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Nimrod's Other Happy Place; For UberNimrod's snippets and stuff
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Topic Started: Sep 29 2012, 10:44 AM (1,583 Views)
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IAmNotCreativeEnough
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Oct 20 2013, 02:59 PM
Post #46
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Has Problems Giving A Shit
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Of course what Kotaro is describing is a real thing that he's come across on a job.
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- rikalous wrote
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Yes I am. I said I would, and I hate going back on my word. IANCE, you pustulating whoreson, I am going to find you when this is over. They will make a torture porn movie about your death, and they will have to tone it down to maintain suspension of disbelief.
- Shadow Crystal Mage wrote
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There there. Go do evil things in the name of the government to feel better.
There Be Whales Here
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UberNimrod
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Oct 23 2013, 10:25 PM
Post #47
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Green
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Finished with Chapter 1. To be posted next week on FFnet.
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The original Stultus Pulchram was created by Henshin-san in 3d Custom Girl. Negima was created by Ken Akamatsu. I do not own either of these stories.
A Stultus Pulchram Story
Chapter 1
Council of War . . . Demonic invasion? That they could handle.
Giant robots attacking the Academy? Cakewalk.
Lovecraftian horror attempting to enter our universe? You could set your clock by those.
An entire class being turned into bimbos? Not exactly in the Incident Reporting Manual.
He looked at the assembled people before him trying to maintain his calm demeanor. He needed to, as there were several worried faces, and one terrified one. After all, he'd just announced to them that there was a magical outbreak in Mahora. That sort of news wasn't taken lightly. Especially on a Saturday evening when classes were over for the day. Everyone present had been ready to go and relax however they wished until they received the call from him to report to his office urgently.
“Do we know what happened?” Akashi-sensei asked. He was among the worried faces, and it was certain that his worry would increase once he found out that his daughter was among the victims, if they could be called that.
“From what I have been able to determine through advanced scrying, it would seem that someone thought it would be interesting to look through Negi-sensei's collection of spellbooks while he was out on his business trip. One of the books in question is a surviving copy of 'An Idiots's Guide to Magic.' That book was recalled several decades ago because of a spell that was contained within that caused quite a bit of trouble when it was cast...”
“Stultus Pulchram?! That spell?”
He looked at Sister Shakti. If anything, she appeared more terrified than she had before he'd announced the outbreak. Obviously she had heard the news somehow before he'd called her to his office. But for her to be this scared was unusual, as she handled most everything rather well he thought.
Of course no one knows that 'advanced scrying' means 'listening in on my granddaughter's dorm room with the hidden microphone' either.
“I take it you are familiar with this spell, Sister Shakti?” he asked.
She nodded her head so vigorously it surprised him that it did not come off. “That spell is responsible for the ruination of several convents in America. There are those in the Church that refuse to refer to that spell by its name.”
“It's that dangerous a spell?” Seruhiko asked.
“It is usually cast by some Lothario looking to score, since it makes the victims happy, horny, and dumb. From my experience, those afflicted by the spell want to share their joy of being bimbos. And since it is so easily cast...” She noticed the looks she was getting from most everyone then. Her expression darkened as she resumed speaking, “You may not believe me, but that spell is what really happened to the Order at Anaheim California all those years ago. And now Misora has been cursed with that spell! If she starts spreading it, Mahora Academy will be turned into a Bimbo Haven!”
“She will not spread it Sister Shakti, I assure you of that,” he said, “Now that all of the victims have been quarantined within an unused classroom in that empty building, they will not escape.”
“Quarantined?” Gandolfini asked.
He nodded, “Indeed. That is the proper procedure until Negi-sensei returns. As it is his former class that has been afflicted with the spell, I would think he would want to be the one to reverse the effects.”
“Well, thank goodness for that.” Sister Shakti visibly relaxed at that news. He heard her mutter to herself, “Not to mention his spellbook that caused this fiasco.”
“Is Yuna one of the victims?” her father asked.
He nodded. “As is my granddaughter. And two more that I thought would not be affected.”
“Two more?” Takahata asked.
