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| Door to the River; 5/24: Earlier than early (Rachel, Kitty) | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 16 2014, 06:47 PM (152 Views) | |
| Marvel Girl | Nov 24 2014, 01:47 AM Post #31 |
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Needs her powers to dress herself
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No, she knew that. She knew this wasn’t Kitty not wanting to help the Richards. Especially Franklin, with all he meant to her too. Rachel knew that. Didn’t mean to have put making that call of putting the words no one wanted to hear out into the air on her best friend, and leaving her to carry the weight of that. And she was sorry about that, even if it came out in a mumble, and her best friend only shook her head, and hugged her tighter. “You never have to be sorry, Ray. This is me,” Kitty told her, and that was right. On one level, that was right. On another, something - call it being a Summers, maybe - got hold of Rachel and made her want to argue that all the same. With telepathy, though. She didn’t trust herself not to sound like she was speaking through a mouthful of blanket right now, trying to speak out loud. *That means I don’t have to stop doing it. Not that I shouldn’t be sorry,* she sent to her best friend, feeling the pointless stubbornness in making that thought even as she did. The one was part of being a best friend- a Person to your Person. Yes. But so was the other, too. It was about not taking them for granted, even when you could. Yeah. Maybe this was off the point, anyway. Kitty was the one to get them back to it, finishing the answer that Rachel knew maybe she shouldn’t have interrupted in the first place. However much she wanted to be able to save those kids… …yeah, there it was. Not their call to make. Or not the call they should be making. She’d hoped that somehow, some way, that wasn’t going to be what Kitty said. But she’d known - or part of her had known - that it would be, hadn’t she? So sit up, Summers. Straighten yourself up a little and at least try to deal with what you kinda knew was coming all the while. You can do it. She was doing okay at that, too, up until Kitty spoke again. “Yeah, I wish I could've, Ray," she admitted. And that was it. That was enough to nudge her right back over that line of barely holding it all together and into holding herself together just by physically squeezing her eyes shut and her arms around her knees. It felt so right. So damn right, in her head. How the hell could it not be right, if it felt this way? Rachel didn’t bother to ask that, because she could hear the whining and the self pity in the thought, even before it got out loud. Plus Kitty’s hand was on her shoulder, moving slowly up, then down, and she knew her best friend knew the rest of that question, even without her saying more than the first statement. It felt right. It felt right, to finally have a chance to save him, after all the times she couldn’t. One time. Eyes open. Look around you. Admit all of this is real, and go from there. She really, really, really wanted it to have been the call. So much. Kitty was the one to close her eyes this time, but just for a few moments, before she lifted her gaze back over. “I know," Kitty said again, opening her eyes and looking back over at her best friend. "So do I, if that helps at all. And it makes me so...so frustrated that I know it can't be.” Rachel inclined her head fractionally, a tiny, infinitesimal little nod of acknowledgement. Frustrated. Yeah. At least they had that, and they had it together. That was probably something- no, it was something. “That it's not okay to make those decisions, even if we can. It's too much, and too risky, but that doesn't mean I don't wish the answer could be different, too," she finished in quiet sympathy. Too much. Too risky. All the things she’d told Magik, and watched them go right out the blonde’s other air, in a cloud of petulance and sulking. She didn’t want to be that person. Especially not when she knew, on some level, that Kitty was right, and it was the feelings and the thoughts in her own brain that were lying to her right now. Don’t think about Kate, and all she’d chosen to do to her timeline. What they’d all chosen to do to that timeline, knowing that there was so little left to save that it all had needed to risk. It wasn’t the same here, and Kate and Peter would have been the first people to tell her that. “Yeah,” Rachel agreed, after a brief pause, voice low and hoarse, but she made herself nod more firmly this time, before asking, “Give me a minute.” She ducked her head back onto her knees, tightening her arms again. Closed her eyes, then made herself summon up all those images part of her had been imagining ever since she’d thought of this. The Richards and Uncle Johnny, scrambling to pull Scrapper up into the biggest round of hugs. The way they’d look - the same way Calvin Rankin had looked at the pens, when he’d realized it was Hope that Forge had come in carrying. The way Franklin would have looked, when he saw his parents again. Better find it all. Everyone one of those of all of them, and mark them away as not to be, alongside the idea of the person her baby brother could have been, and all the other dreams. Do it now, and do it quickly, before it gets any harder to bear for thinking of it as possible. It would only take a minute, if she did it now. |
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| Shadowcat | Nov 25 2014, 10:14 PM Post #32 |
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Immaterial Girl
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Ray was her best friend, and this was her. No apologies necessary, especially not for this. *That means I don’t have to stop doing it. Not that I shouldn’t be sorry,* Ray insisted into her brain, apparently deciding that this was a point she was going to decide to stick on. Kitty still thought it meant the other thing, too, but If she was that determined, okay then. *Apology accepted, then,* she replied, little bit of a wry smile quirking her mouth up at one corner. It didn't get to stay there long, because there was still this thing looming there. This huge thing that the brunette really, really wished she could've agreed to. Maybe she shouldn't have said that right now, to Rachel, but that didn't make it not true. It did make her regret it, though, when her friend drew herself back into that closed-eyed little ball of misery. All the brunette could really do was stroke her shoulder and wait. For Ray to pull it in like she knew she was trying to do. All that frustration and need to do something and all the things that made this so damned hard. Because, yeah, she knew Ray wanted to make that call. Wanted it to be the right one to make. Wanted, for once, to be able to save Franklin, somewhere, somehow. Give Franklin the little boy back to his family who'd lost so much. Kitty felt some of that same