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Waffle's Rant Corner; Place Where I Rant About Stuff.
Topic Started: Mar 23 2011, 11:28 AM (591 Views)
Evilwaffles
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Table of Contents:
1. Starfox Command
2. Rift
3. Justin Bieber
4. =3
5. Rick Perry
Edited by Evilwaffles, Dec 30 2011, 10:38 PM.
 
Evilwaffles
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Starfox Command, how overjoyed I was to hear this announced at E3 2006, finally, Starfox is getting mainstream attention I thought to myself. I was starting to think that it was going to become like Mario or Zelda, with new games constantly in production by Nintendo and it’s development partners. After months of waiting, I insert the Starfox Command card into my DS and load it up.

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I get into the game and start a new game. Oh man this is going to be an epic experience, I was telling myself, I finally could play my favourite game franchise on the move. I got into the prologue and was I excited.
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Oh man sweet, a Starfox SNES reference! This is going to go back to Starfox’s roots! Maybe it will get the franchise on track. Then I saw this…

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The members of Star Fox, the heroic and famous squadron that had come to Lylat's aid in her hour of need, had disbanded. Each pilot was living a new life, and it would prove a difficult task to bring the former team members back together.


Wait… WHAT?! They disbanded Starfox? Well I suppose there is some reason behind it, so long as they are back by the end of the first two missions I’m happy. I saw this which was rather amusing to me…

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The technical brains behind the team, and Fox's closest friend, was the good-natured Slippy Toad. Slippy met and fell in love with a girl named Amanda, and decided to leave the world of flying and start a new life with his beloved fiancée


Oh awesome. Slippy finally has a girlfriend. Maybe he will be more badass in this game, like if someone talked down to Amanda he would lay the smack down on them? I lost all confidence in the story when I saw this…

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But Fox was quite wary of the danger that haunted pilots in the elite Star Fox squadron, and he eventually forced Krystal to leave the team. Heartbroken and ashamed, she fled from Fox and vanished soon after. No one knows what became of her...




Um, excuse me… Might I ask just WHAT THE *&@* WERE YOU DOING?! You not only kicked Krystal off of the team… you made her disappear all together?! No! As a huge fan of Krystal, that was the biggest slap to the face followed by a kick to the nards. We better had see Krystal later in the game or I’m going to rage.

Okay so the story was essentially screwed to me from that point, but at least the gameplay could redeem it… right?

[utube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_7ko1TW_kk[/utube]


A time limit… real time strategy elements… pure all range mode?! NO! Does not compute! DOES NOT COMPUTE AT ALL! What have they done? They have created a flight shooter RTS and stuck Starfox on it so it would sell. What the &$(@ Q-Games?! Is it really that hard to digest, for someone who tried to please the fans all we asked, was for a Starfox 64 style game… and yet no one seems to care or listen… Also, the use of the stylus is way over used, the fact I have to hold a damned stylus while I try to use both the buttons and keypad is not amusing… at all… One thing I like about the gameplay though is the ability to select the character you play as.

Okay, back onto the story for a moment. What did they do to my characters?! Fox isn’t an emo baby! Falco isn’t some soft kitty! Krystal was never really a bitch and male dependant! And Wolf was never so soft towards Fox! WHY! The game is already *#$&ed up as it is… I don’t need to see screens like this:

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Q-Games, I just want you to explain what the hell you were doing… so…
[utube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kx-97uRkzRg[/utube]

Okay… the endings… we have NINE different endings with none of them being canon. So did I just play this whole *$^&ING game just to get no confirmation on where the story was headed?! Here is a quick summary of the endings:
Ending 1:Fox and Krystal get back together, Amanda joins the team, Dash becomes the new bad guy
Ending 2: Fox and Krystal get back together, leave Starfox and have a son named Marcus <3
Ending 3: Fox and Krystal get back together only for her to leave again to re-join Star Wolf
Ending 4: Krystal gets abused for leaving Star Fox and gets emo about it and names her self Kursed as a bounty hunter
Ending 5: Fox and Krystal get back together.
Ending 6: Dash makes Venom clean and becomes the new Andross
Ending 7: Slippy has 100,000,000 kids
Ending 8: Falco goes all emo and starts Star Falco
Ending 9: Fox goes all emo and he and Falco join G-Zero

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These endings are mostly emo filled crap! Were Q-Games suffering deep depression or were they just trying to piss us off?

