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Unequally Rational And Emotional Thread; It's Negima with Everything Else Added!
Topic Started: Apr 15 2012, 06:40 PM (11,720 Views)
OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

The Mad Midnight Driver who Drives at Midnight

Quote:
 
A panicked Hasegawa Sora hiccuped, her eyes bulging so much they looked like they were going to burst through her glasses at any moment.

"No, I say, I want to help, really, but, I can't, because, I, and he, and Chisame..."

"What about me?" Chisame asked, torn between feeling pity and annoyance.

Her older sister turned a hapless glare at her. "I just want to say, ahhh, I feel like I shouldn't, you know, step into your, you know... You know!" she held her hands up as if that explained everything.

"No, I don't know anything!" Chisame growled. "I don't like what I think you're trying to imply!"

"If-If Sora-san doesn't want to, we can't force her!" Negi seized the chance as soon as he was sure of it.

And Chisame sighed. "I suppose you're right. Step aside then, Sora. The rest of us will handle this. Tsunetsuki...?"

The stalker, for once, failed to obey her immediately. "I... I think it's really better if she goes first, Chisame-sama..."

"You heard her, she dosen't want to go, " Chisame told her.

"But it's her duty!" Matoi protested. "As your big sister, it's her responsibility protecting her! And mine too, of course, but I can't be unfaithful to you, while she doesn't have that excuse!"

"Unfaithful?" Sora's glasses slipped down a bit.

Matoi pointed an accusing finger at her. "For years, you weren't there for Chisame-sama! When she needed you the most, you were away! That's why she grew socially stunned and inept!"

"I don't need your kind of defense, thank you!" Chisame shrilled.

"It's a very accurate diagnose, though, " Misa laconically observed. Ayaka, Misora, and even the Chamos nodded, while Calculator made a face of disgust at the implications concerning her.

"You girls..." Negi exhaled in defeat.

"I-I-I couldn't have helped her there!" Sora protested. "I'm socially inept and awkward, too!"

"Too?" asked Chisame.

"That's no excuse for chickening now!" Matoi kept accusing the older female. "A big sister must look after her Imout no matter the sacrifices! I'm ashamed of you, Sister-In-Law! To think you'd prefer being a load to Chisame-sama rather to protect her! You aren't even human! Chisame-sama got all the good genes! You—"

"Okay, okay, I'll do it!" Sora cried waterfalls from her spiralling eyes. "You're right, I'm a miserable relative! I promised myself I'd improve as a human being and sister, but—!"

"Tsunetsuki-san!" Negi grew stricter. "Stop bullying and harassing your elders!"

But his attention was distracted when Sora fell to her knees before him and grabbed his chin with a trembling hand.

"Bweh?" he intelligently said.

"R-Really, Sora-san!" Ayaka began giving a step for them. "Don't force yourself! I'm s-sure the rest of us can—!"

"Please forgive me, " Sora begged before taking a deep breath and slamming her mouth against Negi's.

Much like Chisame's first, it was shy and reluctant, even more than it. And it tasted in a similar way, even, although less sweet and lening more towards the dry. It also was the briefest of all his Pactio kisses so far, moreso than even Asuna's. Which in a way was a relief, since Ayaka's kiss alone had left his mouth numb, and then Yuuna's didn't help there.

Chisame just stood there with her jaw slightly askew, watching. This is all so wrong...

Sora pulled her head back, with tears in her eyes that were quickly wiped off with her fingers. "Like I said, I'm sorry..."

"N-No, Sora-san!" his voice cracked. "It's me who should be sorry about all of this...!"

"Let's leave the carnival of self pity for later, okay?" Chamo showed them the Pactio card that had just manifested itself. "This is an interesting one, Oneesama...!"

The card had her in the same kind of Nekomi Tech racing outfit Keiichi wore in his, although of course none of them could know that at the time. She saw sitting on a diminutive kart car that barely fit into the card, looking over her shoulder while turned slightly aside. It read Hasegawa Sora- Solutum Coegi.

"Unchained Racer?" Negi wondered, grabbing the card and quickly producing a copy he handed Sora. The young woman accepted it with a sniffle. "Thank you so very much, Hasegawa-san. I don't know how I ever could repay you..."

Ayaka and Misa chewed on their respective lower lips.

"The pitifully helpless ones are always the worst..." the cheerleader's voice sizzled angrily, so low only the heiress next to her could hear her.

Ayaka was too busy bristling to talk, but she still nodded.

"Alright!" Chamo cheered. "We're almost done! Your turn, Deep Love Oneechan...!"

"We really have to go through even more?" Negi rubbed his lips with a hand.

"I CAN'T!" Matoi yelled, hiding behind Chisame. "I-I mean, not with him! Look at him, he's gone through too much! And if we keep this, we're going to drain all his magic off for ourselves!"

"It doesn't work exactly that way..." Misora tried to say.

"I DON'T CARE! If you want a Pactio so much, fine, I'll do it, but only with Chisame-sama!"

"She can't give you an Artifact, since she's no mage or ki user!" the 'white weasel' yelled back. "Hurry up, this barrier must be about to—!"

As if on cue, the wind barrier collapsed on itself with the sound of a gigantic fart, lifting even more skirts and a gigantic cloud of dirt. Negi had to grab his nose to stop himself from sneezing.

"Well, " Chisame gulped loudly, "We'll have to do with what we have now..."

Negi already had fallen into an attack stance again, staff ready as the demons all smirked viciously at them.

"Whew!" Matoi ran a hand across her own forehead. "That was a close shave! Saved by the bell!"

Calculator felt like strangling her. "You're happy this happened...?"

"At the very least, if I die now, I'll die surrounded by two Chisame-samas...!"

"Oh, even if the demons don't kill you, I will..."
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OverMaster
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Preview.

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"The Fourth Model, " Sextum, for a moment, sounded nearly impressed, coming slowly back down to her feet. "We all believed you had been destroyed during your storage. Why are you balding?" And she ran a hand over her head, around the spot where Quartum's hair had been chopped off. "Are you suffering from some sort of physical degeneration?"

"Balding? What do you mean with—" He ran a hand over that very same spot of his own scalp and paused in surprise. It only lasted a moment, however, before he looked back venomously at... "Joker!"

