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| Land of Hope and Dreams; Shogo/Keiko + OCs. WIP, R rating | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 20 2014, 08:42 PM (195 Views) | |
| primeideal | Jan 20 2014, 08:42 PM Post #1 |
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Student
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Edited March 29, template! Title: Land of Hope and Dreams Author: primeideal Rating: R Fandom: Battle Royale (primarily movieverse) Pairing/Characters: Shogo/Keiko, OCs Warnings: Lots of murder and character death; violence similar to original movie. Some discussion of sex and drug use, nothing on screen at present. Disclaimer: I do not own Battle Royale. Or, for that matter, the works of Bruce Springsteen. -- Hey there! So, I've started a work in progress fanfiction, "Land of Hope and Dreams." Primarily movieverse (with some other elements thrown in), it'll be my take on Shogo's first Program, Kobe Class 9-C. Before I start posting the first couple chapters, I had some questions. How would you rate a story with the level of violence we expect from "Battle Royale"? I'm guessing there won't be much in the way of explicit sex or language, but, of course, lots and lots of violence. Any advice would be appreciated, I'm not too familiar with gauging movie ratings. Also, does anyone have any opinions about chapter lengths? I was thinking I'd alternate chapters that focused on just one person, with chapters made up of shorter scenes from lots of different perspectives. But some of those different-perspective scenes might work better as a series of really short "chapters," I guess it doesn't much matter. Edited by primeideal, Mar 30 2014, 02:50 AM.
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| Lady Dynamite | Jan 21 2014, 03:31 PM Post #2 |
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Transfer
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Oh my, this would be so great. You definitely have a reader! The chapters could be as long as you feel alright with, some longer, some shorter, depends on just you really! Rating though, would it be R or even NC-17? Or what else do you mean by rating? |
![]() Shogo Kawada > Lady Dynamite | |
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| primeideal | Jan 21 2014, 05:22 PM Post #3 |
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Student
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Cool, thanks! I'm thinking I'll skip between chapters focused on one character/group, and chapters that flash between several characters/groups, so they'll all be on the longer side. (Right now I'm about 7,000 words and 5 chapters in, four deaths so far.) And yeah, I do mean rating as in R/NC-17/PG-13 (it's definitely not G or PG, haha). Obviously it's impossible to really guess without reading, but just in terms of what I should estimate when I post here, or on FFN or anywhere else. |
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| TakingOffMyCollar | Jan 21 2014, 09:49 PM Post #4 |
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I'd agree M or NC-17 is probably your rating. I guess it just depends how much detail you put into the death scenes. As for rating on ff.net I'd go M. That seems to be what people usually rate stories taking place in a program. As for length of chapters, so long as your stopping points are good it shouldn't matter too much. I like short-ish chapters, but if it feels like nothing happened then obviously that doesn't read well. So just whatever feels good to good. 7,000 words and 5 chapters sounds like a good length to me! Also, just want to say I'm glad you're writing this. I can't wait to see how it turns out! |
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| primeideal | Jan 26 2014, 03:48 AM Post #5 |
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Cool. I think I'll go with M, when I get to posting it. The thing is, I'm really not sure whether I can post anything until it's entirely done. Like, I'll write a scene, but I can't tell whether that last bit of dialogue really should come later, because the pacing is better, and foreshadowing and all that...anything I post would have to be a pretty rough draft, and it might make more sense to put everything together at the end. But, anyway. Progress report: almost 12,000 words through six chapters. We've passed the first report, and there's been one death since; 37 students remaining. |
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| primeideal | Mar 30 2014, 02:52 AM Post #6 |
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Student
