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| Tales of Suspense #93; September, 1967 | |
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| Topic Started: May 24 2009, 08:42 PM (257 Views) | |
| Laughing Gravy | May 24 2009, 08:42 PM Post #1 |
Revered in the UK
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Well, it'll be a couple of weeks at least before I'm back to do another Saturday Morning Funnybook Frolic with ya, but when I AM back, I'll be joined by the Invincible IRON MAN and... and... uhhh... the Captivating CAPTAIN AMERICA. Plus Half-Face and the Titanium Man! Holy COW they crammed a lot of guys in stretch longjohns in these old funnybooks. Anyway, whenever it is, we'll see ya then!
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:04 AM Post #2 |
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No Stony around? Well, THIS won't take long, then, will it - he won't be interrupting with his inane comments and I can treat this funnybook with all the seriousness it deserves. I mean, after all, how many works of literature can you find in which one of the characters has the term POWER VS. POWER exploding right out of his ass on the cover, hmmm? |
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:09 AM Post #3 |
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The inside cover has the same ol' "Treasure Chest of Fun" page, which interestingly says that the minimum order is $1.00, which means you can't order just ONE "Atomic Smoke Bomb", you have to order five of the darn things. Or four bars of Trick Black Soap. Let's see... I'll take 1 smoke bomb, 1 trick soap, a pack of onion gum, and a throw your voice device. DAMN. That's only 90 cents. Ah, well. I like this: "Do not turn this page if you've anything more important to do!" What could be more important than readin' a funnybook, eh? 
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:14 AM Post #4 |
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Interesting. Two pages so far, and pretty much all we've seen are characters' asses. Stan & Gene, what WERE you doing??? I assume "Tales of Suspense" was one o' those lame 1950s sci-fi titles that became a super-hero book in the swingin' '60s. I assume. I didn't look it up. I didn't read Marvel when I was a kid, and here's why: you pick up the book and it's in the middle of a story. Who is Half-Face? Why is Iron Man in Vietnam? Why does he walk like a girl? If the title refers to him, why is he called "The Golden Gladiator"? His costume is friggin' RED for the most part. What th' HELL!?!? I want Pvt. Doberman back. |
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:17 AM Post #5 |
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"I COULD switch on my built-in CHEST BEAM" Iron Man thinks, but decides he's safer in the dark because if he can't see his enemy, his enemy can't see him, either. It's brilliant strategy like that that made him such an integral part of The Avengers, right?
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:19 AM Post #6 |
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Hmmmm. The Titanium Man takes a swing at Iron Man but misses. Iron Man thinks, "Only my sudden SPEED saved me from that blow!" and fires his "Repulsor Rays" at his foe. "Tyaanng!" is the sound effect. Continued after next page. Wow. We're really a little plot-heavy in this story.
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:22 AM Post #7 |
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Has everybody read that last page? There's gonna be a quiz. |
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:27 AM Post #8 |
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Interesting. We're half a dozen pages in and the only thing that's happened is the villain took a swing and missed and the hero fired a ray at the bad guy, plus lots of ads. There was more action when Joe Cobb fought Chubby Chaney in that Little Rascals short.
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:32 AM Post #9 |
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Titanium Man: "Is that - the BEST - you can do?" Iron Man: "It never HAPPENED before! My STRONGEST repulsor blast - USELESS!" Oh, wait. Iron Man just THINKS that. I hope. It doesn't really do to let your enemy know that you're convinced he's going to kick your ass. In funnybooks, you're supposed to mock your foe. Like this. Iron Man: "Listen, sweetie, I was just WARMIN' UP with that blast so's ya know I care." Or something like that. What actually happens is... Titanium Man: "You turn your two ear-pieces? Why?" Iron Man: "You sing off-key! So maybe I'm trying to drown you out!" Titanium Man: "Ah! You activated a circuit! Releasing small roller wheels beneath your boots!" Well, hell. The writer is telling us what the artist is showing us, and vice versa. *Yawn* I miss Jimmy Olsen making Superman dance the Kryptonian Crawl. |
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:35 AM Post #10 |
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Okay, we've got another 2 more pages of this non-fighting "action" stuff; Titanium Man calls Iron Man a "Brainless American", which I found interesting, and notes that Iron Man's transistors must be starting to lose their energy, and hell, it's only been 8 pages. Iron Man should pack a few C batteries in his utility belt if he's gonna run out of energy THAT fast. Let's move on, shall we? 
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:36 AM Post #11 |
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He's going to be more famous than an orange? What th' HELL?!? Where does Iron Man FIND these kooky villains?!? |
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:39 AM Post #12 |
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So, apparently this guy talks to himself a LOT. He is thinking about how he shouldn't think about things, and then he thinks about the things he was telling himself he shouldn't be thinking about. Like how he joined the Commies and had to leave his son and wife behind to go mix chemicals in a laboratory but before he can blow himself up we have yet another ad. Man, could Marvel sell shit, or WHAT?!?
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:42 AM Post #13 |
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I gotta admit, these Tales of Suspense are NOT all that suspenseful. So this Commie guy blows himself up and becomes Half-Face, and now he can't go home and face his family, he can only be a super-villain, which seems like ample motivation to me. He then turns a dial marked "Max. Power" and says, "Though TITANIUM MAN is the WEAPON - none but HALF-FACE is the TRIGGER!" And so, back to the mindless violence. Anybody here, or are you all off selling GRIT? 
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:53 AM Post #14 |
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Iron Man pretends to be beaten and goes limp. Well, actually, since he IS beaten, it's kind of silly. It's like John McCain pretending he lost the last election. Anyway, we move to some other part of the world, where a man in a hat shows up at Stark Enterprises looking for Tony Stark. Man in Hat: "You say Tony Stark is out of the country? Can you tell me when he'll return?" Security Guard: "Look, fella - I ain't his social secretary! I'm just paid to guard this gate, not keep track of Mr. Stark!" 
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| Laughing Gravy | Jun 6 2009, 06:58 AM Post #15 |
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How indeed. Okay, I have to admit, that Iron Man story cracked me up. Twelve full pages of nothing. It's like a parody of a funnybook story. Let's all buy Marvel Comics sweatshirts and face front and hang loose and stuff like that. 
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