frustration, that helpless feeling, but also knowing it wasn't okay. That they couldn't start making those kinds of choices, because then where did you stop? This one? Or the next one? Or none of them? It didn't mean she didn't wish they could. That there could be another answer. But unless they wanted to be Yana, and just not care what they might affect, think they knew better, then there couldn't be. No matter how much they wanted that. And how much she wanted, it couldn't be even a tenth to what Ray was feeling. Or thinking. “Yeah,” Rachel agreed, after a brief pause, voice low and hoarse, but she made herself nod more firmly this time, before asking, “Give me a minute.” Kitty nodded as she drew up into that ball again. Gave her best friend a gentle squeeze while she did what she needed to do. "Whatever you need," Kitty told her quietly, leaning her own head over a little, "I'm right here." Swallowing hard, the brunette took a breath and waited. Sometimes it was hard to put away things you really wanted. That you felt like you needed. That you sometimes felt like you couldn't even breathe without. What would she have given to be able to go back to Alisdhair? Or to bring him where she was. Even for a day, she'd remembered saying that then. Just that much, she'd have given almost anything. Letting go of that had been like letting go of a piece of herself. Yeah, how much harder did this have to be for Ray? |
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| Marvel Girl | Dec 1 2014, 09:36 PM Post #33 |
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Needs her powers to dress herself
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Another minute. She’d been asking for a lot of them this morning, Rachel knew that. But still - one more. She needed that, to get her head back together, and the things back out of it that shouldn’t - no, couldn’t - be there. “Whatever you need," Kitty told her quietly, leaning her own head over a little, "I'm right here.” And she was. Close by, and clearly knowing she didn’t need to say anything else but that. Rachel took steadiness from that, even though she didn’t look up. Head on her knees, eyes wide shut, drawing into the thoughts in her head. Banishing all the images her mind had been drawing of what it could be, for Franklin and the Richards, if she’d done this - no. Not banishing. Exiling them to a part of her brain where they could stay alongside other happy memories that should have been, but never would. They’d have company there. It hurt, but probably not a lot more than a lot of things had hurt. Mostly it had to be done, if she was going to go on. So Rachel gripped her knees more tightly, and did it. When it was done, and she’d said goodbye to each and every one of the not-to-bes, Rachel lifted her head again, tilting her face around till she could see her best friend. Who knew all of this too, and who’d been through it, or something like it, for herself, and who was still right there, like she’d promised. After a moment just looking - catching her breath, even though there hadn’t been anything like actually breathing hard to it - Rachel unwrapped her arms from the death-grip they’d had around her knees, transferring them to hug Kitty fiercely. “Us, Pryde,” she whispered after a moment. “The hell would I do without you?” Maybe she didn’t even want to think about that, actually. Instead she pulled back, so she could see her best friend’s face again, lips twisting into something that could have been a smile, if your definition allowed them to be anything but straight. “So…” she began, and let it trail off into something that maybe Kitty knew better how to finish. It wasn’t better, of course. It couldn’t be better. Probably not ever. But here they still were, and the world hadn’t ended, so that meant getting on and doing things all the same. For now though… just sitting here for a little longer, half tangled up in sheets that hadn’t been all that straight to begin with, and letting the rest of the world wait for a few more minutes didn’t sound like that bad an idea either. Just for a little while. |
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| Shadowcat | Dec 2 2014, 02:21 PM Post #34 |
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Immaterial Girl
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One minute. Ten. An hour or two, it didn't matter. Ray could have as many minutes as she needed. Always. She wasn't going anywhere. She'd be right here for however long her best friend needed her to be. Quiet, since this was one of those times when all the words she knew in any language really wouldn't help and sometimes that's what you needed. Quiet. A little time with silence to put everything into it's place in your head. When it was hard, like she knew it was hard right now for Ray. Something beyond hard that there really weren't words to describe. Rachel would get through it, Kitty knew that, but it didn't make her feel any better for her best friend. Sitting there curled into a ball and turned in on herself, the way that you had to to deal with some things. To be able to put them aside like knew you needed to, but didn't want to have to. Being the right decision never made it an easy one, this wasnt any exception. Then it was over, or as over as it could be, and Ray lifted her head off her knees, turned her way. Kitty smiled a little back at her best friend. Gave her shoulders another gentle squeeze. Then Ray unwrapped her arms from her knees and hugged her instead. The brunette returned the tight hug in kind, wrapping her arms around Rachel and letting out a slow breath of her own. Like she'd been holding, though she knew she really hadn't. A little release of tension, and she thought they could both use that. “Us, Pryde,” she whispered after a moment. “The hell would I do without you?” Smile widening a little, she tightened her arms a little more for a second. "Same thing I'd do without you," Kitty whispered back. "Probably just go ahead and go nuts." Them. Yeah. She wouldn't know what to do without Ray, either. It worked both ways. Ray pulled back and she did the same, watching her friend's expression change to something that might've been sort of a smile if you squinted. Maybe not really better, but...not on the edge so much. It was about the best you could hope for with this sort of thing. Something you learned from experience. “So…” she began, and let it trail off and Kitty nodded, smiling a little more herself. "Still here, still going," she finished. Maybe not the most eloquent thing she'd ever said, but still true. Here and in the game and doing what they could, bumps and potholes and disappointments and all. Tangled sheets and her best friend and a little bubble for them to sit in a while longer. Before they had to deal with whatever came next. Could definitely be worse. [cont'd for Kitty in Debriefing, I think, and Rachel in DC] |
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3:32 AM Jul 11