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There is Blood on My Hands; ~and darkness in my heart~
Topic Started: Nov 15 2005, 04:21 AM (113 Views)
Professor Lena Kali Tempest
Unregistered

I have never been one to keep a diary or a journal of any kind. I have always thought that it would be detrimental to me if anyone was to find it; what kind of harm could they inflict on me after knowing all of deepest thoughts and desires? It was something that I could never allow myself even the chance to find out, and so I had never fooled myself into believing that my thoughts on paper could be kept safe. I could keep those written thoughts of mine on me, it is true, but there is always the worry that I could loose them somewhere, and I could never allow that to happen. Here though, I know that this will be safe.

I am now at Elysion University, and I have to admit, I feel safer here than I ever did anywhere, with the exception of my first home of course. Nothing can ruin the feeling of contentment and safety that a child feels in their own home. I felt that to, despite what my parents were, and what I was. We were, for all intents and purposes, a fairly normal family. We were well respected, and no one dared to go against us, not even the vampire hunters in our area. The Tempest name used to mean something, but now it is lost. It was lost when my parents were murdered; it disappeared with their ashes into the wind. It was lost when my uncle had to go into hiding so that he would not also be killed, and when I forgot my surname, left it behind for another. Kali.

The name has changed for me now, in my short time at Elysion. It used to be an alias so that the vampiress assassin Lena could not be traced back to the blonde that the dead men had met. After all, despite looking the same, I had made sure that Lena and Kali were two very different vampiress’. Lena was the powerful force, the one with the bullseye shot and the steady hand. The one that was unable to sit still before a kill, the one that was methodical in her torture. She was very different to Kali.

Kali was as much of a vampire as Lena was, but in a very different way. Kali was the seducer, the flirt, the temptress. She was in no way related to the old vampire family, and was most defiantly not a born vampire. She knew nothing of the old ways, she was a sired vampire confident in her abilities and knowing her place in the rather closed society in which she lived. That blonde was the demon in me, the girl with the yellow eyes, the blood red nails and the elongated canines. Kali was also the only the part of me that I allowed to feel. Only through Kali could I feel anything, though I even limited that to lust at the most. Anything other than that was unacceptable in my book.

Of course, it had all changed when James had come along. He had managed to not only call to Kali with the wolf in him, but call to Lena with the man. That particular story, though, will have to remain for another time.
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Professor Lena Kali Tempest
Unregistered

He screamed for me as he died.

The thought keeps reverberating in my mind, over and over again. I thought that I had moved past it, and perhaps I had, but Nikolas has managed to bring it up again. James. Thoughts of him always brought back the thoughts of his death, and that one fact that keeps itself on repeat.

He screamed to me as he died.

It was not out loud of course. James would never allow his captors and killers the satisfaction of hearing him scream, not even for her. But she had heard it, managed to hear it in the depths of her mind. He called for me, called to me as they killed him. It had not been a slow death, but a long one, a painful one. Not short and painless as he deserved, not one in battle like he had deserved. It had been slow and methodical.

They had tortured him first. I could feel it in every fibre of my being; I could feel the every stroke of the blade, every bullet piercing his skin. The bonding had done that, the claim that they had laid on each other. It had been a hard thing to get through, wanting to stop in pain that was not your own, but knowing that she needed to keep going, to keep looking for him. Otherwise he would die, and I could not allow that. I would not allow that.

But I failed. I had gotten there a moment too late, I was there in time to see his last breath, but that was all. From across the room I saw him there, chain and manacled to a wall like an animal, our eyes meeting one last time. He said nothing aloud, but my mind echoed with a thought that was not my own. My name, my name as if screamed from his lips, and then it was over. He was gone. My James, my wolf had been stolen from me.

For one of the only times of my life I let the woman in me retreat. Lena was gone, and in her place Kali, an angry demon. Eyes shone a bright yellow, canines elongated into sharp incisors, as I moved into a predatory position. I felt so unlike myself, as if I was not in my own body. I felt as if I was across the room with James as my body was tearing into the killers of my mate. My mate was taken from me and all I could think of was revenge. I got it that day, on everyone that was there. I got it later on everyone that had planned the kill. It had been for them as it had been for James, slow and methodical. Artful killings that Kali had orchestrated and Lena had carried out. Perfect and fitting for them. She had allowed them a dignity that they had not allowed her wolf; she had allowed them to fight back. Allowed them room to beg, room to plead with her. She had now allowed it of them of course, they had all dies in the end, but it was something that had meant a lot to her.

James is gone now, or at least I had believed so. Nikolas believes that he had James, or at least a part of James, inside of him. His knowledge and emotions. I do not know what to think; on the one hand, how else would he, a student, have such intimate knowledge of the two of us. I know that it is crazy to even think that any part of James could still be alive, but I continue to hang onto it. Either way, I must find out. I simply must.

He died with my name on his lips.
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Professor Lena Kali Tempest
Unregistered

I was scared for the first time in a long time just a few days ago. The object of my fear was not a particularly frightening thing, nor was it an enemy that has promised my demise like so many have in the past. No, this time I was afraid of myself. Of what I would do in the corridors when I met Nikolas. I had the urge to run that I have not felt since the fire that stole my parents, and I very nearly gave into that emotion. I almost gave into the fear and ran away from the wolf that knew so much about James and I. Even in my most frightened of moment I have always been a fighter, always stood with cold eyes and stayed. Even when the best option for me was to run I stayed to fight. Foolish, but I am a proud creature. I would not let myself run from anything.

I almost ran then though. I very nearly ran away as soon as I saw the look in his eyes; saw his past rush before my own. As soon as he spoke my name in a bedroom voice almost forgotten, when James got out and talked to me. I did not, though now I almost wished that I had. Hearing him alive again, not in his own body no, but alive none the less. I had not run, but not because I would not admit defeat. Instead, I did not run because I could not move. I was beyond shaken, beyond unnerved, and was unable to do anything but let everything happen. At the end I ran, but that had some of my previous strength about it, along with quite a bit of weariness. It was not my usual attitude.

Nikolas has proven to be a very interesting wolf indeed. That day in the corridors was a most confusing one, and not the best as first meetings go. What happened to him on that night I am still not certain, but I do know this one thing. He is no longer simply Nikolas. James, in one form or another, is living in Nikolas. He simply knows too much about him, too much about my life with my old wolf lover for what he says to not be true. He has a great cat, as he described James to me, living in his very being.

It must be confusing for the younger wolf, but for the unlife of my I cannot bring myself to feel any great sympathy for him. After all, I have always said that I have been a selfish being. In regards to this I am no different. All I can think of in this moment is how all of this affects me. What it is making me feel, what is going on in my own head. I have never said that I was a particularly loving or caring person, but with this development, even I am surprised at my selfishness.

This is making me realise all of my thoughts and feelings about James again, and I am equating them with Nikolas. This cannot be allowed to go on. I cannot let myself think of James having any relation to Nikolas or I am sure to start feeling for the younger wolf what I feel for the older one. That is not fair to Nikolas, he does not deserve to be caught in the middle of James and I.

Who would have thought it? I, Lena Kali Tempest, vampiric assassin, being a martyr? There is one for the history books indeed.
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