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Viewing Single Post From: SFG Character Contest June 2011

Name- Überguard

Age- He dares you ask.

Height- Pig foot- chicken.

Weight- As much as he needs to be.

Eye color- No one has gotten close enough to get a good look.

Alignment- The North Pole

Sex- Yes please

Species- Überguard

Personality- Überguard does things for the hell of it. He is not the one to talk to, unless you want the Holy-like phrase "bleh" hurtled at you. Followed by a swift kick to the shin.

Appearance- He has the majesty of a Frenchman with a leather helmet and leather armor that looks as though it was hastily thrown on. He has a big mustache he likes to twirl in his fingers.

Hometown- Anywhere that he can take from you.

Back history- In the beginning, there was nothing. Zip, zilch, nada. Nothing. Überguard decided one day he didn't like this nothingness, so he told it to get off its fat ass and do something about it. With a twirl of his mustache and a great pelvic thrust, Existence was created.

However, something wasn't quite right with this created Existence, so he grew angry about it. He destroyed Existence with one wave of his hand and decided to try again. With a twirl of his mustache and a pelvic thrust, Existence was created again. However, he didn't like this one either, so he destroyed it too.

This went on for several hundred thousand times until he was at last satisfied. Now had to come the creation of the planets. He slapped his cheeks and did another pelvic thrusts, and all of the planets were created. He was angered because they didn't have enough Styrofoam, but it'll have to do. He decided to pay one of these planets a visit, so with a mighty roar, he hurtled down to the surface of a nearby planet at a massively incredible 0.2 miles per hour, and crashed into the surface leaving an enormous crater.

Crawling out of it, he wandered the plains rocketing at 682 miles per hour. He was pleased with the wildlife, despite the absence of Styrofoam, until a bear threw sand in his face.

Staring at the bear, the Great Guard's face twisted up and scrunched to form one word:


With that mighty war cry, he ran up and kicked the bear in the shin, thereby making it shatter like a pane of glass would if you throw a brick through it. Even more in his furious rage, he thought of the ripe age of Gorgonzola cheese and half of everything on the planet suddenly melted.

With that, he hoisted up his beer belly and flew back up into the stars, visiting the planets one by one, enacting his revenge.

Family- He is is own family, relatives, and friends.

Weapons- He and his plastic shin.

Vehicles- An Army-grade M1 Abrams tank is his Sunday car.
SFG Character Contest June 2011 · Galaxies Contest