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Leaving Mirage
Topic Started: Jun 12 2007, 06:20 AM (110 Views)
Orion
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"No one makes me bleed my own blood"
Name: Uchiha, Max
Thread Type: Fight
Link to your Character Sheet: Sig
Link to Thread: Leaving Mirage

Summary
Ran out of Mirage to find Corey, then had to fight Mai. Talked to Shinoskay then ran after Corey as he ran away.

Stats you Used
Agility
Weapon Jutsu
Taijutsu
Bloodline

Learn/Obtain anything?

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Crimson
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Mind Break
Grammar-1
Effort-1
Plot Development-2
Consistency-1
Climax-1

Alright so u had no grammatical mistakes. Which in all is good, yet I saw not one interesting, intelligible word in the whole thing. I think you could have done much more, I mean this thread was done with several people but, you posted barely anything. Your first 2 posts were good, but then all of a sudden you starting doing posts that were only about 100 words! That's a major slack right there. You also didn't really make anything all too interesting, I mean it's kinda boring when you just read,

"Max heard an alarm ring and he knew that it meant trouble. So he pulled on his robe and ran out of the door. Once outside he found a shinobi and asked what was going on. The man simply said, “Corey has deserted us,” before running off. Max stood there in shock for a moment before he leapt up the stairs back into his house. Once inside he began to pack his bag full of water and food; then he shoved his spare robe into the bag as well and closed them. "

That was dull, and very fast paced. I mean you coulda done alot more with that. Other wise this was decent, and I think you could have done better.

Total=6
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Orion
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"No one makes me bleed my own blood"
I understand; although in my defense, (And you can ask Uber) I had a longer first post wriiten out but ber deleted it because as confused.

Agility: 2
Weapon Jutsu:1
Taijutsu: 2
Bloodline: 1
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Crimson
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Mind Break
I modded it, but you need to specify your weapon jutsu, I will add that once you specify.
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ImortalFighter
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Cloud Said I'm "Super Cool."
If you had read the thread, you probably would have been able to tell the type of weapon. Anyway... Fully Modded.
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