothing! N-Nothing important!" she said. "I just... I only was bothering Sensei with something... Nothing i-important at all or anything, although... It meant a lot for me..."

"It'll have to wait, " Matoi bluntly said, pressing Chamo under her right foot to stop his chuckling before Natsumi noticed it. "Right now, Negi-sama is too busy with something very, very important for his development as a— man."

Natsumi blinked several times. "His, his, his development as a man!-?" And small puffs of steam began coming out her ears.

"Hey! Don't start having weird thoughts, will you?" Chisame cried.

"Weird thoughts about what?" asked Negi.

"Weird thoughts that are too weird for you to know about!" Chisame answered.

"And me?" asked Ku, who was just as lost as him.

"You too!" Chisame growled.

Natsumi recoiled on the defensive. "I wasn't thinking anything like that!" she lied. "It's just, well, Tsunetsuki-sempai said that in a way that... and... well, not to offend, but she's... well, she has been..."

"A feverish, passionate stalker who is too loud about her carnal attractions and DEEP LOVE?" Matoi flatly asked.

Natsumi shrank back. "... You said it, not me."

Matoi shrugged indolently. "I've heard it all before. Many, many times."

"So maybe you should do something about it already!" Chisame sizzled.

Anyway, what are you doing now, Sensei?"

"Ku Fei-san is training me in Kung Fu starting today, " he told her. "I've decided I need to become much stronger, because-"

Then another, colder voice took them all by surprise.

"So Kung Fu is the way you chose for your training, hmmm?"

"Evangeline-san!" Negi whipped his head around to see the vampire girl, in a white and short-skirted dress with a scarf and white Zettai Ryouiki, accompanied by her servant in casual clothes. "And Chachamaru-san, too! Good evening!"

"Good evening, everyone, " the gynoid bowed respectfully.

"I see you lost interest on what I had to teach you, Boya, " the tiny blonde sneered. "Got yourself a teacher more of your liking, huh?"

"Wha-? N-No!" he gasped. "I mean, I'm serious about this, yes, and I'm very thankful to Ku Fei-san, but I began this so I could pass your challenge! And because that girl at Kyoto also used this technique!"

"Huh? What are you talking about?" asked Natsumi, puzzled as heck.

Evangeline already was turning around and walking away. "Fu, fu, fu... I suppose it was to be expected. After all, brats love the Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan nonsense..."

"Nonsense?" Ku frowned. "Take that back! Kung Fu is Serious Business! What is going on here?"

Negi's eyes swirled in spirals. "That is... I, I had asked Evangeline-san to teach me how to fight... But to do that, I have to learn how to fight first... I'm sorry, I... I never wanted to use anyone, I just wanted to-!"

"Oi, Evangeline!" Chisame called out, "Why so harsh with him? Anyone would want to prepare themselves for a physical test. And knowing you, it won't be an easy one..."

"Tsk!" Eva said. "You don't have to worry about my test, Hasegawa Chisame. Why should I bother setting one for you, if the Boya prefers being this one's apprentice instead? Have fun, everyone!"

"No!" Negi ran after her. "Please! It's, it's necessary for everyone's sake! I really need to become your disciple, and fight that Rakan-san in a year, and-!"

Natsumi looked at Chisame now. "No, seriously, what's this fuss all about? Why would he need to fight someone that desperately? How could Evangeline-san of all people teach him? And who is this Rakan person?"

"Look, he'll answer you himself, okay?" Chisame washed her hands off it.

"Let me go, simpleton!" Eva yelled at him as he all but threw himself at her feet. "Don't you have any dignity? No matter how much you press me on, my answer will still be a No!"

"Please don't feel jealous, Master, " the robot asked softly. "I'm sure Negi-sensei didn't mean to scorn you."

"What? Don't be stupid!" screeched the vampire witch. "What in the world gave you that idea? Are you defective?"

