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| Jake Alarezo; DeathGunner | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Mar 12 2009, 09:58 PM (602 Views) | |
| RevyXK | Mar 12 2009, 09:58 PM Post #1 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: DeathReaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6,5cm Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Unknown Green Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Personality: He had a brutal side when fightin & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted hero in his mind hoping to take out the evil element is his own way. But he only shows caring and kindness around people who really care for him or helpful people. Team: None Secret Origin: Demonically Powered Advantage: You can choose 5 powers which you have been granted through demonic abilities. These 5 powers will have their cost reduced by 10%. Disadvantage: Divine Magic elemental damage will affect you at x1.5 its actual level. Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 6,250 Experience Points used: 100 Strength: 6 Agility: 3 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 0 + 1 = 1 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or somerhing like a cape. Young Immortal(400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. Toughness(700)[Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. Also Nullfies Armor Penetration. Jumping(50)[Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Lifeform(500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't needed to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Sense Powers(50)[Lvl 10] (500XP): Raziel able to sense and track the presence of anyone that posses special powers. Raziel can sense powers within a range of 10 miles. Vision, Enhanced(375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ(100)[Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration(200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills(175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really like using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. Fighting Skills(200)[Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (800): After being born months ago some religious cults, bounty hunters, aliens, mercs, rogue superheroes have been after him. It started to get worse when he started killing criminals. He really been worried not to run Superman, Batman even the Flash, he hopes not to run into them. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vunerability (600): Divine Magical can kill him before or leave him greatly weaken because of his immortality. Now the divine can leave his body unmovable. Vunerable Loved Ones (400): He cares about the Lady Saint a.k.a Ester Michaels an religious woman who takes of pure souls. Even though it forbidden he loves her yet he prays nothing bad happen to her. Non Human (400): Becuase of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big lorg horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $2000 Items: Weapons: Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when the Lord of Darkness wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fregment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as the Lord of Darkness started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. The Lord of Darkness looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. The Lord thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Satan's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Satan had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Satan gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Satan did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Satan thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior starte question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Satan wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to satn thanking him for everything but Satan would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York city where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. |
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| Jon | Mar 12 2009, 10:18 PM Post #2 |
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Doom Patrol
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Personal Information Height: THere's no such thing as 5'10cm... it would be 5,10 cm... which is less about 3 inches... Personality: Fill this out. Statistics You can't possibly have put all of your XP into the armor, seeing as how you have to spend XP on your skills outside the armor too... Armor: How have you you bought 10.000 XP for the armor? That would require $50.000... and you start with 2000... On stats for the armor alone, you've spent 7200 XP. Increasing a stat from 3 to 5 costs 1800. Powers You need to have descriptions for everything... and for powers that have an XP cost per level, state it like that. And at least a little bit of description for the armor too, please. Atm, you've spent a total of 10800 XP for powers for the armor. Skills You state here that he's an alien, but in his race, you say he's human. One or the other. Wealth: With an IQ of 3, this description won't fly... Atm, you've spent a total of 2500 XP on skills Challenges None of these will fly. You need actual descriptions for all of them, not just the name of the challenge, so the staff can judge whether your deadly enemies and haunted past adds up... and to see if the other challenges makes sense. Anyway, atm, with the ratings you have for the challenges, you gain 2700 XP Origin Fill this out. Really... there's NO reason to post a profile without an origin. XP Usage in general Alright, the red numbers got to do with the XP, but I'll sum up here... According to what you got on the profile now (this most likely will change): Starting XP: 4000 XP From Challenges: +2700 XP (total of 6700) XP Spent On Skills: -2500 XP This leaves you with 4200 XP to put into the armor, not 6500... |
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| RevyXK | Mar 16 2009, 09:11 PM Post #3 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: DeathReaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6,5cm Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Unknown Green Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Personality: He had a brutal side when fightin & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted hero in his mind hoping to take out the evil element is his own way. But he only shows caring and kindness around people who really care for him or helpful people. Team: None Secret Origin: Demonically Powered Advantage: You can choose 5 powers which you have been granted through demonic abilities. These 5 powers will have their cost reduced by 10%. Disadvantage: Divine Magic elemental damage will affect you at x1.5 its actual level. Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 6,250 Experience Points used: 100 Strength: 6 Agility: 3 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 0 + 1 = 1 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or somerhing like a cape. Young Immortal(400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. Toughness(700)[Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. Also Nullfies Armor Penetration. Jumping(50)[Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Lifeform(500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't needed to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Sense Powers(50)[Lvl 10] (500XP): Raziel able to sense and track the presence of anyone that posses special powers. Raziel can sense powers within a range of 10 miles. Vision, Enhanced(375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ(100)[Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration(200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills(175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really like using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. Fighting Skills(200)[Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (800): After being born months ago some religious cults, bounty hunters, aliens, mercs, rogue superheroes have been after him. It started to get worse when he started killing criminals. He really been worried not to run Superman, Batman even the Flash, he hopes not to run into them. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vunerability (600): Divine Magical can kill him before or leave him greatly weaken because of his immortality. Now the divine can leave his body unmovable. Vunerable Loved Ones (400): He cares about the Lady Saint a.k.a Ester Michaels an religious woman who takes of pure souls. Even though it forbidden he loves her yet he prays nothing bad happen to her. Non Human (400): Becuase of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big lorg horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $2000 Items: Weapons: Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when the Lord of Darkness wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fregment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as the Lord of Darkness started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. The Lord of Darkness looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. The Lord thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Satan's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Satan had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Satan gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Satan did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Satan thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior starte question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Satan wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to satn thanking him for everything but Satan would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York city where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. |
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| EnlightenedInsanity | Mar 16 2009, 09:38 PM Post #4 |
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Challenger of the Unknown
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alright, still some things to fix up 1) The height. we use english standard measurements, and 6.5 centimeters is still less than 3 inches tall. I think you are meaning to use feet and inches instead 2) The eye color, what is unknown green? from the picture im assuming you mean they glow green. you can just put Green Glow for eyes if you like 3) you put only 100 xp used and 6,250 xp left, which i havnt counted up the xp usage at this point yet, so i'm going to assume you just got them mixed up on accident 4) Under the description of your powers, make sure you put down which modifers you used. I noticed them in your descriptions, but you still need to include them under the power as well. It just makes it easier for people looking at your bio to see which modifiers you have with your powers 5) The same thing goes for you skills 6) The math adds up to 6,550 xp, not 6,250 7) you may want to get the jumping power, since you use your strength score for your jumping distance and right now your strength allows you to jump further than your jumping skill 8) Since none of those superheroes know of his existance, they wont count for deadly enemies. Also, you do not include why any of the other organizations would be after him in the origin. You need to do that before the challenge will count. and i'm also rating that at 600 as of right now with what is listed 9) for your vulnerable loved ones challenge, you do not mention Lady Saint in the origin. you need to do that as well, explain who she is and why she is important to your character 10) Since your origin makes a strong reference to a character controlled by someone else, satan, you need to talk to midnighter about that and get it okay'd by him before it can be allowed 11) Please, run your bio through a grammar/spell check of some kind. We like to keep the bios as grammatically correct as possible |
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| TheMidnighter | Mar 16 2009, 10:42 PM Post #5 |
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Young Justice
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Yeah, Lucifer is my character and this isn't his style. He's more concerned with the actual running of Hell than things like this. However, you could have him be a creation of one of Lucifer's Dukes or Princes - still senior, powerful creatures, and it would fit more in with their style. Just change the references to something else, maybe Belial or Choronzon. |
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| RevyXK | Mar 17 2009, 05:15 PM Post #6 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: DeathReaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6'5"cm Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Green Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Personality: He had a brutal side when fightin & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted hero in his mind hoping to take out the evil element is his own way. But he only shows caring and kindness around people who really care for him or helpful people. Team: None Secret Origin: None (Nothing/No Modifers) Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 300 Experience Points used: 6,050 Strength: 6 Agility: 3 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 0 + 1 = 1 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or somerhing like a cape. - Flying gained through wings. mmortal(400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. - Young Immortal Toughness(700)[Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. - Nullifies Armor Penetration Jumping(50)[Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Lifeform(500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't needed to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Vision, Enhanced(375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ(100)[Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration(200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills(175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really like using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Fighting Skills(200)[Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (800): After being born months ago some religious cults, bounty hunters, aliens, mercs, rogue superheroes have been after him. It started to get worse when he started killing criminals. He really been worried not to run Superman, Batman even the Flash, he hopes not to run into them. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vunerability (600): Divine Magical can kill him before or leave him greatly weaken because of his immortality. Now the divine can leave his body unmovable. Vunerable Loved Ones (400): He cares about the Lady Saint a.k.a Ester Michaels an religious woman who takes of pure souls. Even though it forbidden he loves her yet he prays nothing bad happen to her. Non Human (400): Becuase of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big lorg horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $2000 Items: Weapons: Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when Lord Belial wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fregment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as Lord Belial started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. Lord Belial looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. Belial thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Belial's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Belial had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Belial gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Belial did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Belial thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior starte question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Belial wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to satn thanking him for everything but Belial would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York city where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. Raziel did met up with a human who helped during one of his escapes her name was Lady Saint thus their relationship grew. Yet it was forbidden for them to be together but for their love they both were going to risk everything. Yet she doesn't know about his ruthless superhero gig but he kept quiet about it which she doesn't need to know. Thus many superheroes and mercs have been after Raziel for various reasons which he maybe deadly but he thinks he's a hero at heart. |
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| EnlightenedInsanity | Mar 17 2009, 05:56 PM Post #7 |
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Challenger of the Unknown
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Ok, still some things that need patching up, but I will help you through this as much as i can, ok? ^^ Personal Info 1) write the height like this 6'5". Unless you really do want to only be three inches tall. Statistics 1) Your XP spent and remaining will change some if you follow all of the needed editing. Powers 1) Firstly, you still need to put the options you took with each power under the power itself. Below are two examples Flight (100 XP/Lvl): Raziel has gargoyle wings that allow him to fly - Level 6 - Flight gained with wings Immortal (400 XP): Raziel is an immortal and will not die from old age - Young Immortal See what I mean now? That needs to be done with all the powers if they have options. Also, do not copy my descriptions on any of the powers or skills i put in this reply. They need to all be your own descriptions. 2) You need to choose five powers that gain the 10% reduction in xp cost because Raziel is a demon. Here is an example Toughness (630 XP/Lvl): Raziel's demon skin is much tougher than a normal human's skin, and it is even resistant to penetration - Nullifies Armor Penetration - 10% deduction from Demon powered As you can see, the powers that you choose get a cost reduction. So remember to pick which five get their cost lowered and redo your XP spent Skills 1) Like the powers, you still need to clearly list which options are taken. Here is an example Weapon Skills (175 XP/Lvl): Raziel has trained in the use of several weapons, such as Swords, Axes, and Gauntlets - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Origin 1) ok, im glad to see that you changed the references to Belial. Grammar and spelling could still use some work, but i know that not everyone speaks and writes english as their first language and if you would like some help, you can ask just about anyone and they should be able to assist you in patching up the mistakes. Also, the last bit of your origin, im sorry to say, will not be allowed. The Vatican would never have a queen, nor any other kind of female ruler, because in the catholic religion only a cardinal can become the Pope, which is the leader of the religion and of Vatican City. So you will have to come up with another reason as to why all those people are after Raziel |
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| RevyXK | Mar 17 2009, 06:51 PM Post #8 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: Death Reaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6'5"cm Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Green Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Personality: He had a brutal side when fighting & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted hero in ýhis mind hoping to take out the evil element is his own way. But he only shows caring and ýkindness around people who really care for him or helpful people. Team: None Secret Origin: None (Nothing/No Modifiers) Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 100 Experience Points used: 6,250 Strength: 6 Agility: 2 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 1 + 1 = 2 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying ýor something like a cape. - Flying gained through wings. Immortal (400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel ýimmortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, ýhunger or disease. - Young Immortal Toughness (700) [Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any ýphysical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. - Nullifies Armor Penetration Jumping (50) [Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Life form (500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't need to breathe or his ýbody isn't affected by the environment. Vision, Enhanced (375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light ýand fog/smoke. Skills IQ (100) [Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration (200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills (175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for ýbeating up people. But he really likes using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Fighting Skills (200) [Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the ýbrutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (600): After being born months ago some religious cults, bounty hunters, aliens, mercs, rogue superheroes have been after him. It started to get worse when he started killing criminals. He really been worried not to run Superman, Batman even the Flash, he hopes not to run into them. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vulnerability (600): Divine Magical can kill him before or leave him greatly weaken ýbecause of his immortality. Now the divine can leave his body unmovable. Vulnerable Loved Ones (400): He cares about the Lady Saint a.k.a Ester Michaels and religious ýwoman who take of pure souls. Even though it forbidden he loves her yet he prays nothing bad happen to her. Non Human (400): Because of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big long horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. Glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $2000 Items: Weapons: Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when Lord Belial wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his ýfinest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fragment started to move as it started gaining bones first and ýthen with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as Lord Belial started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. Lord Belial looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. Belial thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Belial's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Belial had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all ýhis servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Belial gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Belial did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the ýrebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Belial thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior started question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Belial wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to the new lord thanking him for everything but Belial would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York City where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. Raziel did meet up with a human who helped during one of his escapes her name was Lady Saint thus their relationship grew. Yet it was forbidden for them to be together but for their love they both were going to risk everything. Yet she doesn't know about his ruthless superhero gig but he kept quiet about it which she doesn't need to know. Thus many superheroes and mercs have been after Raziel for various reasons which he maybe deadly but he thinks he's a hero at heart. |
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| RevyXK | Mar 17 2009, 06:55 PM Post #9 |
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Newbie
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The changes are done <_< |
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| Jon | Mar 20 2009, 12:14 AM Post #10 |
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Doom Patrol
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One thing, cus I'm not gonna look at more of this now, but which got pointed out to me: You cannot start a stat a 0 and buy the first point in that stat. There's a minimum of 1 as a base... looking at will power here. |
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| RevyXK | Mar 20 2009, 02:38 PM Post #11 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: Death Reaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6 feet, 5 inches Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Green Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Personality: He had a brutal side when fighting & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted hero in his mind hoping to take out the evil element is his own way. But he only shows caring and kindness around people who really care for him or helpful people. Team: None Secret Origin: Demonically Powered (No Modifiers) Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 100 Experience Points used: 6,250 Strength: 6 Agility: 2 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 1 + 1 = 2 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or something like a cape. - Flying gained through wings. Immortal (400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. - Young Immortal Toughness (700) [Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. - Nullifies Armor Penetration Jumping (50) [Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Life form (500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't need to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Vision, Enhanced (375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ (100) [Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration (200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills (175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really likes using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Fighting Skills (200) [Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (600): He's been known as a superhero gone crazy killing anybody who broke the law to the extreme. After about 13 known deaths, Raziel been hunted by some religious cults, bounty hunters, aliens, mercs, rogue superheroes have been after him. It started to get worse when he started killing criminals leaving their bodies in some worst shapes even disembowel. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vulnerability (600): Poison can kill him before or leave him greatly weaken because of his immortality. Now poison can leave his body unmovable. Vulnerable Loved Ones (400): He cares about the Lady Saint a.k.a Ester Michaels and religious woman who take of pure souls. Even though it forbidden he loves her yet he prays nothing bad happen to her. Non Human (400): Because of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big long horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. Glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $2000 Items: Weapons: Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when Lord Belial wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fragment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as Lord Belial started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. Lord Belial looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. Belial thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Belial's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Belial had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Belial gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Belial did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Belial thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior started question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Belial wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to the new lord thanking him for everything but Belial would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York City where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. He started seeing the crime going around seeing many superheroes dealing with them then he thought maybe he could do things his own way. He started becoming like a killer killing anybody which meant any criminals who broke the law. Thus his first kill was almost quick and clean when the police showed up and he flew off. Some days later, the bodycount started growing with Raziel flying away from the police thinking some crazy vigilante is on the loose. The Police started chasing him again when he started killing some robbers which started him down a path in which he couldn't escape. But during an explosion, Raziel finally managed to escape from the police not wondering what the explosion was on the way. Raziel did meet up with a human who helped during one of his escapes her name was Lady Saint thus their relationship grew. Yet it was forbidden for them to be together but for their love they both were going to risk everything. Yet she doesn't know about his ruthless superhero gig but he kept quiet about it which she doesn't need to know. Thus many superheroes and mercs have been after Raziel for various reasons which he maybe deadly but he thinks he's a hero at heart. |
