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On Top of the World; May 24 - early am (Yana, Kitty, Bobby)
Topic Started: Dec 27 2013, 10:18 PM (817 Views)
Kitty Pryde
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Yeah. She got a feeling she wasn't doing so great with the listening and being there and...well, probably a lot of things where Bobby was concerned.

Yana could snort all she wanted, but it still felt pretty true. Then her best friend grinned at her a little. "No one's saying you've gotta be perfect, Pryde," she pointed out, and Kitty rolled her eyes. Again. Yeah, she got that, but she probably at least needed to suck a little less. "I mean, you managed to listen to me for how many years? I'll give you a letter of recommendation if it'll make you feel better."

The brunette shot her a lopsided look, along with a lopsided half-smile to go with it. "Great, I'll attach it to my resume'. I'm sure Bobby'll be hugely impressed with my references."

Or, you know, not.

Maybe Yana was right. Maybe she should just cross her fingers and hope for the best but...that didn't feel right to her. Problems didn't just suddenly go away because you ignored them. At least, it never worked that way for her. It hadn't worked that way for any of them in general. Some of them had tried that when the MRA passed, then people had started dying.

And they'd tried that with Scott, hadn't they? Let him go off on his own to sort himself out. A couple of months later, there he was back again. With Maddie, who looked exactly like Jean and he'd married her before six months was even up, blowing off everybody who tried to point out to him that the whole thing didn't seem exactly right. Then as soon as Jean was back and alive, he was gone. Took off, leaving Maddie and his baby and right back to Jean. Because he couldn't move on, or let go.

Neither could Maddie, but at least she'd had less control over it. Not nearly as much of a choice, but god. It'd literally driven her insane because Scott left her and baby Christopher had paid for it. And, in the end, it had kinda broken Scott and Jean, too.

She didn't want that. Not for her, not for Bobby. She didn't want to be the center of someone's world so much that they didn't think they could live, or keep their sanity, without her. It scared her. It scared her so much she didn't even know how to say it.

Apparently, however she was saying it, Yana wasn't buying it. Not going by that skeptical look she was throwing her way. "Okay, you're now comparing yourself and your boyfriend to a guy with zero social skills and no life outside the X-Men, and a woman who was actually genetically engineered and programmed to fall in love with him?" she asked[/b][/i] and Kitty's brows drew together more. That was...kind of way oversimplifying it. But then, Yana hadn't really been in the middle of any of that, had she? "Who, it has to be said, was also created to look exactly like his ex-girlfriend? I'm pretty sure that's not you, and if that were the case with Bobby, he'd have been all over your dupe when she showed up. And he wasn't."

Still frowning, Kitty was already shaking her head, but Yana wasn't finished, grinning slightly and adding, "I've also not heard any predictions that we're going into a new ice age or anything, so I think the universe is probably safe enough. But again, I'm not sure you can really just tell him, 'Hey, I don't want to be the center of your life'." She frowned a little, then added, "Also? I get what you're saying, but...I'm not quite sure why you'd want to. I've been the not-center for the last year. It actually kinda sucks. Maybe he just needs some anti-depressants and to spend less time sitting around writing letters to dead people?"

Well, okay. She wasn't quite sure that was exactly the answer, either. Maybe part of the answer, though. Bobby had probably definitely been depressed.

"There was a lot more to all of that then just looking like Jean and Maddie being created for Scott and Scott having no social skills," she felt the need to point out. "Yana, you didn't really get to see how it all happened. And you didn't get to see Jean in that Camp." Or what had been left of Jean, after Inferno and Scott's death and being stuck in that place. "If Scott would've just...I don't know, dealt with some've his crap, at least some've it might not have happened. Maybe a whole bunch of people wouldn't have died."

Both before and after the Camps.

Letting out a long breath, Kitty shook her head. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just a horrible girlfriend for not wanting to be everything to somebody else. At least not that way. Not in the way that breaks people." And that's what it was, that kind of love, wasn't it? The kind that broke things, and people, if something went wrong. "I just-I want Bobby to deal with it. I want to help him, or find somebody who can help him, and I want to help me, too. I want him to be better, and not broken," she added. "I want to be better. Not for me, but for him. And I don't want to feel like it's all my fault for him not being able to cope after I 'died', because I have no idea how to deal with that. I just don't. If that makes me awful, then I guess that's just how it is."

If Yana wanted that kind of...co-dependency, then she guessed that was okay. People wanted and needed different things. What she wanted was some damned middle ground where she didn't have to feel guilty and horrible for, well, for being herself.
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Magik
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There was something here she apparently just wasn't understanding, Illyana decided as she watched Kitty shake her head. She wasn't sure what - something about the comparison between Kitty's broken boyfriend and the Scott/Jean/Maddie thing, she was guessing, but honestly, she couldn't really figure out what one had to do with the other. Kitty's boyfriend was a mess, maybe, but he wasn't making deals with demons or going off and marrying Kitty's interdimensional self or...well, much of anything made any kind of comparison valid. From the sounds of it, the guy needed a good prescription of anti-depressents and to stop sitting around writing letters to dead people. Neither of which were exactly endangering life as they knew it.

"There was a lot more to all of that then just looking like Jean and Maddie being created for Scott and Scott having no social skills," Kitty pointed out, and Illyana nodded. Yeah, there probably had been. "Yana, you didn't really get to see how it all happened. And you didn't get to see Jean in that Camp. If Scott would've just...I don't know, dealt with some've his crap, at least some've it might not have happened. Maybe a whole bunch of people wouldn't have died."

Well, that she couldn't argue. She still wasn't entirely sure where Kitty was going with it, other than back to the whole thing with her boyfriend not dealing, but she didn't think her friend was done yet, either.

