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Unequally Rational And Emotional Thread; It's Negima with Everything Else Added!
Topic Started: Apr 15 2012, 06:40 PM (11,698 Views)
rikalous
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Creature of the Deep

So about the end of Jun's arc. I asked because Yui and Mio being childhood friends, as well as Elsie and Keima getting involved with time travel shenanigans, showed up in the previous manga arc and I wasn't sure if you knew or they were just coincidences.
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Wits, magic, and hardboiled monologues.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

I knew about Yui and Mio. That was intended, yes, although I have to hurry up to read Yui's arc before actually writing her.

Elsie remembers previous URAE loops the same way other demons and gods, like Skuld and Poyo, do. Although being lesser in rank than a Norn or a demon princess, she remembers less than they do. But she remembers at least most of the basics of her relationship to Keima.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort

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Katsuragi Keima was slowly waking up from that recurring nightmare of being bullied in elementary school, then having his lunch money stolen. That was the thing he dreamed of the most when he wasn't dreaming of galge, so he was understandably annoyed as he opened his eyes.

Finding himself suspended high above the floor of a small shadowy room only added to that annoyance, pushing him into outright shocked dismay.

"W-What is going on here?-!" he cried, tugging his arms and trying to break them free from the strange, silky fabric holding them in place. Since he would have had problems struggling against wet toilet paper, he didn't achieve much with that. "What is the meaning of this...?-!"

Then there was a low, sinister chortle coming from below, and he looked down without even fully realizing he was hanging with three different girls, who apparently had woken up before he did (although he idly realized, from the way one of their feet was even now placed against his stomach, that girl in question had woken him up with kicks. Well, that explained why he ached so much). And they saw, much to their horror (except in the case of that busty black haired girl with glasses, who only looked morbidly fascinated), how a figure rose from a circle of flames spinning on the floor, wielding a broom that made the stranger look like a monstrous witch from Hell, with the way it ascended with bright red eyes, a human skull on its head, seeming to grow impossibly huge and threatening for a moment...

... before it deflated suddenly, with a curious 'POP!' sound, to the size of a perky looking cute girl dressed in purple, with her dark hair in a very long ponytail. Keima thought for a moment she looked strangely familiar.

"Hello, everyone!" the girl waved up at them, with a warm and wide smile, and an air of unbearably bright happiness about her. "Sorry for the introduction, but lately it's been required we stage proper entrances before mortals! Thank you all for taking the contract!"

The four youngsters looked at her in stunned silence for a few moments, before Busty Meganekko broke into subdued dry laughter that only lasted three 'has' or so. "Oh! Oh, I get it! Haruna-chan staged this so she could get one over me, right? And that classmate of hers, Kasuga the prankster, and maybe that stage magician Rainyday girl, they had to help her, yeah. Is 3-A still that pissed off over that stupid dodgeball game?"

The boy looked at her. "Dodgeball game?"

"Yeah! Late last year, remember?" the busty girl snorted. "The whole school was there watching us!"

"Oh, yeah, I remember it now!" the girl who sounded too much like Imouto Player and even had the same hair said. Keima put two and two together quickly and cringed, quickly shaking her foot from his stomach. "Boy, that was quite a show...!" she reminisced fondly.

The much shorter girl with twin tails only sneered.

"... I don't remember anything like that," Katsuragi tried to pin the event down and failed. Then again, since he missed all of the school's events unless attendance was mandatory, that came as no surprise for him.

The standing girl fidgeted with her broom for a moment. "Um, well, sorry, but no. Actually, you have been brought here after signing a contract with the demon world. You might call it Hell, although technically, it's more like--"

"Wait, wait, wait wait wait there!" Imouto Player yelled. "I get it, this is some fucked up shit with kidnappings and sexual exploitation and S&M, right? I've read about these 'Hellfire Club' things!" At that, several eyebrows were raised, but she ignored them and kept on ranting, "Well, the joke's on you, Babs! My daddy is the Police Chief of Mahora City! You'd better not try anything funny with me or else!"

"If it's ransom what you want, my family will pay anything!" the short blonde lied in a highly convincent way.

Keima sighed, took the deepest breath of his life, achieved mental peace with the practice of keeping his sanity through hours of waiting in line at Akihabara, and asked in turn, "Since freaking out won't take us anywhere, let's start by making things clear like rational beings. Who are you, and how did you bring us here?"

"And where is here?" asked the tiny blonde.

"And what do you plan to do with us? Are you some sort of Satanist, out to sacrifice us to the dark beings from the pit?" asked Imouto Player, making the others to instantly pale in complete disgust and terror.

All but Meganekko, who simply asked, of all things, "Why do you have a skull on your hair? Also, where did you buy it? It's kinda cute...!"

She giggled. "It is, isn't it? Ahhh... I mean, My name is Elsea De Lute Irma. But everyone calls me Elsie for short! I belong to the Departament of Renegade Retrieval from East Nifelheim! I'm a third category devil!"

"You are a devil, indeed!" the boy yelled. "What have you done with my PFP!"

She blinked, then pulled the beloved game console out of her Victoria's Secret Compartment. "Oh, you mean this? I knew how much you value it, so I made sure to keep it safe..."

"Ah! Give it back, you philistine! It must be safely kept in a dry case when not in use!"

"What are these... things around our necks?" the tiny girl finally asked, trying to keep a good look on her own throat.

Keima realized then that, indeed, the four of them were with matching purple collars, shiny but featureless, not loose but neither tight enough to make their presence a choking bother. Rather, they felt natural and unintrusive, although still unwelcomed by their mere unexplained appearance.

"Oh those are the proofs of your contract," the alleged devil casually said. "Should you attempt to violate the terms of the contract, they will explode, taking your heads off. And mine," she added, gesturing to her own throat and calling into attention she had one of her own.

Another, longer, even more blunt and abysmal, silence ensued. At the end of it, Imouto Player asked, "Sooo... in addition to everything else, it's terrorism too?"