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| Jon | Mar 24 2009, 11:07 PM Post #12 |
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Doom Patrol
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Yeah, this has taken a while... but really haven't had the time or the will to look at this, now... going from the top... And honestly... I know that you're NemesisXicor from Marvels... which does not give me a lot of reason to look at this anyway. In general: What's up with those ý signs in the front of some words? Remove that from everywhere! Personal Info The Height is STILL wrong. Either it's 6'5'', which is in feet and inches, or it's 6,5 cm, which would make you about two inches tall! You still have to choose a Secret Origin, even if you don't have any modifiers from them... You can't put none. Due to you being a demon, I would say you should choose Demonically Powered. Challenges Deadly Enemies: This one doesn't make any senes at all. Why would all those be after him? Why would Superman, Batman and Flash be after him, specificially? Special Vulnerability: You can't choose a special form of magic for this. You can choose magic in general, though. Origin The second part does NOT fit at all with the general origin... What escapes are you talking about? He didn't make any escapes from Hell. What ruthless super hero gig? You fist mention it here? Why are ALL those people after him, if he's only just appeared and haven't done ANYTHING at all? |
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| RevyXK | Mar 26 2009, 12:31 AM Post #13 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: Death Reaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6 feet, 5 inches Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Green Alignment: Chaotic Evil Personality: He had a brutal side when fighting & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted demon in his mind hoping to take out the evil or good element is his own way. Team: None Secret Origin: Demonically Powered (No Modifiers) Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 100 Experience Points used: 6,250 Strength: 6 Agility: 2 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 1 + 1 = 2 Powers Flying:(100)[Lvl 6] (600XP): Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or something like a cape. - Flying gained through wings. Immortal (400): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. - Young Immortal Toughness (700) [Lvl 2] (1400XP): Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. - Nullifies Armor Penetration Jumping (50) [Lvl 4] (200XP): Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Life form (500): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't need to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Vision, Enhanced (375): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ (100) [Lvl 3] (300XP): Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration (200): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills (175)[Lvl 5] (875XP): Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really likes using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Fighting Skills (200) [Lvl 5] (1000XP): He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (600): After the bodycount started rising, Raziel has his share of enemies really superheroes trying to make a name for themselves or idiots trying to stop him. It all started when he started killing criminals and robbers for sport. Then it started getting worse when he started ripping off heads and placing them on sticks. Really Raziel has been having problem with superheroes even mercenaries trying to take him out his greatest enemies....he hates more then anything would have to be Superman or The Green Lantern. Outlaw (350): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vulnerability (600): Raziel has a weakness with Lord Belial told him about a poison called Remax which was being developed can do great harm to his soldier. Any other poison will just weaken him. Major Psychological Restriction (400): Raziel from a rage syndrome called Antesheron which really makes angry for no reason at all. Thus making wanting to kill anything that comes in his way. There are side effects which make him moody and calm at times but that happen rarely. Non Human (400): Because of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big long horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. Glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $0 Items: 8 Antidotes, Laptop, 2 First Aid Kits Weapons: Battle Axe, Katana Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when Lord Belial wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fragment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as Lord Belial started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. Lord Belial looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. Belial thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Belial's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Belial had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Belial gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Belial did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Belial thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior started question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Belial wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to the new lord thanking him for everything but Belial would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York City where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. |
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| Jon | Apr 3 2009, 12:07 PM Post #14 |
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Doom Patrol
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Challenges Deadly Enemies: This STILL doesn't make any sense. Why the hell would religous cults, aliens, mercenaries, rogue super heroes adn bounty hunters be after him after 13 kills? And disembowled some 'worst shapes'? Get real... This challenge is simply too hyped up for how minor a player he'll still be... Special Vulnerability: The description doesn't make sense. And fix the grammar. Other thing, aside from poison, can kill you too... you're just especially vulnerable to poison... And it simply makes poison attacks have double effect, doesn't 'just' paralyze him. Origin