She wasn't. She exhaled slowly, then shook her head. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just a horrible girlfriend for not wanting to be everything to somebody else. At least not that way. Not in the way that breaks people." Illyana frowned, raising an eyebrow at the other girl in the mirror. Had she said that? She ran back over what she had said, and...no. Nothing about being a horrible girlfriend in there. Maybe some not-understanding on her part, but definitely no "you're wrong-ness", either. "I just-I want Bobby to deal with it. I want to help him, or find somebody who can help him, and I want to help me, too. I want him to be better, and not broken," she added. "I want to be better. Not for me, but for him. And I don't want to feel like it's all my fault for him not being able to cope after I 'died', because I have no idea how to deal with that. I just don't. If that makes me awful, then I guess that's just how it is."

Oh man... Illyana rolled her eyes and, after a quick glance confirmed that she wasn't likely to get stabbed by accident, turned her head to look at her former roommate. Was she this annoying when she insisted everything was her fault?

Probably, she had to admit. But that didn't mean she was going to let Kitty get away with it, either. "Okay, Pryde. First off, I'm pretty sure the only person here who keeps insisting you're a horrible, awful girlfriend is you. Who are you trying to convince?"

She took a breath, then exhaled and met the other girl's eyes. "Look. You said Bobby had problems, right? Even before you died. I wasn't there, and don't know what they were, so I really don't know how much they factored in. But I'm pretty sure everyone's got that one last thing that can push them over the edge. You, me, the people in the camp, everyone. So, maybe you dying," which was still weird to say, seeing as she obviously hadn't, "was that last thing? Maybe if you hadn't, it would've been something else? If..." she cast around for a comparison that would work, and settled on one that seemed likely, "If Johnny'd died, and Bobby'd just sort of given up, would that have made it Johnny's fault? Or Bobby just not being able to deal with it all any more?" She gave that a couple of seconds to sink in, then shrugged. "Either way, I can't see why you keep insisting it's your fault. It's not like you got up one morning and said, 'I think today's a great day to get nearly blown up by Sentinels and transported into another dimension'. You want Bobby to get help, haul him off to Doc Sampson with you. There are way worse ideas. But you need to stop blaming yourself for it all, and comparing the whole thing to the Summers family fiasco. Because honestly? No matter how you look at it, that whole situation was nothing but a disaster waiting to happen."
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Kitty Pryde
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Uggh, she hated trying to explain all this. To anyone. Especially when she couldn't even explain all this to herself. See! This was exactly why she was afraid to try to talk to Doc Samson? What if it all came out like this and he couldn't make any sense of it, either? Then what?

Okay, though, she kinda tried again anyway, because the there was more to all of the stuff with Scott and Jean and Maddie, and Alex too she guessed, than just Jean and Maddie looking alike and Maddie being 'made' for Scott. Or Scott having no social skills, because that wasn't all that uncommon around here. That, at least, Yana nodded at, so that was something.

Yana didn't see Jean in the Camp, though. Or even much before the Camp she was pretty sure. The time she was walking around the mansion she had no idea what to do with herself. Broken. She was broken then, already. In the Camp, she was just more broken. And maybe, just maybe, if Scott had bothered to deal with some of his own issues and crap, some of all that horrible stuff might not have happened.

Maybe a bunch of people who weren't alive anymore would be.

That seemed to maybe bring a little more confusion with it, but she tried to keep going anyway. Yana was her best friend. If she couldn't understand, what the hell kind of hope did she have that anyone else possibly could?

Taking a breath as Yana shook her head, though Kitty wasn't quite sure to what in all that, she grasped at the rest. Looked for words that were starting to not even make any sense at all to her anymore. Maybe Yana was right. Maybe she was taking it all too seriously. Maybe she was a horrible girlfriend for not wanting to be someone else's sole reason to be happy and live their life. Not that way, anyway. Not the way it had been for Scott, and for Jean, and for Maddie. Where it turned into something else entirely.

Yeah, there was the look again. The frown and raised eyebrow as Yana looked back at her. Right. Really might just be her, then. But all she wanted, really, was for Bobby to deal with it. Or get some help dealing with it, since it'd been going on for a couple of years now apparently. Of course she'd help him, but it was more than she knew how to help with and she needed some help herself. She wanted both of them to be better than this, to not be broken that way, because it scared her.

And she'd really like to stop feeling like it was all on her shoulders. That him not being able to cope was her fault for 'dying' to start with. Or for not taking him along to maybe die with her. For wanting to do it in the first place. It felt like too much and she didn't know how to handle it other than badly. So if wanting that made her awful, she guessed that's just what she'd have to be.

There was eyerolling from the mirror image of Yana and Kitty sighed softly. Yeah. That sort of told her what she needed to know, didn't it?

"Okay, Pryde. First off, I'm pretty sure the only person here who keeps insisting you're a horrible, awful girlfriend is you. Who are you trying to convince?" Frowning, she opened her mouth to..do something. Protest, maybe. But nothing came out and she closed it again while Yana took a breath, let it out, and looked her in the eyes. "Look. You said Bobby had problems, right? Even before you died. I wasn't there, and don't know what they were, so I really don't know how much they factored in. But I'm pretty sure everyone's got that one last thing that can push them over the edge. You, me, the people in the camp, everyone. So, maybe you dying," even though she hadn't actually, it didn't really make any difference, did it? "was that last thing? Maybe if you hadn't, it would've been something else? If..." Yana paused and she waited, still holding the scissors but letting the trimming wait a little longer, "If Johnny'd died, and Bobby'd just sort of given up, would that have made it Johnny's fault? Or Bobby just not being able to deal with it all any more?" A slight pause and Yana shrugged, "Either way, I can't see why you keep insisting it's your fault. It's not like you got up one morning and said, 'I think today's a great day to get nearly blown up by Sentinels and transported into another dimension'. You want Bobby to get help, haul him off to Doc Sampson with you. There are way worse ideas. But you need to stop blaming yourself for it all, and comparing the whole thing to the Summers family fiasco. Because honestly? No matter how you look at it, that whole situation was nothing but a disaster waiting to happen."

