Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Into The Twilight. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Helen Green; application
Topic Started: Nov 17 2008, 01:55 AM (228 Views)
rosie
Member Avatar
Advanced Member
[ *  *  * ]
Name:Helen Green
Nickname:Star
Gender:girl




Age:17



Category:vampire


Sub-category:gold


Family:Mutti:Ellen Green
Vatti:Paul Green
Sister:Sarah Green
Aunt:Lizbeth Burns
Uncle:Ted Burns
Cousin:Rick Burns
Cousin:DiDi Burns


Appearance:Helen has pale skin. Her long blonde hair is in a braid. She has a large scar above her eyelid from an accident. below that scar, there are huge gold-amber eyes. Below her eyes, she has a narrow, pointy nose. Helen has a stylish wardrobe. She wears jewelry and dresses. She never wears jeans. Helen wears makeup to hide her cold,pale vampire face.



Persoanlity:Helen is unpredictable. Nobody knows if she's angry, upset, excited,etc., but that also makes her an interesting person. She's always down to earth, no matter what. She only has a few enemies, and she doesn't hold a grudge for long. Helen earned her nickname Star at the prom. She wore a dress that shined like a star, also she became Star because her personality shines.


History:Helen was born in London on January 8th, 1991. When she was 14 years old, her sister Sara was born. Shortly after her 16th birthday, her family moved. Her parents invited cousin Rick to her 12th birthday party. The day after, she became terribly ill. Rick saved her life by biting her shoulder. As a child, she had strange dreams about monsters, vampires, and ghosts. Her parents told her that all of those things aren't real. The dreams lead her to go to the forest and meet her cousin Rick. Rick taught her all about vampires. She wanted to be a vampire realy bad. Ellen and Paul finally gave in that vampires are real. She met her boyfriend Jack at the prom. Her date was Dan Jenkins. Turns out Dan asked her to the prom just so he could break up with her. Meanwhile, Jack's date, Annalise couldn't make it. In the end, Helen and Jack had a good time.



RP sample:Helen Climbed up the tree. She saw Jack climbing up the hill. Helen climbed down and hugged him. She saw that it was getting light out, so she ran into a cave for protection. Jack walked away, confused. He didn't know that Helen was a vampire. Helen cried because she was sad that she was keeping a secret from her best friend. She cried for hours until Jack came back. Her face turned sparkly as she opened her mouth to say somthing. "Jack, I'm a...a...um...vampire!" she yelled. Jack ran away, shocked about what he just heard.



Celeb Claim: Hilary Duff
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bella Swan
Member Avatar
Vamp Lover
[ *  *  * ]
Rosie! This is gonna take a lot more work.vampires cannot have rosy cheeks. They're basicaly dead so they cant blush. In the history you need to say when and how she became a vampire. You can't use canon charri names so you can't use Angela.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bella Swan
Member Avatar
Vamp Lover
[ *  *  * ]
History needs more,personality could use a bit,same with description.It she a vampire or human?Decide.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Bella Swan
Member Avatar
Vamp Lover
[ *  *  * ]
Rosie,the history you made is like just three sentences.It needs to be bigger then that.Have you no imagination at all?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Twelve
Member Avatar
daily dose of insanity , ♫
[ *  *  * ]

it's all right. for one thing, you could possibly be just a bit more descriptive on the personality, but the description is well enough. you also seem to have many plot-holes in the history. if Rick saved her life by biting her, then she would have no need (mentioned later on) to want to be a vampire very badly.

either it has tons of plot-holes, or everything is all over the place. it doesn't flow too well, for it jumps from one age to the other, backwards and forwards by sentence. you started off when she was born, that was nice, but you suddenly jumped to 14, which is a major leap, but that's okay because many do it. however, from there you jumped to 16. now that would also be okay if you hadn't jumped to 12 right after. it should be rearranged in order, because it'd make much more since.

overall, it's not perfect (nothing's ever perfect anyway though :3), and it's certainly not horrible. you've hit the paragraph mark pretty well, and the history is rather creative, it just needs to be cleaned up a bit.

anyway,
ACCEPTED.


...wait, do I have the power to accept this or not? o.o




P.S. ; before you say anything, i know i do talk a lot, and i am annoying, so there's no reason to let me know. (: in fact, you can if you won't too -- i won't take it personally.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · Pending Applications · Next Topic »
Add Reply