Wtf? Try reading that sentence, would you? More info on Lady Saint. You just mention her name. And how can she not know about it if he's wanted and hunted by both super heroes, the law and mercenaries? Honestly... you're making him sound far worse than he is, compared to the Deadly Enemies challenge... if you want something at that level for something like this, he's gotta have done much worse things. |
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| RevyXK | Apr 4 2009, 12:19 AM Post #15 |
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Newbie
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![]() Personal Info Name: Raziel Xaphantera Alias: Death Reaper Race: Horned Demon Gender: Male Age: 200years old Height: 6 feet, 5 inches Weight: 210lbs Hair: Black Eyes: Green Alignment: Chaotic Evil Personality: He had a brutal side when fighting & killing criminals. Raziel is dark hearted demon in his mind hoping to take out the evil or good element is his own way. Team: None Secret Origin: Demonically Powered (No Modifiers) Statistics Total Experience gained: 0 Experience points left to use: 100 Experience Points used: 6,250 Strength: 6 Agility: 2 Accuracy: 2 Durability: 4 Will Power: 1 + 1 = 2 Powers Flying:(100XP/Lvl) [Lvl 6]: Raziel had good wings almost gargoyle like which uses for flying or something like a cape. - Flying gained through wings. Immortal (400XP): After defeating the demonic tournament, The Lord of Darkness gave Raziel immortality after living 200years. Raziel won’t die of natural causes like old ages, sickness, hunger or disease. - Young Immortal Toughness (700XP/Lvl) [Lvl 2]: Raziel's tough hardened skin protects him against any physical damage, including energy beams, fire, acid and whatever else. - Nullifies Armor Penetration Jumping (50XP/Lvl) [Lvl 4]: Raziel has some good jumping skills. Self Contained Life form (500XP): Thanks to Raziel's immortality, He doesn't need to breathe or his body isn't affected by the environment. Vision, Enhanced (375XP): Raziel can see through darkness, underwater, Infra-Red, blinding light and fog/smoke. Skills IQ (100XP/Lvl) [Lvl 3]: Raziel has an average IQ. Concentration (200XP): Raziel can keep a clear head not letting any distracting him. Weapon Skills (175XP/Lvl) [Lvl 5]: Raziel really like different assortments of weapon for beating up people. But he really likes using three different selections of stuff. Like Swords, Axes & Gauntlets. - Weapon: Swords - Extra Weapon: Axes - Extra Weapon: Gauntlets Fighting Skills (200XP/Lvl) [Lvl 5]: He learned many things even how to fight thanks to the brutal beatings from other demons. Through training his Agility is increased. Challenges Deadly Enemies (600XP): After the bodycount started rising, Raziel has his share of enemies really superheroes trying to make a name for themselves or idiots trying to stop him. It all started when he started killing criminals and robbers for sport. Then it started getting worse when he started ripping off heads and placing them on sticks. Really Raziel has been having problem with superheroes even mercenaries trying to take him out his greatest enemies....he hates more then anything would have to be Superman or The Green Lantern. The last time he encounter Superman the bastard broke his jaw just because Raziel ripped off some robber's arm. Outlaw (350XP): After killing some criminals, He became a fugitive upon the news. Special Vulnerability (600XP): Raziel really has a negative reaction to any form of poison leaving his body greatly weaker. Poison damage really has a double effect on him. Major Psychological Restriction (400XP): Raziel from a rage syndrome called Antesheron which really makes angry for no reason at all. Thus making wanting to kill anything that comes in his way. There are side effects which make him moody and calm at times but that happen rarely. Non Human (400XP): Because of his appearance, Raziel looks like super elf. He has big long horns, almost horse-like feet, point ears, manbatlike wings on his back, vampire teeth. Glowing green eyes yet black claws. Inventory Occupation: Mercenary Money: $0 Items: 8 Antidotes, Laptop, 2 First Aid Kits Weapons: Battle Axe, Katana Costume: Transport: Origin Raziel was born when Lord Belial wanted a soldier of his own creation yet he summoned his finest demonic warlords to create a superb soldier from apiece of his flesh. Then the warlords started on the fragment trying to use the ancient relics and then the dark magic of the abyss. After hours of incantations the flesh fragment started to move as it started gaining bones first and then with more incantations some blood and then finally skin until it was whole. But the final phase was close to being complete the creation needed a soul as Lord Belial started summoning his sorcery as a ball started to form. The soul ball was a creation of 10 humans souls and 10 demon souls fused together to form the ideal soul. Lord Belial looked at the creation's body which was perfect as he placed the dark soul ball into his mouth and quickly it infused itself into the body. Minutes later the body started moving and then the creature got up looking at the lord who created him and kneeling to him. Belial thought things were going to work well with demon and then the warlocks gave him the name Raziel. The creature had a name Raziel and then the monster did Belial's bidding almost like his ultimate mercenary proving himself time and time again. Raziel only did was Belial had him do and he was most loyal to his mater yet during all his servitude he wonders about things. As he looked through the fires of Hell, Raziel wonders the rumors of what this Real world what was this Earth. The warlocks gave him vast knowledge and many skills in which he started learning a lot and then Belial gave him the ultimate test. A rebel demon was causing havoc and destruction which Belial did accept and he was to be punished, Raziel was ordered to be the executioner. Raziel hunted the rebel down but as he killed him the rebel dying words had an effect on the demon soldier thinking of many things of which he shouldn't. Belial thought this wasn't going to work as his warrior started question him and his methods so he thought to give Raziel the ultimate gift. The chance to become immortal and to enter Earth's realm thus Raziel took the final mission and thankful he achieved want Belial wanted him to do. Thus the warlocks brought the 12-TShen the Ancient Book of spells which there started the ritual as Raziel was given immortality and the chance to enter Earth's realm. A door appeared and then Raziel kneeled to the new lord thanking him for everything but Belial would have use for him in Earth's realm. Raziel was quickly sent into the slums of New York City where he appeared in trash heap as he swipe and threw garbage bags off him. He quickly started flying and started to see the big city where his new life begins. |
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