Yeah, that was true, but she still felt like Yana was...missing the point she was trying to make, though. The point where Jean and Scott had a really, really similar situation to what was happening here, and it had broken them both in the end. But no point going over that anymore. If nobody else got it, then maybe she really was putting parallels where there weren't any.

"Just like you didn't wake up one morning and say 'hey, today's a great day to turn demons loose in the middle of New York City'?" Kitty couldn't help but point out as she met her former roommate's eyes. If Yana was saying was true for her, then that meant it was just as true for Illyana, too, didn't it? God, now she remembered exactly why she'd spent so much time and effort trying to be 'normal' and forget about all the crap. "People telling you it's not your fault doesn't always make the feelings vanish." If anybody should know that, it was Yana, she'd have thought.

Shaking her head, Kitty let out another breath and put her attention back onto finishing the trimming. "I don't even know anymore. I know he didn't want me to go and he especially didn't want me to go without him. He was afraid something would happen and it did." Focusing on getting the next bit of hair the same as the rest, and with the sinking feeling that she should've really just shoved this all back down however she had to and tried forget about it and do whatever she needed to do to make it work, her brows drew together. "I'm trying to get him to Doc Samson, but I'm not sure he really wants to go. Yeah, I could probably drag him. Or drag him to the Infirmary, but dragging and forcing only goes so far. The letter writing," Kitty shrugged again briefly, "I don't know much about that or if he's doing that anymore. I haven't seen him if he is."

Maybe it was worth a try, anyway. For Bobby and for her, even if she managed not to make any sense to Leonard Samson, either.
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Maybe she wasn't getting Kitty's point with the references to Scott and Jean and whatever - she was willing to believe that, because she couldn't see where the situation really had anything in common with what Kitty was dealing with now, other than a whole lot of weirdness. But it was a different kind of weirdness, and honestly, she didn't think there was a correlation between the two.

On the other hand? It sounded to her like they only one blaming Kitty was Kitty, and she seriously needed to knock it off. It wasn't like she'd gone out that morning looking to get nearly killed by Sentinels (or at least, Yana sincerely doubted it) and the only one to blame for the unexpected cross-dimensional trip was her. Or...well, other her.

"Just like you didn't wake up one morning and say 'hey, today's a great day to turn demons loose in the middle of New York City'?" Yeah, yeah, she had to rub that in, didn't she? "People telling you it's not your fault doesn't always make the feelings vanish."

Yana stuck her tongue out at her roommate, then grinned crookedly and shrugged. "Can't we just chalk that up as a 'do as I say, not as I do' thing? Besides, if I do it? You pretty much have to know it's not the best thing to do." After all, she was pretty much the poster child for bottling things up and ignoring them until they went away, let alone blaming herself for things that other people insisted weren't her fault. Kitty knew this if anyone did. "But yeah, okay, I get that. For whatever it's worth, though, I honestly don't think it is your fault," she offered as she turned back to the mirror. Granted, it probably wasn't worth much, but with any luck, Kitty'd keep it in mind.

Kitty shook her head, exhaling slowly as she resumed cutting her hair. "I don't even know anymore. I know he didn't want me to go and he especially didn't want me to go without him. He was afraid something would happen and it did." Illyana frowned a little at that, wondering just why her friend's boyfriend had been opposed. It wasn't like Kitty wasn't entirely capable of leading a mission. Yesterday's fiasco had been all bad intel, not anything the brunette had screwed up. Kitty's forehead sort of furrowed, though, whether because she was concentrating on something hair-wise or as she had a new thought, Illyana wasn't sure. "I'm trying to get him to Doc Samson, but I'm not sure he really wants to go. Yeah, I could probably drag him. Or drag him to the Infirmary, but dragging and forcing only goes so far. The letter writing," Kitty shrugged again briefly, "I don't know much about that or if he's doing that anymore. I haven't seen him if he is."

"Why bother, when everyone he was writing to is pretty much here?" Illyana pointed out, then grinned a little. "As far as dragging him, though - guys are morons. I think you pretty much have to drag them to help kicking and screaming before they'll admit they need any." Or, y'know, break up with them, though even that hadn't kept Jamie over in the other dimension for long. Not that she was really complaining, even though she supposed she should be. It was too nice just having him back. "What was he afraid would happen, though?" she added, genuinely curious. "I mean, I get the wanting to come along - I'd've wanted to come along if I'd been around, too. But did he usually freak over stuff like that, or was it something new?"

If it was something new? Illyana had to wonder if maybe Kitty's boyfriend had been in worse shape than she'd realized, even before she "died." It seemed like a pretty strange thing to freak out over.
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Kitty Pryde
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Not her fault, because someone was telling her it wasn't and she should just get over it. Easy to say. Not so easy to do. Another thing that Yana should know if anyone did. She hadn't exactly let go of Inferno, had she? Even if that wasn't her fault, either.

Yep, there it was. Tongue sticking out from her former roommate, followed by a maybe little bit sheepish grin and a shrug. Uh-huh, no that easy, was it? "Can't we just chalk that up as a 'do as I say, not as I do' thing? Besides, if I do it? You pretty much have to know it's not the best thing to do."

