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The Epic Story; game.
Topic Started: May 26 2008, 07:23 AM (615 Views)
Mr. Panda
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Lord of the Manor
It's like that CYOA cartoon thing, except with no pictures. And more serious.

First, let's set the scene. Is it in the:
- Past
- Present
- Future

First replier gets the choice.
I don't like printers.
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stormbreaker
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Master of His Domain
Present
BOOM DE YADA
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Mr. Panda
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Lord of the Manor
Part One:

I was carefully scraping my porch clear of ice. This winter was the defining winter in this town's history. I'm talking blackouts and hypothermia. Widespread hypothermia. My dog was skidding around on my driveway as I smacked the porch railings to get the icicles off. Delie was her name. The dog, that is. Her full name was "Afternoon Delight," but I guess that's what I get for letting my friends name her. Had I named her, I would've probably name her "Daisy," or "Dolly," or "Ralph." Something stupid and unoriginal.

Anyways, Delie stopped sliding on her ass for a moment as a brown nondescript car pulled up on my lawn. And I mean on my lawn. This Ricky Ricardo-looking character stepped out and walked up my driveway. He moved to pet Delie, but thought better of it. You feel awkward when you pet ass-sliding dogs. He walked up on the porch as I set my shovel down.

"You's Jerry Kravchenko?" he asked, with a thick Cuban accent.

"Yeah, can I help you?"

"You's got some 'splainin' to do."

Typical.
I don't like printers.
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Ethan_odd
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Lord of the Manor
Cuban accents, brown cars?

Damn this is getting good.
Posted Image
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Mr. Panda
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Lord of the Manor
Someone tell me to do something.
I don't like printers.
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stormbreaker
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Master of His Domain
Do the dog.
BOOM DE YADA
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Mr. Panda
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Lord of the Manor
"As much as I love that ass-sliding dog, I'm not going to violate it."

I've decided the character will talk back, Monkey Island style.
I don't like printers.
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stormbreaker
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Mr. Panda
May 29 2008, 06:42 PM
Monkey Island style.

They got,

allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractor, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, water proofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit brakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers!
BOOM DE YADA
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Mr. Awesome
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This is good stuff, it really is.
Guess what! I'm writing a book called Nuclear Winter!
giggleguy
 
That's a pretty stupid thing to say.
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lumpy
Citizen B
Do some splainin'.
FUN
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Mr. Panda
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lumpy
May 30 2008, 10:26 AM
Do some splainin'.

"I don't even know you."

"Sure you do." Hmm. Ricky Ricardo hair, Ricky Ricardo eyes; I can't say I know any Ricky Ricardos. "So you's got anything to say?"

"About what?"

"You know, Jerry." Delie stopped sliding around and came and plopped her ass on the porch next to me. That ass must be cold. "You clobbered Xavier."

Shit.

"You knows that guy that got away? Well it turns out that he went and ratted you out."

I had killed Xavier. I didn't know his name at the time, but I'm pretty sure Ricky Ricardo here is talking about the same guy.

"And now you's gots some trouble with us."

Shitsacks. This guy's with an organization. I'm screwed.

"How's about you let me in, Jerry? You know, just to talk."
I don't like printers.
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stormbreaker
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Quick! Snap his neck!
BOOM DE YADA
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Mr. Panda
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stormbreaker
May 31 2008, 11:10 AM
Quick! Snap his neck!

Without a second though, I kicked the guy in the kneecaps. Both of them. At the same time. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit, but the point is I delivered some intense pain. While he was on the ground crying like I had just ripped his left testicle off, I put one hand under his chin and the other on top of his head. I heard a satisfying *crack* as his body went limp.

Okay, maybe things didn't go down that smoothly, but I'm not about to explain how we wrestled on the porch for a good five minutes before I punched him in the face. I'm pretty sure I broke a finger in the process.

I pulled Ricky Ricardo's body inside my house, borrowed a pistol from his jacket and put it in the back of my pants, and locked the body inside my bathroom.

I didn't think that it would be the greatest idea in the world to hang around, so I herded Delie in the car and drove off into the snow. I had no idea where I was going, but I had to go somewhere.
I don't like printers.
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Ethan_odd
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Lord of the Manor
Use your car GPS. Go to a Gas Station.
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Mr. Panda
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Ethan_odd
May 31 2008, 03:41 PM
Use your car GPS. Go to a Gas Station.

I really wish that I had one of those GPS things. Then I could just look up some really obscure place and hide out there. Instead, I figured that the EZ Gas a few blocks down would be the perfect place to head first. I could buy whatever I needed there, but not look out of place.

I drove down the street very slowly, because I was afraid of spinning out. Or maybe it was because I was afraid of being stopped by the cops or something.

EZ Gas has been trying to stir up some nostalgia lately, and they've taken on the look of an old-fashioned gas station, complete with guys that run out to your car and do stuff for you. I stopped at one of the pumps, and a thin, highly blemished teen ran out to my car. He grabbed the gas pump and knocked on my window.

"What can I do for you, sir?" he asked. I looked at my gas level indicator and noticed that I had filled up just yesterday. This was awkward.

"Uhh, nevermind. I have enough gas. I think I'll come in and buy some snacks, though." He looked a little bit disappointed, but quickly smiled and ran back inside. I switched the engine off and walked into the gas station's convenience store. It was a small, cramped place, with barely enough room to walk. They had shelves of chips, a single refrigerator with some soda in it, and a coffee machine.

What am I doing here?
I don't like printers.
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