"That 'contract'... it was that message in the e-mail, right?" asked Meganekko. "Well, in my case, it's invalid, since I'm not Amano Hikaru-sempai, who was the--"

"It doesn't matter," Elsie told her. "You received it and accepted the basic entrance term, so it's still valid. So please take it seriously! The collars can't be removed through human means, and any attempt to do so will only make them explode, so..."

"Like hell!" Imouto Player shouted, apparently unaware of the irony in her words. "Dad can get me the best anti-bomb squad in Japan! Tell your bosses they can't scare us! Japan will never surrender to terror, you... you... Al Qaeda, right?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but no humans without a contract of their own can see the collars," Elsie informed. "Why, why won't you believe me?" she looked about to cry now. "Haven't I given you enough proof by bringing you here and appearing before you like that?"

"Holograms?" Keima guessed.

"Smoke and mirrors?" added Imouto Player.

"You fed us hallucinogenics?" asked the diminutive girl.

"CGI?" said the meganekko.

Elsie actually facepalmed, something she most often was on the other side of. "It's nothing like that.. Listen, normally, these taks involve only one partner for each devil, but since this area is too complex and dangerous, I was authorized to gather a small commitee. Sadly, it seems the Big Guy rejected my message, but we still can work together! Hero Kami-sama, Lancer Megami-sama, Smart Guy Megami-sama and Chick Megami-sama!"

Again, they only stared blankly at her. Until Keima, just to test the depth of her insanity's waters, simply asked, "Fine. Let's suppose I could believe. Then, what would you tell me is my mission to meet the assignment I don't remember ever actually agreeing with?"

"Also, we aren't losing our souls over this, right?" asked the smaller blonde, just to be on the safe side.

"Oh, no!" Elsie then produced a dark scroll which unfolded itself, bursting into flames without burning her. She smiled just as kindly as before. "THIS is a contract to surrender your souls to us! What you agreed to was only a term of conjoined work! But if you want to sell your souls, we can offer you anyth--"

"No, thanks!" they chorused.

She shrugged, folded the scroll back, and tucked it down between her breasts. "I was just asking. Anyway, what you DID agree to was to help me hunt for the Runaway Sprits..."


To be Continued.
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 24 2013, 07:24 PM.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

The Ugly Barnacle, Unequally Style.

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Once, there was a barnacle that was very ugly. She was so ugly, not even Photoshop could fix her. And she was so ugly that everyone died after 38 pointless volumes and an extra volume filled with crossovers, plus a lemon spinoff. The End.



"And that, " Negi said, smiling brightly, "is why you shouldn't worry about your looks, Chisame-san! No matter how many zits you have, you'll never be as ugly as that barnacle!"

Chisame tossed her mousepad at his head. "That didn't help at all!"
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

Quote:
 
"Runaway Spirits?" the petite blonde echoed as the pink wrappings lowered the quartet slowly, eye to eye with the supposed devil.

Said devil nodded like a child when asked if she wants a trip to the amusement park. "Yeah! They are unsanctioned evil souls that escape our domains before being purified, and scurry to Earth to posess human bodies. They shouldn't be mistaken with 'Hollows', who are spirits that devour the vagrant souls of your dead but don't posess living beings. Generally, Runaway Sprits prefer inhabiting the bodies of young fertile women, so they can reincarnate in their children. Since that might alter the cosmic balance, we take great efforts to retrieve those souls before Heaven does."

Busty Meganekko seemed to actually be going along with it. "I see. A competition for market share, huh?"

"Pretty much," Elsie nodded. "And it's very difficult to catch them, because they take refuge into the gaps of human hearts. When a heart is consumed by doubt, fear, loneliness or despair, they open a gap any Runaway Spirit can inhabit and feed from. Now, being demons, we're forbidden from directly helping humans, but we can use the help of human partners to fill the gaps in those hearts, driving the Runaway Spirits out."

"But it wouldn't be easier and more logical for a demon to just kill those humans and capture the spirit when it leaves the dead heart?" asked Imouto Player.

Everyone, even the devil, stared in varying degrees of discomfort at her.

"What?" she asked. "I'm just trying to think like a demon would!"

The blonde with the aristocratic accent folded her arms. "Why do I feel like that's an easy second nature for you?"

"Ah, shut up, pipsqueak!"

"Make me, filthy commoner!"

Keima retrieved his PFP and just began playing again, forfeiting from the whole discussion.

"Now, now, let's not fight!" Elsie requested. "The reason why you're here is because you are the best in this area to understand the human heart!" And she pointed at them one by one. "Katsuragi Keima Kami-sama, God of Conquests! Kosaka Kirino Megami-sama, Goddess of Romantic Drama! Amano Hikaru Megami-sama, Goddess of Forbidden Love! Aoyama Mio Megami-sama, Patron Goddess of the Arts of Love! Together, there should be no heart you cannot understand and mend!"

Busty Meganekko's face twitched behind her suddenly opaque glasses. "But... I've told you I'm not Amano-sempai... My name's Fujiyoshi Harumi..."

"Close enough!" Elsie waved a hand at her. "As long as you're a disciple of the goddess, you're a minor deity yourself! That suffices!"

"Idiot, you don't even know what you're taling about!" Katsuragi snapped. "I'm an expert on galge, true. I'm the God of Dating Simulators, no doubt! But 3D women aren't my field of expertise! I haven't ever dated one, and I have no interest on them! So leave me out of this and take this stupid rigged thing off me already!"

The Aoyama girl gave him a disgusted look. "Huh? Wait just a moment, that has to be the saddest admission of patheticness I've ever heard from anyone..."

"Don't care!" he said, without even looking at her. "People like you is the reason I don't date in this world!"

"No, that'd be you're a miserable looking misanthrope!" she shot back.

He shrugged. "Think whatever you want!"

Elsie sweated a single huge drop. "Aaaahhhh... This isn't exactly what I expected for--"

"Hey, listen," the Kirino girl spoke next. "I hate to agree with this scarecrow, sort of, but I'm not a real romance expert myself. I might have written a few... things, true, but even so..."