"Wait, Evangeline-san!" Natsumi said. "Why don't you give Negi-sensei a chance? He's a genius! I'm sure he can learn Kung Fu and... whatever you want to teach him at the same time!"

"What do you know about this, Murakami?" Eva pouted with an angry blush. "Stay out of things that don't concern you! Just like him, you're only a child who has no business wasting my time!"

"A child? Negi-sensei isn't just a child!" Natsumi protested. "He's much more mature and grown-up than you'd ever suspect!"

"Murakami, no...!" Chisame hissed while Negi paled hideously.

"You, " Natsumi accused Eva, "are the one acting like a spoiled brat! At least let him prove himself! Or what, are you afraid he could become better than you?-!"

"Natsumi-san, please...!" Negi restrained her back.

Evangeline's head bulged with a huge pulsing vein for a moment, her expression squeezed into insane rage, and she growled like an animal before breathing in deeply.

"So be it, " the undead one said. "We'll do it that way, then. Boya! If your flaunted Kung Fu helps you land a single hit on Chachamaru in hand to hand combat, I'll consider you have passed your test! One on one fight! Right here, this Sunday midnight! Are you okay with it, yes or yes?"

Chamo and Chisame gulped loudly, while Matoi lifted an eyebrow and Natsumi became suddenly worried. "Is Chachamaru-san very strong?"

"Hah! Of course she is!" the vampiress boasted. "Show them, Chachamaru!"

"Yes, Master. Please forgive me, Negi-sensei, " the green haired girl asked, abruptly dashing ahead, becoming a blur to the eyes of everyone else, and striking at Negi's face before he even could mount a defense, punching him to a side with the greatest ease.

"OWW!"

"NEGI!" a terrified Chisame screamed.

"Sensei!" Natsumi gasped, and both girls ran to his side, helping him to sit up. "Are you okay? Chachamaru-san, how could you...?"

"I'm sorry..." Chachamaru repeated, with no small shame.

"Ah ha ha! It's useless begging for mercy in a real fight, Murakami Natsumi!" Eva cackled. "Now you see how much you have to improve, Boya. You have only four full days to prepare yourself. Make good use of them."

"It's okay..." Negi nodded, standing up straight. "This time, I was caught off guard. I promise it won't happen again..."

A scared Natsumi covered her own mouth with a hand, her heart thumping madly. She had no idea an aspiring martial artist's training could get so harsh and unforgiving. And now, her big mouth had made everything worse for the boy she loved...

Staying behind the others and turning around to hide her face, she had no option but allowing her tears flow.

Matoi looked over her shoulder. "Are you crying now?"

"OF, OF, OF COURSE I'M NOT!"
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"So maybe you should do something about it already!" Chisame sizzled.

Anyway, what are you doing now, Sensei?"


I think there's something missing there...
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"Anyway, what are you doing now, Sensei?" asked Natsumi immediately, eager to change the topic back.


That is all there was missing.
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Okay, what the hell, I give up. TWOGK URAE Spinoff. Set in the SFW path, by the way.

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Divinity is a Group Effort, Act One, Part One.

—-

Flag One: Elsie.

—-

The surface of Venus had been left barren long ago, in the war for supremacy between demon factions after Lord Morningstar stepped down. For centuries, the battles between powerful contenders like King Krichevskoy and Overlord Zenon raged with no end in sight, ending up with the disappearance of the later and the death of the former, plus the bloody demises of several minor lords. After the almost complete dismantling of Old Hell, a coallition of the surviving masters had been established, with Lady Hild as the supreme ruler, keeping a precarious balance with other members of the demonic council, like the Malebolgia, Neron and that fellow who was so creepy even the other devils refused to utter his name, refering to him only as... well, Him.