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I worked on this in January and February, haven't done much in March. Not sure if I'll continue it, but here's a sample chapter, maybe posting this will get me more excited about it...maybe not. Chapter One Tanuma Yoriko, Female Student #13 in Kobe Class 9C, stared out into the distance, at what she thought was Class 9-A and 9-B. Of course, it was impossible to distinguish anyone. The speck on the horizon could have been the caboose of a receding train, carrying most of the junior high students deeper into the city. But maybe it was just a trick of her eye. "So," she smiled hopefully up to Mrs. Idane, "Does this mean we won't have to get vaccinations?" "There'll be another train," said Mrs. Idane. "There's always another train. Though you can all thank your friend Kuroki here for stalling us so long we missed the first one." Kuroki Hoshiko, Female Student #9, merely shrugged. "I think we'd all rather be out here than stuck in literature class anyway." Yoriko felt herself nod. If even Hoshiko was sick of literature class, it was likely that every student was just as bored. Hoshiko liked reading. At least, she came to literature class more prepared than Yoriko and most of their friends. But that day, like most weeks, she'd had some fight to pick with Mrs. Idane about how the poem didn't really mean what Mrs. Idane claimed, and if the grown-ups couldn't even agree on how to understand a three-line poem, what good were they anyway. "Well, then," said Yoriko. "Thank you, Hoshiko!" "Here, here!" said Komiya Ayime (Female Student #7), and several of the other girls added their giggling appreciation. Once Ayime had signalled her approval, it was clear—you didn't have to enjoy, or even make heads or tails of, Hoshiko's arguments to enjoy a few more moments outside with friends. While Yoriko would have preferred not to be waiting to get shots, it was at least a bright afternoon. She paced over to join Female Students #3 and #6, Kaima Mitsuyo and Kotoku Chieko. Mitsuyo was regaling Chieko with an account of a track meet from several weekends previously; Chieko didn't seem to much care, and truthfully, neither did Yoriko, but Mitsuyo's chattering voice was a pleasant change of pace. Finally, another train did pull up, that one rather short for a special junior-high trip. Nevertheless, Mrs. Idane waved to the conductor as he stopped off, and they muttered in low voices before she turned back to the class. "All right, this'll do. All aboard for the doctor's office." She checked off the names of Yoriko and the forty other students as they climbed on the train, accidentally poking through the paper as she stabbed Hoshiko's name through. Well, Kuroki Hoshiko's name, anyway. When Yamawaki Hoshiko tried to climb on, Mrs. Idane just offered a hand, as if afraid Female Student #20 would trip and fall over the single step. But, blushing, Yamawaki shook her off and headed to the upper level of the train car. The two Hoshikos were both some of the most talented girls in the class, but the similarities ended there; while Kuroki picked fights in literature class, Yamawaki quietly arrived at the correct results in mathematics. Mrs. Idane appreciated the latter somewhat more; there were fewer arguments. So, Yamawaki took a seat next to Toyotomi Renzo (Male Student #15). Yoriko decided to stay on the lower deck; she'd heard quite enough of Toyotomi's bragging about how he'd borrowed a math book from the senior high library and—at least working alongside Yamawaki—mastered most of it. Besides, if she got lucky, she'd be able to sit across from Male Student #18, Numata Hachemon. Instead, Numata filled in a couple seats behind Yoriko. Well, that was all right, she decided. Ayime might tease her, if she saw her staring. They'd have plenty of time to make conversation, either way. At last, Female Student #1, Obata Tsuya, stumbled up from the platform. "All right there?" called Male Student #13, Takita Tanak. "I'm fine," Obata blushed, as Takita reached out to steady her. Yoriko couldn't help but giggle; of all the girls to blush at a boy's approach, Tsuya would hardly have been high on her list. Yet, it was Tsuya who had to resteady herself and climb up to sit by her best friend, Okimura Shoraku (Male Student #3). Okimura was squinting down at the conductor, who was still in conversation with Mrs. Idane. "That's all of them," Mrs. Idane declared, pacing up to the front of the train and taking an empty seat next to Sachio Tomioka, Male Student #10. Sachio grunted, and the train took off. Better him to tolerate Mrs. Idane's company than anyone else, Yoriko decided. After all, if there was any shred of truth to the rumors she'd heard from Ayime, Sachio had been silly enough to break up with Suenami Tomiko (Female Student #11). Beauty, it seemed, was wasted on the ungrateful. Tomiko had, without making much fuss, taken a seat at the very back of the train. At first, it seemed like her constant glances out the window were just to avoid the risk of having to make eye contact with Sachio. But then she started shifting restlessly. "You okay?" Ayime asked. "Sweating?" said Kuroki Hoshiko. "I'll open the window." "Leave it closed," called Mrs. Idane from the front of the train, "we need the air on." Hoshiko, who'd already stood up, let herself flop back onto her seat with a huff. "Just nervous," Tomiko finally stammered, "I'm scared of needles." "Aw, you'll be all right," said Ayime, throwing an arm around Tomiko's shoulder when the latter continued to look doubtful. "Yeah, Mamiko?" "Huh?" grunted Sakuma Mamiko (Female Student #10), who was sitting next to Ayime. "Tomiko here. She'll be too busy flirting with the cute doctors to mind, won't you?" "Shut up," Tomiko blushed. "You won't have to," said Mamiko, "they'll flirt with