"I'm a Boys Love artist," Harumi added. "If you wanted me to handle the feelings of girls... well, you'd be better off consulting my clubmate Hiyori-chan..."

"Ahhh?" Elsie blinked a few times. "But, but you're girls, aren't you? Surely you, who have been in heart-pounding situations yourselves, know well what it takes to fill a girl's heart!"

The three other females in the room fell into a somber awkward silence.

"Never had any boyfriends?" Katsuragi asked while continuing his game.

"Oh, like you're any better!" Kirino snapped at him.

"True, but I never pretended otherwise," he calmly replied.

As the two others hissed, Fujiyoshi only sighed. "I hate to say this, but he's right there..."

"Shut up!" the blondes shouted at her.

Elsie gave the boy a concerned look. "But, Kami-sama, virtual god or not, you still have a wide theorical knowledge on women's feelings, don't you?"

"Perhaps."

"No, wait, why would this geek know anything on the real thing just because he plays games?" Kosaka protested. "I play a lot of games too AND I'm a girl, so I should know even more!"

"I know your tastes, Imouto Player," he replied, just as placidly. "Your scope is too narrow. You don't have the expertise needed to have a veritable knowledge of the whole genre."

Her right eyebrow quivered. "You...! You...!"

She jumped on him. "YOU'VE BEEN STALKING ME, HAVEN'T YOU, STUPID FOUR-EYED CREEP!"

"GIVE ME A BREAK, YOU JUST ARE TOO LOUD WHEN YOU BUY! AND ANYONE COULD SEE THROUGH YOUR PAPER THIN DISGUISE!"

Harumi rubbed her temples as the sounds of physical massacre started. "We're dead, aren't we? I mean, we need to somehow make those girls happy or we die, don't we?"

Elsie nodded. "I think so. I mean, the part about your mission, not the part about being dead! I, I was thinking that, since you were a group of experts, you could support Kami-sama here, and since most girls like boys, and since he's a boy, not that I think he's handsome... I mean, since the power of love is such a powerful power, and it's a gamble, and a big risk, and there are other methods, but not so fast, and we're on a tight schedule..."

Kosaka stopped rattling the boy for a moment. "You want us to help this... geek to seduce women around? Gee, why don't you ask us for a bridge to the moon while we're at it!"

"Ugugugu..." the terrible devil sobbed. "I know I'm asking a lot, I know it now at least, but I'm afraid I can't terminate our contracts...!"

Harumi pushed her glasses up. "Oi. What a bother. Guys, I know this is insane, but why don't we try giving this a chance? I mean, not like we can do anything else, right?"

Aoyama glared at her. "You aren't actually believing her bogus story, are you? I know you're 3-F, but eben so, even you should have a limit!"

"It's not a lie!" Elsie pouted. "I have already found the first local victim of a Runaway Spirit and everything! I'm so clever, I even made sure of finding the target before recruiting my team!" she waved a finger around with cute smugness.

The quartet just looked blandly at her.

"I'm serious! Look, follow me to the rooftop and I'll show you!"


To be Continued.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

Quote:
 
She led them to the edge of the rooftop, although they were understandably wary about following a likely delusional and insane girl claiming to be a devil to the edge of what could be a lethal (especially for Katsuragi) fall. Once there, she quickly swept the edge for them until it sparkled pristine enough to eat on it, and stepped aside with a formal bow.

"Please observe and make sure of it by yourselves! Don't just trust this lowly one's words!" she begged nervously.

The four students looked over. "Where?" Kirino asked with a deep frown, trying to look into the cold darkness.

"This is such a waste of valuable time..." Aoyama sighed. "You'll hear from my lawyers, since to begin with, you have kidnapped me..."

The boy hugged himself. "It's freezing out here! What is the point of this?"

"Oh, look, that's my sensei hanging from that branch!" Harumi enthusiastly pointed to a tree a block or so away.

Elsie hummed, looking around as well until the skull shaped ornament on her hair began glowing red and making a hideous blaring sound. "Ah hah! There she is!" she pointed towards the nearby track and field. "Look, look, I wasn't lying!"

They saw a single girl with relatively short dark brown hair still running laps around the track, in the standard Mahora PE uniform, apparently panting softly. "Isn't that... what was her name..." Keima rubbed his chin, "This girl, the one who ditched me today in cleanup duty..."

"What's that thing floating around her?" Aoyama asked, and they strained their eyes to see how, indeed, there was a faint hint of a swirling grayish shadow orbiting her head and upper torso. Kirino rubbed her eyes for a moment before letting out an impressed heave.

"Whoa... This is the kind of things the Suzumiya freak would kill to see...!"

"That's the sign of a Runaway Spirit, the aura of vacuum flowing from that girl's soul, " Elsie explained. "If she isn't helped soon, the aura will grow stronger and darker until it consumes her. Then she'll be nothing but a vessel for the Runaway Spirit's will!"

"Maybe we should just tell a teacher about this?" guessed Aoyama.

"Sure, you do it and I'll visit you at the insane asylum!" Kosaka told her.

The heiress insisted, "But, what about Springfield-sensei? He's so young, he'll believe anything we tell him..."

"Are you seriously thinking of resorting to a baby brat for help?" Kirino asked. "He may be a great help with the homework, but I'd bet he'd start crying and wet his pants the second he sees a spirit!"

Elsewhere, Negi Springfield paused while examining the doll body Sayo had been given by that friendly Urahara fellow from the downtown shop. He scratched his nose and wondered what had been that feeling. Fortunately for Komori Kiri, who was there at the 3-F classroom with him, Sayo and Oshizu, he didn't actually sneeze...

Keima had paused his gaming to start writing a list. "Let's see... These are the games I'll complete all over again before losing my head..."

"Like hell I'm sitting down to let a stupid cosmic misunderstanding kill me!" Kirino snapped. "So, all we have to do is to make that athletic bitch happy, right? No problem! I live to make people happy!"

The others looked dubiously at her.