Brows lifting, Kitty shook her head. "Nope, sorry. You don't get off the hook that easy." Good for the goose, good for the gander and all that stuff. "I don't think it matters if it's the best thing or not, it's just how it is."

It wasn't like she was having fun feeling guilty.

"But yeah, okay, I get that. For whatever it's worth, though, I honestly don't think it is your fault," she offered, turning back to the mirror. Bobby would probably say the same thing. He already had, really, but...yeah. She couldn't help but wonder if there was a part of him he didn't want to admit did blame her all the same. Even if she was the 'last straw' in a bunch of things, she might not have had to be. He hadn't wanted her to go, especially without him. Not with a team she wasn't as familiar with. He'd been afraid something would happen and it had.

Now, well, things were kind of a mess and nobody was wanting to actually admit they were a mes. She could force him to go to Doc Samson, probably. Drag him if she had to. Or to the Infirmary for zapping or medicating and take herself along for maybe some of that, too. Problem was, none of that would do any good at all if he didn't want it, or wasn't ready for it, or whatever. It was his decision and he had to make it. She couldn't and she shouldn't have to. He already knew how she felt about it.

The writing, though, she didn't think he was doing that. Not now, anyway. At least if he was she hadn't seen it.

"Why bother, when everyone he was writing to is pretty much here?" Illyana pointed out, then grinned a little. Kitty sent a slightly wry look back at her. Yeah, she guessed that was true enough, though most of them weren't from here. "As far as dragging him, though - guys are morons. I think you pretty much have to drag them to help kicking and screaming before they'll admit they need any." Sighing, Kitty nodded a little. Yeah, and that was true to some extent, but then they were back to her being her boyfriend's keeper, and that...really wasn't the relationship they'd had or that she wanted. Or that she thought they should have. She could tell him she wanted him to, or needed him to, and she thought she'd done that already. "What was he afraid would happen, though?" she added, genuinely curious. "I mean, I get the wanting to come along - I'd've wanted to come along if I'd been around, too. But did he usually freak over stuff like that, or was it something new?"

Putting answering that on hold for a second, she finished up the trimming, then straightened up and stepped back a little. Okay, that looked pretty straight, she decided, turning her head to view it from a couple of angles.

Looking back at Yana, then, she pursed her lips for a second. "He didn't want me going with a team I hadn't worked with before. And he didn't want me going without him because he was afraid I'd run in and not think and get myself killed. Because I was so determined to take that place down." Shrugging, Kitty shook her head. "He'd rather be on whatever team I'm on, but he wasn't that bad about most of the other stuff. He went along with it, though, and something did happen. I'm fairly sure we walked into a trap," she admitted, brows knitting together again. "The intel was good, it came through the right channels, but...I think it was a setup all the same."

And, in the end, it'd been kind of pointless anyway, hadn't it? The Bronx was gone and nobody had needed her for that to happen at all.
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Guys were morons.

Well, okay. Maybe not all guys, but Illyana still maintained it was more true than not. They wouldn't admit they needed help, even if the evidence was staring them straight in the face. Jamie, Doug - hell, even Vance. Perfect examples. If Kitty wanted her boyfriend to see a psychiatrist (which struck her as a good idea, based on what she'd heard), she was probably going to have to drag him there.

Kitty sighed and nodded, looking as if she wasn't particularly thrilled with the thought, and Illyana wondered if it would be interfering to just sort of...well, drop a quiet suggestion to the former X-Man that going to see the shrink with his girlfriend might not be a bad idea. Probably, she decided, vowing to do it anyway if the opportunity arose. After five years' absense, she was way behind on her meddling quota; even if her friend found out, she'd probably forgive her. She'd forgiven a whole lot worse.

In the meantime, though, she had to wonder just why Bobby'd been opposed to Kitty going on the mission to the Bronx. Was it a normal thing (which she couldn't much imagine Kitty putting up with for long, given her former roomie's stubborn independent streak), or something else? Wanting to come along she could understand, possibly better than Kitty could; she'd have hated for Jamie to take off and do something like that without her, too. She wasn't sure she'd have kicked up a big fuss about it or anything, though, and it sounded as if maybe Bobby had.

Kitty finished cutting before replying, and took a step back to look at her hair with a considering expression. Taking that as a sign that her best friend was nearly done, Illyana took a closer look at it herself. It was definitely a lot shorter than she'd ever worn it, and sort of choppy-looking - but it was supposed to be choppy looking, so that was okay. Overall, she was pretty sure she liked it, but she'd wait to announce that just in case Kitty wasn't actually done yet.

Looking as if she were thinking it over, Kitty said, "He didn't want me going with a team I hadn't worked with before. And he didn't want me going without him because he was afraid I'd run in and not think and get myself killed. Because I was so determined to take that place down." Which...yeah, okay. Saying the latter part to Pryde pretty much guaranteed she'd have gone on her own, even if it was justified. Or maybe especially if. Yana's opinion of the ice guy's intelligence dropped a little, though she gave him points for the rest. She'd never quite understood Kitty's tendency to go off with whatever team she though best, either - but then, she was pretty sure her former roommate would never understand the New Mutants' tendency to keep things in house, so it all evened out.

Meanwhile, Kitty shrugged and shook her head. "He'd rather be on whatever team I'm on, but he wasn't that bad about most of the other stuff. He went along with it, though, and something did happen. I'm fairly sure we walked into a trap," she admitted, brows knitting together again. "The intel was good, it came through the right channels, but...I think it was a setup all the same."

Illyana wrinkled her nose. "I hate when that happens," she acknowledged. "We had a close call with that once; if Jamie hadn't seen the first Sentinel before the stepping disk had disappeared, we'd have been in serious trouble." She paused for a moment, thinking over the rest of what Kitty'd said, then frowned. Okay, maybe she did understand some of this. Problem was, she wasn't altogether sure Kitty would. Smart as her friend was, there were things she didn't always think of. Especially when there was a mission involved.

