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Crusader Kings 2 Jews
Topic Started: Nov 25 2013, 02:58 AM (749 Views)
SlagartheCruel
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Leader of Disappointment
A Crusader Kings story;

So here I am creating a character in Ireland and becoming a jewish guy, small time count in a small time Ireland with a billion raiders and shit just jumping all around. I thought while the game was loading the Jews wouldn't be able to at first have the same reasons for holy war like the christians and muslims.

God I was so wrong.

The moment I start, my I can declare war on everyone hue hue hue.

So here I am, researching and building and shit, rolling in jewish money like a asshole and waiting to have enough money to hire a billion and 1 mercenaries and shit and declare war on everyone. I start waiting and getting enough troops and start a holy war while everyone is fighting the invincible army of the Nordish death rolls.

I am now the Jewish duke of Munster and I am chilling on all this money and eyeing my greedy neighbors. However, the welsh and bretons are also eyeing me. Get declared war on, but none could stand against my jewish armies.

My jewish wars conclude and soon I am rolling across all of Ireland, declaring war and claiming everyone in the name of the jews.

Form the great jewish kingdom of Ireland and eyeing my scottish neighbors. Give a irish baron the duchy of Tara, the Tara Jewish Republic is formed, and the money just rolls right in. My god damn money and patience is paying off well.

Die.

My heir is similar to his father and soon I can claim the rest of Ireland from the nord death rolls and god damn Brittany and their huge army. Brittany falls to a Nord host and I am just laughing in my rolls of money all the way to scotland. The invasion of a independent galloway has begun.

My invasion fails.

God damn scotland.

Wait a billion years to get a enough money for mercenaries and start again.

Barely win against fucking Scotland. Got damn scots, I will make them all Irish man servants!

So here I am, the Jewish king of Ireland and I am rolling in money and shit and my vassals are getting all rude and shit by trying to place my brother as king. They did not see my jewish death rolls stomping over their duchies. Ha!

I gain enough troops and levies to launch invasion of the remaining nords, Scotland begins to fall county by county. Soon.

My jewish invasion of upper england begin with success. Entire lands fall to my whims as they are far to decided to stop my jewish invasion!

Invasion fails.

Fucking whales.

Start building army upon army, building by building, waiting for my time to strike.

I die.

New heir, old as shit. Well, at least I can start a new invasion!

I die.

I am 6 years old and my vassals are really not loving their obese new jew king. I wait awhile. I get proud trait. I am a proud fat shit just chilling in Ireland and suddenly half of my counties revolt to place my uncle as king. I beat them all back. . .barely. I survive, but everyone is either dead or dying.

Scotland is retarded and doesn't attack, so kay.

Years pass and I have grown up to be a fat proud and homosexual jewish king of the irish.

Oh well, time to declare war!

The second long invasion was done by a huge god damn invasion of anything not nailed to the ground. Everyone be dying left, right, up, and down. One county after another fell to me. None shall survive.

A legion of whales roll stomp me.

My invasion end. I only claim a single county. One war ends in white peace.

Fuck.

Oh well, Scotland it is!

Scotland is defenseless!

Scotland shall fall!

A legion of whales slaughter most of my levies before I can stack them from the south.

That flubber bastards are barely beaten back along with their kilt wearing freedom fighters. I win another scottish county just barely.

Years pass and I am invading one county in the south slowly. I probably end up with at least 6 separate shits and I am soon ending up fighting Denmark. Denmark has a huge army, but I am at least able to beat back most of them one county at a time. I control most of Britian. I form the republic of Galloway and they are making more money.

I invade and form the duchy of York. During this time, travelers from the mystical kingdom of Hindustan drop off their greek slave. Kay.

A greek jewish republic is formed in York.

I have now three competing republics and shit, hue hue hue.

I invade and pretty much wipe out most of england, and I am soon forming a army to attack the Isles and reclaim scotland for the jewish irish!

Nothing can stop me!

I die.

More like assassinated by my son.

So here I am invading the islands and the scottish kingdom falls right into my lap. Scotland, yer mine noaw.

Scotland is mine now.

Kay.

I now have enough men I can comfortable invade the kingdom of whales with.

THIS ENDS THIS DAY!

A clash of whales and irish jews, the most messed up and highly epic battle of the medieval world. I gain Cornwall in a single stroke!

More traders from the mythical kingdom of Hindustan.

I get a Mande.

The republic of Cornwall is formed. Blacks jews are rolling in money and shit. Has a high tech rate in cornwall and become the most powerful shit republic. The Black republican jews of Cornwall.

I conquer almost everything including all of Scotland and soon most of Britain.

By the glory of god himself, I declare myself god's chosen emperor of the Irish jews. Irish jews have essentially enslaved the whales, the brittons, the scots, and the nords. As emperor I form the republic of Moray from the lines of one of my sons! My heads of the whales shall decorate the streets of Munster, scottish slaves shall build me a great third temple and a great city and shall serve us forever, and the brittons shall farm and mine for us! Now shall stop me or stop my sons, and all sh--

I die a year later from sex.

So here I am, the 3 year old son. I have pretty much declared war on all of Brittany and France, winning huge portions of lands and formed kingdoms under me. The republic of Tara is dissolved but the other four republics are functioning pretty well. Cornwall pretty much dominates everything and is the richest, the Mande jews are probably rolling in the royal riches. Brittany is conquered rather fast due to well. . .they turned muslim.

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GeneralBonobo
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The King of Everything
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"Years pass and I have grown up to be a fat proud and homosexual jewish king of the irish." -SlagarTheCruel 2013
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Chaoshawk
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:D

8/10 would read another AARP with pictures.
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