"For real!" Kosaka defended herself. "Ask anyone who knows me closely! Ask my broth— No, well, not him. Ask my parents... No, well, they don't understand me, but... Ask that Gothic Lolita cosplay girl who... No, what I'm saying, she's the biggest bitch when it comes to me. Ask my friend Ayase instead... No, no, don't, she mustn't ever know I'm in the fandom and I see dead people now, she'll think I'm a freak like you! Ah! My roommate! That's it! Ask my roommate!"

"Maybe we should just push you off the roof, " Keima went back to his list. "That alone should lift the quota of overall happiness in the world."

Kirino punted his butt, holding herself just short from actually kicking him over the edge. "Why don't you go first, sick idiot!"

"Focus, people! Focus!" Harumi pushed her glasses up again, seeing she'd have to impose herself over those unruly underclassmen. "Look, if we're going to do this, and I agree with Blondie here on not going down without a fight, the first thing we need is—"

"To establish an accurate character database, meaning we need complete information on what is bothering the subject before we elaborate a plan on how to remedy it, " the boy cut her short, with a cold, suddenly analytical tone. "The key to success when tackling anything from an assignment to unlocking relationship points is to establish a solid and reliable information net on the matter. From observing this girl, running laps alone long after nightfall and all her partners have left, we must conclude she's highly concerned about her development and achievements. Yet she seems a good runner, suggesting she is a perfectionist and too passionate about these pointless exercises. Probably practicing for a competition in the near future. Do we have one of those?"

"There's a competition for the last remaining slot for the regionals next week, " Kirino said. "We're competing against St. Chronica, Ohtori and CLAMP Gakuen."

"We have a week long deadline, then, " Katsuragi theorized. "If the critical event hits then, odds are this 'darkness in her heart' will grow to a point of no return if she happens to fail that day."

"How can you be so sure of that?" Aoyama gasped. "Maybe, maybe she'll just get a little depressed but pick herself back up...!"

"That's the way it'd happen in a fantasy dating sim, " he said. "Time isn't unlimited there, so they always give you a deadline to reach or it'll be either a major setback or a Game Over. However... I'm not sure I can oblige with this task."

"Why not?" asked Fujiyoshi. "Dude, it's your head in the line too!"

"She doesn't have her hair tied up, " he said.

The girls looked at him in stunned silence, with question marks over their heads.

Finally, Elsie took her question mark, batted the others away, tossed it over her shoulder, and asked, "What does that have to do with—"

"Don't be stupid!" he yelled. "Girls in track and field teams need having their hair tied up! That's a sacred convention of the genre!-!"

"KYAAAA!" a scared Elsie cried.

"The gaming industry has a lot to answer for, " Harumi deadpanned behind blank glasses.

Kirino only could nod, while Aoyama sighed and shook her head.

To be Continued.
Edited by OverMaster, Jul 26 2013, 10:19 AM.
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

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The boy stood facing away from the others and rubbing his chin up and down. "That's the way it always is in the games! The hairbands tying the track girls' hair are holding their souls together. What is that pretender thinking? Honestly..."

"Um... well, maybe, but... that's in games. It makes more sense to just cut your hair short if you're going to run regularly, right...?" the mangaka asked.

"Don't bother me with mundane considerations!" Katsuragi waved back at her. "For such trivial, base ideas to prevail over the pure realization of the esthetic perfection bishoujo should have..."

"Ah, ah, wait, Kami-sama!" Elsie called for him. "You might be interested on this!"

They looked down again, and saw how the girl, after stopping for something to drink and taking a deep inhalation, ran a hand across her hair, seemed to notice something missed, and looked around until she found an orange band at a side. She procceeded to tie part of her not-too-long hair with it, in a side tail, before starting yet another lap.

Keima's eyes grew slightly bigger. "Well... That counts as an improvement, I suppose. But even so, she's still far too imperfect to even consider as a—"

"What kind of weird fetish is that anyway?" asked Kirino.

"It's not a fetish, it's a simple basic condition that must be met for any decent simulation!" he snapped.

"We aren't simulating anything!" Aoyama objected.

"No, I just wish we would!" he muttered irritably. "Just look at that cheap uniform! Who designed that hideous thing, foreigners with no class? Everyone knows regulation dark red, or dark blue at worst, bloomers are the most elemental part of an acceptable PE female uniform! Otherwise they just look like boys! Not too tight, since that's immodest and vulgar... Just loose enough to be modest without looking ridiculous..."

Elsie took careful notes while the other girls looked at him in disbelieving disdain. "I got it!" she said. "If that's the way Kami-sama wants it, that's the way Kami-sama will have it!"

And with a wave of the pink and fluffy swirling robe around her shoulders, she instantly changed the running girl's shorts into dark red exercise bloomers. The sudden sensation of a fleeting draft down there made the girl stop, look at herself, and then shriek in surprise.

"How, " Aoyama said, her eyebrows twitching. Kirino had just picked her chin back up, while Keima looked on with cold analytical interest, and Harumi bit on her lower lip and made a suckling sound.

Elise laughed. "Ah, it's nothing! My celestial robes can change outside appearances very easily! However, we can't change what there is inside of humans. Only humans can change each other where it matters... So I beg you, please help me with this task of—!"

"YYAAAAHHHH!" the girl at the track yelled, looking around frantically for the cause of that unexpected incident. Right before she looked up, Keima calmly pulled Elsie and Aoyama down with himself, out of her line of sight, as Fujiyoshi did the same with Kosaka. After searching in all directions with no answers, Ayumi quickly gathered her things back up and ran out of sight, heading into the darkness towards the dorm rooms, disappearing from sight in mere moments.

"Ahhhh..." Elise peeked up again. "She just ran away, and so fast too..."

"What did you expect, you idiot?" Aoyama growled. "She's just been the victim of a supernatural incident in the middle of the night!"

"While she's all alone!" Kirino added.

"And centered around her firm, meaty crotch and well shaped buttocks!" Harumi added.

The rest of the gathered there looked at her.

