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Our very own 50 worst list; How about it, guys?
Topic Started: May 5 2015, 11:35 AM (197 Views)
panzer the great & terrible
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Mouth Breather
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I'll start with the very worst movie I ever saw: Ferry to Hong Kong with a stoic (or is that static?) performance by Curt Jurgens and an insufferable one by Orson Welles. Nothing happens at all -- a ferry just keeps going back and forth to Hong Kong from Kowloon and Jurgens isn't allowed to get off in either place. Welles whines, fumes and fusses more and more as the picture continues. Two bags of popcorn and four trips to the bathroom and I was delighted to see the end title come up. So bad I rushed out of the theater leaving a new book behind.

Who's next?
Life is just a bowl of cherries, it's too mysterious, don't take it serious...
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The Batman
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Good idea, Mr P, this could be fun. I have, but have yet to watch, FERRY TO HONG KONG, but I know what I am watching this week.

The worst movie I ever saw in a theatre was BATTLEFIELD EARTH. I wanted to pluck my eyes out and run screaming from the theatre. The pain was so bad, but I forced myself to watch it all.

Who's next?



Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman...then always be Batman!
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Laughing Gravy
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This is a stumper. I honestly don't think I've ever seen a bad movie; everything I watch is pretty good. Oh, well, there's this, that's true. Oh, and this. And this and this and this.

See, here's the thing... when I write what I consider a viciously uncomplimentary review to warn ya'll off, I frequently get, "Gosh, now I want to SEE this thing." I feel as though I've failed as a writer, a critic, and a human being. That said, I'll contribute something to this thread to award your initiative. I don't believe I've ever written about...

Give My Regards to Broad Street (1984) Dir. Peter Webb

Paul McCartney's tapes for his new album have gone missing, and while the music lovers of the world rejoice, Paul, his pal Ringo, their wives, and Sir Ralph Richardson go looking for them, with The Artist Formerly Known as the Cute Beatle stopping to occasionally play some of the worst pop songs of the era, filled out by old tunes from the Beatles days. In the end, it's all a dream, or maybe he was picturing himself in a boat on a river.

Million-dollar Dialog:
Paul, looking for the guy he thinks has the tapes: "Have you seen Harry?"
Guy: "Hare Krishna?"

Paul wrote this trolley wreck, apparently thinking that if Harpo could do Love Happy, he could do THIS. Probably the most embarrassing output of his solo career, and we're talkin' about a guy who made "Back to the Egg". The soundtrack LP, despite its Beatles covers, barely scrapped the top 20. Just a McMess.
"I'm glad that this question came up, because there are so many ways to answer it that one of them is bound to be right." - Robert Benchley
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The Batman
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Laughing Gravy
May 5 2015, 07:00 PM

See, here's the thing... when I write what I consider a viciously uncomplimentary review to warn ya'll off, I frequently get, "Gosh, now I want to SEE this thing." I feel as though I've failed as a writer, a critic, and a human being.

I hate to tell you that you've failed again. I remember when this film came out, mostly because that "Another Lonely Night" song seemed to play all the time, but I never did see it. But now your scathing indictment has me curious about how bad it could be.

This thread may be self-defeating. But, at the same time, masochistically illuminating.





Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman...then always be Batman!
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Frank Hale
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I won’t name a worst, but the films that drive me nuts are the sledge-hammer politically correct ones, stuff like "Dances With Wolves", "King of Hearts", "Harold and Maude".

They're not "bad" films per se, and I know they have sincere partisans (Gravy likes "King of Hearts" as I recall), but I really resent the relentless pandering, even if I might agree with the underlying sentiments. That's basically why I also don’t like Spielberg's films.

I'll take a Lippert or PRC any day. At least they're honestly inept, without such an obvious finger pointed at the bottom line.
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CliffClaven
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I look beyond mere ineptitude or laziness for such qualities as hubris, cynicism, arrogance/condescension, cluelessness and conspicuously squandered potential. Cheapness and incompetence alone usually add up to simple boredom.

As I've said before, "Legend of the Lone Ranger" ranks for mimicking "Superman" so precisely -- in all the wrong ways -- as to be a perfect, heartless parody of a 70s summer blockbuster. "Jack the Giant Killer" similarly apes "Seventh Voyage of Sinbad" with its cynicism on its sleeve (nice stop motion work, but throwing skeletons on strings at Kerwin Matthews after "Sinbad"? They actually put a dueling skeleton on the ad art!).

Ironically, both are more fun to watch than the well-intended failure "Popeye". Feiffer, Altman and Williams were working at cross purposes; what you get is a slow-moving pageant with maddening flickers of various contributors' genius.
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The Batman
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Interesting that you would use those choices, Cliff, if just for me.

I found LEGEND OF THE LONE RANGER to not be nearly as terrible as I was led to believe it was, when I finally saw it just a couple of years ago.

On the other hand, I found POPEYE to be a boring, misfire of a chore to get through and was thoroughly disappointed in it.

I'm not saying LotLR is a good movie, but it's passable entertainment, when compared to POPEYE, IMHO.

I've haven't seen JACK THE GIANT KILLER, so can't comment on that.


Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman...then always be Batman!
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CliffClaven
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LOTLR is a professional piece of work if nothing else. At least it was truer to the source material than Disney's version, which might have worked better as another sequel to the Antonio Banderas "Zorro" movies.

The cynicism and calculation in LOTLR was too close to the surface, while Disney's at least has the courage of its weird excesses (you know cannibalism didn't come from a marketing focus group). An additional problem for me was that I remembered the remainder bins full of LOTLR action figures (including the cameo heroes on the president's train), the reports of the non-actor stars getting into drunken brawls, the Ranger himself having to be dubbed, and the PR fiasco of ordering Clayton Moore not to wear the mask. Also Christopher Lloyd, who was the lovably off Jim on "Taxi" by the time I saw him playing psycho military dictator Butch Cavendish.

And yes, "Popeye" is a painful slog. I've been through it at least twice, re-reading the credits and thinking maybe it was me. Last time, it was after reading a lengthy interview with Jules Feiffer where he detailed where he thought it went wrong and made a case that a lot of what he intended did make it onscreen.
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The Batman
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CliffClaven
May 7 2015, 10:38 AM
LOTLR is a professional piece of work if nothing else. At least it was truer to the source material than Disney's version, which might have worked better as another sequel to the Antonio Banderas "Zorro" movies.


I'm pretty much the only one I know, but I really enjoyed the Disney version and think it is underrated. They hewed pretty close to the source material, and I felt that where they took chances that it paid off for the most part. It was really much better than what I was expecting, which from the trailers, wasn't much.


Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman...then always be Batman!
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