"Back up a sec, okay?" She held up one hand and met her roommate's eyes in the mirror. "And stop bashing yourself for a minute, because I think I maybe understand someting for once. So...my turn for an analogy." She took a breath, then began with, "A couple of months back, Jamie decided he was the perfect person to start ripping off bits and pieces of stuff for Forge to build things with. And he was maybe right - I mean, you've seen Jamie, right?" She smiled just a little, fondly, "It's not like anyone's going to give him a second look - he's pretty non-threatening. And he can be pretty sneaky when he wants to be. But...I knew at least part of the reason he was doing it was to prove he was good for something, y'know? So I was worried about it, because I wasn't sure just how careful he was going to be. At the same time, I acted like I wasn't because - well, mostly because Terry was freaking out over it," she admitted, making a face, "but partially because I understood he needed to do it. So I stepped up and said yeah, I thought it was a good idea, and went along with it."

She took a breath and exhaled, then met Kitty's eyes again. "If he'd gotten caught...it wouldn't have been my fault. I didn't tell him to step up and volunteer, and he wouldn't have had to have listened to me if I told him not to. But I know I'd be feeling really, incredibly guilty anyway. So...I'm guessing as guilty as you're feeling about Bobby being a mess? He's probably spent the last couple of years feeling just as guilty about you.

Would that help any? Maybe not. But she figured it needed to be said, anyway.
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Kitty Pryde
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That part - the part where Bobby really hadn't wanted her taking off to hit the Bronx Camp, especially not without him - at least she could explain. Or thought she mostly could, anyway. He hadn't wanted her to go off on something like that with a team she hadn't worked with before much. He'd wanted to be with her, because he was afraid she was running off half cocked to get herself killed.

She couldn't even blame him for thinking that, because she had been determined to take that place down. Maybe she'd even been obsessed with it. Looking back, which wasn't that far back for her, she could see how anybody would've taken it that way. And, in general, Bobby would've rather gone where she went. In general, she'd have rathered that, too, but he hadn't usually been that opposed if they got split up. He'd been afraid something would happen to her and he wouldn't be there. Though she'd never quite figured out how him dying, too, would've helped.

And he would've, the way it played out. Just like they would've, if they hadn't abruptly got snatched away. So in a way, she guessed he'd been right. Something had happened. They'd walked right into what she was convinced now was a trap, despite the fact that the intel had been good, it'd come through the right channels. Everything. Everything had looked exactly like it should've, but it'd been a setup all the same.

Yana made a face. Yeah, that was about the only thing to do, really. "I hate when that happens," she acknowledged. "We had a close call with that once; if Jamie hadn't seen the first Sentinel before the stepping disk had disappeared, we'd have been in serious trouble." Yeah, they'd all had close calls. They'd all had to deal with traps and setups. Just not normally like this one. If they'd seen the well-cloaked, well-hidden Sentinels, they could've gotten out, too.

Illyana paused, though, like she was thinking and so Kitty waited, taking the opportunity to look over the trim job again. Yeah, not too bad. Not too bad at all.

"Back up a sec, okay?" She held up one hand and met her roommate's eyes in the mirror. "And stop bashing yourself for a minute, because I think I maybe understand something for once. So...my turn for an analogy." She took a breath and Kitty's mouth turned up at one corner. Okay. Worked for her. "A couple of months back, Jamie decided he was the perfect person to start ripping off bits and pieces of stuff for Forge to build things with. And he was maybe right - I mean, you've seen Jamie, right?" She smiled just a little, fondly, and Kitty nodded. Yeah, she'd seen Jamie. He was the type that could blend in. "It's not like anyone's going to give him a second look - he's pretty non-threatening. And he can be pretty sneaky when he wants to be. But...I knew at least part of the reason he was doing it was to prove he was good for something, y'know? So I was worried about it, because I wasn't sure just how careful he was going to be. At the same time, I acted like I wasn't because - well, mostly because Terry was freaking out over it," she admitted, making a face, "but partially because I understood he needed to do it. So I stepped up and said yeah, I thought it was a good idea, and went along with it."

Nodding thoughtfully, the brunette pondered that for a second. She could kinda see the parallel there, she guessed. Yana was taking a deep breath, though, and letting it out, looking at her in the mirror again.

"If he'd gotten caught...it wouldn't have been my fault. I didn't tell him to step up and volunteer, and he wouldn't have had to have listened to me if I told him not to. But I know I'd be feeling really, incredibly guilty anyway. So...I'm guessing as guilty as you're feeling about Bobby being a mess? He's probably spent the last couple of years feeling just as guilty about you."

Thinking that over for a second, she looked back through the stuff they'd brought to find the chalk to do the colors with. Yeah, she could understand that, too. That part, she'd kind of expect from anybody, it was how people worked. It was just how he'd done it.

"Yeah," Kitty acknowledged with a nod as she turned back, letting out a tired sigh, "I get that part. I really do. If our places were changed, I'd have felt guilty, too. It's just...if it'd been Jamie, would you have pulled away from everybody? Most of your friends? Spent the time you weren't out fighting sitting in your room or somewhere, starting at the wall or something? Wouldn't you have tried to deal with it at all?" Everything she'd heard and overheard and been told outright said that's exactly what Bobby had been doing. For two years. And there was nothing she could do to fix any of it. And right now, she was so pissed at Rogue and Remy for just leaving him like that.