He gazed at the assembled mages for a few seconds before replying, “Evangeline and Chachamaru.”
There was silence that lasted for several seconds before it was dispelled by a flurry of astonished remarks and questions.
He held his hand up to stem the tide of voices and said, “I had sent them, as well as two more to contain the situation. It is unfortunate that both were affected by the spell, but there is little that can be done at the moment. I have the other two people who helped to quarantine the students researching the spell's effects. They should return here momentarily with news. In the meantime...” He pushed a button on a speaker. “Megumi-san?”
“Yes, Headmaster-sama?”
“Any other magical signatures that need to be quarantined?”
Nutmeg's voice was calm as it came through the speaker, “No. It would seem as if we are in the clear for now. Despite there being a few witnesses to the events. The good news is that it seems as if no one is taking it seriously.”
“Please keep a watch over the entire campus. I will send Takane-san and Mei-san to support you when this meeting is over.”
Mei nodded while Takane appeared frustrated. “Why can we not help patrol the campus Headmaster?”
“Because both of you would fall easily to the spell if it was cast on you,” he replied, smiling at both of the young women. “I am sure that you would not want that.”
Takane blushed slightly and nodded as there was a knock on the door.
“Enter,” he said as everyone turned to see who it was.
The door opened. Fate entered the room with his usual stoic expression. Kotaro followed behind him with a bored look on his face.
“Did you have any luck finding anything about that spell?” he asked both of the newcomers.
“Some,” Fate started to answer before being interrupted by Kotaro.
“Would have taken less time if someone would have just asked for help.”
“It would have taken much less time if certain members of the Library Exploration Club were not affected by the spell. As it is, I believe we have a complete overview of the problem at hand,” Fate said.
He nodded, “Please give us your report.”
“The spell itself is an enchantment designed to reduce the intelligence of those it is cast on, as well as reduce their inhibitions,” Fate said, “It changes their entire philosophy, beliefs, and morals into something that seeks out pleasure.”
“It is a pretty stupid name for a spell, but it seems to be rather powerful for it to do what it did,” Kotaro added.
He had to smile a little at that remark. He noted he wasn't the only one who thought the remark was humorous as both Takamichi and Seruhiko chuckled. Even Kuzunoha smiled faintly.
“What?” Kotaro asked, seeing everyone evidently having a joke at his expense.
“That is what 'Stultus Pulchram' translates into from the Latin, Kotaro-kun. Pretty Stupid,” he said.
“Pretty stupid?”
He nodded.
Kotaro seemed to think on that for a bit before responding, “I just know the girls are not themselves. And not just in their heads either.”
“Oh?” Gandolfini asked.
Kotaro nodded, “Oh yeah. I had a hard time trying to avoid outrunning them so they could be trapped in that classroom. Those shoes they had on don't let them run quickly. Although Misora kept up pretty well.”
“As did Asuna.”
“Shut up Fate. But yeah, all they did was walk fast. It was just odd, not having to dodge too many of Kaede's clones, or trying to avoid either Mana or Setsuna,” Kotaro said.
“Wait. Nagase-san can still make shadow clones?” Seruhiko asked.
“That is something else that must be mentioned,” Fate resumed, “The spell may limit their intelligence, but not their abilities. Or their artifacts.”
“What?” Sister Shakti asked, appearing to panic again.
Kotaro glanced at everyone, “Didn't all of you see that bright flash of light earlier?”
While most everyone else shook their heads, he said, “I did. Was it what I think it to be?”
Kotaro glanced at him, “Well, if you think it was Chachamaru's artifact, then you'd be right.”
He held up his hand again to slow the tide of comments and asked Kotaro, “That wasn't the normal bean attack from Al-Iskandariya. What was it?”
Kotaro shrugged, “I might be wrong, but I thought I heard Chachamaru say 'Kitty Cannon, Stultus Pulchram.' That's when that giant pink swirly thing fell from the sky and hit the building that Evangeline and them was on.”
Everyone else save for Sister Shakti had looks of astonishment on their faces. Sister Shakti had settled for gibbering insanely in a mixture of Latin, Farsi, and Sanskrit in an attempt to offer prayers to several gods.
