Smee agen

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Smee agen; Am I here yet?
Topic Started: Nov 15 2009, 01:16 PM (46 Views)
Gazzer16	Nov 15 2009, 01:16 PM Post #1
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	I've been lost and couldn't find CB, I think I took a wrong turn at Tesco and have been searching ever since. Where am I now?



waxingsteve	Nov 16 2009, 03:36 PM Post #2
Administrator Posts: 13,394 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: August 16, 2005 Twitter ID craftman57 Facebook ID Steve Smy	Welcome back Gazzer Long time eh? Always avoid Tesco Steve



Gazzer16	Nov 16 2009, 05:44 PM Post #3
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	Thanks Steve me duck, I lost the link and couldn't find the site for ages lol, I think I try Asda from now on lol. This site has changed a lot, I've got to learn my way around again now, have you got a map? lol I've been working on a plan to fix Britain's Economy Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them £1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed. 4) They must send their kids to school / college /university - Crime rate fixed 5) Buy £50 of alcohol / tobacco a week there's your money back in duty / tax etc 6) Stop all foreign mercenary workers taking jobs and sending the money back and out of the country job situation fixed. Sheer genius. P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely-claimed expenses and second home allowances, porn videos, rent boy expenses and car allowances. Do you think this would work Steve? lol Should I send it to Mr. Brown? If yes, will you buy me a stamp please to send it, I've got a hole in my trouser pocket and lost all my money



waxingsteve	Nov 18 2009, 10:05 AM Post #4
Administrator Posts: 13,394 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: August 16, 2005 Twitter ID craftman57 Facebook ID Steve Smy	Just don't use Google Maps or SatNav! Tried to keep the look and feel the same, as much as possible So most things are in the same places Like it I can buy you a stamp if you can send me £5 by PayPal Only thing you've missed: Sack all Local Councillors and replace with Donkeys - they work harder and eat less They also don't claim travel expenses or go on "fact finding" holidays Steve



jo145	Nov 18 2009, 11:56 PM Post #5
Cosmic Member Posts: 4,082 Group: Advanced Members Member #54 Joined: August 31, 2005	Good to see you back Gazzer. Life on Craftboard has been very quiet, certainly missed your sense of humour. You send your plan to Gordon Brown!



Gazzer16	Nov 19 2009, 09:36 AM Post #6
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	Hi Jo and Hi Steve, none of you have said if you think it will work or not A fiver is a bit much for a stamp Steve, you should be a Politian m8 The site is looking good steve, well done mate (give yourself a carrot). Where can I get the map of the site for the Tom Tom One XL? I can't seem to find it. I Think I'll just look on: http://www11.xpresssites.com/northcliffe/marketplace/s4s/browse_category.jsp?_RND=-541319325



Gazzer16	Nov 19 2009, 10:15 AM Post #7
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	I went Deer Hunting yesterday, I didn't have to go far though, It was every dam shop I wen't into



Gazzer16	Nov 20 2009, 01:17 AM Post #8
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	THIS IS A TRUE LETTER TO DEMONSTRATE TO ALL HOW UTTERLY STUPID POLITICIANS AND ALL THEIR POLITICS ARE. ACTUALLY YOU CAN EARN A LOT MORE MONEY PER YEAR NOT RAISING PIGS THAN ANY CRAFTS IN THESE THREADS. I sent this letter to the Rt Hon David Miliband MP, Dear Secretary of State, My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business. In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these? As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this? My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any. If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases? Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear? I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)? In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election. Yours faithfully...." Gary Baker



waxingsteve	Nov 20 2009, 10:51 AM Post #9
Administrator Posts: 13,394 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: August 16, 2005 Twitter ID craftman57 Facebook ID Steve Smy	After years of exposure to politics, all I can say is: "No comment" I've considered a career in anti-politics but am afraid that the principles would be misunderstood and I'd get voted into power The policies are so easy to establish and set out: 1. No politics 2. No salaries or expenses for MPs because there'd be no MPs 3. No elections (see 1) 4. No European Community (who're they kidding? "Community" - more like "Who can waste money fastest") so no MEPs (Sorry, would also destroy all hope of earning money from negative farming fees!) 5. No local councils - would free up vast acres of land for home building - by demolishing all those really expensive council buildings/facilities, as well as saving the environment from huge use of cars for no good purpose Steve



jo145	Nov 21 2009, 11:47 PM Post #10
Cosmic Member Posts: 4,082 Group: Advanced Members Member #54 Joined: August 31, 2005	Oh Gazzer, it's so funny but sad that politics are so stupid. And regarding the retirement plan as i'm already retired I couldn't say it's a good idea as I would miss my million!



Gazzer16	Nov 22 2009, 07:35 PM Post #11
Diamond Member Posts: 584 Group: Posted Member Member #448 Joined: November 13, 2006	These are all true from actual quizzies: BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There's a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don't know. Stewart White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm Stewart White: Correct And if you're not weak, you're...? Contestant: Strong. Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name? Contestant: Louis Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don't know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON ) DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi's first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM ( Bristol ) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963 ? Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER) Phil: What's 11 squared? Contestant: I don't know. Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Contestant: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. .. .. Richard: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . .... Richard: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street? LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain . NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world's largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific... ROCK FM ( PRESTON ) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta? JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC) James O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL ) Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er ..... Mexico ? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE ) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland ? Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ? Contestant: No. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Phil Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. ... .. Phil Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . .. Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .... Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That's close enough.



waxingsteve	Nov 23 2009, 10:59 AM Post #12
Administrator Posts: 13,394 Group: Admin Member #1 Joined: August 16, 2005 Twitter ID craftman57 Facebook ID Steve Smy



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