"Do you think Jamie would want you to do that, or be happy that you had?" she added, shaking her head and not really knowing how else to put it. "Would you have wanted that for him if something happened to you? Because I never, ever wanted that for Bobby. And, yeah, before you say it again, I know everybody deals with stuff differently, but all we've had for years and years in all this is each other." Her, Bobby, Rogue, Remy, Doug, and Ororo when she could. They were it, all that was left of the free X-Men. They'd been a family once, but it didn't seem like that anymore, did it? "But it's like that's all fell apart and nobody can get outside their own heads anymore." Maybe her included, but she was trying and she didn't want to be like that.

"I really miss Logan," Kitty finished, eyes dropping down the chalk she was holding. "I wonder if maybe it might've been different if he was still here."
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As analogies went, it wasn't perfect, Illyana knew. And maybe it wouldn't help any to point out that more than likely, Kitty wasn't the only one feeling guilty in her relationship, but she didn't see as it would hurt, either. Maybe it wasn't why her boyfriend had been sitting around staring at walls, but she'd be really surprised if it didn't factor in at all.

Apparently, her friend already had figured that part out, though, or maybe was just agreeing, because she nodded, said, Yeah, and sighed. "I get that part. I really do. If our places were changed, I'd have felt guilty, too. It's just...if it'd been Jamie, would you have pulled away from everybody? Most of your friends? Spent the time you weren't out fighting sitting in your room or somewhere, starting at the wall or something? Wouldn't you have tried to deal with it at all?"

Illyana paused to consider that, and nodded slowly. "Yeah," she admitted. "I'm not really the stare at the wall type." The sulking type - yeah, she'd admit that. Pulling away - she'd done that, so she really couldn't talk, but even she recognized it wasn't exactly the most mature way to deal with problems. If she hadn't done that...

Well, at the very least, she might've seen Sam, Dani, and Xi'an again.

"Do you think Jamie would want you to do that, or be happy that you had?" she continued, and Illyana shook her head. No, she didn't think Jamie'd have been happy about that; in fact, she was pretty sure that he'd have chewed her ass out for it when she got back. "Would you have wanted that for him if something happened to you? Because I never, ever wanted that for Bobby. And, yeah, before you say it again, I know everybody deals with stuff differently, but all we've had for years and years in all this is each other. But it's like that's all fell apart and nobody can get outside their own heads anymore."

"Maybe that's part of why," she mused quietly. "If no one can get outside their own heads, it's probably that much easier to just sort of get stuck in your own." It sounded right, anyway, though not having been there, she couldn't really say, herself.

"I really miss Logan," Kitty finished, eyes dropping down the chalk she was holding. "I wonder if maybe it might've been different if he was still here."

"Maybe," Illyana acknowledged, reaching back to squeeze her friend's hand. She'd never known Logan that well, herself, but she knew what the grumbly Canadian had met to the other girl. "If nothing else, he'd have probably smacked the shit out of everyone and told them to get over themselves." She forced just a trace of a smile to go with that, then sighed and brushed her hair back from her face. Which felt...weird. Lighter. It was going to take some getting used to. "The rest - no. I'd be upset, and feeling guilty - I'm good at guilty - and pissed off, and I'd want to shake Jamie and ask him just what the hell he'd been thinking. Maybe throw a few things," she smiled just a tiny bit, "except that then I'd just end up with more Jamie to yell at." She let the smile fade and shrugged. "I do get it, Pryde. I understand why you're so upset over, and I can't say as I wouldn't be." She shrugged a little, and added, "I guess the big question is, are you gonna be able to forgive him for it?"

If she wasn't? Maybe breaking up would ultimately be easier on them both.
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She did get a lot of it. Really, she did. If she and Bobby switched places, she'd have felt guilty there, too. Just like he probably would've in her place. Lots of guilt to go around for everyone, regardless.

But, still, she didn't think if it'd been Jamie that Yana would've reacted that way. She wouldn't have pulled away from everyone, all the people that would've helped and supported her if she'd let them. Spent most of her time fighting or shutting herself away. Wouldn't she have at least tried to deal with it? Some time in that two years?

Yana paused, nodded consideringly. "Yeah," she admitted. "I'm not really the stare at the wall type." No, and if she had been, especially on Muir? Yeah, that would've never flown with Moira.

And she didn't think Jamie would have wanted her to do that, either, if anything happened to him. Her best friend confirmed that, too, with a shake of her head. Or that she'd have wanted it for Jamie, if something happened to her. Sure, everybody reacted to stuff in different ways, handled losing people in different ways, but....

Bobby hadn't dealt with it at all. In any way. And from what he'd told her himself and what bits she'd got from other people, he hadn't really let anyone else help him, other than maybe Johnny. Who, however much Kitty liked him, wasn't really who she'd pick to help anyone deal with anything. She'd never wanted any of this for Bobby.

All they'd had for years and years was one another. Whatever few of the X-Men were left. Now, two years later that was still just a few days for her, all of that seemed to have gone to hell. Just fell apart like all the rest and everybody was too busy being stuck inside their own heads to care. These were supposed to be her friends, her family, and the last few days she wondered if she even knew any of them at all anymore.

"Maybe that's part of why," she mused quietly. "If no one can get outside their own heads, it's probably that much easier to just sort of get stuck in your own." It was her turn to nod, then. Yeah, that was probably right. But if that was the case, didn't somebody have to be the one to stop it, or change it, or something?

Or maybe she was just thinking herself around in circle. God, she missed Logan. Maybe if he'd still been here things might've been different.

