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Toxic Beauty; Chapters 1-4
Topic Started: Jan 3 2013, 08:52 PM (132 Views)
JasmineGreen1
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Prologue - http://www.wattpad.com/9551286-toxic-beauty-prologue-miss-alabama

Chapter 1 - http://www.wattpad.com/9552754-toxic-beauty-chapter-one-home-sweet-carolina

Chapter 2 - http://www.wattpad.com/9553253-toxic-beauty-chapter-two-a-new-beginning

Chapter 3 - http://www.wattpad.com/9553381-toxic-beauty-chapter-three-eye-candy

Chapter 4 - http://www.wattpad.com/10585234-toxic-beauty-chapter-four-daily-routine
- Jasmine
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer
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http://jasminegreen.net
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JasmineGreen1
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Chapter 5 - http://www.wattpad.com/10637613-toxic-beauty-chapter-five-the-art-of-seduction

I just uploaded this. It's sort of on the short side. It's missing something. Any suggestions? And don't worry, Uncle Beau will be addressed in the next chapter. I didn't forget about him.
- Jasmine
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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http://www.wattpad.com/user/JasmineGreen1
http://jasminegreen.net
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deadmanwalking123
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I promise to read yours in the morning :)
I can't think from typing and reading for the past few hours, mut I definitely like the opening quote. So, good start.
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JasmineGreen1
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It's sorta very "chick-lit" with the drama and romance but I'm trying to make it fun to read even for guys. ;P
- Jasmine
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
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http://www.wattpad.com/user/JasmineGreen1
http://jasminegreen.net
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Cbonfilio
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*Prologue critique on Wattpad*

I love that your story has so much dialogue, I love reading other peoples conversations, perhaps because I’m so nosy. You really start to sense Etta’s despair in this chapter, she seems so much more human. I really like Uncle Beau and I like how the last sentence, “I was free,” leaves us with the sense of an upcoming adventure.

First off, I love the idea of a small town girl going to a big city and living above a pub. I also love Vincent’s personality, as it adds a lot of comic relief to a gloomy tale. Needless to say, he sounds gorgeous and the tampon bit was hilarious. It’s good to see Etta so out of her element. Rooming across from each other makes me wonder how often they will be sneaking across the hall and the fact that he plays guitar and is in a band…adorable and obviously good for bonding.

*TO BE CONTINUED WITH CHAPTER THREE WHEN THE TODDLER IS UNCONSCIOUS*
- Cori
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Cbonfilio
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Reading chapter three Im wondering if you meant to say “you should have stood with-“ or “you should have stayed with-“ when she in trying to convince him that she can go shopping on her own. This girl needs to get a license! I like the name Jellies. The paragraph following her leaving the house to get the groceries doesn’t flow well to me because as I read it I can’t help but notice how many times I’m saying the word market…5 times within 4 sentences. Maybe you could try mixing it up, the market, the shop, the store, the grocer and so on. Did you mean to put a comma in the sentence, “Memories of my Mama making shakes and smoothies for us, hit me hard,” and following that you say, “I quickly grab what I need and leave the produce area quickly.” I think that the first quickly would suggest that she was rushing to leave. Brody threw me through a bit of a loop, love triangle? Now I want to see how she responds to Vincent after meeting another boy. It def makes me wonder and want to keep reading. Good job!
Omg, I feel completely embarrassed for her, I am not a crier, especially in public. Humiliating. She’s in his room now and I am SO waiting for him to bust through the door. The end of the first paragraph on page three throws me a little, I don’t understand it, “They must have been sticking out when he grabbed one yesterday for the woman he was shacking up with and did not back.” Again-I love Uncle Beau, he is probably my favorite character. On to the next!
I LOVE this chapter, it is so comical and kept me anxious the whole time. These are my favorite scenes to read so far, I think partially because Vincent is still so much of a mystery and Im getting little bits of information on him each time. Now I need to know why he owes Beau…drug addict? Ugh. More.
- Cori
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JasmineGreen1
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Thanks so much for the critique Cor! ;) I will address the things you brought to my attention..

And I'm hurrying! Working on chapter 6 as we speak. Brody will add some lovely drama and fun to the story. ;)
- Jasmine
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Posted Image

http://www.wattpad.com/user/JasmineGreen1
http://jasminegreen.net
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JasmineGreen1
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I revised my prologue and I think it flows a lot better.. it's less of her just talking the whole time.

http://www.wattpad.com/9551286-toxic-beauty-prologue-miss-alabama

I've also uploaded Chapter 5:
http://www.wattpad.com/10637613-toxic-beauty-chapter-five-the-art-of-seduction

And hopefully Chapter 6 will be up tonight.
- Jasmine
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpaper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” - Chris Colfer
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Posted Image

http://www.wattpad.com/user/JasmineGreen1
http://jasminegreen.net
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