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Inner Mind of Amna Vana'diel; ~Phoenix~
Topic Started: Nov 9 2005, 01:24 PM (278 Views)
Amna Vana'diel
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11th Year Styx; Magical Culture

So where to start when I want to talk about my life? Well I use to be Amna Madison Jamie Castille 'd' Contel Vana'diel. A girl with long honey blond hair with blue eyes, a bit of talented who always had a smile on her face...a bit of trouble in the past, always getting detention with others and who could be seen with a paintbrush every other day.

Now...now everything has changed, in the past two years things have gone from bad to worst. The summer when I left school I went around trying to find my lost love Blaize, I searched everywhere and I spent money like it was going out of fashion; buying rum and vodka using anything to numb out the broekn heart that didn't seem to heal. After around a yeah I went back home to Brazil to find the house I use to live in abandoned, everything gone not even a little trace of where my family had dissappeared to.
I eventually found them living on the other side of Rio in a bigger house, my brothers and sisters where happy to see I had finally returned home where as my mother looked like she would have prefered me to stay away so I would spoil her 'perfect marriage' Eck god she makes me sick choosing her a man over her children. She always says the same thing.
"You don't understand....When you get to my age you want a man to stay by you...what man do you know who would take on 13children who weren't his own.?"

I feel like screaming at her of throwing her head at a brickwall and watching her suffer like how I have for the past couple of years, she thinks the sun shines out of his ass...oh if she only knew the half about her precious husband.
She chooses not to notice that her children are frightened of the man she has married, the fact that when she came back from holiday the little ones were there, she just chose to think that we wanted to go and stay in Italy for a few weeks.

The truth of the matter was that he hit me....well thats the understatment of the year. The hits turned into punches, the punches turned into kicks; the last thing I remember is seeing one of his friends standing above me with a smile on his face.
Seth said he got there as soon as Alec Flooed him telling him that something bad was happening and he had to come. I woke up three days later looking like a had gotten into a fight with a polar bear, I couldn't move, it hurt to breath and all I wanted to do was die. The bruises faded after awhile and my bone got fixed with that digusting potions (couldn't they get different flavour) and Nando came to stay with us bringing another person into the house. I love Nan he's cool when he's not telling me how to dress, put on my makeup or which guy to go out with. Its crazy we are so different then again so alike, but he doesn't know whats going on, its better that way the last thing I want is another death on my hands; the last time it happened things didn't go to well.

Uni's ok, I've seen most of the old gang and we hang at time. Kari is married (always knew she would) Mei is going out with Nando (I have no clue why) Blaize after years of not seeing him is here with his little Bro Bar and Ky.... ^_^ well lets just say I think things are going somewhere with him. Yes I'm in love :heart: its hard getting use to feeling this way again though I wouldn't change it for the world

Anyway I gotta go, I have a concet to do with Fiery Playlist, I'm doing backup vocals i'm so nervous.

Adiós Amigos

Signed:
Chica Linda Ami A.K.A ~Phoenix~
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Amna Vana'diel
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11th Year Styx; Magical Culture

Se ha respetado el buen gusto la calidad y el medio ambiente. En sintesis, se lo ha respetado a UD.

I once swore to God that I wouldn't take anothers life no matter how I felt but I think I'm being pushed a bit too far. Why does life always seem to deal me the crappiest hand ever?

Saffy Kyron's ex is back and with child, I did the most shameful thing by smashing her head into a mirror but i can only be pushed so far and she knows this but she just kept on pushing AGH this is total bullshit.
Once again I have put my heart on the line and it has been trampled on like it was nothing, he said he wouldn't hurt me but the way I'm feeling I might just get that arrange marriage, that way I can stay alive and I have no false pretences of what that marriage will hold.

I've sent a letter home saying i'm coming back, I had to convince Alessandro and Seth not to come down to the school, I refuse to tell Nando and Kari cause they will kill him and I don't want him dead I just want to be ok...I don't think I ever will be ok now. Having my heart once was bad enough but twice now. Brazil is my home always has been I was being foolish to think I could escape my fate.... no en tiendo.

I often woner what my father would say if he could see me now, would he be proud? Why doesn't he give me a nudge in the right direction?
Here I am in my room trying not to cry because fate has put me in the same room as the Heffalump. I can't see properly and i feel like my heart fells like its going to expload. I know wonder why I didn't just move to Newyork to live Nan and Vince I would have fun and I would be happier than I am at the present time, but I refuse to cry. If I did cry that would be making everyone see how weak I am and I am not weak, I've been through more than the Heffalump has dished out to me but how much is one person meant to take?
I'm just waiting for Ky to tell me whats happening with the baby, i know he'll stay wih her...not that I blame him.
what kind of shitty hand have I been dealt.I hate life please god stop sending your crisis on me, I just want to be left alone... love leave me ALONE. No mi fijaba...now I do. And I have now run out of sugar quills....life is bad...real bad


Adiós Amigos

Signed:
Chica Linda Ami A.K.A ~Phoenix~
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Amna Vana'diel
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11th Year Styx; Magical Culture

Ok so this is a diary of Amna when she 15 and over during her years in Olympus so you can get a glimps of what she was like and what she really thought
Amna's earlier diary
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Amna Vana'diel
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11th Year Styx; Magical Culture

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<font color=#FFCC99>So I haven’t written in here for awhile so I guess I should fill you in on a few thing. One Blaize is going, two can’t find my sugar quills, three can’t find Ky, four two people are getting hitched and I guess that is it I am pretty ok. I’m no longer suicidal and my brother told me that I could stay with him for a couple of weeks in Paris to sort my head out but all I want to do is go out and have fun all day, i think i will go away for a couple of weeks get my head together and get away from Greece and Brazil for a bit...Japan, no one could find me there for a bit.
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Oh and I told Blaize about the whole baby thing, he took it how I thought he would, I feel sorry for the poor guy can't be easy for him. I've been trying to distance my thoughts from that part of my memories thing is lost the baby almost 3years ago. And Ky doesn't know actually no one does and i thought it would be bad to tell everyone else and not tell Blaize first but now he does know i can start being more honest Ky. If only he was the same way with me, i wish he trusted me more. Weird thing is that he kissed me and I didn’t pull away but the whole time I felt bad because I love Blaize no denying that but its not the same as when I’m with Ky because when I’m with Ky everything seems right and all I want to do is be with him, he is the only perosn who can make my heart beat fast and slow at the same time, there are no words to describe what i feel for him. It's as if he knows me the real me. *beats head against table*
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I’m paying a shrink a bomb and he can’t untangle my messed up mind for me, just proves therapy does not work! he says i need to work though my problems that i have with my step father and my anger towards him. HELLO! the man killed my brother, my father, my child and is ruining my life. I want to kill him, i so want to kill him but what would that get me, i still wont have them back though it doesn't mean i wont kill him i just wont do it now. Plus Scottie isn't getting any better though he is being a brave little thing. I think I might take him on holiday with me maybe being in the house is getting to him and maybe some other hospital will know something the Brazilian one doesn't. I just want him to get better, it scares me to him him in bed shivering or burning up with fever. Yeah everyone suffers from things when they are young but he has been like this for a year and i only just found out. I'll take care of him
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Signed a very confused AMJC’DCV (my full intials)
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P.S. Mum is due in two week. Twins lord save us all. That is why i will never have kid i might have twins or triplets it runs in the family >_<
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