you." "There you are," Ayime crossed her arms, "even Mamiko agrees, you better take it from the expert." "'mnot an expert," Mamiko mumbled. "You are too," Ayime repeated, and they broke out in giggles. In the upper row of seats, Ono Yoshitake and Nogi Buncho (Male Students #4 and #17) started laughing too; Ono glanced down at Ayime for a minute, and she blushed at him before he turned away and started talking with his best friend again. Probably about handball. As for Yoriko, she continued to squirm in her seat, for reasons a little more removed than Tomiko's fears. As long as she kept looking around, she told herself, nobody would notice anything strange. She'd just need to wait for a lull in the conversation, before she could just happen to catch Numata's eye... Sure enough, there he was, glancing forward. He acknowledged her with a nod, and Yoriko smiled; he remained expressionless. "Er..." she began, then broke off. Stupid! How was she ever going to manage a conversation? Numata paused, but didn't look away. "Tunama. Hey." "Hey," she repeated. Could have been a more disastrous beginning. "Hanging in there?" he asked. His voice wasn't overly kind, but—Yoriko thought with a silent thrill—he wasn't just asking because he had to. Numata didn't necessarily make small talk with people he didn't want to talk to, she'd noticed. He was cool like that. "Oh yeah," she said. "I don't mind the sight of blood or anything." Her brother, Yasuoka, played baseball for the elementary school team, and with their parents both working long hours at the port, Yoriko was usually the one tasked with looking after him after his stolen-base adventures. Though she'd never really gotten into competitive sports, she could still beat him over twenty-five meters at a time, to his enduring chagrin. "You?" "I'm allergic," said Numata, "I'll break out in rashes if you try. So I'm just along for the ride." "Really? You don't get sick?" "Nope. So long as I only hang out with healthy people like you all—but it only works if the majority of the population does get vaccinated, so the disease doesn't spread. For the greater good," he winked. "So don't try skiving off, next time." "Seriously?" Well, that made the prospect of getting vaccines a little less grim; she was protecting the one and only Numata Hachemon, after all! Keeping him healthy, even when he couldn't help himself. "Nah." And for the first time, he broke into a broad grin, "Just messing with you." Yoriko turned bright red. "Shut up! You were joking with me?" "Couldn't help it. You look cute when you're so gullible." He thought she looked—wait. "Are you lying to me now?" "Nah," he said, and they both smiled. He'd said she was cute. Numata had claimed she was cute, and it wasn't under her control, but she was believing him. "The science is right." "What?" Yoriko asked, looking around. One of Numata's friends turned from the window to address Yoriko. "The science. Is correct. Some people are allergic, so they do have to rely on the rest of the population getting vaccines, to stay healthy themselves. He didn't make that part up." "Just the part where it involved him." "Are you saying I'm not clever enough to make up a good story?" Numata protested, taking mock offense. "I'm saying I taught you everything you know, you goof." "Doctor's kid. You dork." "Why would anyone skive?" interrupted the "dork's" girlfriend, from across the aisle. "I mean, even if they didn't care about helping others, it's still necessary for your own health." Her boyfriend laughed quietly. "People don't always know what's best for their health. Or even care. Who'd ever want to start smoking, knowing what it does to you? And yet, some people do." "Idiots." "Are born every minute," he noted. Shaking her head, Female Student #2, Onuki Keiko, turned away from Male Student #5, Kawada Shogo. Yoriko smiled again at Numata, then yawned. Out the window, buildings continued to pass by, every light shining through first one window, then the next, until they disappeared behind the train. |
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| TakingOffMyCollar | Apr 4 2014, 10:17 PM Post #7 |
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Student
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I think you should definitely get excited again! I like how you chose not to focus just on Shogo. It actually took me a minute to realize when he came up at the end that, oh yeah, he's the doctors kid, duh. I like the characters so far and I'd totally read more of this if you posted it. |
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| primeideal | Apr 5 2014, 05:53 AM Post #8 |
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Haha, awesome! If I post more, it'll be here, so stick around. And yeah, it's definitely going to rotate through lots of different perspectives...Yoriko is the next chapter too, but there will be more.
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12:51 AM Jul 11
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If I post more, it'll be here, so stick around. And yeah, it's definitely going to rotate through lots of different perspectives...Yoriko is the next chapter too, but there will be more.

12:51 AM Jul 11