[utube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH2tgNEnX_k&feature=related[/utube]

Okay, here is a summary:

Good:
Character selection
Graphics

Bad:
Everything
 
Evilwaffles
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Rift is a new fantasy MMO developed by Trion Worlds, that was released earlier this year. This game has received a lot of praise for being a well-designed and well-built MMO and being an original expansion into the MMO genre. I am here to say… well built. Yes. Well designed, sort of. Original? No way in hell! For a game that advertises itself with: ‘We’re not in Azeroth anymore’ it sure as hell feels like I am.

Okay, I am not going to deny that Rift did bring in some new original ideas like the class specializations and the Rift battles. What I am going to combat is how the game claims to be different from World of Warcraft in its tag ‘We’re not in Azeroth anymore’. Okay, visually, the graphics surpass World of Warcraft, but beating a game’s graphics originally designed in 2004 is not difficult. My first point is the interface have a look at these two screens:

World of Warcraft:
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Rift:
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The similarities are too obvious, the party bar, the chat text, the whole interface layout is an essential rip off of World of Warcraft. Even the loot window was ripped.

Now here is a raid setup window, let’s compare the two:

World of Warcraft:

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Rift:

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Again, it is the same damned setup! It is like they just cloned World of Warcraft, slapped on a rift feature and sold it as a game. So far, I feel like I am in a more graphical Azeroth, their tag line so far is not working for me.

Okay, I’ll cut this short, this game has taken every damned aspect from World of Warcraft and put it in a game where the title should be ‘Rift: A mod of World of Warcraft :)’ They took everything that World of Warcraft actually took time and effort to perfect and just added more classes ad a rift feature.

‘We’re not in Azeroth anymore’, no, we’re just on another continent in the Warcraft universe. This game failed to deliver a unique experience, but don’t get me wrong, this is a solid and complete , I am combating the tag line of: ‘We’re not in Azeroth anymore’
 
Evilwaffles
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Okay so I was checking out the empty shell of Myspace just for a few laughs, then I saw an article from E! that was titled ‘Everbody Loves Bieber’…

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Now not to question the journalistic abilities of E! I don’t love Justin Bieber, I hate Justin Bieber. I kind of blame myself for E! thinking that everybody loves Justin Bieber. E! did send me a survey that asked: ‘Do you love JB?’ Now I am a little dyslexic and I thought it said ‘Do you love BJ?’ So naturally I ticked yes and it wasn’t till later I saw the mistake, sorry E! but I am the one man who hates this pansy little doofus.

When my friend first showed me a picture of Justin Bieber she was like, ‘Hey, what do you think of Justin Bieber?’ and I was like ‘Wow! She’s hot!’, she then replied to me with ‘It’s a boy’, to which I replied ‘Well… she’s still hot for a trans gender.’

How can anyone take Justin Bieber seriously? I mean, he is just a clear statement of the pussification of the male gender. If Justin Bieber came to my school like like this:

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We wouldn’t call him JB we would have called him PB for punching bag!

What really gives me the shits about this kid is that his audience is almost all pre-teen girls, and maybe one or two creepy old men, who I believe arethe most irrelevant group of people on the planet. I mean, I can’t take people who watch shows like America’s Next Top Model or Jersey Shore or Gossip Girl, and all these shows, I can’t take them seriously when all they look up to is stupid models or possessive smug bastards. But my main reason they are irrelevant is that they won’t even care about Justin Bieber in two years, Justin Bieber will be lucky to get a gig at a sweet 16 birthday party.

How does our media industry allow people like this to enter mainstream media? I mean, I can understand your stupid teenage magazines going off over him but why is he on legitimist news sources? Why do they talk about him as if he is important? He’s not! We’ve seen his kind before, they have a hit record or two, is every teenage girls’ fantasy but then is a bad memory a couple years later, for example the Back Street Boys, In Sinc, Erin Carter, The New Kids on the Block, etc, etc. The only person who’s actually pulled a real career out of this teenage heart throb is Justin Timberlake, and I atill don’t know how that happened. Justin Bieber’s popularity won’t survive his fan’s first menstrual cycle.

I have a question about Justin Bieber, in 20 years or so, when he is on ‘Behind the Music’ what drug will he have been addicted to? I vote heroin!