Fujiyoshi just folded her arms. "Hmph. Like I'm not used to being judged!"

Keima exhaled and pushed his glasses up. Then he spoke, emotionlessly. "I'm going to need at least five huge banners to work on at the first hour of tomorrow, before classes. Also, a megaphone, and it'd be nice if you could get yourselves cheerleading outfits. This academy's are similar enough to those in galge, so I suppose those should work well enough. Oh, and a powerful sound equipment, the kind you would use for parties or other such banal gatherings. That's what I'll need for a first approach in proper style."

"What the hell are you talking about?" demanded Kirino.

Elsie nodded very quickly. "Don't worry, Kami-sama! With the honorable Megami-sama here as our financial backup, gathering all of that will be a real breeze!" she said, patting a stunned Mio's back. "Piece of cake! Not a problem! It'll be done before you realize it! Right...?"

"Uh..." the tiny blonde blinked. "Are... Are you talking to me, I mean about me, I mean...?"

Harumi looked at her. "Oh yeah, that's right. You're supposed to be very wealthy, aren't you? That would be no problem for you at all, would it? Even if it's in a hurry..."

The much smaller girl looked downright terrified for a moment before forcing a haughty laugh. "Oh ho ho! Of course! I think it's throwing money around, but I can do that without any dent to my near limitless budget! It's just coins tossed to the peasants! I'll have everything ready in just a few hours, after I get my beauty rest..."

Elsie clapped. "Ah, that's great! I knew we could count on you, Megami-sama!"

"Are you guys sure about this?" Kirino doubted. "What kind of screwball plan are you hatching, Four Eyed Geek...?"

He only smiled in that subtly unnerving arrogant way.


To be Continued.
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Divinity is a Group Effort.

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Money Makes the World Go 'Round.

She drew in a really really deep and annoyed breath, for the fourteenth time, before deciding to poke the sleeping girl in the bottom bunk with a finger.

The taller girl with long loose dark hair woke up quickly, focusing her large round eyes and Mio, who sat stiffly before the bed. Mio's sharp, catlike eyes were the only clear sight in the darkness of their shared bedroom.

Most of the belongings in said room were Yui's, although her tastes were rather frugal, and other than her clothes, her small collection of musical instruments, and the fine ceramics and statuettes her mother kept giving her, she kept little in the room. Still far more than what her longtime friend could keep around anymore.

"Ah, Mio-chan?" Yui looked at the watch on the wall. "It's still too early..." Or rather, too late, since Mio still was in the same clothes she had been wearing that evening. "Is there something the matter...?"

The shorter girl rasped clumsily, and a soft blush lit up the darknenned upper halves of her cheeks. She whispered something.

Yui sat up on the bunk, trying to guess what she had just heard, although it should have been relatively easy to guess. Mio had no sense of finances, and she very often needed loans. Still, they rarely were asked for in the middle of the night. Since there was no way to know for sure this time, Yui asked tenderly, "Excuse me, please? It would seem it wasn't able to..."

"I'm going to need buying a few things tomorrow at its earliest, " Mio blurted the words out quickly. "I'll have no time to, ah, visit the banks, and as you know, my family doesn't allow me to keep cash in this place, so..."

The other girl nodded slowly, with a weak smile, once the words stopped coming in. She played along, like she always did. "I understand. I'll be glad to help you, then."

"I'll pay you back as soon as I have the chance!" the tiny blonde rushed to say. "Honestly, it's just a bother, to be limited like this, even if it's only... ah..."

"Of course. I understand, " Yui saved her the shame of more pretending with a warm agreement, before rubbing her sleepy eyes delicately.

"Thank you, " the other girl said, uncomfortable but honest. "I'll need five banners for a sports event, and a megaphone, and hiring the services of some cheerleaders..."

Yui blinked. "Cheerleaders? W-Well, Kakizaki-san owes our family some favors, I suppose, but why..."

Mio looked aside. "It, it isn't an important thing, really! I regret bothering you at this hour over something so meaningless, but..."

"It's okay, " Yui's patience was boundless as always. "If you consider it was important enough for it, then it is. There's no need for apologies."

"I, I've just said it isn't import—!" she chewed on her tongue for some moments before giving up and bowing her head. "Thank you all the same."

Yui nodded and smiled again.

Her friend was very strange, but that was part of why she was so special for her.


Cheer Pressure.

"How did you get this number?" Kakizaki Misa mumbled angrily, after taking a look at the watch and verifying she still had half a hour more of beauty sleep ahead of her. The short haired Kugimiya Madoka stirred and sat up on the bed across the bedroom, while Shiina Sakurako kept on sleeping like a log on the bunk above the purple haired Misa's.

"Oh, I'm sorry, " the gentle, polite voice at the other end of the line said. "Yukihiro Ayaka once told me to call you in the event I needed cheerleaders for anything, and I'm afraid an unexpected development has arisen, where I'll need your services in short notice..."

"You mean today?" Misa grumbled.

"Yes, indeed. In one hour from now on, please."

"Oh! You mean in one hour from now, while it's still freezing, in a Sunday?" Misa asked.

"Yes, " the other girl candidly answered as Madoka came closer, scratching herself in the butt and mumbling a question about who it was. Misa silenced her with a wave of a hand. "I'm willing to pay you properly..." the caller added sheepishly.

"How much?" Misa asked, willing to cut the call as soon as she said the amount.

The girl said the amount.

Misa's jaw fell off its hinges, and Madoka could hear the ring of a cash register coming out of her skull. "Misa-chan?" she warily asked. "What is it—"

"We'll take it!" Kakizaki said very gleefully, in a wonderful mood now. "Just tell me where— Uh, uh huh, the athletics tracks, alright... Yeah, of course, I have even a fr— classmate there. Sure thing! We'll be there! No, of course it's not a bother! Goido-san, of course, ha ha ha! Yes, yes, of course! It'll be our pleasure! We'd never disappoint you! Oh, you are so lovely, we just have to have dinner together one of these days... Ah-hah. Sure thing! Excellent! Sure, sure thing, we're on your way! Ciao!"

