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Stupidest Things Ever Said; "You mean there are two Koreas?"
Topic Started: Dec 15 2007, 02:27 AM (1,250 Views)
Flamingo
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Penis goes in here
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Post stupid comments made from people or ads.

"According to Colonial War Memorial Hospital staff, the woman was brought in after the accident by witnesses at the scene and was taken in for obliteration." -Fiji Daily Post

"Here is either in Afghanistan, some other country, or dead." -Donald Rumsfeld on Osama.

"Health Department says death certificates must be ordered one week in advance of death." -Lancaster (Ohio) Eagle-Gazette.

"Mr. Speaker, this bill is phoney with a capital F." -Congressman in a debate.

"Man shoots neighbor with machete." -Miami Herald

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." -Literary Review (England)

"A stray bullet killed one bystander slightly." -Maryville (Missouri) Forum

"Fits one head." -shower cap label

"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future." -Former Vice President Dan Quayle.

"I was asked to come to Chicago because Chicago is one of our 52 states." -Raquel Welch
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NeoAegis
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Israel thug life
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"Post stupid comments made from people or ads."
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Flamingo
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Oh thanks Neo! Way to put somebody down for trying to create some freakin' conversation. I guess we should just go back to talking about cocks.
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NeoAegis
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Israel thug life
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Technically, it isn't a conversation. A couple of those made me chuckle, so find others. Godspeed.
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Flamingo
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My favorite conversation ever...

COURT CLERK "Please repeat after me, 'I swear by Almighty God...'"

WITNESS "I swear by Almighty God..."

CLERK "That the evidence that I give..."

WITNESS "That's right."

CLERK "Repeat it."

WITNESS "Repeat it."

CLERK "No! Repeat what I said!"

WITNESS "What you said when?"

CLERK "'That the evidence that I give...'"

WITNESS "That the evidence that I give..."

CLERK "Shall be the truth and..."

WITNESS "It will, and nothing but the truth!"

CLERK "Please, just repeat after me, 'Shall be the truth and...'"

WITNESS "I'm not a scholar you know."

CLERK "We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me, 'Shall be the truth and...'"

WITNESS "Shall be the truth and..."

CLERK Say, "Nothing..."

WITNESS "Okay." (Witness remains silent).

CLERK "No! Don't say nothing. Say 'Nothing but the truth...'"

WITNESS "Yes."

CLERK "Can't you say 'Nothing but the truth?'"

WITNESS "Yes."

CLERK "Well? ....Do so."

WITNESS "You're confusing me."

CLERK "Just say, 'Nothing but the truth....'"

WITNESS "Is that all?"

CLERK "Yes."

WITNESS "Okay, I understand."

CLERK "Then say it."

WITNESS "What?"

CLERK "'Nothing but the truth...'"

WITNESS "But I do! That's just it!"

CLERK "You must say 'Nothing but the truth.'"

WITNESS "I will say nothing but the truth!"

CLERK "Please, just repeat these four words. 'Nothing.' 'But.' 'The.' 'Truth.'"

WITNESS "What? You mean, like, now?"

CLERK "Yes! Now. Please, just say those four words."

WITNESS "'Nothing. But. The. Truth.'"

CLERK "Thank you."

WITNESS "I'm just not a scholar, you know."

ACTUAL COURT TESTIMONY RECORED IN COURT TRANSCRIPT.
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NewFish
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Crazy Doctor's Apprentice
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fake, nobody is that stupid <_<
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." — Douglas Adams
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Flamingo
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Oh, but they are real. That conversation is definitely not fake, it was published in a book called "The Lexicon of Stupidity" which is where I'm getting all this stuff from.
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Sarpedon
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Some Random Criminal (I think this may be classed as wit no stupidity)
Executioner Overseer - Any last words?
Criminal - Yes
Overseer - Hmmm?
Criminal - Can i have a bullet proof vest?
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Dizzarth Stumpy
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Flamingo
Dec 15 2007, 04:00 PM
ACTUAL COURT TESTIMONY RECORED IN COURT TRANSCRIPT.

where, in the case of abbot vs costello?
STUMPY WAS RIGHT. HIS TOUCHING SOLILOQUY HAS MOVED ME, TRULY A MANIPULATOR OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. I HAVE ALLOWED HIM USAGE OF HIS PREVIOUS ACCOUNT.
EHRHRHRHRNGGHH
LC is the best and brought back my embarassing sex tapes.
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Flamingo
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Dizzarth Stumpy
Dec 16 2007, 01:39 PM
Flamingo
Dec 15 2007, 04:00 PM
ACTUAL COURT TESTIMONY RECORED IN COURT TRANSCRIPT.

where, in the case of abbot vs costello?

Haha, what a case that was. The wolfman was an excellent prosecutor.
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Magical Gelatin
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[Woman smoking with oversized stomach/uterus area.]
Mrs. -------- is worried about the sound of jackhammers on her unborn child.
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Flamingo
 
Go ahead and the tell about the mutilation of your pinky. We have until the end of the world to hear it.
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Shmorgasopoly
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Crazy Doctor's Apprentice
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My neighbor, who is my age and mentally sound, who passed all his classes in school said to me two years ago when we were looking at a map of Europe

"I always thought that Germany was in South America."
“For the sake of all that is good and holy, let us not permit the wretches who are now laying their sacrilegious hands upon the pillars of the Constitution, pull them down and involve us all in general ruin.-We and our children, and our children’s children to the end of time, are interested in preservation, and preserved it shall be.”-General W.W.H. Davis

Noli me tangere. Nemo me impune lacessit
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Killer Bee
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Quote:
 
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to." 

- Shaquille O'Neal, basketball player, on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece

Quote:
 
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President--Dumbass.

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"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada."

- Britney Spears, Pop Singer--This is my best arguement of why she should have had her lips stapled shut....

And now for the "Two for Two Dumb as a Turd" award.....

Brook Shields.


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"It's nice, it gives you a feeling of security so that if something breaks we know we can always call a guy over and he'll bring a drill or something."

- Brooke Shields, Actress, on why it was is good to live in a co-ed dormitory when she was in college.--Way too easy....

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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign--I think her brain was killed.
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Dizzarth Stumpy
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Killer Bee
Dec 19 2007, 06:16 PM
Quote:
 
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President--Dumbass.

dan quayle is a million times dumber than george w bush could ever dream of.
STUMPY WAS RIGHT. HIS TOUCHING SOLILOQUY HAS MOVED ME, TRULY A MANIPULATOR OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. I HAVE ALLOWED HIM USAGE OF HIS PREVIOUS ACCOUNT.
EHRHRHRHRNGGHH
LC is the best and brought back my embarassing sex tapes.
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Flamingo
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Killer Bee
Dec 19 2007, 10:16 PM
Quote:
 
"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago"

- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President--Dumbass.

We should just make Chicago a freakin' state.

"All ice cubes will be boiled before using." - U.S. army official's order during an oversea Typhoid epidemic.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia; it's only the people who make them unsafe." -Mayor Frank Rizzo.

"Originally my mother was Spanish, then she became a Jehovah's Witness." -Geri Halliwell

"You've done a nice job decorating the White House." -Jessica Simpson during a tour of the White House to the Secretary of the Interior.

"20 toilet rolls, hardly used, X-Mas bargain." -Classified ad in the Barrow (England) North West Evening Mail.

And to wrap it up for now, two of the dumbest politicians ever...

"And there is no doubt in my mind-not one doubt in my mind-that we will fail." -George W. Bush in a stirring speech about the fight against terrorism.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe." -Dan Quayle
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