The demons and devils under Hild's rule now lived in floating surfaces over the half scorched, half frozen surface of Venus. Thanks to technology purchased from the Deviluke Galactic Empire, who hailed from the demonic denizens of Venus themselves, the demons had boosted their formerly exclusively magical means of survival and maintenance with highly advanced scientific systems. That meshed well with Hild's pragmatic viewpoints, since she was a liberal progresist and a moderate in her dealings with mortals and even had her two younger daughters, the Zazie sisters, studying on the mortal realm (at least, before the youngest's tragic demise. Even now, however, the second youngest kept herself enrolled at that awfully insane Mahora place even Him was wary of).

The flying vessel had left Elsea De Lute Irma at one of said hovering islands of the North East of Venus, near the dark and ominous tower of the Department of Renegade and Runaway Retrieval. The young and perky female in black paid her driver with thirty silver coins and a bright, wide smile. "Thank you, Lord Charon!" she waved him away before the sharp boat took off into the distance, and then she entered the building, passing clearance with the card Lady Hild herself had given her.

She was led to the 666th story, where she passed her old friend Haqua on her own way out, holding an envelope with a skull label on and her own assignment inside. Elsea was about to greet her cheerfully, but Haqua only smiled at her before the guard Oni leading Elsea around pushed her towards the Director's office, rather roughly.

The Director sat behind her gigantic desk, which was thrice as tall as Elsea herself. In contrast, the diminutive black robed figure of the Director herself seemed almost laughable by comparison. The fact she had a cartoony skull for a face peeking from the depths of her hood didn't help matters, although everyone knew better than to laugh at her appearance. Even Elsea.

"Well, " the Director sighed after checking the documents the young and lovely looking minor demon had brought her. "If it's a direct recommendation from Lady Hild herself, there's nothing I can do against it, of course. Obviously, she saw something in you the rest of us cannot. And for you to be assigned to the same area Poyo-chan is at the time... the Queen must have absolute trust on your skills, indeed."
The short but well shaped girl blushed in an adorable way. "Oh, why, thank you, Lady Dokurou!"

"Still, " the Director said, "why do you still carry that broom around? It doesn't fit your future duties. It's hardly an implement that will inspire any sort of respect from your associate."

The girl hugged the old broom against herself. "Oh, no, do I have to leave it here? Please don't say so! It's a very dear gift from—!"
Dokurou sighed despite her lack of any lips, and most likely any lungs either. "Fine, fine. Don't say more. Even us have our loved ones, after all." She took a brief look at the family portrait on her desk. It had her standing with a much taller hooded skeleton, plus a thin and nervous looking young man in black and two smiling girls in red shirts, jeans and cowboy hats.

Elsea looked at the same time, as best as she could from below, thrusting herself up on the tips of her sandaled feet. "Aaahhh, Kid-kun's grown a lot lately, hasn't he?"

The Director sighed again. "Taking a picture with him is a torture, and I don't mean the good kind. He's always complaining about how his father and me make for such an asymmetrical couple, and— But I digress. Elsie, are you really sure you wish to do this? Do you know the price for failing? We always could relocate you in an area better fitting your skills, like Maintenance of the Beelzebub Net."

"I'm sorry, Director, " she lowered her head. "But this is what I want to do, what I have waited for all my life. Please try to understand, I'm sure you have also had a dream that you cherished over anything else..."

Dokurou briefly imagined herself surrounded by a Speedo-wearing Tabris, Zauriel and Lamington serving her cocktails at an Acapulco beach before saying, "Indeed, like everyone else. But chasing such dreams often is folly. However, I suppose nothing will disuade you from yours as long as you are young."

Elsea, called Elsie for short even though it was just the same lenght, smiled even more as the envelope with her assignment was handed over to her, and her heart patted much faster. Finally, she would get to see that person again. She hardly could wait.

Opening the envelope, she silently thanked Lord Morningstar below, as she saw her target was indeed the same she had expected, the one from that lifetime so long ago.

This time, they would get things right.

One way or another.
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More Divinity is a Group Effort.