And after the call was over, she looked at Madoka with a gigantic grin rivaling the Joker's, and Yen signs in her eyes.

"Something good, I assume?" Kugimiya dryly asked.

"Good? Madoka-chan, there's nothing better!"

A few blocks away, Goido Yui kept on looking at the cellphone in her hand, blinking very slowly.

Mio gave her a concerned stare. "What's up? She accepted it, didn't she?"

"Ah... yes, she did, " her roommate puzzled over it. "It's just... before this, I had never placed any stock on the rumors about 3-A being strange, but..."
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

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"Hello, everyone...!" Takahara Ayumi waved happily as she strode into the track, for some reason wearing sports bloomers instead of the regulation shorts. "Sorry I'm late, but last night, something happened, and it was so weird I couldn't—"

Then her steps slowed down to a halt, and her mouth hung loose. The other members of her team, except Misora-chan, who hadn't arrived yet, were watching in mute confusion at the display at the other end of the stadium. There, someone had set up a gigantic podium surrounded by colorful banners reading messages like 'GO GO AYUMI-CHAN!', 'WIN, WIN AYUMI!' and 'THE TORPEDO OF MAHORA!' in huge bold letters. At the middle of the stage, three cheerleaders went over a complicated and elaborate cheer routine singing her name over and over, in the context of a song Ayumi was sure they had sung for someone else the year before. When they noticed her arrival, they began cheering even harder, and Ayumi thought she even saw the one with long purplish hair blowing a coquetish kiss her way.

The other members of the team looked her way as well, but in a fairly critical, puzzled fashion instead. Even Coach Fujisawa-sensei, who had been trying to make sure he hadn't drank too much last night.

Ayumi began boiling up in place as a wave of bright red ran up her face.

Then Kasuga Misora arrived happily, with her running shoes tossed over her shoulder. "Why, he-llo, everyoo-ne...!" she sing-sang. "What's up, guys? Say, the funniest thing happened to me on my way over—"

Instantly, Ayumi tackled her to begin rattling her. "You!" she accused. "This is one of your stupid pranks, isn't it! Don't try to deny it! What did I ever do to you?-!"

"Wha-Wha-Wha!" Misora shook her head to clear her mind from the sudden sounds of ringing bells. "Gah! Sempai, what the hell! What are you saying, I haven't pranked anyone yet this we—"

"Those are your classmates, aren't they!" Ayumi growled, pointing at the three cheerleaders, who all waved as one to Misora. Kasuga blinked, weakly waved the greeting back, and then was rattled some more. "It's obvious you roped someone into shaming me! Honestly, this is low even for you!"

Misora actually pushed her back, startling Ayumi, since Misora had always been too much of a coward. "Eh, hands off, Sempai!" she said. "A prank of Kasuga Misora is a signed artwork! I wouldn't ever deny one unless in the presence of a teach— Oh, good morning there, Fujisawa-sensei. Came early today, I see..." she chuckled awkwardly, "Anyway, this thing isn't my style! If it's a joke, it's way too lame for me!" She looked at the man in light blue. "Sensei, don't tell me you went drunk and hired 'special support' for one of us again!"

"I didn't!" the adult protested. He actually was trying to leave the habit after that night when he hired hookers for the boys' track team in the middle of a drunk binge. He barely survived the hearings. "At least, I hope I didn't..." he muttered, rubbing his chin in a concerned way. Last night had been mostly a blur...

"It was me, " a calm and dignified male voice said from the other end of the field, where a familiar young man wearing his best stood. "I decided I couldn't and wouldn't spare any expenses on—"

Ayumi's eyes shone in a pupilless crimson, as she dropped Misora down and then ran to the boy, kicking him squarely in the gut and sending him flying past the cheerleaders, who made appreciative whistlings. "You... You.. OTAMEGANEEEEEEEE!" Ayumi yelled, panting and wheezing in agitated and mortified shame.

For the next few seconds, Katsuragi Keima remained still where he was. Then he plucked his face from the dirt and wondered what had gone wrong. This wasn't the correct reaction for this archetype under those circumstances. It was more like the reaction to the Short Kugimiya Voiced Type during an Accidental Pervert Event. What had caused this...?

She was standing over him now, shouting at him. "Geez, this is payback over leaving you alone with cleaning duty, right! You only had to tell me! This... This is just low! Petty! What are you trying to pull here, making me lose face before everyone in my—!"

"I... I was just trying to cheer you up, " he said, not looking back until he decided what kind of face to show her. The kicked puppy look? The dignified strong lover type? That was a difficult thing to decide, since most galge male leads had no faces. "Since your competition is approaching..."

"Ooooo!" Misora jumped on the chance. "Sempai has an admirer!"

Another of the girls in the team perked up. "A boyfriend?"

"Well, who'd have thought?" a third girl giggled. "Ayumi goes for the geeky type, after all!"

The red-faced girl spun around to lash out at them. "Shut up, shut up everyone! Sensei, do something!"

Fujisawa lit up a cigarette with eerie calm. "I can't. This is the first time I ever see Katsuragi showing interest on anything but his videogames. I'm not going to set his growth back! I mean, sheesh, Takara-kun, he isn't doing anything actually bad..." He looked at the banners. "This actually could bring attention to the team..."

Ayumi twitched a little. Okay, a lot. "Wha, wha... What? You, you can't be serious! He's embarrasing me before everyone! And I'm not going to be any kind of cheap idol!"

"You aren't cheap at all..." Katsuragi said from the ground.

"Shut up, you! I don't want to hear you!" the girl pressed him back down with a foot. "I'm not going to be a social misfit like... like... You aren't going to pull me down with you, okay? Find someone else to play stupid pranks on!" And she turned around and stormed off.

Misora watched her leave for the showers and hummed.

"So, can we leave already?" Kugimiya Madoka asked. She looked over at Keima. "You're the one who was going to pay us, right?"

