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| The History of Everything - Abridged; Let's Try it as a Message Bored Game! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 23 2008, 12:50 PM (94 Views) | |
| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 12:50 PM Post #1 |
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On the button!
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I was watching an old old episode of Cosmos last night (because I'm a major dork) and I'm bored as heck today trying to shirk duties that resemble work... thus and therefore, viola! An idea for a message board game. We shall chronicle the history of the entire universe, post by post, in order. The rules are simple, your statements may or may not be true, but they must be in chronological order. Also, no disputing someone else's statements, if posted, they shall be taken as fact, even if they are preposterous. I'll start: Before there was something, there was nothing. The fella in charge of nothing went out for lunch, and ordered the Soup Du Jour: Cream of Primordial. He realized there was no way he would be able to pay for the soup, and it wasn't that tasty anyway, so, he called the waiter of the Nothing Cafe over to complain that there was going to be a fly in his soup some day. The waiter and the patron watched the soup closely... |
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| Jakes_Monkey | Jun 23 2008, 01:00 PM Post #2 |
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On the button!
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Im guessing he ordered the soup from Stock, right? So it wasnt a fly in the soup, it was a button because they didnt have flies until WAY after buttons. |
| Everyones Favorite Absolute Illiterate Idiot TM | |
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| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 01:07 PM Post #3 |
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On the button!
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Ok. Funny. But also, tell us what happened next, please. I will stop this thread and turn it right around, and nobody will get to have fun, is that what you want, mister?! |
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| Jakes_Monkey | Jun 23 2008, 01:14 PM Post #4 |
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On the button!
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They called a tailor. |
| Everyones Favorite Absolute Illiterate Idiot TM | |
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| StockRock1 | Jun 23 2008, 01:17 PM Post #5 |
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Has Finally Lost It Forever
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Nothing better than a threat from the newly reigning Queen of Wuss. I would continue this but you have me so freaking confused. If this is before smoething than how can the guy in charge order anything if there is nothing to order something from. I need some logic to form any bit of sane thought. Unless, he ordered a bowl of nothing to be poured into his hands because there is no bowl yet so it's basically pouring nothingness to relieve the hunger that didn't exist. My attempt here is this (sorry, gotta start from the begining), plus, we take a cue from Jake. Before there was anything there was nothing........... correct, Stock roamed the vastness of nothingness. One day (which really wasn't a day because there were no measurements of time yet, actually, there was no time yet either), Stock farted. This is known is more recent history as the Big Bang Theory. But trust me, the nothingness at the time got smacked into existence.....and I mean a massive Big Bang. A Blazing Saddles to infite degree one. A 7 course meal of beans, chilli, hot sauce, hot dogs and my own special "chulent". In fact, had this "Big Bang" happened after the universe was created...it would have destroyed it. We now continue with our regular scheduled program. So, there was this Big Bang and Matzah Ball Soup became the first something amongst nothingness (and what power, it came in a frozen package to be microwaved before consumption). |
| Maybe that turns you on, morons; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. | |
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| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 01:56 PM Post #6 |
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On the button!
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Excellent. Well, accuracy is optional, this is all astrophysical theory or whatever. ... and so the creator then nuketh the soup, and it was good. (about as good as you can expect from microwave soups, anyway, it's so hard to get it nice and hot without turning it all to moosh, but I digress.) Deep within the Big Bang Matzah Ball Soup, tiny molecules of DNA were stirring, mutating, and making new and wonderful primitive life forms like: Monkeys, Fish, Donkeys, Jake, Italian Cheeses, and the Internet.... |
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| Jakes_Monkey | Jun 23 2008, 02:00 PM Post #7 |
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On the button!
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Hmm, I guess you didnt like me jumping to the whole Adam and Eve needing clothes (hence, calling a tailor) then? I thought that WAS the beginning. Now I am confused. Or is this the secular version of events? |
| Everyones Favorite Absolute Illiterate Idiot TM | |
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| coastalcarolinakid | Jun 23 2008, 02:08 PM Post #8 |
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Trolling the river
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I was thinking it must have been the cliffs notes version, since we jumped right to the microwave and internet. |
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| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 02:13 PM Post #9 |
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On the button!
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Oh. Sorry, Jakey. Adam and Eve? Well, that totally wasn't the beginning anyway, there were like 5 days before that or something. I think they got their duds on a Thursday, y'know when the outlet malls had a sale. (Like they could afford custom tailoring! Adam was totally unemployed.) I'm not sure it's entirely a secular version. There's going to need to be a lot of faith needed to piece this story together, hehe. Besides, Stock started it over again at the real beginning. Way before clothes. Also, for the record, I am not a wuss. I liked where you were going, really. G-Bunny, that's where the "abridged" comes in.
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| coastalcarolinakid | Jun 23 2008, 02:16 PM Post #10 |
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Trolling the river
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OK, so let's get this right. They microwaved the soup, got a tailor for the buttons, then put up a bridged to get to the other side of nothing??? |
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| :rocklawr | Jun 23 2008, 02:20 PM Post #11 |
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Eye in the Sky!
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let me know when you get to the part of the story when the universe implodes on itself |
| "You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." | |
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| StockRock1 | Jun 23 2008, 02:26 PM Post #12 |
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Has Finally Lost It Forever
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I can't believe it took this guy so long to understand the simple parts of the creation of the universe. Where is this guy from? The West Coast? Give Jake a call, ask him what to stick in your pipe and come back when you are on the proper intelligence level to just read a simple story of progression. This place is almost becoming as bad as...dare I say it?......... Oh man...not to take away from this (not really knowing whatthis all about anyway), but I have another progression to speak of. New thread....but I shall be back to make sure the history of the world is properly recorded. It's just that I really have no imagination so it's hard to be creative. |
| Maybe that turns you on, morons; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. | |
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| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 02:37 PM Post #13 |
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On the button!
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Well, after the Internet and Jake were created, then Julius Ceasar invented playing cards and Leonardo DaVinci decided to remove one of the suits from the deck to ensure cosmic balance and better pot odds for online games, like poker. Ceasar, DaVinci, Walt Disney, William Shakespeare, Stock, Prohta, Napoleon, Ghengis Khan, Bill & Ted, Jesse James, and Jake were playing Omaha Hi/Lo one evening, and Jake rolled them all some peace-puffs and smoked a salmon as well. The lot of them were smoking everything in sight, when they came up with the idea of ESPN Poker Club, and appeared to AJ Feldman in a dream. They whispered to Mr. Feldman the secrets of the game client to be... |
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| Jakes_Monkey | Jun 23 2008, 02:38 PM Post #14 |
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On the button!
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The worst part of this whole thing is that eventually, somehow, it comes down to this: http://www.fantasycostumes.com/Merchant2/i...ies-18912-R.jpg |
| Everyones Favorite Absolute Illiterate Idiot TM | |
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| :rocklawr | Jun 23 2008, 02:47 PM Post #15 |
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Eye in the Sky!
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Were Bill & Ted playing hands together or was this prior to the deck only having 52 playing cards? |
| "You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." | |
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| ohiogirlie74 | Jun 23 2008, 02:55 PM Post #16 |
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On the button!
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Nice catch. According to fossil records, they were never dealt in -- they appear to have headed over to the Circle K to meet up with the great George Carlin and get some nachos. They seemed to be observing the game, not participating, or so speculate the paleontologists. I believe they did go get Napoleon a banana split, though, and I think they called Feldman first, because everyone else wasn't getting any bars on their cell phones. |
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10:34 AM Jul 11