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Nikaido Yuri was a rather low key, despite her often scandalous dress code, member of the Mahora teaching staff. She usually stood behind, quiet and thoughtful, whenever the faculty gathered. She had no friends in the staff either. It had been said she and Arai Chie-sensei were very similar, even past the looks, but maybe that was part of why they avoided each other.

There was the boy teacher from Wales, whom she had been told to discreetly watch from a distance whenever they crossed paths. Apparently he had been involved in a fairly big mess at Kyoto with Sukuna a few weeks ago. Then there was Takahata, the great war hero, who might have tickled Nikaido's fancy if only he wasn't such a bore. And the neurotic walking disaster who was Itoshiki. And Touko, a fairly competent and respectable woman who still had started disliking Nikaido enough to quickly make it mutual. Then there were the unremarkable, either clowns like Sugiura or mundanes like Nitta and Rance.

And there was Yoriko, Yuri's adoptive sister who had entered the Mahora maginet surveillance circuit after graduating from the police academy, once she realized she lacked the stomach to go after actual criminals. As a favor to her, Nikaido put her connections to work and got her an easy desk job monitoring the perimeters. Basically, she only had to ring whenever an 'Orphan' or 'Hollow' broke through the defense lines, and then the Headmaster would send Tatsumiya or Akashi to clean up before any vigilantes arrived to play hero and destroy the academy's property.

Finally, there were Nikaido's students. A mediocre bunch of underachievers and slackers, but at least better than the pedophile troupe of 3-A or Itoshiki's demented menagerie. Nikaido could say, with something close to mild pride, her students were normal and well adjusted. Not a small feat at Mahora.

All, that was, except one.

She tapped on his scalp now, but he didn't even aknowledge her presence.

"Katsuragi, " she finally said.

"What?" the thin and pale young man with short brown hair asked, his cold eyes still nailed to the small screen of his portable console. His long delicate fingers, with callous tips contrasting with the rest of his far too tender skin, dancing elegantly and methodically all over the buttons.

"You haven't been paying any attention to me, " the woman said, leaning closer to the indifferent young male, her chest heaving tensely right above his line of sight. The scarce other boys in the classroom breathed in suspenseful agony. Several of them had the theory Katsuragi did that only to guarantee moments like that. They were wrong. He didn't even flinch or seemed to realize the change in the short haired woman's position. "And that means no attention to my lesson, either."

"That'll pose no problem. I've memorized the whole contents of the textbook until the end of the scheduled period, and even expanded on them with additional reading. I could even take the final test right now if you were to hand it over to me. After I finish this event."

There was no emotion at all in his voice, no apology or taunt, no mockery or irony, no arrogance or self-entitlement. It was just a mechanical statement of a fact. That was what made it more annoying. Gloating buffoons were easily proved wrong. Weak willed weasels trying to sleep through the periods were broken in no time. That scrawny geek, however, just happened to mean every word.

"That, " Nikaido said through barely clenched teeth, is not the point at all, Katsuragi. The point is, you still are here, and regardless of your mental academic level, you need to follow it through with a proper social level fitting your age and status. Until the system spits you into college to be someone else's problem, I won't tolerate your eccentricities being a bad example for your peers."

"That's no problem either, " he said, just as blandly. "I'm sure none of them would ever try to follow my example on anything."

Murmurs of agreement abounded through the classroom.

Nikaido forced herself to remain calmed and cold as well. She wasn't going to break before he did. Not this time.

"What, " she asked this time, "is there in those games that could be more interesting than listening about events that actually happened?"

He seemed to think about it for only a moment, the game pasued and his expression gaining the slightest hint of concentration. Then he answered, "Out of all the galge I've ever played, I consider 3, 015 were more interesting. Sixteen were about equal. And one was less interesting. What were they thinking when they licensed Twilight for one, I'll never kn—"

Finally, that did it, and she slammed the chalk she was holding on his head, as hard as she could. Konoemon would lecture her for hours again, but it'd be worth every moment!
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 23 2013, 07:29 PM.
What is the point anymore?
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

As usual with spinoffs, the first chapter will always have a strong cameo presence from the original series, so here's Misora.

