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#29: 07/11/16; The Morning After: Ponderosa Reflections
Topic Started: Jul 11 2016, 08:01 AM (17 Views)
Jenna
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(Setting: Ponderosa; Jenna sits calmly in a hammock, sipping a pina coloda out of a coconut, writing in her Confessional/journal)

Well, Rob was right...there was definitely a blindside last night. I completely didn't see that coming. I mean, other than the paranoid side of myself that ALWAYS considers it a possibility...but I had complete faith in Rob and Joanna on that vote. I definitely had trouble getting to sleep last night, laying in my cot in Ponderosa...and it wasn't just because Jeanne was snoring like a chainsaw in the cabin next door (that woman is SO noisy). I lay there wondering...where did I go wrong? WHEN did I go wrong? And then I started to question how many of my takes on what was going on in the game were real and how many were misperceptions? For example...had we lost the Numerology challenge...would I have been gone instead of Dave, had Daniel been kidnapped?

But as I said elsewhere in my Confessional, that way lies madness.

I definitely had Rob's back 100% in the game. And with Deena's dropout and the de-merge (which I suspected would be at least two rounds), Joanna became a bigger part of my long-term plans than she had originally been...which pleased me because I didn't want to turn on her as soon as I felt I would have if Roger had gone home as planned, and had there been no de-merge.

So the question for me remains...why am I here? A note from Dave and Joanna intimated something about me having too strong a social game to be allowed to get to the end...but I'm not buying that THIS early in the game. And while I think I was more social than some, I feel I only had strong social connections with Rob, Joanna, maybe Dave and maybe Shawna. I think where my fatal flaw was is that I leaked to the wrong people at the wrong times in the game my willingness to, post-merge, turn on some of my Jaburus...Daniel, Deena, Joanna. Unlike Dave...and perhaps unlike Joanna and Rob...I didn't want a Pagonging. So...I perhaps ran at the mouth too much. Some of it was to gain trust. At times...it was to fill the silence.

I may have Shii Ann'd it. But hopefully in a more likeable manner.

So...hopefully by writing this all down, it'll get out of my head and I'll sleep better tonight. I'm fine with my fate in the game, just a little disappointed I didn't make it ONE more round...so rather than be the Queen of the Jury, where I get fresh blood to interact with each week, I'm like the last issue of a magazine subscription...no more issues on the way, no new news in-bound.

I've yet to go interact with the other Ponderosans. Guess I should go do that...see if Ryan is around...

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