Without plucking his face from the dirt again, Keima tugged a wad of bills from his pocket and slammed them on the quick and eagerly approaching Misa's outreached hand.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Divinity is a Group Effort.

Quote:
 
Gathered behind a fence a couple of blocks away, the Runaway Spirits Capture Squad (provisional name Fujiyoshi had thought of on a whim and imposed upon an uncaring set of teammates) sat around Keima as Elsie placed a bag of ice on his swollen left cheek.

"Well, like my History teacher would say, that could have gone better, couldn't it?" asked Kirino.

"It's okay," Katsuragi said. "It's all part of a maiden's seduction. She obviously wouldn't be a normal girl if she had fallen for it so easily! Although I wasn't expecting for her to be so prone to violence..."

"You shouldn't have gone into it without knowing anything about her," Aoyama chided him. "You were doing nothing but gambling blindly, and made me waste Yu-- my money!"

"Why do you care? You always insist you have enough money to burn, don't you?" Kirino snorted.

"But I do have a lot of information about her!" he said. "Takahara Ayumi, just hit seventeen the second of last month. 158 centimeters of height, 50 kilos of weight. Her measurements are 84-60-85. She was born at Nerima, but her parents moved to Mahora because of their jobs when she was three. She's part of Class 2-B, and likes the guitar, eating a lot to satisfy her no doubt caloric intake, and comedy shows. Kosaka Chihiro, no relation to Imouto Player here, is her best friend..."

The girls stared at him in complete disbelief.

"What?-! But... But just yesterday, you didn't even know her name!" Aoyama said. "How did you...?"

He answered very calmly. "What is it? The God of Conquests has followers and worshippers everywhere! Agents all across Japan, many of them still with ties to the 3D world! A few of them, to my shame, still embarrassingly obsessed with stalking girls, although I try to cure them by chaining them to the ideal world instead..."

"Well," Aoyama said, "That's a great improvement, I guess. Freaks like those are best left in their own fantasy world..."

Apparently unaware or simply unfazed by the insult, he continued. "It is a child's play for me to get information on any female at this school through them! Although I can't overdo it. They'll think I am betraying my own crusade... Regardless, this development doesn't worry me! Hate can be easily turned into love through a sufficiently high amount of encounters. It's indifference what must worry us, and she isn't acting indifferent. So all I need to do is watering the plant of our relationship until it blooms into a passion red rose!"

"Yeah, I'll bet you want to water her with your hose, don't you," Kirino snarked, making Fujiyoshi snicker, Aoyama to blush violently, and Elsie blink in confusion.

Katsuragi only shot her an annoyed bland glare. "Your base assumptions don't bother me! They do nothing but reflecting your own primal raw needs. I have trascended those petty ties to--!"

Kirino casually silenced him with a foot on his mouth, jarring her fists on her hips. "Hrrm! That's enough! I'm no trusting a nutcase like you with my neck! To hell with your Toystore Casanova approach! I'm going to fill the gap in that girl's heart in a way that really works!"

Harumi snickered even harder. "My my, Kirino-san...! I had no idea you were--!"

The foot formerly on Katsuragi's mouth rested on Fujiyoshi's now. At least Kirino was equal-opportunity abuse. "Shut up, Pervy Four-Eyes Two! I don't mean that!" She began walking away towards the track with an air of regal confidence. "I'm an ace at sports myself, I'll let you know! So I'm just going to make that girl regain her trust on herself! I'll test her, I'll tell her how great she's doing, and that'll do it! Some things just must be talked between girls! Men should keep their big mouths closed when it comes to our hearts!"

They watched her leave, then quickly rushed after her, remaining hidden to spy on Kirino as she entered the track with a huge smile plastered on.

"Do... Do you think she can do it?" Mio whispered.

"A lost cause," Fujiyoshi whispered back.

"She has no idea of what's she doing. She's got no technique, planning or strategy," Keima muttered.

Elsie had just started to nervously chew on a pink silky handkerchief.


To be Continued.
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Shadow Crystal Mage
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OVERLORD OF ALL CRACK!

Ugh, tvtropes is being blocked by my company again, so this is the only place I can comment... Sigh...
I AM THE OVERLORD OF ALL CRACK!!!!!!
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I suspect that handkerchief isn't going to be recognizable as one by the time this is over.
Ryouga Quest
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Still having problems getting the current segment of Divinity right, but here's an end of chapter Omake to compensate.

Quote:
 
Proper Terminology.

So they were sitting out of the main Academy building under the red setting sun, too exhausted to actually drift apart as most of them would have wanted to yet.

"Well," Fujiyoshi Harumi broke the silence with a pointless comment, as most often is the case with these situations, "That sure was a close shave!"

Aoyama Mio sighed, resting her face on two fingers. "And we're going to have to do this all the time from now on? Exactly how many of these Runaway Spirits do we have to capture, anyway?"

Elsie thought it over before answering. "That's a difficult question, Megami-sama. It mostly depends on how many of them are in the area, and how many do we need to capture before my superiors consider ''our sacred task''!" and here she put a fist on her own heart and looked up as unexplainable sakura petals rained around her, "is done."

"So we're screwed, since actually evil demons might never be satisfied and just keep torturing us with tasks until we fail?"

Elsie opened her mouth and raised a pointer finger to protest, but then the mouth was closed and the finger lowered. "That's entirely possible," she sheepishly said.

Mio, Kirino and Harumi moaned in defeated annoyance, at all once.

Keima kept on playing, seemingly oblivious to everything around him.

"You know," Harumi looked at his small screen, "why do they call them 'heroines'? Aren't they just targets to conquer?" she asked, and veins bulged up on his head. "What's so heroic about that? Standing there until a man sweet talks them? I can get it from a fighting or adventure game, but why do they call the girls in a dating sim 'heroines'? Do they do any heroic stuff I'm unaware of?"

"They offer solace, love and warmth to men's hearts!" Keima snapped. "There's nothing more heroic, noble and heartwarming than that!"