"Ah, yes, that. The obviously robotic girl back at the manor cut if off with her blade."

"Damn you! You could have told me!"

"It wasn't my fault you're oblivious enough to not notice it yourself! Why should have I bothered telling you?"

"I was made to ignore even a hole through my throat! You can't blame me for not noticing a few hairs!"

"If they were only a few hairs, you don't need yelling at me over them, do you!"

Sextum looking intently at them. "I suppose I should be required to ask you to come back with us, but under the present circumstances, I have my doubts on the wisdom of that course of action..."

On the plus side, at least she felt relieved she wouldn't have to look forward to baldness in her future. As relieved as an emotionless puppet can felt, anyway, always keeping in mind that puppet still was a girl after all.

For all she knew, Tertium (or Fate, as he prefered being called for some reason she couldn't begin to fathom) just happened to comb the right way and use chemicals his helpers brought him. They never were close at all, so she couldn't have said for sure.

Looking at this one, in any event, gave her more reasons to believe having 'sibling' units was neither a necessity nor a source of comfortability.
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Continuation. Once again, I'm writing punch groggy on need of sleeping, so please forgive my typos.

Quote:
 
Go West, Young Masked Man

"I'm done here!" Deathnote said from where she had finished a large steel net, trapping a whole troop of demons with it. They started slashing their way out of it just as soon, but as they did so, Yue bombarded them with Sagitta Magicas while Haruna "Speed Grapher" (are you sure you want to keep that codename?, Deathnote had asked) finished them with a volley of little burning meteorites raining from above. She was scarily competent at drawing apocalyptic scenes, Valkyrie Black decided. Even their Haruna didn't have that kind of dark tastes...

"We have things under control here, as well!" Psycho Purple said, guiding Haruka around with hand gestures, indicating her where the demons surrounding them would attack next, with information obtained through her Artifact. During one of those strikes, the blonde hadn't been quick enough and one of her shoulders was cut by a demon's katana, but Suzushiro barely flinched before caving his head in, and then continued fighting rejecting Yue's healing until they were done.

Granted, the older girl's willingness to fight nonstop left a strong impression on the other world's Nodoka, but also made her think she was needlessly stubborn, and she was risking herself to excessive blood loss, although the wound wasn't that deep. She reminded Nodoka of Asuna in that regard.

"Well, ain't that a happy coincidence!" a male voice called from the area they had been guarding. They briefly looked their way to see Deadpool, clothes tattered, hits and contusions all over his body, dropkicking a bleeding Batman their way, cape ripped off his shoulders, slash marks all across his armor, deep enough in some cases to draw actual blood. "I'm done with my part here, too! Maybe we can hit the county fair after hours if we finish early!"

"Mysterious Cowled American-sama!" Haruka gasped.

"'Batman-sama' will suffice, " Haruna held her quill against the drawing book, ready to start, even as the lunatic trained a gun on her head. "Hey, when did you beat him down so quickly, and how?-! I thought—"

Deadpool waved a finger. "Hey, if the big, climactic, series deciding, plot finishing, thematically important fight against Lifemaker could happen offscreen, why couldn't this too? Besides, we aren't Negima characters, we can't steal spotlight like that! This chapter's already enough of a long-ass monster! Last thing it needs is a Word page and a half of masked men that never were in Negima to begin with! The reviewers will complain!"

Batman coughed and tried to stand back up. "Punk..."

"Going Frank Miller on me, old man? This punk still kicked your Clooney behind, Pops! Mmmm, Clooney behind... but I digress... The Comic Book Scruffles page says I win against Batttyman in most one to one scenarios! Because I'm faster, stronger, and I have a healing factor that makes Wolverine's look like a three years old's! God bless nerds, they have even a long list of official scans where I prove that—!"

A Shiva of multiple arms came from Deathnote's Artifact and connected several fists on his face from a lateral blind angle, making him lose balance and aim. "Bad! Bad! Bad, bad kid!" he chided, now shooting in her direction, although she blocked the bullets with a hastily improvised barrage of floating shields all sporting Haruna's smiling head on their paintjob.

Even so, he kept them all at bay shooting in all directions. "Don't tempt me! I'm still in my pre Heel Face Turn stage, and there are two of each of you, anyway! Budda-budda-budda bang bang!"

Batman growled from where he had rolled to hide behind a boulder, nursing an aching set of ribs. "Punk, " he repeated. "No discipline, no purpose. No focus. You get distracted with everything, especially the sound of your own voice..."

"Well, thanks for the advice, the psychological counseling, and for revealing where you'd been hiding!" He began walking towards him. "I'm sure they'd let you walk straight into Heaven, Dark Angel! Hoping you like that harp music!"

"Like I said, you're too easily distracted..." the Batman growled.

"Yeah, sure, I'm definitely going to be distracted by cutting your limbs off, then your—" he stopped, feeling an itch on part of his back, and scratching it. His fingers felt the bat-shaped metal object above his buttocks. "—- You placed this on me during the fight, right? Oh, that's just like y—"

The object exploded, sending bits of red everywhere.

Yue blandly looked at Batman while she crouched at his side to tend his wound. "You did this only because you knew he has a healing factor far above that of whoever that Wolverine fellow happens to be, didn't you?"

"Of course I did, " the Batman growled, eyeing the deep lake of blood in the grass, and the thin male arm still reaching weakly for him from ground level. "He'll be okay and back on his feet before we notice it."

"Just checking, that's all, " the librarian shrugged infifferently. "Nodoka, why are you so pale now...?"

Her best friend slammed her Diarius Ejus closed and blushed, shuddered, made like vomiting, and choked all at once.

"You tried reading his mind in combat, didn't you?" Ayase guessed.

Nodoka also nodded now. Somehow.

Yue sighed and kicked down the other hand of Deadpool's massacred lying body, which was trying to feel her up. "We'll keep this perimeter safe. You can go behind those bushes if you need—"

Purple pressed a hand ove her mouth and ran that way.

"Psycho... Red... beats... Psycho... Purple... or... not?" Deadpool's badly hurt form croaked the words out.

"Quiet, quiet you..." Yue warned.
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Bash Sisters

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Lagging behind the group that advanced with Negi, the local Setsuna and Asuna covered the back, and amusingly enough, fighting back to back the thick walls of demons surounding them.