"Maybe," Illyana acknowledged, reaching back to squeeze her friend's hand and Kitty gave it a squeeze back, smiling a little. "If nothing else, he'd have probably smacked the shit out of everyone and told them to get over themselves." Yeah, exactly. And everyone would've bitched and grumbled, but it would've never, ever come to this. Then Yana sighed and pushed her newly trimmed hair back. She should probably ask her if was okay at some point. "The rest - no. I'd be upset, and feeling guilty - I'm good at guilty - and pissed off, and I'd want to shake Jamie and ask him just what the hell he'd been thinking. Maybe throw a few things," she smiled just a tiny bit, "except that then I'd just end up with more Jamie to yell at." She let the smile fade and shrugged. "I do get it, Pryde. I understand why you're so upset over, and I can't say as I wouldn't be." She shrugged a little, and added, "I guess the big question is, are you gonna be able to forgive him for it?"

Letting out a breath, her brows drew together and she shrugged a little. "There's not really anything to forgive. I wish...I really, really wish, it hadn't happened. Not any of it. But, like you said, he can't help how he feels." Looking back up, she shook her head a little. "All we can really do is try to work on it now, right? I'm figuring it's more a question if he'll ever really forgive me, because I'm not sure he will. Not really. I mean, he'll say he does, but...I dunno."

Again, she lifted her shoulders in a shrug, because she knew Bobby. Knew how he could and did hold onto things. How he had a hard time actually letting them go sometimes. If anybody wanted proof of that, all they had to do was remember the stuff with Alex over Lorna.
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Would things have been different if Logan had lived?

Maybe, Illyana acknowledged. If nothing else, she doubted the Canadian X-man would have put up with everyone sort of getting stuck in their own heads. He'd have smacked them and told them to knock it off, and they'd have done it. Wolverine had just been like that. For that matter, she sort of doubted that the Bronx camp would have been around anywhere near as long as it had if Logan'd had anything to say about it, especially considering Kurt and Kitty had been inside. There was no way he'd have put up with that, either.

Maybe ifs and might have beens only went so far, though. Ultimately, they needed to deal with now, and while she understood what Kitty was saying - and yeah, if it'd been her? She'd have probably taken it worse, not better - the big question was whether or not her friend was going to be able to forgive her boyfriend for not having pulled himself together, and for making her deal with him not having done so when she got back. Which honestly, Illyana wasn't sure was anything like a foregone conclusion. Especially if, as it had sounded earlier, Kitty was taking it as a sign that there was something fundamentally wrong with their relationship.

Letting out a breath, [Kitty's] brows drew together and she shrugged a little. "There's not really anything to forgive." and Illyana gave her a skeptical look. Huh. That wasn't how it had sounded earlier, but okay. Maybe she'd thought it through more while they'd been talking. "I wish...I really, really wish, it hadn't happened. Not any of it. But, like you said, he can't help how he feels." Looking back up, she shook her head a little. "All we can really do is try to work on it now, right? I'm figuring it's more a question if he'll ever really forgive me, because I'm not sure he will. Not really. I mean, he'll say he does, but...I dunno."

Illyana snorted. "It's not like there's really anything to forgive there, either," she pointed out. "You got bad intel. It could've happened to anyone, Pryde, and if he can't accept that, he's not living in the same reality as the rest of us." Shaking her head, she offered a crooked smile. "Given how he was acting when he came to beg back your clothes, though? And this morning? I don't think he's really going to hold a grudge. He's too glad to have you back."
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She missed Logan and, god, she wished he was still here. Whether things might've been different or not, but Kitty thought they just might've, if Wolverine were still alive.

Maybe they'd have all held together better than they had, instead of feeling like somewhere along the line they'd lost something. That thing that used to make them all a family. That made them care about each other as much as they cared about their own problems and issues.

No way to know, though, because Logan wasn't here. Just like Lockheed wasn't here and a lot of other people weren't here.

As for the rest, all she could really do was shrug, let out a breath. As far as she was concerned, there wasn't anything to forgive. Yana was right, Bobby couldn't help how he felt, any more than she could help how she felt. She wanted him to get some help, just like she wanted some for herself, so they would just keep being stuck in all this. If he couldn't do that, then maybe they might have a problem.

Mostly, though, she just wished, more than she could say, that it hadn't happened. Any of it. Wished she could go back and change it, except she knew she couldn't. So all they could do is work on what they had. The problem was, she wasn't sure Bobby would ever forgive her. For not taking him on the mission, for not doing what he wanted her to do, for it all going wrong.

He said he did, but...

Well, she wasn't sure he really did, deep down. That he wasn't gonna hold that against her, or blame her for putting him through all that for two years.

Yana didn't seem too worried, at least going by the way she was snorting. "It's not like there's really anything to forgive there, either," she pointed out. "You got bad intel. It could've happened to anyone, Pryde, and if he can't accept that, he's not living in the same reality as the rest of us." Yeah, well...

Her best friend was shaking her head, though, sending her a lopsided smile. "Given how he was acting when he came to beg back your clothes, though? And this morning? I don't think he's really going to hold a grudge. He's too glad to have you back."

Smiling a little herself, Kitty let out another breath. "I hope you're right." Still wasn't entirely sure the other stuff wouldn't be there when the 'glad to have her back' wore off a little more. But they'd see. "So," the petite girl added, looking over Yana's hair then back to the mirror, "what do you think? Is it close to what you wanted, at least?"
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She could be wrong (it wouldn't be the first time, after all) but she really didn't think that Bobby holding a grudge was something Kitty needed to worry about much. She was back, right? Given how he'd been...well, stunned came to mind, but he'd had the goofy smile thing going too, and the way he'd been acting this morning...no. She was pretty sure that he was way too happy to have her back to worry overlong about why she'd been gone.

That got a smile from her friend, at least, and she exhaled again. "I hope you're right." she said, and Illyana grinned.