"Is there anything heroic about men in Yaoi doujinshi, after all?" Kirino countered.

"Quite!" Harumi stated very seriously, pushing her glasses up her nose. "Only the brave and the bold can withstand the tumultuous passions of forbidden love, sail the violent stormy seas of relationships scorned by society! It sure beats standing there looking pretty until a guy with no face convinces you on a date!"

"And I guess taking it up the ass all the time demands for a lot of bravery, as well," Kirino remarked.

"You are all so strange..." Mio muttered to herself.

"Actually, yes, I guess so," Fujiyoshi actually seemed to take the question seriously, much to Kirino's discomfort. She bit her lower lip and made a hissing sound, knees rubbing each other. "Hnnnn! Ah, the physical might of lean male bodies strained to the max...!"

"That, that's vulgar and base!" Katsuragi sputtered, eyes nailed on the portable now more than ever. "There's a lot more heroism on keeping yourself chaste and pure, regardless of your gender, against all relentless pressures of society, for those you love--"

"Wow, that's quite deep and heartfelt for you, Four-Eyes," Kirino actually sounded mildly impressed.

"-- in games!" he finished.

"I retract my earlier statement," Kirino said.

Aoyama stood up, fists at her sides. "Hhhhngh! I can't stand you! You, you degenerates have no idea of what heroism amounts to! Heroism is actually fighting for a cause! For something beyond the narrow scope of your own heart! To build something huge for the future! To help others while developing yourself as a person, too! That's the measure of a hero!"

"When did we become a philosophy club?" Harumi wondered aloud. Maybe they should just invite that boring friend of Haruna over, the girl with the freakish forehead.

"You mean like an adventurer fighting for truth and justice?" Kirino snickered. "Silly girl, those don't exist! They never have!"

Negi Springfield-sensei, who was walking out of the building at the time, happened to sneeze, and the girls all had to quickly push their skirts back down. Not like Keima even noticed, which in truth saved his life.

Mio grumbled as she sat back down with flushed cheeks. "Has anyone ever noticed how these freak winds began around the same time Negi-sensei started teaching here?"

"Your imagination," Harumi waved it off before asking Kirino, "Well, how about Superman-sama?"

"Tsk," Kosaka said. "Everyone knows he's just a mutant stooge of the USA government. Like anyone would buy that bullcrap story about him being an alien. Aliens, yeah right!"

Harumi took a brief look at where, in the distance, Haruna's boyfriend walked with that sexy sexy pink haired girl with the weird tail ornament clinging to him, so she didn't pay that much attention to Kirino's rebuttal. How could Haruna tolerate that? Was she serious at all about their relationship? Probably not, since it was Haruna...

Aoyama sighed in exhasperation. "I actually meant hard working captains of industry and finances, like my father!"

"Well," Elsie finally said, "In my mind, all four of you are actual heroes! And I'm sure Ayumi-san would agree, if she could remember!"

"You all are way too noisy, that's what you are," Keima grumbled, cursing how their prattling was making his concentration on the current event more difficult.

Enduring real girls. Now that, he decided, had to be the mark of a real hero.

Negi-sensei sneezed again, further down the boulevard.
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Shadow Crystal Mage
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OVERLORD OF ALL CRACK!

All that talk about heroes should have had Shirou sneezing so hard he'd be sick. Is he in the war yet?
I AM THE OVERLORD OF ALL CRACK!!!!!!
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Yes, but he and Saber have only fought one battle so far.

Quote:
 
What if Nagi had Kept his Daughters Around?

"Nekane, " her father told her, "these are your cousins. Meet Siesta, Ilyasviel and Negi."

The nine years old girl looked curiously at the girl only one year older than her with short black hair, the much tinier and younger albino who hid behind Nekane's father staring suspiciously at her, and the small crying baby on her father's arms.

"Whatever happened to Uncle Nagi?" Nekane suspiciously asked.

Her father sighed deeply. "Nekane... I'm sorry, but I don't think Nagi will ever be coming back. Sorry, " he humbly said.

Nekane's eyes watered instantly. Her uncle had always been her favorite relative, since she never met her grandparents, her mother was very distant, and Father always was away working. She began crying, triggering an even bigger bawl from the baby in turn, and even the small albino grew nervous and cried as well. Only little Siesta kept herself stoical, with the endurance gained from long and painful sessions of acclimation for the Old World's environment.

She and Nekane ended up taking care of the household, since Ilyasviel was growing up too slowly to be of any help, Negi would be too young for years to come, and Father, if anything, only started spending more time away. Sometimes, he'd drop by to deliver warnings and to stop the agents of the Einzberns when they came too close to Ilyasviel, and if not for him and the Merdiana Dean's protection, the prestigious clan would have retrieved their heiress and killed all witnesses across town.

As it happened, the demon count eventually got there first. Sort of. Since while even Nekane's father fell there, in the nick of time, Nekane's uncle returned one last time, for all too brief moments, to save his children and his brother's.

Technically, Siesta said five years later after Negi's assignment was handed, he would need a caretaker in that strange land, and Nekane had her own business and the house to take care of, and since Siesta had no professional duties anywhere (even if she had self-taught herself magic by reading on Negi and Anya's textbooks), she would go with him, even despite the Dean's objections. Ilyasviel's desire to tag along was met with more and better justified protests, but then she showed the Dean the three seals that had appeared on the back of her pale, lithe hand, and the old man, growing even paler than her, only could nod and stutter an authorization.

To make a long story short, the Einzberns sent a dark skinned copy of Ilya with her own Berserker, which made for a really curious and unsettling show once they clashed during the Grail War. Kotaro ended up becoming Negi's brother-in-law, since it turned out Siesta had a thing for black haired hot blooded idiots. As for Negi, his harem was reduced by a third, since the likes of Setsuna and Konoka seemed to gravitate more towards the Springfield blood as long as that blood ran through Springfield females. But Chisame, Misa and Ayaka actually liked the situation far better that way...
Edited by OverMaster, Sep 1 2013, 12:19 PM.
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