Asuna wasn't sure if those guys... or things, since a lot of them didn't look too human at all... were getting better or she was growing tired, but it was becoming more difficult to fight them back as they struck wave after wave of them. "Is there no end to this?" she mused aloud, whacking her giant fan on the head of an obese creature. "Do they get these creeps from a cloning machine, or what?"

"The ranks of the damned are never scarce, " Setsuna grunted, slashing and cutting into more of them with ease. Asuna could notice her classmate was doing most of the work there; her paper fan enabled her to take the enemies down with a single hit, true, but Setsuna moved much faster and more skillfully, so she still outdid her comfortably even if she needed landing a few more impacts on each adversary. Asuna supposed it was hardly a surprise, since apparently Setsuna had been trained for this since she could walk.

Still, it didn't look like the swordswoman was contented with herself in the slightest. Her expression was bitter as she unloaded her rage on the opponents, never losing control of herself, but channeling her anger in a cold, efficient way that aws even scarier than blind fury.

"I wish I could be of more help, " Asuna honestly said, kicking a small demon up and directly into her batting range, turning him into fiery sparks.

"Don't say that, " Setsuna grunted, sinking her blade into a furry belly, and running it out in a deadly arc. "You're rather skilled for a civilian, Asuna-san..." and she split an Oni in two. "You show promise. Still..." she continued, striking at a bat winged thing about to swoop on the other student, "We aren't amounting to much here. We're being stalled!" another slash, as a bull-man ramming against her was no more. "We need to catch up with Negi-sensei so we can..." the blade danced masterfully in a circle, beheading three demons at once, "... meet Ojou-sama ahead!"

Asuna flinched at how callously Setsuna dispatched the beasts. She only could stomach hitting them, but Sakurazaki and her counterpart had no issues dispensing actual stabbings and splicings without hesitation. Asuna guessed you had to get used to it when your job was hunting that kind of creatures, and yet...

"I think I'm going to get sick, " she had to share. "I don't know how you can do that..."

"For Ojou-sama, everything is easy, " the kendo mistress huffed and continued cutting her slow but steady path through the horde. "Don't think much of them, Asuna-san. Demons are... only subhuman, vile creatures..." she said with heartfelt disgust.

"Hey, you shouldn't talk, you Ten—!" another demon began screaming right before losing his head to a convemient silencing chop.

Then the ground trembled, as a massive behemoth covered from head to toes in black armor pushed the lesser demons aside, swirling a titanic mace around. He had to be around three meters tall, and he had three horns on his head, although Asuna couldn't tell if they were part of his helmet or his actual head. "Haw haw! Out of my way, vermin! You, foolish children! Forget that scum and face me, Khrrash, son of Geheom! I'm itching for a half decent challenge!"

"You got it!" Asuna yelled, running for her with her harinsen ready. She hit him in the chest, but it did nothing. He batted her aside with a swing of his right arm, and she flew a few feet falling into the dirt.

"A-Asuna-san!" Setsuna pushed the few demons left against her back and ran to her side.

The redhead coffed, pushing herself back on her feet. "I'm okay... Just a glancing hit..."

"The first of many!" the tall beast boasted. "From what I've seen of you, that idiotic looking weapon of yours neutralizes the magic keeping our bodies together! Much like that princess of legend! But my whole self is covered by this armor, which never was forged by magic! Against it, your choice of weapon is useless!"

After carefully setting Asuna aside (Asuna didn't bother to remain quiet and went back to smashing minor demons down right afterwards), Setsuna advanced towards the collosus dwarfing her. "In that case, I shall be your contrincant."

"Heh! I've bested Shinmeiryuu dogs before!" he looked dismissively at her. "You'll be no different, little girl!"

She stomped a foot down, sword ready. "There's only one way to find out for sure."

Moments later, she was scowling. "I'm not sure this is such a good idea..."

Asuna smiled while grabbing the large chestplate of the fallen demon's armor, using it as a shield of sorts. "C'mon! You said you wanted an easier and faster way to get pass through them, didn't you?" And with that, she ran ahead, shielding herself with it and plowing through the hellbeasts aside using a combination of it and her fan. "CHAAAAAAAARRRRGE! FOR KONOKA-CHAN!"

Setsuna sighed and tried not to mind the smell wafting from the codpiece of armor she had been stuck with. A Shinmeiryuu warrior was trained to never mind any pain, torture or humiliation, but this was almost too much.

Still, using the not as wide, but still rather big piece of body armor left to her, she copied Asuna's actions and ran into the maelstrom of attackers, screaming "FOR OJOU-SAMAAAA!"
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Dark, Cold and Mysterious

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"I fail to see your possible angle in this, " the strange pale girl said, taking a foot slightly back to assume a subtle battle stance, "But if you stand against us, you will be eliminated all the same. This is your final warning."

"Foolish tool of darkness, " Sailor Pluto scowled deeply, while behind her, Akira hesitated on when to attack. "It's you who should be wary of your actions. I'm not your true enemy; destiny itself is. If you succeed, your plans will bring doom upon mankind and yourself."

"You have supplied no evidence backing such claims, " Sextum replied. "And even if you did, I have no choice but—"

Akagi opened her mouth fully and yelled "DEAD SCREAM!"

Meioh Setsuna's final will had specified the dangers of using that power at full force. Meioh Setsuna always restrained herself to whispering it.

But she was no Meioh Setsuna. She was not as powerful as her, not yet, and she was facing an enemy much more powerful than the usual opposition a Sailor Pluto ever faced. The post of the Guardian of Time rarely called for direct combat, and when it did, the adversaries they battled either were no real match for them, or they were far too above what they could handle (Meioh's annotations on Sailor Galaxia still scared Ritsuko). This artificial girl fell at some middle point, but strongly leaning towards the upper limit. If they wanted to stand any sort of chance against her, they had to hit her with everything they had from the start.

Akira yelled herself, covering her ears in a vain attempt to block most of the pain out, closing her eyes tightly, as the world around her seemed to explode consumed by the power of the sonic shock waves. The scream burst in all directions, mostly focused on the girl it had been shouted at, but also expanding so far away even the demons across the battlefield and the Ala Alba fighters handling them had to momentarily stop in mild agony. The air itself was pushed around creating miniature sonic booms in a chain.

