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The Uses of Alcohol
Topic Started: Friday Mar 3 2006, 11:15 AM (239 Views)
PSUSyr5
The Board Idiot

Alcohol is a very useful substance which should be used liberally on any upon whom you have a death wish.
1. As a poison, its very useful for providing a relatively pleasant death for "loved" ones (e.g. that asshole who keeps begging you to do his HW).
2. When applied on two or more persons, it provides for live entertainment.
3. When applied carefully on one person, a willing servant/slave results (e.g. "piss on that cop! good boy," "go rub that girl's leg like a dog" etc.).
4. Drain bramage - who needs all those brain cells anyway?
5. Memory loss - very handy for getting away with things which would take away your power to look in the mirror.
6. Allows one to sleep in one's own vomit on the sidewalk (in my humble opinion, much better than a night on the 'ol waterbed).
7. Pleasure - stumbling in unpredictable lines is sooo much cooler than the 'ol beer goggles gag or that one ride at Six Flags which got you ridiculously sick.
8. Proof of manliness - heck, anyone who can make a total ass of himself has gotta be the most awesomest dude in the world.
9. Hittin' it with the ladies - no substance known to mankind produces such suaveness and sexiness as a 6-pack of Bud Light. Indeed, the ladies will be charmed by your slurred speech, your amateurish dance moves, and those little trails of puke on the corners of your mouth.
10. Driving like a NASCAR pro - beer is far better than Red Bull in giving you wings. You'll fly off the light like a monkey on crack and beat your opponent (usually the police) by sheer force of thinking that you can.
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WeatherManNX01
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The Yanks are coming!

Well, Mark? Does that sound about right? :P
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Oh Canada!
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WeatherManNX01
Mar 3 2006, 12:53 PM
Well, Mark? Does that sound about right? :P

Don't know what you're talking about dude :P
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WeatherManNX01
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The Yanks are coming!

Mark
Mar 3 2006, 12:59 PM
WeatherManNX01
Mar 3 2006, 12:53 PM
Well, Mark?  Does that sound about right? :P

Don't know what you're talking about dude :P

Oh, wait, you're the guy that's actually sleeping in his own vomit and rubbing a girl's leg like a dog. :P
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