Quote:
 
Nikaido-sensei gave the boy standing on the hallway a dryly curious look before heading over to her lecture on self-control from Konoemon of the day. "Have you been like that, the whole two hours since?"

Keima kept on playing his PFP with the water bucket still perfectly balanced on his head. "Ah-hah. Regulations say I have to keep holding it as my punishment, but they don't specify how I have to hold it. And if I use my hands, I can't play."

Nikaido didn't have it in her to get mad at him again. What was the fucking point? Instead, she grabbed the bucket, set it down at his feet, and handed him a mop as well. "Anyway, today is your cleaning duty, remember? Yours and Takahara. I want to classroom to literally shine when we start tomorrow morning."

"Sure," he said as blandly as ever, before the teacher scowled and walked away down the hall, without a single word.

Weirdo, they both thought.

A moment after, Katsuragi Keima was ran down by a flesh and blood blur coming out the classroom.

Another moment later, the blur smashed face-first against the hallway's opposite wall, slumping down to the floor with a grinding sound and a thin line of red coming off her nose.

Yet another moment later, the boy revived from his brief dream of marrying a SD 8-bit pink haired beauty, and lifted his scrawny frame up from the floor. The first thing he did afterwards was checking on his portable. "AH! It has a crack on the screen! No, no, no, no nooooo it can't be...!"

The girl who had raced out of the room moments before sat up with a wide goofy grin and a hand wiping the blood off her face. "Ah, sorry 'bout that, Otamegane! I guess I couldn't hit the brakes on time. You'll see, I have training with my club today, and I'm in a hurry, so... Can you handle cleanup today by yourself? I mean, since you never have anything to do..."

He looked at her in a strange way for a econd before asking, "You're Takahara, aren't you?"

"Takahara Ayumi! Sheesh! Two years studying in the same class, how can you not remember my name!"

"What's so strange about that? You don't remember mine either," he said, checking on the saved advances of his games. Thank the manufacturers, it still worked.

"Of course I do! I only call you Otamegane because everyone does, Katsuragi Keima!"

"Ah. Nice from you," he replied out of mere formality.

"It's basic human politeness!"

Since he had no time or mood to tell her of how he hated human anything, period, and how he had trascended humanity in the divine fields of the God of Conquests, surrounded by muses who were much more beautiful and charming than she ever could be, he only said, "If you're being polite, don't weasel out of helping me. It's not bad enough you have insulted me, telling me I don't have anything to do?"

She blinked. "Well, yeah. If you did, you wouldn't be playing those games all day long, would you? While I have a real duty with--"

"Ah, there you are, Sempai!" a very thin and lithe younger girl with short and spiky light brown hair appeared at the hallway's corner, followed like always by a stoical little girl with long black hair and dark skin. "What's taking you so long? We even called, and you wouldn't answer!"

"Ah, Misora-chan!" she said. "Wait, you called?" she looked at her cellphone, which was broken, surely because of her crash. "Drat, it happened again. But say, that just happened. How were you quick enough to come all the way from the track, and so..."

The other girl laughed in a very stiff way. "Ah ha ha, well, you know, perks of being the fastest in the team! Um, well, yeah, now, if we could--"

"Ah, no, nothing of that!" the boy said, finally whipping away from his game to look at them. "Don't screw with me! I absolutely refuse to--!"

He found himself staring at an empty corridor and a broom with a "Sorry, all yours!" sign stuck to it.

Women, real women, were the world's blight, he thought as he marched out of school one hour later, heading for the bus stop. With some luck, he could visit the Lexmall for a quick stop at the videogame store and return home before nightfall. Since he lived right outside the academy's main entrance, with his mother across the street from the Takamachis and the Kuchikis, he didn't need to worry about the school's curfews, but being as it was that his mother worked at her workshop right at home, there was no way of hoping she'd be late from the job enough for her to not enforce her own unofficial curfew.