Sextum was blown off her feet and sent flying back like a ragdoll in a hurricane, but she managed to find some leverage in her own magical power, stopping herself by supporting her feet on a side of the hill, looking coldly at Ritsuko. Then a lanslide from uphill buried her under a few tons of dirt and grass, as the whole mountain complex quaked.

The relative calm returned only gradually, and for the first few moments of it, everyone was too deaf and stunned to make any protests. Once Akira was reasonably sure she could hear herself, she stammered to her senior, "Y-You could have warned me!"

"Not without warning her in turn..." Ritsuko wheezed, eyes going narrow. "Get ready."

Akira blinked. "For what? Y-You just have—"

The chunks of grounds which had buried Sextum exploded around, going so far Deathnote had to create shields for herself, while Yue's barriers protected her and Nodoka. Deadpool wasn't so lucky, and a huge rock fell on his skull, crushing it bloody just as it finished healing. "Ouchie. Good thing I can heal..."

"— I have made her mad, " Ritsuko hissed, as Sextum emerged, unscathed, only dirty. She didn't look actually altered, after all, her expresionless face identical to before.

"Interesting, " she monotoned.

"Now!" Sailor Pluto commanded, taking aim with her staff. "Chronos Typhoon!" and it shot a massive barrage of hurricaned figments which looked like they were altering reality itself at their wake, leaving dark streaks behind that vanished in the air just as quickly.

Getting the hint, Akira gulped and extended her hands ahead. "Shine Aqua Illusion!"

The first attack managed to hit Sextum in a shoulder, not deeply enough to make her bleed since she flashed aside before taking the worst of it. "So fast, " she coolly observed. "Commendable..."

Then she projected a hand up and blocked Akira's icy water attack, actually pushing it back against her, hitting her in the chest and making her yowl.

"It is unwise attacking me with my own element, " the girl evenly said. "I'll just turn it back against you."

Ritsuko took a deep breath in and prepared another, louder Dead Scream, but before she could even begin it, she felt a fist impacting into her stomach, blowing the air out of her.

Sextum's glare was still as lack of passion as before. "No more, " she said, and gently blew at her, the air coming out of her mouth quickly changing the whole space around Pluto into ice and encasing her into a giant frozen block.

"P-Pluto-san!" Akira kaffed, trying to reach for them.

Sextum gave her the same flat look. "You, on the other hand, are only a child. I'll be gentler with you."

Before Akira could even counterattack, the amazingly quick girl chanted, "Cherche Wretche Amadom Sexa. Water Spirits, heed my calling. Subdue this female for my sake."

"Wha—" Akira began, but then, several long, tendril like constructs made of hard water broke out from the ground, surrounding her from all sides. And they all sprouted hands full of wiggling thin fingers. "Oh, no. Oh no no no no no..."

Sextum made a gesture of 'down' with a hand, and indeed, the hands came down on Akira all at once. She shrieked.
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Water Way to Go

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Gripped by panic (and water hands), pinned against the grass, confused and missing Sailor Pluto-san, Sailor Mercury shuddered and kicked back, not managing to do any damage, her feet just passing through water that reformed itself just as soon, binding her legs and arms tightly.

Oh no, oh no oh no! This strange girl looked quiet and harmless, but she actually was a worse pervert than Haruna! Those things she commanded were going to do things so awful to her even TV Tropes would censor them! Wait, but she commanded water too, didn't she? She surely could dispell them, unless the girl was right and she was powerful enough to undo anything she did. Given how easily she had frozen Pluto-san, maybe that was it. Still, Akira wasn't going to surrender without a...

"AH HA HA HA!"

And then she was laughing against her will.

"Ah, ha! Ah ha ha ha! Ahh ha ha heee hee!"

The water hands were tickling all over her body, up and down, especially around the ribs and under her armpits. They were cold, and they tickled so skillfully, she couldn't even utter a coherent magical phrase to undo them. Not like she knew for sure how to, anyway. Minako's element wasn't water, so she never had any way of training her with that, and Artemis had more holes in his memory than Swiss cheese.

He he hee, that was funny, and oh God I can't be laughing, what if Pluto-san is dead and... and Negi-sensei...

"Ah ha ha heh hee! Stop! Stop!"

Sextum shook her head as she walked away from the shaking Senshi, following Negi's track. "No endurance at all..." she mused in a very low tone.

Then she casually stepped back, as a lightning spell fell on the same spot where her foot had been one moment before. Impassively, she looked around to see more than two dozens of armed mage guards of the Kansai Association, closing on her at a quick pace, staffs ready, spells prepared.

Flying above them all on a broom, there was a girl wearing a black cape and pointy wizard hat, with short brown hair and glasses. Much to her shock, the squirming, chortling Akira recognized her as the fortune telling girl they had met in their first day at Kyoto.

"You!" the girl on the broom called out to the pale stranger. "You're under arrest in the name of our association! As leader of the Kansai Junior Magic Guild, I, Honami Takase Ambler, order you to stop on the charges of assault and destruction of our headquarters!"

The pale girl barely tilted her head aside. "I am short on time. So please excuse my abrupt handling of your group."

"Eh?" Honami scowled at the small, bare handed and yet so confident prisoner-to-be.

They couldn't even understand what happened to them next.
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Another brief preview of the Sailor Mars incoming chapter.

Quote:
 
"Shiho and Ookuchi-san?" Minako mused. "Sorry, but we're here, too!" she snapped right afterwards.

Stepping ahead to defuse the situation before it could explode, Ami bowed respectfully. "How are you, Tatsumiya-san? We're here on a project, and like we were telling Munakata-san, we wanted to see if we could get some information on the Phantom Bus from you..."

"Why should I have any information on it?" Mana asked dryly.

"Oh, oh, I don't mean it in a direct sense!" Ami tried to apologize. "But, as someone who is in communion with the spirits, maybe you'd know something about the supernatural forces that could be at play here!"

"Funny," Mana said in a tone that wasn't amused at all. "I never thought of you as the type who believes in the supernatural."

"Well, what else could it be?" an annoyed Minako asked. "A kidnapping ring? White slavery? Aliens at work?"

"How could I know?" Mana said.

