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Extramarital Relations; Are Americans Misguided?
Topic Started: Mar 27 2007, 08:08 PM (490 Views)
Apocalypse Next Thursday
Disgraced Dictator
[ *  *  * ]
I read an interesting article the other day about the divorce rate in America, and found some startling information.

America is the only country in the world whose 51% divorce rate is highly affected by extramarital relations, or sleeping outside the marriage. This is a stark contrast to other countries' views on it.

Japan not only does nothing to discourage extramarital relations, it encourages it, even going so far as having government-regulated facilities where one can do so without risk of infection or other problems. It is seen as a fetish, and does not seem to impact marriages. A habit, like drinking or smoking.

The French have understandings; I am faithful to my wife, and my wife alone. You are simply fulfilling an immediate need. They understand that. Extramarital relations are not seen as immoral, but simply the result of unfulfilled needs that are understood. Mutual agreement.

Is America misguided in its views of relations, or "affairs" as we like to call it? The Bunny Ranch in Texas is a prime example of the Japanese way of life. Should we let it break us apart and make it a marriage-cancellation immediately, embrace it as a hobby/habit, or find a middle ground?

Discuss.
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I simply believe in one less god than you. When you realize why you reject all other gods, then you will understand why I reject yours." - Unknown
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piercehawkeye45
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Franklin Pierce
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It starts out with "Christian Values".

I am not married but my guess is that one big problem is a sex life. If one person is not fullfilling the other, after many years, that other person may look to somewhere else for that fullfillment and the first person being suprised when finding out that he or she was cheated on. Basically it comes down to lack of communication or a sexual disorder.

I can understand extramarital relations since having a sucky or no sex life would be horrible after a few years but it would be best if they were kept to a minimum. It would be a lot better to talk out the problems but if one person is being prude, that person has no reason to be suprised if he or she is being cheated on.

Being cheated on when you do have a good sex life is something different though...
Dropped the atomic bomb let them know that it's real
Speak soft with a big stick do what I say or be killed
I'm America!

I have found the enemy and he is us.
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Taslan
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Crazy Doctor's Apprentice
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Apocalypse Next Thursday
Mar 27 2007, 08:08 PM
I read an interesting article the other day about the divorce rate in America, and found some startling information.

America is the only country in the world whose 51% divorce rate is highly affected by extramarital relations, or sleeping outside the marriage. This is a stark contrast to other countries' views on it.

Japan not only does nothing to discourage extramarital relations, it encourages it, even going so far as having government-regulated facilities where one can do so without risk of infection or other problems. It is seen as a fetish, and does not seem to impact marriages. A habit, like drinking or smoking.

The French have understandings; I am faithful to my wife, and my wife alone. You are simply fulfilling an immediate need. They understand that. Extramarital relations are not seen as immoral, but simply the result of unfulfilled needs that are understood. Mutual agreement.

Is America misguided in its views of relations, or "affairs" as we like to call it? The Bunny Ranch in Texas is a prime example of the Japanese way of life. Should we let it break us apart and make it a marriage-cancellation immediately, embrace it as a hobby/habit, or find a middle ground?

Discuss.

I can only name a few acts of sexuality that you would need another animal to do.
Perhaps it's not so much the fact that people need to have sex that their current lovers are not giving them. Perhaps it is instead the fact that they lie about it, do it because it feels good to cheat on your lover (at least in the now, guilt perhaps may have a say in it later), or don't invite their significant other in the fun.

Oh how I wish most of it was the third. Everyone would be so much happier with large scale roman orgies.

But alas...