“I believe that this is proof of the spell's ability to corrupt artifacts. However, it must be noted that no one was hostile to Kotaro as he tried to encourage everyone to follow him to the classroom, despite several artifacts being weapons. Perhaps the spell also diminishes the aggressive nature of the victims?” Fate mused, “Regardless, there is another matter that I should point out. The spell in question also affects males.”
“It does?” Takahata asked, worry evident in his voice.
Fate nodded. “According to what little material I could find on the spell, it turns men into 'total horndogs.'”
There was a pause to let that sink in before Fate added, “I have been unable to discover exactly what a horndog is, but I am sure it is a dangerous creature from the research I have conducted. Perhaps it is a creature native to the United States where the spell itself was first created.”
He kept his face straight, as did every other adult in the room. Both Takane and Mei started to react, but before they could say anything Kotaro snorted.
Fate turned to him, “You know what it is?”
“Well yeah!”
The adults held their breath.
“It's a dog with horns. Like a barghest, but bigger. Duh!” Kotaro looked quite pleased with himself as he said that.
Everyone slowly released their breath. Crisis averted.
He coughed slightly to get everyone's attention before asking Fate, “Did you cast the spell as I requested?”
Fate nodded, “The Phantasmagoria is in place in the classroom. It should keep them occupied until Negi's return.
“You placed them into an illusion?” Gandolfini asked.
“Yes. Those affected perceive that they are in a shopping mall I believe.”
“I barely made it out the window before he cast that spell,” Korato grumbled to himself.
“Asuna and Chizuru were about to catch you,” Fate reminded him.
“I'd have escaped on my own,” Kotaro said.
“Hmmm,” Fate seemed to consider add to that, but instead turned to him again, “Negi is the only one who can open the door to the classroom. It would be a good idea to inform him of the situation when he returns, if only so he can rest before removing the spell.”
He nodded, “I will see about leaving a note in his room. I also believe that Takane and Mei can inform Megumi-san as well so that whoever is on watch can also let Negi-sensei know when he returns. I know the business he is on, and I will not disturb him at this moment.”
Everyone knew of the terraforming project Negi was undertaking to save Mundus Magicus. He was still in the initial stages of gathering sources for funding and materials. As such he didn't want to disturb him before he had accomplished his current errand. Especially since it would be difficult to gather that funding and support. Just because he had both Ayaka's and Chizuru's support didn't mean their families would follow along.
“I believe we are done here, unless I am missing something?” he asked. He received silence for his answer as he looked at everyone.
He nodded satisfactorily. “Dismissed.”
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Madman with a box? I'm a madman with a semi, a pretzel bender and a Heart of Gold!
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Archivist10
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Mar 17 2014, 02:34 PM
Post #48
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Red
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Does nothing happen if a man is struck by the spell?
Not even extremely effeminate men?
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UberNimrod
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Apr 29 2014, 06:09 PM
Post #49
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Green
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Shizuna Minamoto and Toko Kuzuhona as Bimbos
The last part is my first ever combat scene. Serious criticism needed.
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'I like to think I am not an unreasonable person.'
Shizuna Minamoto was bored.
'I like to think I am not making unreasonable demands of anyone.'
She had scheduled the meeting she was currently stuck in, just to update everyone on a couple of new details for record keeping that the Ministry bureaucracy had recently mandated.
'I like to think I am a very patient person.'
It was everyone's day off, and the weather was nice, but this could not wait.
'I am the Head Counselor of this Academy after all.'
She knew no one really wanted to be there so she intended to have a short meeting. The whole meeting should have taken twenty minutes at most.
'Patience is required for that.'
Unfortunately, someone had an issue that needed to be addressed. They had chosen today of all days to present it to Shizuna in front of everyone so it could be discussed.
'I can be patient and listen while other people speak.'
Minami Tohno, one of the self-appointed moral guardians of Mahora Academy, had decided that today was a good day to remind everyone that morals were slipping.
'I can be patient and wait for people to finish talking so I do not interrupt them.'