"Isn't that what you were trying to learn, going out there like that?"Aino shot back.

Mana shrugged. "You can't blame me for trying. This is bad for the family business, and they could get Shiho too."

"I can look after myself, Oneesama!" the tiny redhead whined.

"Haven't you found anything during your search?" Akira sounded truly worried.

Mana shook her head. "No. Asakura was here yesterday asking the same thing, and she said on her way out she was going to make her own research. Maybe you should try contacting her. They say three brains work better than two."

Minako's right eyebrow rose. "I have the sinking hunch I'm the zero in that equation, right?"

"Asakura-san..." Akira breathed. Now this was worrying. Kazumi didn't have a Pactio, she was too nosy for her own good, and she was only a normal human going after what looked like a plan of the Dark Agency. She'd get herself killed or even worse if she wasn't found and stopped soon. "T-Thank you very much, Mana-san, Munakata-san. W-We'll stay in contact, yes?" And she turned around and began walking away nervously.

"Hey, I don't think we should consider this finished yet!" Minako called after her. "Why don't we check the area first?"

"Are you basically admitting you're going to snoop around our premises?" Mana deadpanned.

"What?" Minako snorted. "Have something to hide?"

"Only Shiho's stalker shrine for Tate-sempai. It's in the fourth room at the back of the temple, so please don't look there," the dark skinned miko said to Shiho's horror. Tentacle like pigtails stood up. "Unless you like bleached guys with no shirts on after kendo practices."

"ONEESAMA!"

"Really?" Minako sounded interested, while Ami blushed brightly. "Don't tell me she could take photos of him in the bath."

"GARGH!" Shiho cried.

"She only made it to the dressing rooms, actually," Mana said, "But it still was an impressive effort. Her stealth abilities are progressing. Are you interested on slightly out of focus pictures of Takeda-sempai she took whenever Tate-sempai stepped out of angle? We have several we don't need or want..."

Minako put on her best negotiation poker face. "I want to see them before discussing prices."

"Weren't we supposed to be on--" Ami began before slumping down in defeat. "Never mind."

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Oboy. Whee.

Easy Rider

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"Veniant Spiritus Aeriales Fulgurientes! Cum Fulguratione Flet Tempestas Austrina! Jovis Tempestas Fulguriens!" Negi cried, and the air boomed and cracked with electricity, frightening power flying out of him and blasting several demons at once. Sora covered her ears and struggled not to cry as well, while Chisame and Misa took a place each at a side of the boy teacher, sparkling bolts and light needles beginning to fly, searching for their targets. Their attacks had lesser range than Negi's, but still were rather efficient, as Sora quickly saw when she saw a demonic goblin with wings dropping at her feet, twitching with a needle showed down his throat.

The college student was about to yell when Matoi stomped on the creature, crushing what was left of his body with a foot. "Never fear, Sister-In-Law! I'll protect you for Chisame-sama's sake!"

Sora gurgled an incoherent sound that tried to be a 'Thank you'.

Misora, meanwhile, was turning to Ayaka, with a stark pale face. "You too, Iinchou! Quick, quick!"

Ayaka smiled and held her brand new card firmly. "Oh, ho ho! I don't need being told! With this, I'll become Negi-sensei's strongest arm! His mightiest horse in battle! His best warship! I don't need any further—" And she paused. "How do I activate it, anyway?"

"Yeah, I was about to ask that too..." Yuuna laughed a bit sheepishly.

Misora sighed, quickly grabbing Ayaka's arm and holding it a bit higher. "Don't waste time with speeches, they barely can hold the demons back for us! Just say Adeat and do what you can with your Artifact!"

"Adeat!" Ayaka shouted immediately, in a firm and resolute tone.

"Adeat!" Yuuna said just a split second after.

"A-A-Adeat!" Sora repeated after them. Her teeth clacked, since she was just seeing the girls being engulfed by a strong light coming from the cards, and a moment later, the same thing happened to her. She swallowed, feeling the alien sensation of being stripped down and re-clothed in a heartbeat, and the next thing she knew was she was standing over a sturdy go-krt wearing racing clothes that were perhaps tighter than she was used to. Her breath left her for a moment. Wow, it really had happened, and although she had a feeling she shouldn't be that shocked after the day's events, she couldn't help it...

Ayaka looked down at her black whip in mute awe for a moment, before smirking and cracking it down against the ground. "Ohh ho ho ho! Then, let us do battle! If Asuna-san can do this, so can I, and easily!"

"Cover the back!" Negi said, taking a second from sending those impressive electricity and wind spells to look back at them over his shoulder. "But please be very careful! Misora-san, coach them!"

"Roger!" Misora tried to look as brave as she could. "Um, Iinchou, maybe you could..."

Ayaka already was swinging her whip around, and although the first try only came close to hit a yelping Yuuna, after a couple more attempts, the weapon whacked through the air, wrapping itself around a minor demon with pointy feet and slamming him down with brutal strenght. "Oh, just look at this! I'm getting it right! I'm getting it right!"

"I'm so happy for you, " Yuuna grunted, trying to take aim with her guns. It was difficult since the enemies moved around so quickly, and the deafening noise wasn't doing wonders for her concentration. Finally, she decided it didn't matter where she shot since there were so many of them, and so tightly gathered, so she simply began shooting at the hideous crowd. Much to her surprise, she began putting demons down one after another with each shot. Her bullets seemed to dispatch them with no need for second hits, making them disappear in poofs of ill smelling smoke. And slowly, widely, she had a smile being born on her face. "Hey... Cool! This is easier than I thought!"

"I told you, you have talent!" a Chamo told her.

The other Chamo looked at her breasts, which bounced slightly with the recoil of each shot. "He he, yeah, talent..."

Yuuna was too enraptured by the newfound thrill to care. Oddly, it almost was as if she had done it before, and it felt as great as the other Yuna's journal had described it. She didn't even wonder if the other things the journal described felt as good too, so absorbed she was by her current activities. "Yahoo! Hey, I could get to like this!"

A nerve wrecked Sora, meanwhile, sat at her small vehicle, trembling hands fumbling with the controls. "Oh my, what should I do with this... I don't know how it can help, I can't even drive away with all those monsters in the way..."