Luckily, spurring himself to his maximum with the game on the desk had worked. There was nothing the God on Conquest couldn't achieve with the stimulation from his kingdom staring right at him (and at that, victorious fanfares blared in his head)! No matter the challenge the real world tossed his way, he'd vanquish it with the same easy, disinterested flair he had handled everything since kindergarten!

He was mildly miffled, however, at how everything in the mega store, at least everything in the wing that concerned him, seemed to be just the same as the week before. There had been five new releases announced for that day, all of them of the obscure enough variety to guarantee there would be no lines to purchase them. Their miss; there were some real gems with those releases as well. Or maybe, he grew worried and eager, they had been purchased before his arrival? Because of that stupid girl, he had arrived late and missed his chance! That had to be it! Curse her! Women, like always, were nothing but--

Then he saw it. At the end of the aisle, like a balsam from the gods at the end of a catacomb, there was an update release of one of his favorites, and one he never had heard about, at that. It had to be a veritable highly limited edition, then! I Want to be a Sister Bride Deluxe!

Imouto games had never been his favorite category, but the original I Want to be a Sister Bride! had been an exception, with its unparalleled craftmanship and character development. What could this update probably contain within its blessed bits? New characters? Improvised graphics? An even better interface? But that was the kind of things a man didn't wonder about. A true man learned about them firsthand! And so, his hand shot itself ahead, to grab the wonderful godsend with its inviting, alluring cover and--

And then his hand was on another.

Katsuragi Keima grimaced. It was his arch nemesis, the Imouto Player. She was that strangely irritating (more than the average girl) and surly girl who only went after Imouto galge. Her tastes leaned towards the eroge, so they usually stayed out of each other's range, but she'd try anything Imouto based, so they competed fiercely over the limited edition Imouto games. And that day there would be another battle in their long and bloody feud.

As usual, Imouto Player, no doubt ashamed of her tastes (something that disgusted the unabashed and unrepentant Keima even more) was wearing her idiotic getup of trechcoat, dark glasses, and anti-flu white mask. The only easily recognizable visible physical feature of her was her long blond hair, with a tone reminiscing of honey.

"Mine!" Keima growled.

"Mine!" Imouto Player hissed.

"I came here first!"

"You're tripping! I saw it first and touched it first!"

"Just because you happened to be closer!"

"I was closer because I saw it first and came here faster! Your arms are longer than mine, so you'd have grabbed it before if you had seen it before!"

He looked struck for a moment, as his Random Encounter points took heavy damage. Curse this enemy's rationality attacks! But fortunately, for once, they were in the real world, where rationality didn't matter compared to the inherent random unfairness of life, and the law of the stronger! And surely he was far stronger than any girl! Well, except his mother.

They both kept standing their ground, staring lightning at each other, before running together for the cashier, neither letting the prized posession-to-be go.

"I want to buy this!" they said at once.

The foreign, bored-looking, pimply faced young man sitting behind the counter looked at the box, made a quick search, and droned, "That's the only copy we have, sorry..."

"I will buy it!" they said this time.

The pimply faced teen looked at them in stupified silence for a moment before asking, "We can rent it to one of you. Then the other one can--"

"I'm not a renter!" Keima sounded scandalized and offended. "What is the purpose of 'just renting' for a collector?"

"I'm not using anything he's used before!" the girl yelled. "I could be contagied with something!"

The boy hummed, chewed on his bubblegum, blew a perfect pink bubble, and chewed it back again. "Who took it first?"

"I did!" they cried again.

With the same air of complete indolence, the merchant looked at one of the cameras, set it a few minutes back, and said, "The girl found it first."

Keima's world crumbled down noisy piece by noisy piece as the girl cheered, yaking the game from him. Betrayed by electronics! He had expected that from humans, but never from a wonder of technology! Why, oh why...