Minami had been speaking for almost twenty minutes now. Apparently, one of the students in St. Ursula's had made the mistake of assuming she could get 'protection' from her, without the normal lecture that was required before said 'protection' was handed out.
'I can be patient and respect the opinions of others.'
Most of the Counselors and Nurses of Mahora Academy were of the opinion that Minami needed to get laid. Or at least have the stick up her behind removed somehow.
'No matter how much I may disagree with those opinions personally.'
Shizuna knew of three people that would hand out that 'protection' without the lecture. One of them was a councilor like herself that had more liberal opinions about such things.
'Or how disagreeable I find the person with such opinions.'
The other two were nurses that were in her charge. Shizuna herself might not be a qualified nurse, but she knew a few things about what the nurses did. She could apply bandages as well as they could if need be.
'I can still try to respect both the person, as well as their opinions.'
She had informed all three individuals several months ago that they needed to keep some decorum in regards to this sort of activity. Rumors were spreading, and she didn't need that sort of headache.
'Even if I would rather strangle them than listen to them jabber on and on.'
Unfortunately, it seemed that decorum was the first thing those three misplaced. Hence the jabbering from the self-appointed moral guardian currently happening.
'I wish that Tohno-sensei would stop talking though.'
Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. The universe chuckled to itself as the door opened. The room fell silent as everyone turned to look as Ako walked in.
'Ako... Wait, is this Ako-san?'
“Ako-san?” Shizuna heard herself asking, “Why are you dressed like that?”
“Like, I'm a Bimbo!”
“This is exactly what I'm talking about. Our students are being corrupted slowly by allowing this sort of behavior to happen.”
'Oh, not this again...'
“Stultus Pulchram!”
'Huh? What's that pink light?'
Shizuna blinked as the pink swirl struck her.
'Wow! I, like feel better now.'
Everyone else in the room stared at Shizuna as she giggled.
'Like, the girls are bigger now too.'
Shizuna smoothed the camisole top down over her breasts, smiling at how much larger they were. Shizuna didn't care that she had been wearing much more conservative clothing seconds before. She glanced at Ako, “Like wow! I feel happier now!”
Ako giggled, “I know, right? Being a Bimbo is like totally awesome.”
'I do feel like, totally awesome now. And I like, totally rock in my clothes.'
“This is outrageous! What's going on here?” Minami asked everyone.
'Like, this prude needs to lighten up.'
Shizuna smiled at Minami, “Like, you need to shut up and like, stop being such a prude.”
“What?” screeched Minami.
'Now, like, how did Ako do that again?'
Shizuna raised her arm and pointed at Minami.
'She's going to like, be lots happier after this.'
“Stultus Pulchram!”
'That's like, a pretty swirly that just hit her.'
Everyone but the Bimbos stared in shock at Minami's new clothing. The shock continued as Minami giggled and said, “Like wow! I like, feel much more happy now.”
'That's like, totally awesome. Everyone needs to like, feel this good.'
Forty seconds later, the majority of the Nursing and Counseling staff did feel that good.
=====================
She had left the senior students in charge of the Kendo class just long enough to walk from the room. After she left she started running out of the building, adjusting the sheath her katana was in to her side.
She had no idea what to expect. When the Headmaster called during the lesson, he had informed her that the room the Bimbos were in had been opened. Negi-sensei had returned earlier than expected and had been encouraged to see to his former students before anyone could tell him the truth.
Tôko Kuzunoha swore under her breath as she ran outside through the double doors. The techniques of Shinmeiryu she had learned, and taught, were ultimately created to uphold Honor and Justice. Slaying demons was incidental to that purpose.
How do you fight an enemy that had no malice in them at all?
How do you fight an enemy who was currently unable to debate the very concepts of Honor or Justice?
How do you fight someone who probably couldn't remember the kanji for 'concept?'
Tôko pushed those questions aside. She was far too well-trained to allow concerns like that to impede Konoe-sama's orders. The 'Bimbonic Plague' would spread through Mahora as Negi-sensei had opened the door to the room they were trapped in. She had to think of ways to contain it, and quickly.
“Stultus Pulchram!”