She saw a set of ten round shiny buttons in the middle of the driving wheel, around a single larger button marked with a big red 'T'.

"I wonder what this one does..." she gulped, pressing one of the buttons at the left and praying inside it didn't make the car or the universe self destroy. Just as soon, a sidecar somehow deployed itself from the mini-car's left side. It was somewhat Transformers-ish. "Uh. Well, I guess, then, this one..." She pressed the button on the opposite side, and sure enough, it made a right sidecar pop out from the mini-car as well.

Okay, now she was fairly sure she could escape with Chisame and Negi-sensei. Sorry, everyone else. But even so, how could she...

"Sora-san!" Ayaka said from where she was whipping demons at left and right with a ferocity usually saved only for Asuna. "Stop fidgeting there and help us!"

"A-A-A moment, please!" the bespectacled young woman gulped, pressing another button, this one on the top, and hoping for the best.

A miniature golden metallic hawk popped out of the kart's front, zooming through the air in a straight line into the demonic horde, and shooting laser beams from its eyes at them.

Sora sweatdropped. "... Okay. Well, at this point, I'll believe anything..."


Yeah, Sora's Artifact is basically a mini-Mach V.
What is the point anymore?
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Endgame

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I see him leaving the body of my Master, my friend, becoming black ooze that floats and squirms, with a shifting, vague face on the middle of him, superimposed like a mask. If he ever was really human, that's long past now. He makes hungry sounds that don't count as language anymore. Dying, he makes a bid for my own dying, broken and bleeding body.

I am Nagi Springfield. They call me the Thousand Master, a title I've hated and cherished at random, depending on my mood. I loved flaunting it, and yet I hated the vile lie it was. It reminds me of how much I'm a lie, too.

In the end, I've failed everyone who counted on me. Zercht. Gateau. Evangeline. Nozomu-kun. Eishun. Jack. Kiritsugu. Iris. Asuna. Arthur. Rosalie. Siesta. Ilya. Negi. Arika.

Arika.

Arika, my sweet, proud wild flower. My stubborn headache. My last thoughts are for you, although I know they should be for my children. After all, there's still a future to protect for them, while you are... beyond that hope now.

And even so, I can't help it. My final thoughts go your way insistently, and I dread the fact we won't even be reunited in death. I won't even die, I'll be consumed much like poor Master was, left a husk with no will, a puppet, barely any better than the Averrunci.

He looms over me, maybe fearing a final counterattack, a last trick from the master of dirty fighting. If only I could. If only I could destroy the bastard right now, and then die smiling, to rejoin you, Arika. That's what a true hero would do. That's the way a man should die. But I can't even move; the spirit is willing, but the flesh has reached its limit, a limit I never thought existed when I laughed at life and death alike. I can't even provide a last mocking quip now. Look at me. Where's my smart mouth now? I bet Jack would at least be able to spit up at this guy and laugh at him, with that scary stupid laugh of his. Me, I'm done.

I'm scared, and hell I hate that feeling. For the fourth time in my life, I'm scared. I wasn't scared when my parents were killed before me, or when I looked at an angry god's (not just a guy playing to be a god's) face, or when I was stabbed through the heart.

There was, however, the time when I thought I had lost you.

The time when I thought I had lost Siesta.

The time when I knew I had lost you.

And now.

It's all about losses, isn't it?

No. I mustn't fear. What point is there on it, anyway? Fear is for wimps. I'm the Thousand Master, Conqueror of All Spells. The Thousand Master knows no fear.

Except because I'm not really a Thousand Master.

I'm an idiot lying in a lake of my own blood while the black ooze enters me, snuffing me down. It's difficult to think, to feel.

I'm an idiot.

I'll die alone, I, the one who had so many comrades, the man who could have had anyone he wanted for a partner. I tried to walk the proud path of the noble and selfless hero, the lone paladin. I tried to keep everyone away from me and from harm, and now, because of it, harm will befall everyone. Arika, maybe I should have listened.

I'm suffering the worst death a man can suffer, because I'm dying with nothing but regrets.

No.

Not with regrets!

I spur myself into remembering that spell, the one Zecht taught me that afternoon, or at least tried to. A hella difficult one, even for fellows like us. That's it. They say death gives you a special kind of clarity, and even if this isn't technically death, he saying is true. I can remember the words, at last, and all I have to do is moving my mouth, forcing my throat, forming the words out.

It takes the greatest and most painful effort of my life, and it's only a bunch of words. I have lost that much control over myself. But even so, I feel his panic, his confusion, as he's trapped inside of me, denied of his full prize a second before realization. You want me, old man? Take me, but I'll take you down with me too. Fuck, that hardly made any sense, right? Eh.

And then blackness descends, and I don't even know if it worked. But it's okay. At the very least, I tried. I leave like I lived, with no regrets.

Arika.
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rikalous
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Creature of the Deep

Good stuff.
Let's Watch Nanoha
Wits, magic, and hardboiled monologues.
My other claims to fame.
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

Road Rash

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Sora gulped, with a trembling finger hovering over the controls. "Oh, d-dear. What to do next, what to do..."

"Sora!" Chisame yelled from where she and Misa were repelling demons elbow to elbow, none looking too comfortable with it. "Stop doubting yourself and put that thing to good use!"

"I-I-I just don't want to kill anyone!" the older girl gasped, pressing the button right at the left of the top one. The vehicle pulled itself up, literally floating, hovering in place a couple feet over the ground, making its pilot yell. "AIEE!"

Chamo looked up from below, humming to himself. "Very strange artifact, Sora nee-sama, " he said. "I don't remember ever hearing of one like it before. What else can it do?"

"How do I get it down?-! How do I get it down?-!" Sora entered true terror mode, trying to press all the buttons but never daring to press any, until she gulped and pressed the lower left one. The back of the vehicle spat a string of little metallic balls that exploded in contact with the demons behind, forcing Ayaka, who was nearby, to jump back out of the way. "Oh! Ah, ah, sorry!"

"Take better aim with those things, will you!" an angry Ayaka told her, spinning her whip again to get the next wave of attacking imps out of her hair. Literally. "The goal isn't committing suicide before they get us!"

"I said I'm sorry!" Sora gulped and gulped, looking up and down at the controls. "I have no idea what to do here!"

