| If Derrick & Vanessa had a love-child...; ...it would be me! | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 22 2017, 09:20 AM (42 Views) | |
| Bubba | Jul 22 2017, 09:20 AM Post #1 |
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A lot of new stuff since our "surprise swap." First I'll cover my emotions and where they have me. There are fourteen people left in the game. But while six of them have technically exited, only three of those six have left by "conventional" means (and even Denise is a bit unclear, in that regard). So I'm still hungry to stay here much longer. At Thursday night's immunity challenge, my heart was literally pounding and my hands were shaking the whole way through. I didn't want to botch up the "toasting mugs" task -- but when it was my turn to post them, the damn avatar image of Joel wouldn't upload properly. I made sure not to rush it, because I knew if I posted recklessly without making sure I previewed the images as posting correctly, then I'd just end up losing the challenge for our tribe anyway. But it took so damn long. Then Brobst told us both tribes had botched up and been disqualified, and the timestamps would determine which tribe officially "lost." I noticed Joel posted a "GO Amanda!" message of encouragement right before Amanda's first "toasted mug" posting...which technically violated the rules since Brobst told us we weren't supposed to post ANYTHING other than our assigned images after he'd given us the "GO!"-ahead. Still, that half hour or so where we were waiting for the ruling of which tribe got disqualified first was perhaps *THE* scariest period in the game so far, for me. Heart pounding, hands numb, sick to my stomach. I realize the reason it took so long was because Brobst and Lucky just wanted to make sure the ruling was fair and accurate, and they didn't want to make the ruling in haste. But it doesn't change the reality that I was terrified that I was going to get blamed for our loss, and then ejected at tribal council for that reason alone. It literally brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it, right now. That's, in fact, part of the reason why I volunteered to sit out the upcoming challenge on Sunday night...Dublin has to sit out two people to keep things even, and I figured everybody wants to play in it (especially because no one took Brobst up on his request for volunteers to sit out the challenge...even once half a day has passed following Brobst's initial inquiry of us). And Zeke has to miss it due to an offline conflict. So I figured, if we have to go to tribal council, my jittery nerves won't really aid our tribe in maximizing our chances of winning and voting out Leann if we have to. The only wrinkle would be if Leann wins an individual immunity advantage that same night...I'm not sure who we would vote out, in that scenario. Also, although no one has specifically brought this to my attention: I'm worried that me volunteering to sit out is going to be viewed as a "shady" move on my part by other people on Dublin. I'll expand more on that, in a moment. But once I volunteered, I couldn't take it back. And if no one volunteered for the final spot to sit someone out, I imagine Brobst would have had to just draw rocks (excluding Ozzy, since he sat out the last challenge) to determine who else would sit out alongside Zeke. And one other detail: earlier in the game, back on Cork, when I was confident that I was well-armed with info for one of our four-tribe challenges (the First/Last challenge, I believe; the night that Nick "quit") -- I asked Joel if he'd be willing to sit out that challenge, and I think that got him suspicious. So I told Joel I'd volunteer to sit out the next one. I don't know if Joel will even remember that detail, but I feel that me volunteering to sit out this time around (when no one else wants to) will only strengthen Joel's trust in me...assuming, of course, that he actually remembers our exchange prior to the fourth immunity challenge (and that actual challenge itself never even happened, due to Nick's exit -- I'm wondering if Brobst might remix some variation of whatever that challenge would have been, for one of his future seasons). Then we got hit with the abrupt news that we must all head back to our tribe areas (after Limerick voted out Dave), randomly, to vote for two of our own tribe members to get sent over to the other tribe (and, in exchange, we would receive two of theirs). That's when I had my latest *Fainting_Sheep* moment in this game. Seriously, for this reason, I feel that if I was actually playing Survivor in person, Dawn and I probably would have bonded very closely. And I don't really understand the point of convening us all to vote at such an ungodly hour so late at night...let alone giving us only 15 minutes to do so. For that reason, half of the eligible contestants appeared as though they couldn't be reached, and not everyone got to vote. Unless that was part of the twist's design, in the first place. However, I believe I should count my blessings because this "trade" allowed Rudy and Diane became the new additions at Dublin. The two people who I was most hoping I could work with and bring into our voting bloc! As far as who I had to trade to leave Dublin: it was very tempting to try to send Leann over there. But I knew that it would have been a bad strategic move for two main reasons. First, Leann would be an easy pre-merge target over here on Dublin. Secondly, if we had sent Leann over to Limerick, there was no guarantee they would have voted her off for us. She might have been entranced into joining a new alliance that could have haunted all of the remaining Dubliners at the merge. So Amanda seemed to be the first logical choice. She might be either an easy vote-off for them...or she might give us Intel (or even a temporary vote in our favor) following the merge. But who would the second