- Taslan
"Who was the most beautiful Seraph in Heaven?"
And I reply, "Seraph Michael?"
"No."
And I reply, "Seraph Samael?"
"No."
And I reply in finality; "Then surely, Seraph Seraphiel."
"No.
The most beautiful Angel in Heaven was,
Seraph Lucifer
And as He fell, His feathers departed
Thusly, were the Souls of man and woman
Tis the reason why He wishes so desperately for
His Lost Feathers... His Wings...
To fly
Back Home."
-God to Taslan
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严加华
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Magister Ludicrous
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If you read the history of sexual and family relations you'll find that monogamy is, in fact, uncommon as a structure. In the far east (China, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, etc.) men had their wife/wives, their concubines and access to high-quality, high-class prostitutes -- if they could afford all those. It was not frowned upon at all and, in fact, was lauded as proof of wealth and capability. Traditional Islam allows up to four wives and Judaism allows up to as many as you can afford. Christianity has a few verses which some say "proves" that you can only have one man and one woman, but it's kind of undermined by other nearby verses that sing the praises of people who have many wives and yet other verses that talk about a bridegroom with many brides.

Throughout history, and in most parts of the world, there were family structures that were not the so-called "traditional nuclear family" in common use -- to the point that the "traditional nuclear family" isn't traditional at all really -- it's about four centuries or so old as a fixed, rigid concept. Tops. And only in a small part of the world.

So, yes, I'd say that the divorces caused by "infidelity" are caused mostly by a highly unnatural, highly undesirable living arrangement that doesn't take into account in the slightest the realities of human behaviour.

Which doesn't change the fact that I, personally, will never cheat on my wife for any reason. Despite her honest protestations that she wouldn't mind as long as I was reasonably discreet about it -- i.e. went to the "pink light hairdressers" away from the campus.
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piercehawkeye45
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Franklin Pierce
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Yes, marriage for love is a very very recent devolpment that I believe only started a few centries ago if that.

Marry first and then love will come later.

I've never had a serious relationship so I can't really back it up but as long as she is sexually satisfied and we have talked about it, I expect her to never cheat on me thus making myself expect I will never cheat on her.
Dropped the atomic bomb let them know that it's real
Speak soft with a big stick do what I say or be killed
I'm America!

I have found the enemy and he is us.
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agafaba
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douchebagga
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More then anything it would be the secret that would upset me, I expect my girlfriend to not cheat on me, and if anything of the sort were to happen that she tell me right away. I can deal with things i know, i can also take comfort in knowing that with that kind of relationship i dont have to think that it could or did happen, because i would already know.

Bottom line - She cheats on me but tells me afterwards, is sincere in her apology, and still wants to continue our relationship... i will forgive her
She cheats on me and keeps it a secret, i find out through some other means, its going to be a long... long.... long fight between us
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NeoAegis
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agafaba
Apr 7 2007, 05:39 PM
She cheats on me and keeps it a secret, i find out through some other means, its going to be a long... long.... long fight between us

I'll bust a cap in her whore ass for you, dude!
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agafaba
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douchebagga
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NeoAegis
Apr 8 2007, 01:15 AM
agafaba
Apr 7 2007, 05:39 PM
She cheats on me and keeps it a secret, i find out through some other means, its going to be a long... long.... long fight between us

I'll bust a cap in her whore ass for you, dude!

I could never shoot her regardless of what she did... however I did try shooting with a 22 rifle for a while, and the guy would be an open target. B)

plus there is always Osama Inc :P
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Killer Bee
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Quote:
 
Bottom line - She cheats on me but tells me afterwards, is sincere in her apology, and still wants to continue our relationship... i will forgive her


It's a different story once you're married. I love my wife, but if she ever cheated on me, it's done, no questions asked. Your spouse is supposed to be someone who you can trust with anything in your life. Once that trust is broken, there's nothing else left, even love can't repair trust.

Quote:
 
                  She cheats on me and keeps it a secret, i find out through some other means, its going to be a long... long.... long fight between us


As I said before, it's a trust issue. Even if she apologises, what's stopping her from doing it again? Once a cheat....always a cheat.
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agafaba
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douchebagga
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Oh regardless i would be upset, and even if we stayed together she would have to earn my trust. Also this is assuming that when i say tells me after that its within a day or two, and that it was a one time thing. If it was an affair I don't think I could forgive her, at least not enough to have any relationship with her.
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