To be Continued.

Yes, I've used elements from the prototype oneshot, as authors often do. This won't be the last you'll see from Kirino in this story, far from it.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

More Divinity is a Group Effort.

Quote:
 
Elsie sat in the darkness of that room, going over the gathered lists on her laptop, humming to herself. She had purchased herself a Mahora uniform this time, since she'd have to try a different approach. She had arranged the room as best as she could, and in her opinion, everything gave the perfect impression of a completely respectable meeting room. She wouldn't fail, no sir! She had considered the factors and everything this time, just like Kami-sama would!

"Let's see, let's see..." she told herself. "With any successful team, the key is balance, and adhesion to the tropes... we have the Team Mentor..." she pointed at her own chest with a finger, "The dashing Hero, the Lancer to bicker with, the Smart Guy, the Big Guy, and the cute little Chick... The Sixth Ranger joins later on, so it's okay if I don't worry about that now... I'm sure I'm forgetting something, though... Well!" she ended up shrugging. "It's probably nothing important!"

She chuckled in a derangedly goofy way as she sent her messages. "God of Conquests, God of Financial Support, God of Emotional Setting, God of Steamy Excitement, and here we go..."

---

Katsuragi Keima sat alone in his bedroom, going over his e-mail from his fervent followers. As much of a non-entity as he was in real life, online he was a celebrity, a true cult leader in the worship for the most sublime unearthly world. Through his webpage, dozens and dozens of messages were sent to him every day, begging for his expertise in the galge field. After smiling devilishly and erasing the usual trash mail from those asking him how to impress that Chiu online person (honestly, what kind of no-life loser would spend her days putting on costumes to entice men tempted away from the pure fields of 2D? And why he should help any such traitors to the common cause?) he checked on the questions on how to beat the latest and most difficult games.

No question was too hard or complex, and he didn't even need to check on his games to answer them. Neither did he keep notes and walkthroughs, which were for pussies and weaklings. He faithfully answered every question right off the bat, without hesitation, with the aloof benevolence of an Olympian god for the peasants kneeling before him, offering their gifts.

Taking a breath with a more relaxed smile, he basked on the enjoyment of a well done job. He honestly liked to please those who relied on him, anonymous (and he liked them that way) fellow souls somewhere out there, sharing his primal desire to explore the more perfected worlds. It was not only his duty as the most advanced of them, but also his--

Then his screen beeped.

"Hmm?"

There was a new message, written in bold black, and including a button marked with a skull at the bottom of it.

To the God of Conquests: We have heard you can conquer any heart or spirit, mend any broken heart, fix any melancholic existence. We have a bigger challenge for you! If you don't feel like you're up to it, don't click below! We won't be held responsible if you do!

He was incensed. What was that? Who dared to taunt him like that? It surely was another upstart designer trying to challenge him with one of their crappy self-programmed games. Well, he never would go back from any challenge, even those of crazies and idiots. Undaunted, he pressed on the 'Submit' button with the skull design...

---

"You've got mail!" her computer announced.

Kosaka Kirino, fifteen, paused in her delighted exploration of her new game to check the e-mail. She loved multitasking, with the stubborn enthusiasm of an overachieving bull in a china store who wouldn't be satisfied until he rammed into every piece, so she often worked on her games and her writing at the same time. It inspired her, she said. Not like she would outright steal ideas, but she knew her reading public liked their old cliches, and playing gave her new ideas on how to twist those cliches to her liking. For someone to write to her at that time, when her roommate Saori was quietly asleep on her top bunk, it had to be one of her editors, or the guys at the modeling agency. She was a multitasker in the real life, as well.

To Kosaka Kirino-sama: We have a laboral assignment for someone with your degree of connection and appeal to the modern girl fanbase. We have checked your work at several branches of popular entertainment and we're sure you are right what we're looking for. If you feel sure you're up to it, please press on the button below...

