| My final 6 hours in the game...; ...or just the first of MANY more??? | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 16 2017, 04:08 PM (22 Views) | |
| Bubba | Jul 16 2017, 04:08 PM Post #1 |
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A big part of the reason why I'm so anxious going into tonight is because this was pretty much the exact stage of the game where I got voted out the last time I played. The second person voted out of that season, following the ejection of non-participants. So here we are again. And, while I was hoping for the best at this stage when I played in the Amazon, I feel that, by comparison, I've done a lot more in terms of social outreach, making sure not to take people for granted, and building alliances. I'm not sure what else I could have done differently or better, given the hand I was dealt (that WE ALL were dealt, actually). But I still can't get this nagging feeling out of my head that Rudy might be playing me, and he may have reeled Joel and Dave in to make me feel "comfortable." Because I don't feel comfortable if we have to go to tribal council. Not one bit. I don't want to end up becoming the "Francesca" of this season. The truth is, over the past day or so, I've been studying the Cast Reveal videos (on YouTube) from past seasons (the ones that I wasn't even involved in). And one of the things I've noticed is that *some* of the players who make it far during some seasons are also people who were voted out early in other seasons. And I just have this stigma stuck in my head of ending up being "That_Guy who always gets voted out early." Sort of like a Jeff Varner of the online RPG world. We know that SEG Productions is never going to bring back Varner after the way he treated Zeke Smith in S34 (not that I'd ever treat anyone like that, in real life or in an RPG...) That's why, for *this* season, while I'm trying to think everything through clearly and logically, I find myself second-guessing my decisions. I'm like the Fainting_Sheep of Ireland...Dawn Meehan-style. Every time things look like they could be going well, I think to myself, "Don't get too cocky, there! But don't be irrational in your moves, either! Don't be cocky! Don't be irrational! But play hard! PinkElephantPinkElephantPinkElephantPinkElephant!" I guess it's impossible for ANY of us who are playing to know what all of the others are thinking or saying, in respect to their perceptions of us. We can try to pick up on social cues or word choices from them...but it's also easy to overthink things or read too much into something that isn't actually there (as Brobst and I had addressed, the other day). That's what I believe I did, in hindsight, during my last season with "Jenna"/Curt, and I still feel awful about it! So, how do we each find that balance? I'm wondering if I should be going back and actually re-reading through the past boards to see what the more successful RPG players have done in terms of "reading" their competitors with merely a computer screen to go on? And I'd like to think I'm not the only one playing who keeps having doubts creeping around in the back of our heads. Example: let's suppose "Two of my allies are logged online right now, but not talking to me...are they planning against me?" Or -- "No one from my tribe is online right now...did they all agree to ice me out through by remaining offline?" Or is it just something as simple as someone not being online at a given moment because they're at work, running errands, or eating a sandwich in their kitchen? Last night I rewatched the scene from Survivor: Philippines where Abi-Maria finally realized how reviled she was by the rest of their merged tribe; a lot of it was due to her actions (or, I guess I should say, INTERACTIONS) during the earliest stage of the game that season. Denise Stapley kept trying to patiently and gently explain Abi's failure to read social cues, but Abi-Maria just kept steamrolling over her (and everybody else) with her indignation. Although I wouldn't necessarily characterize myself as "an Abi," I'm trying to stop and see where I can take Ms. Stapley's advice myself. Or even the example in Survivor: One World of how Kim had to keep telling Chelsea, "Take your heart out of it." Am I being too trusting of the individuals with whom I either thought I had a good rapport or with whom I initially hit it off prior to the tribal-divisions? And my heart is still with Joel, despite the reality that I may have to go back on my promise to him, tonight. He's the first one on Cork who I hit it off with after the official tribal-divisions. But I've gotten more chemistry and substance/"meat" from Rudy (which, yes, I realize could just be one big charade on Rudy's part), and Rudy/Dave are clearly together. So I have to look out for myself. I'd love to go deep into the game with both Joel and Rudy (and even Dave, completing a foursome, ideally!) and try to pull off some big moves and blindsides as a group during the period past the merge. But I also have to look out for myself if we lose, tonight. If Kim was here, she'd probably reiterate: "Bubba, take your heart out of it." So even if all three of them are playing me, I just won't know EVERYTHING until the game is completely over...and if I "take my heart out of it," the most sensible game move would be to side with Rudy and Dave against Joel in that scenario. And is this what Rudy *WANTS* me to think? That he is my guardian angel and partner...whereas, he actually had picked up on me and Joel's bond, so he's trying to drive us apart and I'm falling for it? Or he's trying to get me out of the game way early because he and I have a similar strategic mind, and he views that as a threat. So he's gone to the effort of "devising" an elaborate communication code with me for us to use in later stages of the game, in the hopes that it will make me feel safer and let my guard down? Guard not down, Rudy... My focus for tonight is just to try my best at the challenge itself, and then, if we do have to go to tribal council, go with my gut (Rudy) as I've described it here. I don't know what else I can do, at this point. I just have a REALLY BAD feeling that I'm about to be "FranSQUESKqua'ed"... |
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2:35 AM Jul 11