As much as I am not interested in Justin Bieber as a person or an artist, I am interested in seeing what his fans think or how his fans work. So I went to some Justin Bieber forums, to try see into their heads… it’s so empty, argh!

I went to these message boards trying to figure out what makes Justin Bieber fans tick, only to discover that their forums are mostly about about wha makes Justin Bieber haters tick. Here is an example of one of their topics…

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This girl… ugh… It really shows her intelligence when she spells ‘those’ as ‘thoews’ and uses arbitrations in every word… Okay, here is another example:

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So the reigning theory amongst Bieber fans is that us guys hate him because he gets all the girls… You want to know why I hate Justin Bieber and you love him? Well it is for the same reasons… First of all, he is a symbol designed by record companies to be parent approved and mass marketable. *#&$.… that… *&@!! He is intolerably bland… His lyrics are a clear example [sarcasm]Move aside Shakespeare you have some competition with Justin Bieber here![/sarcasm]

Let me make it clear Bieber fans, let me cure your disease known as Bieber fever, I don’t hate Justin Bieber because he hates the girls, because the girls he gets are idiots who I wouldn’t want a connection with anyway. I don’t hate Justin Bieber because he is [sarcasm] Just so damned talented[/sarcasm]. If I hated talented people, I would hate people like Trivium, Metalica, Nintendo, Blizzard, Iron Maiden, Tenacious D, Rise Against, if I hated talented people I wouldn’t waste my time with Justin Bieber. I hate people who are talentless but somehow make it to the top anyway, people who get fame and acclaim they do not deserve, because they aren’t challenging their audience, they aren’t stimulating their audience. I hate Justin Bieber for those reasons and because he is fucking boring and that’s why you love him because he is just a blank sheet of paper that you can make into whatever you want it to be, because of how the market has perceived him to be a marketable little blank spot. I hate him because he is an empty void where talent could have, and should have been, yet he gets all this fame.
 
Evilwaffles
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I loved the Marcus ending, which is why I put <3 there.

As I said:
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I hate people who are talentless but somehow make it to the top anyway, people who get fame and acclaim they do not deserve, because they aren’t challenging their audience, they aren’t stimulating their audience. I hate Justin Bieber for those reasons and because he is fucking boring and that’s why you love him because he is just a blank sheet of paper that you can make into whatever you want it to be, because of how the market has perceived him to be a marketable little blank spot.
That is why I hate him. Also, he didn't work hard, he just sung some covers on Youtube, some record company saw dollar signs, signed him up and wrote all his songs... That is not hard work.
 
Evilwaffles
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Hello SFG, today I am going to be bitching about Youtube's most famous star... Ray William Johnson.

The first problem I have with this guy was his video known as pancake mix, it isn't called pancake mix anymore but I'll get to that in a second. In this video there was another video where a dog is viciously attacked by a mother deer, now he puts this video in and he is poking fun at it, I saw the video a while before equals three, when I did watch it I was horrified, that isn't something you laugh at because this poor little dog is getting the *&@! beat out of him by this deer and you can hear the owner screaming in fear for the dog and there is nothing anyone can do. It's horrible as this dog is getting mangled by this deer, it's horrible. So Ray William Johnson comes along and says "Oh sure I'm a big douchebag, what I'll do is put this into my video, make a few comments about it and people will love me as usual." When the video was launched people started giving him hate messages and rightfully so. Instead of admitting that it was a wrong move on his behalf and saying sorry to his fans, what he did was change the name of the video to 'THUMBS DOWN!! :D'. It makes it look like, well yeah fvck you guys I don't give a sh!t. Not only does he have no talent re-using the same old 'You're Mom!' jokes over and over he acts like the sun shines out his ass and is to be worshipped.

It is the first video shown here:
THIS VIDEO MAY BE HARD TO WATCH, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED
[utube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ense2bvr2es[/utube]

Second point. When there was a vote for 'funniest youtube channel of the year', it came down to Ray William and some Yu-Gi-oh guys. Now, what happened was Ray William Johnson figured that they were not worthy enough to be in the final with him, because he is obviously the god of Youtube. So, he then left a comment saying something to the effect of "Why are these guys in the final when all they do is steal material that is not their own and just put voices over it." It was a big long comment but I cannot seem to find the page with extensive google searches. So what happens is one guy comments saying "But this is exactly what you do, you steal other people's material and you profit from it" so what does the pussy bag do? He deletes the guy's comment because he won't admit to being wrong and won't be a man. And that brings me onto what he does, all he does is steal viral videos from the internet, puts them on his videos, comments on them, and profits from it.