"Calm down and look for a guide somewhere!" Yuuna said from where she was shooting, but Sora already had pressed another button. This one shot a huge load of black oil all over the following group of demons, which didn't do much other than slowing them down and making some of them slip, where they were easier targets for the others.

"Wh-What's this?" Sora wondered, biting her lower lip. "A Wacky Races car?"

By now, however, she felt safer on assuming none of the buttons would get her horribly killed off, so she took the plunge and pushed the big one in the middle.

As soon as she did that, the vehicle took off in a straight line ahead, so fast it made her scream again, ramming into two large musclebound armored demons and literally ripping through them like they were made of paper, emerging unscathed from their other side. "AHHHHHH! THE 'T' WAS FOR 'TURBO'!-!-!" she realized.

She spun the driving wheel around, trying to guide the kart (if it could be called a kart at all anymore) back before she ended up in the next island. It worked, but she still wasn't used to driving so fast, and something airbone to boot, so she barely avoided driving it directly into Chisame, Negi and Matoi. Stepping on the brake after ripping through five more demons who couldn't get out of her way in time, she breathed raggedly. "That... That should have killed me...!"

With the mini car having screeched to a sudden halt in mid-air and staying there for the moment, Chamo ran up to Ayaka's shoulder and jumped up from there to Sora's lap. "Ho-ho!" he sniffed around the controls and stopped at a small special compartiment under the driving wheel. "Here!" He reached down and opened it, pulling a small guidebook out and flipping through it. "Welcome to yadda yadda, your useful blah blah... Instructions, how to use, how to— Here we go! Functions! The big button in the middle, no? That gives you a speed burst that makes you basically invulnerable from the front as long as you're ramming into things, Nee-sama. You're still vulnerable from behind and above, though..."

Misa tossed a needle through the head of a demon sneaking on Sora from behind. "Oh, men just love attacking from behind, " she commented. "They're the same everywhere, even in hell, it seems. Not only horned but horny, apparently...!"

Negi blinked between spells. "Excuse me?"

Misa laughed. "Don't worry, Negi-kun! I'm just saying I'll keep your cute butt well watched so they don't get you!"

"Um, thanks, Misa-san..."
What is the point anymore?
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IAmNotCreativeEnough
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Has Problems Giving A Shit

*Goes Off To Play Road Rash 64*
rikalous wrote
 
Yes I am. I said I would, and I hate going back on my word. IANCE, you pustulating whoreson, I am going to find you when this is over. They will make a torture porn movie about your death, and they will have to tone it down to maintain suspension of disbelief.

Shadow Crystal Mage wrote
 
There there. Go do evil things in the name of the government to feel better.


There Be Whales Here
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OverMaster
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Oboy. Whee.

A preview of the Alternate Universe Detective Tale chapter of Unequally post-Kyoto. It'll be mostly based on Episode 11 of Zoku Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei with Negima characters and using some elements of Negima 354.

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Prelude: An Invitation

It was the 83th year of the Showa Era.

Back then, I lived at Mahora City with Itoshiki Nozomu, an acquaitance of my parents, who took me as his apprentice after I was sent from Merdiana Academy with my assignment: Become a Detective in Japan.

Back then, it wasn't that unusual to have children working like that, since they were simpler, I won't say better, times. Itoshiki-sensei, who had been a failed teacher, a failed salesman, a failed adventurer and a failed sled dog (don't ask), had found his vocation in a job that required frequent brushes with death. To some degree, I'm sure he appreciated that, even if he never showed it with words.

That sunny morning, the weather was excellent, and as usual on that kind of days, Itoshiki-sensei had overslept late, never being a friend of sunny days; his aristocratic upbringing hadn't helped to make him an early bird, either. He didn't wake up until he heard the ringing of the phone in his office, at which point he stumbled out of his bedroom stumbling aimlessly.

Our offices and home were in the same small building, the only heritage the Itoshikis had left Sensei after disowning him. There, we were assisted by Komori Kiri-san, our loyal maid and secretary. She was good with all domestic tasks but buying groceries, since she had a pathologic fear of ever setting foot out of the building. Regardless of her quirks, she was a loving, warm person, soft spoken and tender, and she helped me overcome my pain after my separation from my sister Nekane.

"It's from Comissioner Napier in Kyoto, " the long haired pale young woman told us as we reached the main office, that is, the only one that hadn't been a maintenace closet before. "He says there's been a mass murder."

"Yes, yes, yes..." Sensei yawned, receiving the phone as I waited behind him, overhearing bits of the conversation through the phone. "Yes, yes, I understand, " he said while scratching his black hair with his free hand. "We'll go immediately."

"How many, Itoshiki-sensei?" Kiri-san asked calmly. It was difficult to make her lose her aplomb as long as she was inside of the protecting comfort of an indoors setting.

"Three, this time, " he sighed, turning a sad smile to us. "And once again, others' misfortune is our salvation. We've been too long without a decently paid case. Negi, get your luggage ready for a short trip. Around one week at most."

"Yes, sir!" I said. Murders still terrified me, but ever since that fatidic Christmas in the village, I had slowly grown used to the sights of death. My few cases with Itoshiki-sensei had eased me more into those grim details of life. And the childlike part that still lived in me was simply excited after visiting Kyoto, one of Japan's jewels, which I had read about so much in the past. I always liked old traditional buildings and shrines, and Kyoto was said to be full of those.

So, it was with a light heart I took the train to Kyoto, marching behind my always heavy-hearted mentor.

Even the sights along the railroad impressed me the way only the wide wonders of an unexplored country can impress a naive child. Looking back at it, it was for the best I enjoyed them so much on my way there. Because I certainly wouldn't be able to enjoy anything on my way back.
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rikalous
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Commissioner Napier? Oh dear. Dare I ask how Gordon's faring in this universe?
Let's Watch Nanoha
Wits, magic, and hardboiled monologues.
My other claims to fame.
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OverMaster
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Worse than good, better than bad.

Bad Boys

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Joker stepped out through the huge hole in the manor's wall and stretched his long thin arms, making a long satisfied sound. "MMMM- mmmmm! Get a load out of this magnificent nocturnal air, Quarty-kid!Ah, the agonic screams in the distance... The faraway gunplay... The sweet smell of burning grass... Doesn't it tickle your charred heart? Doesn't it make you want to say 'Thank the Heavens I'm alive and in company of my Jedi Master, he who is wise, handsome and a charming conversationalist'?"