person be? I wanted to keep both Todd/Zeke here as part of our bloc. I felt it was wisest to keep Joel here due to his likelihood of staying loyal, at least into the merge. With Leann not an option, I was oscillating between Ozzy and Brooke. Ultimately, I made the decision to vote Brooke along with Amanda to be sent over there because I felt Ozzy would be a clearer communicator in terms of our voting bloc. What was even more complicated was that Joel, Amanda, Todd, and Leann were the only ones online to strategize with before the voting deadline. Zeke and Ozzy were completely MIA, and Brooke didn't show up until minutes before the deadline itself. And now that Brooke has gone over to Limerick alongside Amanda, both of them might be very angry and bitter that we traded them. The other problem is how to respond if/when anyone ever asks me who I voted to trade. No one has, so far. But I've been going over my options in my head. I could be completely honest that I voted Amanda and Brooke, and let the chips fall where they may. I could lie about it, but the math or trying to keep my story straight could work against me. I could say "I don't think there's any point in any of us revealing who we voted to trade" -- but that could make me look shady. The final option is one that is potentially tantalizing: I could either tell people (who ask me who I voted for) that I didn't cast my "trade-off" votes in time (before Brobst's deadline hit) and that the deadline passed before I could submit them. However, people could still ask me who I would have voted for even if I tell them I didn't get my votes in on time -- and my answers there could still get me in trouble. This is leading me to believe that honesty might be the best policy, if I'm ever asked. Joel already suspects that's how I voted; Leann, Ozzy, Todd, and Zeke would probably be fine with it; and Rudy/Diane might only ask (hypothetically) in order to test my truthfulness. I guess the biggest reason why this is causing my brain to pound is because I have no clue when the jury phase officially begins, and I assume we are all going to find that out at the exact same time. Oh, and also the worry that I'm just totally embarrassing myself with these confessionals. Rudy and Diane both said they volunteered to be traded because they were afraid they were on the bottom of Adam's alliance over at Limerick. According to them, Dave and Adam had a power struggle over who would gain alpha status. Adam obviously corralled some combination of Sierra, Cirie, and/or Julie, and Dave was voted out. While it's convenient for my game to suddenly have both Rudy and Diane on-board with me as a "trust-trio," I can't help but wonder if they're playing me...or playing all of us here on Dublin? But one reason why I still have solid grounds to trust Rudy: he's been gradually reaching out to Todd and Zeke so that he and Diane can come into our voting bloc. Rudy relayed to me, through copy-and-paste quoting, that Zeke wasn't quite sure about me, and some of the things I'd said to Zeke appeared as though they were coming off "shady" or could be interpreted two ways. Zeke sounds worried that I have a side-alliance going on with Joel (who Zeke doesn't feel is a good communicator) and Leann. In truth, the only "side-alliance" that Joel and I have with Leann is a low-key charade that exists solely to keep Leann feeling as comfortable as possible until we can get rid of her (unless Leann/Joel have a secret duo type of thing going on that I'm unaware of). Based on what Rudy relayed to me: Rudy, if his quoted text is to be believed, stuck up for me and reassured Zeke that I give off a genuine vibe. But if Zeke has doubts about me, does that mean Zeke is planting them in Todd's head (even if it's unconsciously)? Here's the thing: I *am* being genuine with both Todd and Zeke. And with Rudy and Diane. I just want us all to work together. I don't want any of them to distrust *me*. And Joel, Ozzy, and possibly Brooke/Amanda would be additional numbers for us as a group assuming we all can go into the merge together. So this shows me that I need to be very cognizant of how I come off to Zeke. I want him and Todd to realize that I want to be with them in the F5/F6, if not longer. I also want Rudy/Diane to be there with us, too. I just can't jump the gun by saying anything too implicative that would cause Todd/Zeke to think I'm favoring Rudy/Diane over them...or vice versa. Because, although Rudy, Diane, and I have talked about a Final Three, when it's down to five or six people I'm open to adapting to whatever new information I receive at that point in time. In fact, if they all turned on *me* and got rid of me at the Final 5 or Final 6 -- I actually wouldn't be all that crushed about it, because I would have respected our teamwork in getting that far as an alliance together. Derrick Levassauer played Big Brother 16 like a cerebral ninja...and won the whole thing. That was largely due to his social game and having a fantastic grasp on the numbers the whole way through. Vanessa Rousso came in third-place in Big Brother 17, because she, like Derrick, had a lot of control over the evictions and alliances...but she was also extraordinarily paranoid, which is why I jokingly refer to myself as Vanessa 2.0. Hopefully I can come closer to Derrick's or Vanessa's BB placements -- rather than becoming the next Jeff Varner. :angry:
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| BROBST | Jul 23 2017, 06:42 PM Post #2 |
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Even if I get behind and don't have a chance to post in here, just know I always read and appreciate your updates.
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| Diane | Sep 3 2017, 02:18 PM Post #3 |
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This was a great confessional! |
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2:35 AM Jul 11