Third point, his video titles and thumb nails can often be misleading, often involving a girl or a name with something to do with breasts.
http://www.youtube.com/user/BreakingNYC
Check the titles and thumbnails of the most recent videos, go check his main channel as well if you wish to investigate further.

Oh and before I forget, he can't sing for *&@!. He is auto-tune's poster boy.
Edited by Evilwaffles, Jul 11 2011, 07:35 AM.
 
Evilwaffles
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My subject for today... Rick Fucking Perry...

Now, normally I wouldn't comment on the politics of another country, but this... this is so fucking retarded that I just have to address its absolute stupidity. For those of you who don't know who I am talking about, Rick Perry is the Governor of Texas and Republican candidate for the Presidency, he is the organizer of the Texan Prayer rally, and is also infamous for pushing the limits of the separation of church and state.

Those reasons alone aren't exactly worth me bitching about, but this... this stupid campaign advert is so fucking stupid. This is the advert I am talking about...

[utube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PAJNntoRgA[/utube]

Watched the whole thing? Good. Now you know why I am bitching about it and why it is more disliked than Rebecca Black's Friday... Now to address the video:

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I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a Christian...
That is a pretty ballsy statement coming from someone in a country where 80% OF THE POPULATION IS FUCKING CHRISTIAN! *insert sarcastic clap here* Now if he admitted he is an atheist or another religion THEN it would be a ballsy statement.

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...but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know that there's something wrong with this country when gays can serve openly in the military...
Yeah Rick Perry, yeah. You know there is something wrong when we allow gay people overseas to put their lives on the line fighting for the very freedom that allows you to say fucking retarded *&@! like this! ::)

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...but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.
What fucking American kid is being prevented form celebrating Christmas? (Excluding those of other faiths that don't celebrate Christmas). And as far as I recall, kids can pray in class all they want... hell they can even start church groups, the only problem with that was that teachers lead prayer in public schools, that is the only thing that isn't allowed anymore, teachers cannot initiate the whole class to pray, individuals are more than welcome to pray, in public schools at least. Correct me if I am wrong.

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As President, I will end Obama's war on religion...
What war on religion?! If Obama had declared a war on religion, what fucking chance would he have at winning a second term in an 80% Christian country? If he had declared a war on religion, I would have heard about it. Also, wasn't Obama first accused of being a secret Muslim, then he was attacked for his Christian pastor?

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...and I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage.
Last I checked 54% of liberals said their religion was very important to them... so how can you say that there is a concerted liberal effort against religion?

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Faith made America strong and can make her strong again.
I'm pretty sure it was the A-Bomb. And also... meh!

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I'm Rick Perry, and I approve this message.
Who the hell says that when they are the one giving the message which they obviously agree with. You only say that when you have a creepy voice over saying *&@! like '"President Obama wants to end religion... oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." then follow it up with that you approve this message...

Yeah, you can see why this is retarded...

 
Evilwaffles
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null
 
People like Rick Perry are the reason I gave up being a Republican. I would NEVER be a Democrat, so I'm going for Libertarian. ...and I agree with you, regarding Justin Beiber, I hate that thatch haired stupid little mangina f***ing a**hole. I also hate Ray William Johnson, and Onision, iJustine...heck, the Archfiend and Cammehyabams has some great videos bashing those youtube scum.


Edited by Julius Quasar, Today, 10:06 AM.
I can't hate Justin Bieber as a person as I have never met him in real life (nor do I want to) so I can't judge his real personality, but I despise and loathe him as an 'artist'.

As for Ray William Johnson... I can't say much more on him than I have already said.
Onision is more of a piece of *&@! than Ray William Johnson... When you put up a video of your girlfriend who was suffering memory loss and seizures and you put ads on it to profit on it... that makes you a sick human being. And... to add insult to injury... they were both faking it! He was profiting from making his girlfriend act like she had serious mental problems to profit from those who actually suffer from these mental problems... I'd show you the video but he took it down after being called out on it being staged... What a piece of scum.

Fana McCloud
 
That is all. XD
Hahahaha! Genius! *Subs to that guy*
 
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