Tôko dove to the side and rolled. She ended up in a kneeling position and drew her katana just after a pink swirl of energy hit the ground where she would have been had she not dodged.
She was thankful that she carried the katana today, as her nodachi would not have permitted such a quick draw. Looking around she spotted her assailant.
“Aw! You like, moved!”
Tôko scowled at her favorite student as Setsuna landed a short distance away from her. As Setsuna folded her wings to hide them, she called out, “You sound disappointed.”
Setsuna giggled, “Like, don't you want to be a Bimbo? It's like, the greatest thing ever.”
Tôko only had one word for her student, “Zanmaken!”
As she had thought, the attack went right through Setsuna without even scratching her. Not a surprise as Bimbos are generally not evil, even if some believed the “Evil-cutting Sword” should work to get rid of them.
Setsuna pouted for an instant then smiled brightly, “I'm like, not a demon Tôko-chan!”
Tôko growled in frustration. 'I can't hurt her. At least not with direct attacks, but maybe...' She swung the katana in a wide arc, “Jakuzankûsen!”
The gust of wind created by the "Lesser Air-Cutting Flash” didn't even budge Setsuna. Tôko stared at Setsuna unable to speak as Setsuna finally drew a Pactio card from between her breasts.
“Adeat!”
Tôko straightened as Setsuna gripped the blade that appeared when she activated her Pactio. 'That is the blade from her Pactio with Negi-sensei,' she thought.
Setsuna pouted at her, “You're like, being a prude. I'm going to have to like, show you the joy of being a Bimbo.”
'It's now or never. I don't want to hurt Setsuna. But maybe I can incapacitate her long enough to subdue her.'
Setsuna pointed at Tôko, “Stul...”
Enhanced by her ki, Tôko charged at Setsuna. When she was within striking range, rather than try to swing her katana at Setsuna, she leaned so far forward that she fell over. The tactic threw her under Setsuna's blade, who had made a basic thrust at Tôko designed to force her to halt her charge. With a huge step to catch her fall Tôko got a leg underneath herself and arced the katana up in a sweeping vertical attack that would have cut Setsuna from her groin to her shoulder if the sharp edge of the blade had connected. As it was, Tôko was trying to not hurt Setsuna, so she had reversed the katana in her hands. Setsuna had pivoted, her body moving to the side of the katana, but Tôko had set this attack up in three parts.
“Tus.”
Now inside Setsuna's guard, where her sword would have trouble reaching her, Tôko stood up, spun so her back was to Setsuna, then drove her katana backwards under her armpit in a blind stab. Setsuna jumped to the side to avoid the attack.
“Pul...”
With the katana under her arm and her feet together, Tôko was in a iaido stance which emphasized the drawing and simultaneous striking of a blade. Tôko performed the drawing cut, stepping hard and pivoting as she did, swinging the blade in a crescent that would have cut Setsuna in half if she was unprepared.
Unfortunately, Setsuna had been prepared. Instead of trying to block Tôko's blade, or evade it by trying to dodge again, Setsuna had elected to fall to the ground so that she was lying in front of Tôko when she pivoted to attack. Her hand was pointed up at Tôko, with six inches of space between the end of Setsuna's finger and Tôko's abdomen.
“Chram!”
The last sensible thought that went through Tôko's mind before the spell hit her was, 'Under me? But how?'
Setsuna giggled as she watched Tôko look down at her and pout, “Like, you won.”
“Like yeah,” Setsuna said.
Tôko put her hand to her chin, “Like, what were we fighting about anyway?”
“Like it matters,” Setsuna smiled. “Fighting is like, silly.”
Tôko nodded, “Yep. Like, I'm too happy to fight anyway.”
“Like, are the Kendo students like, practicing now?”
Tôko nodded again, “I like left them in the practice room.”
“Then let's go,” Setsuna said.
“And like, do what?” Tôko asked.
“Like, make them happy Bimbos,” Setsuna said before giggling.
“Oh! Like, that's a good idea.”
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Madman with a box? I'm a madman with a semi, a pretzel bender and a Heart of Gold!
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