---

"Well, I'm going now! Have a good evening, Fujiyoshi-sempai!" Saotome Haruna chirped happily after a long afternoon and evening of nonstop work at the Manga Club, long after Hiyori-chan and Patty-chan, poor lesser souls, had enough and needed to return home themselves. But they had finally beaten the dreaded deadline the usual way; by working really hard at the last possible minute.

"Are you sure it's okay, Haruna-chan?" the taller girl with shorter (but not very short either) black hair and glasses asked her as the more buxom 3-A student, her kouhai in more than one sense, pulled her coat on and headed for the door. "It's late already, maybe you should--"

"Nahhhh," Haruna said, undeterred. "I always can find my way in the dark, just fine. How about you?"

Harumi smiled and shrugged. As expected from a daughter of the infamous Saotome Ranma, she though. "It's okay. I always can sleep here and return home at dawn, shortly before the wakeup calls. It's just across the street, after all."

She watched Haruna go, sighing to herself as her younger crush disappeared down the street. Why was she only oblivious to her of all people? Well. Maybe it was better that way, the mangaka thought as she unfolded her emergency futon, which she kept under her drawing board. After all, Haruna's father, never mind her own, would never approve--

Before turning the computer off, she saw they had an e-mail labeled as urgent. Normally, she wouldn't have cared. But since it was particularly addressed to Amano Hikaru, the now rarely present, college-aged nominal president of the Manga Club, Harumi's nosy curiosity imposed itself upon her laziness, which was nowhere in Haruna's own range anyway. So she opened the mail and frowned. Was that some sort of challenge to accept a work-for-hire? The wording was quite vague.

Well, they had just finished a work, and they sure could use the money. And either way, thee always were ways to go back on an agreement. They all were experts on that. So, knowing Hikaru-sempai wouldn't care a rat's ass, Harumi pressed the 'submit reply' button onscreen...

---

Keeping contact with those who would still look for it was a need.

If she refused all contact, she'd make people suspicious.

She had to keep her chin high, her attitude still the same. A healthy queen always gave audiences and replied to her people's messages.

Is your father the president of NEK Entertainment Games? The head of Medi Ascii Publishing House? the message asked.

Yes, he is, she had replied, keeping her chin high and her lips curved in a smile. She told herself she wasn't lying. All of that technically and morally still belonged to her father. It had been the fruit of his labors, the results of a whole life of his hard work.

Oh, that's so good! And then there came the strange question. Would you like talking with us about a business suggestion?

That puzzled her, and highly so. Perhaps someone, some of those haughty bitches who still held to their fancy houses and golden cribs, was laying a trap for her. Some attempt to humiliate her. Yukihiro wouldn't be the type, Suzushiro and Fujino didn't have the imagination for such a stunt, and she was sure Tohsaka was left in a barely better state than her own, but still, that left many others. Maybe Naba. She always had suspected about Naba's saintly facade...

Even so, backing away now would just mean she was losing face. If this was a trap, she would find a way to walk out of that with her dignity, like she always did. She would think of something. She was too clever for them, wasn't she?

She accepted the proposal with a single click and a gulping smile, in the darkness of her bedroom, while her roommate Yui quietly slept a few feet away.

Just as she did so, the screen seemed to glow with a strange and frankly unnerving intensity, leading her to believe she had been sent a virus to ruin one of her remaining belongings. Panicking as she struggled to find a way to salvage the computer, despite having next to no idea on how to, she even failed to notice the floor under her feet had started to tremble with a low but ominous buzzing sound.

Then something jumped out of the screen, pulled her with itself, and made her shriek in terror.

For a moment after that, everything faded to black.


To be Continued.
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rikalous
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Creature of the Deep

Point of curiosity: How far are you in the anime/manga?
Let's Watch Nanoha
Wits, magic, and hardboiled monologues.
My other claims to fame.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Roughly until the point where the second anime season ends, but I have spoilered myself on things like the identities of the goddesses.
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