Quartum stepped out after him, hands in his pockets, and grumbled. "Where now?"

"Well, we got Hina..." the Clown Prince held the cursed blade up for emphasis, "Now we gotta deliver it to her rightful new owner! Otherwise, we wouldn't be good and decent citizens, would we?"

"Where?" the construct asked curtly.

"Over there, " Joker pointed in Lake Biwa's direction. "Even if she isn't there, we should run into her on our merry way!"

"We also could run into the other model..." Quartum mused.

"Afraid of being seen by your little sis without a job, girlfriend or home yet? We could adapt a sitcom plot and pretend I'm your boss, Ruri's your girlfriend, and you live with us. Wait, technically that's all true!"

"We aren't a couple! And it's just fighting another model wasn't in my instructions. The whole operation could be jeopardized. My specifications were—"

"Specifications, spermifications, boy, " the clown interrupted him, waving a hand. "Stop living on what Ra'ssie told you and give yourself a tiny innocent whim! C'mon, I know you well enough by now, " he ran an arm around his shoulders, tapping on his chest with the blade's handle. "You want to go there, burn everyone you meet, and then give your sis a veeeeeery big hug that literally will make her world burn. I won't judge you, champ!"

Quartum chuckled grisly. "Is that a command from my field leader?"

"Go wild, Shorty!"

He rubbed his hands and stepped ahead as demons began gathering around them, weapons ready. "In your own words, then... IT'S SOMETIME!" And, laughing maniacally, he jumped to meet the demon horde head on. "FLAGRANTIA RUBICANS!"

Joker shook his head and muttered, although with a wry smile, "Some boys only want to see the world burn..."

The air itself caught on flames as Quartum began engulfing demons at left and right in small vortexes of fire, killing one after another with the greatest ease.

"Crap, everyone around here's a damn powerhouse!" one of the creatures spat. "Not fair! We were told this'd be an easy job!"

Joining him in scurrying between the flames of a too frantically cheerful to care Quartum, another demon directed him towards the Joker. "Hey, hey, that one might be fun to take on. I haven't killed a jester since the late Dark Ages. They make amusing sounds while croaking!"

"Um, Remilal, I think I recognize that guy. Isn't he—"

Joker grinned and swiftly pulled Hina out of its sheath, the edge glinting under the moonlight. "Well, well. They say even a puny girl just fresh off high school became a fighting monster with this can opener. Let's see what it does for Unca Jokes!"

"Ah!" the demon who had been interrupted snapped his clawed fingers. "I knew it! You're—"

A moment later, a cackling Joker swung Hina around, his eyes growing yellow on black, not too unlike that The New Batman Adventures redesign. "AHHH HA HA HA! HYA HA HA! HAW! The power! The poweeeeer!" He stopped suddenly after stabbing the other demon through the heart and pulling it out impaled in the blade. "... Hh. Physical power ain't all that cracked to be. Egads, I'm acting like a brute drunk on power, or even worse, Croc! A man of my actegory and style must be above all of that!"

He blinked and then ran another demon through with the sword. "Then again, it doesn't hurt if it's once in a while..."

"Talk for yourself...!" the demon coughed in fits of agony.

For a few moments, the carnage ensued, flames and swings of steel driving the group of hellish invaders back, until one of them raised his hands and cried, "HALT!"

Much to the demons' own surprise, Quartum and Joker stopped. "What do you want now, weakling?" the Averruncus snorted.

The demon bowed to Joker. The others followed his example. "Sorry, we didn't recognize you before! We thought you were a doppleganger or wannabe! We're actually fans of yours, aren't we, boys?"

The other demons all nodded and muttered in raspy agreement.

"Oh, I'm flattered!" Joker put a hand on his own chest. "An artist lives for the audience, after all!"

"Yeah, we have followed your work for years now, " another demon nodded. "I've always liked the stunt with the schoolbus and the helicopter..."

"The whole thing with Qurac and the UN. That took a lot of balls, " another one reminisced.

Yet another demon sniffed. "Mom always tells me she wishes I could be as evil as you!"

"Can you rub my chest? Maybe some of your evil will rub off on me!"

"No, that's to gain bigger breasts, Pilial."

A demon who looked fairly human, even wearing a suit, walked ahead holding an open notebook and a pen. "Joker? I'm Guillermo Montana, from the Rafael Cartagena gang. You killed me six years ago in that gang war for the leftovers of Zucco's turf..."

"Ah. And I see you went to your well deserved reward, Guille, " Joker mused. "Wanna kill me now to settle the score, I guess?"

"Nah, I've actually made it bigger in Hell than I ever did in life. You actually made me a favor, man."

"That's... quite depressing..." Joker lost his smile.

"Yeah, I got myself a hella hot wife and three kids."

"You married a female tentacle monster, Guillermo, " one of his partners reminded him.

"Shut up, I don't mock the witch you have at home, do I? Anyway, man, " he told Joker, handing him the pen and notebook, "Wanna give me an autograph?"

Joker raised an eyebrow, but then only nodded and solemnly signed on the page he had been pointed at. And then he pocketed the notebook and beheaded Guillermo with a twist of Hina.

"Encore, encore!" Joker chanted. "Quarty, CHAAAAAAARGEEEE!"

"CHARGE!" Apparently it was contagious, since Quartum joined him with a just as insane smile.

Moments later, they calmly walked over the quickly decomposing, decaying and disappearing demon bodies littering the landscape, heading 3-A's way. Joker absently flipped through the autograph book. "Ooooo, Guille got himself a few doozies down there. Attila the Hun, Capone, Nixon, Bathory... Hey, even a few still living! Sheen, Felix Faust, Ishihara, Norman Osborn... even... Meyer..." He made a face of disgust, ripped that page off, crumbled it into a ball and tossed it back over his shoulder. "Not going there."

"Wasn't Attila the Hun illiterate?" Quartum wondered.

"That's why he signed with a big X, duh. And you ARE spending time with Ruri-Ruri, after all!"

"Shut up, that doesn't mean a single damn thing!"
What is the point anymore?
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