"Of course I'm right," she said smugly, nodding. "You should definitely listen to me." She might not be the expert at relationships, but she'd had one for a while, hadn't she? She debated throwing in a comment about respecting her elders, but caught Kitty looking at her hair and turned her attention back there.

Important as Kitty's problems were? Hair still needed consideration, too.

"So," the petite girl added, looking over Yana's hair then back to the mirror, "what do you think? Is it close to what you wanted, at least?"

Illyana turned her head a little this way and that, considering the question. It was definitely shorter than she'd ever worn it - but she'd wanted that. Choppy-looking, but it was supposed to be, so that was good, too. With some color on the ends...

"It's perfect," she said, smiling at the other girl in the mirror as she fingered the ends a little, her expression turning uncertain. "You think Jamie'll like it?" she asked hopefully. "It's pretty drastic, huh?

Maybe it wasn't exactly the best time for drastic changes, with him probably still sort of in flux with the new dupe absorption and all. On the other hand? if he was still adjusting to everything else, maybe he'd just adjust to this right along with it.
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Yeah, she hoped Yana was right and Bobby wouldn't hold the stuff that had happened at the Bronx against her forever. Right now, she wasn't so sure. He kinda had a hard time letting got of stuff in general. But yeah, she still hoped.

Yana, of course, just grinned back at her. "Of course I'm right," she said smugly, nodding. "You should definitely listen to me."

Kitty let out a snerk and rolled her eyes. Oh yeah. Obviously. Because Yana had such a totally and completely uncomplicated love life.

Really, though, that was probably enough about her love life, if they didn't want to keep going around in circles. She had plenty to think about at least and they were trying to do makeovers here. Or at least semi-makeovers and she was a little anxious to know if the cut was okay with Yana and if it was what she wanted.

Or if she'd managed to make some sort of horrible mess of it. Maybe it could use a little more evening up? It was hard to tell, but she thought it was pretty close to the sketch, at least.

Her best friend turned her head from side to side, giving it a considering look. Yeah, okay, maybe it did need some more evening up.

"It's perfect," she said, smiling and toying with the ends. Whew. Okay that was a relief. Or...maybe not, since her best friend was looking not quite sure again. "You think Jamie'll like it?" she asked hopefully. "It's pretty drastic, huh?

Oh man, was that all? That one, at least, was easy.

"I think he'll love it," Kitty assured her with a nod. "It does look really good on you. Plus, if you like it, I think he'll like it regardless." Cocking her head, the brunette added. "Do you wanna go ahead and do the color now? Get it all done at once?"

It really did suit her, Kitty decided. And made her look older, which so wasn't fair. The brunette was pretty sure that wouldn't work for her, no matter how short or different she made hers.
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The hair was awesome. It was going to take some getting used to, sure, but she definitely liked the style, and Kitty'd done a really great job at it.

Belatedly, though, she had to wonder if a completely new hairstyle was a good thing to dump on Jamie. Especially a Jamie who'd just gotten himselves straightened out, and had come back and un-broken up with her. Maybe she should have waited a while.

"I think he'll love it," Kitty assured her with a nod. "It does look really good on you. Plus, if you like it, I think he'll like it regardless."

"Or he'll say he does, anyway," Illyana amended, grinning at the other girl. "So long as he doesn't freak out and run back to the other dimension, it's all good." And honestly, she didn't think he would. Probably. He had come back, after all - she was taking that as a sign he'd pretty much gotten it all straightened out.

Hopefully.

Pryde, meanwhile, was cocking her head, apparently still checking out her hair. "Do you wanna go ahead and do the color now? Get it all done at once?"

Illyana wrinkled her nose, considering, then shook her head. "Can't," she replied. "You're supposed to use the chalk on dry hair or you get weird results. Why don't we just go ahead and cut yours, and then do the coloring?"

Actually? She had a few ideas for what to do there. But she was keeping those to herself until she determined just how closely Kitty was watching.
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Jamie would love the hair. If he noticed it. Hopefully he would, but he was a guy so you never knew for sure. But if he didn't, Yana would probably point it out to him and he'd love it.

It suited her, plus if Yana liked it (which she seemed to, and that was a huge relief) and if she liked it, Jamie will like it. It was part of the boyfriend code or something.

"Or he'll say he does, anyway," Illyana amended, grinning at the other girl. "So long as he doesn't freak out and run back to the other dimension, it's all good." Laughing a little, Kitty rolled her eyes.

"If he does that, he's got way more problems that need seeing about than what your hair looks like," she couldn't resist pointing out, though she did it with a grin. But seriously, if a guy was afraid of a new haircut, he needed more help that she did.

Since she didn't think that was the case - they wouldn't have sent him back if it was, right? - then on to more important questions. Or at least as important ones. Did Yana wanna go ahead with the color now? Get it all done and out of the way at once before they started on hers?

Or, you know, also possibly known as stalling a little. She couldn't help it. Maybe she had a hair phobia, now that she thought about it, Kitty decided.

Yana was wrinkling her nose, though, so Kitty was guessing that was a no on the possible stalling and hair coloring for her best friend. "Can't," she replied. "You're supposed to use the chalk on dry hair or you get weird results. Why don't we just go ahead and cut yours, and then do the coloring?"

Yeah, okay, that was probably a good reason. Especially when 'weird results' when they were talking about magically altered chalk could mean they ended up looking like Medusa. And not the Inhuman one, the one with a head full of snakes.

Yep, passing on that.

"Yeah, okay, let's do that. I don't wanna know what 'weird results' are with magic hair chalk," she told her best friend with a grin. "Not too much off mine, though, remember?" the brunette added hopefully, trying to shoo Yana out of the chair. "I'm really not into drastic change right now."

Not that Yana would listen necessarily if she got some idea in her head, but it was worth a reminder, right?
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