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What happened to the cut characters...; Yeah...
Topic Started: Fri Nov 5, 2010 8:02 am (1,257 Views)
Mei Ling
Member Avatar
The night is dark and full of cherry blossoms
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Forgive me, I was bored. But I shall write more of it, if the feedback is positive. Let me know what you think?

This is the story...

Of Seven Strangers

Picked to live in a house...

Work together, and have their lives taped...

To find out what happens...

When people stop being polite...


And start getting Real

The Real World: Three Kingdoms

Cast List
Jiang Wei
Xing Cai
Zhu Rong
Zuo Ci
Meng Huo
Da Qiao
Pang De


A taxicab style rickshaw pulls up in front of a gigantic mansion, and two figures emerge.

Jiang Wei: Ah! So...this is the place I am to stay at! Not as wide and narrow as Wu Zhang Plains, but decent.

Xing Cai: What the freak are you talking about?!

Jiang Wei: I am not talking about, I am talking about something!

Xing Cai: Oh god... *facepalm*

Jiang Wei: Anyway, where is our luggage?

Xing Cai: Oh, it's right b-HEY STOP!

The rickshaw pulls away hastly, the driver yelling "RAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! SOORRRRRRRRY! ME LOVE YOU LOOOOONG TIME!" as he runs.

Jiang Wei: What? Why is he running away with our things? Is he perhaps going to clean them?

Xing Cai: I believe you lost your brain during the Battle of Hu Liao Gate.

Jiang Wei: I do not seem to recall that battle.

Xing Cai: Exactly, you twit. Anyway, let's go inside and wait...

A carriage pulls up, this time a young woman with black hair steps out. She gives the driver a hasty sum of gold coins, and he speeds away.

Da Qiao: Well now! This place looks a tad bit too dreary for my tastes. Curioser and curioser! I do fear that I shall get lost within it's grand splendor, but, ah well, I shall manage.

She glides gracefully along the path to the stairs of the mansion.

*Ding dong ding dong dong dong dong*

Jiang Wei: Hm? I wonder who is at the door?

Xing Cai: A brain suregon, hopefully...

Xing Cai opens the door.

Xing Cai: Oh, hello, we don't want any cookies.

*SLAM*

Jiang Wei: Xing Cai, if there is one thing I am smart about, it's that you are very very rude. Mercy.

Jiang Wei pushes his way past Ms Perfect and opens the door, allowing Da Qiao to step inside

Da Qiao: Oh, hello there. Am I interrupting something?

Xing Cai: Yes. Go away little girl, this place is not for you.

Da Qiao: But...I am sure the parchment scroll I had said this was the location. That carriage cost me so much money! Oh..and a nice man gave me your things, I believe these are yours. Here you are.

Xing Cai: OH GOOD GOD! MY STUFF! *hugs*

Da Qiao: It is strange though, I was described as simply walking to the door, with nothing, now all of a sudden this luggage is right here next to me in my hands! How is that possible?

PLOTHOLE # 1

Xing Cai: Anyway um...what kingdom are you from?

Da Qiao: Wu. My sister Xiao Qiao is off doing something with many other Chinese people...something called Dysentery Warriorz or something....

Xing Cai: Funny...my father went as well.

Jiang Wei: As did my lover, Zhuge Liang.

Da Qiao: Pardon me good sir, but I do believe men should not lay together, it is sinful.

Jiang Wei: RACIST.

Xing Cai: Now now, calm down, there's no ne-

Jiang Wei: DONTJUDGEMEIHAVEMYREASONSOKAYHELUREDMEINTOHISTENTPROMISINGMEALOLIPOPTOSUCKONANDINSTEADHEMADEMESUCKONHIS-

*BOOOM. BOOOOOOOOM. *

Xing Cai: What is that noise?!

The three head outside to see a herd of elephants, accompanied by servants, clad only in loincloths.

Xing Cai: HOLY CRAP.

Jiang Wei: What is that tusk wearing greyback?

Da Qiao: Jiang Wei, that would be an elephant. It is a mammal.

Jiang Wei: Oh.

The elephants stop in front of the mansion. The servents go into the house and deposit the things, and there are many many things, and lots of food and clothing as well. They all leave the house, millitary style. Two figures hop off the elephant. Both scandily clad. One is a young petite woman, as tall as Jiang Wei, with long golden hair that shimmers in the sunlight, and she has a feather with a headband on her head. Next to the woman, a big burly tattooed man, fatter and stronger than most. He scratches his beard, and looks at the woman. Both are tan.

Zhu Rong: YOU PROMISED ME THERE WOULD BE A POOL, COMPLETE WITH GAZEEBO AND SAUNA. GOD#%$@##%$#%$@ I WANT MY SAUNA!

Meng Huo: But sweetheart! This is better than what was described on the scroll!

Zhu Rong: I DON'T GIVE A $$%@ ABOUT THAT ^%$%$#%$#@% PIECE OF PAPER! I WANT MY GOD@%$%$# SAUNA, AND I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meng Huo: Come, let's go to the house, I will carry you over the threshold, like the pale faced people from the other country do.

Zhu Rong: OH HELL NO! NO! I SAID NOOOO! PUT ME DOWN YOU IDIOT! UGH.

He carries her into the house.

Meng Huo: Oh, excuse us, I am the Nanman King, Meng Huo, and this is my lovely sexy wife Zhu Rong.

Zhu Rong: WHAT THE **** IS THIS BULL****! WHO THE HECK ARE THESE TWITS!

Xing Cai: Now hold it right there, you barbaric half naked gypsy!

Da Qiao: Xing Cai, stop it! Hello, pardon our apperance. My name is Da Qiao, and this is Xing Cai, and Jiang Wei.

Jiang Wei: Meet you.

Da Qiao: Uh...don't you mean "Nice to meet you?"

Jiang Wei: OMG A PONY!

Meng Huo: Settle down kid, I ain't no pony!

Jiang Wei: RIDE STALLION! HOORAY!

Zhu Rong: GET THE **** OFF OF MY HUSBAND! NOBODY GETS TO RIDE HIM TONIGHT, EXCEPT ME. GOT IT?!

Jiang Wei: What does that mean?

Da Qiao: Ah, I remember reading about this in a scripture book. it said "Sun Ce and Zhou You bid their wives goodnight, and proceeded to the armory. There, Zhou You polished Sun Ce's sword. When it was slick with grease, Sun Ce reached into Zhou You's belt, withdrew his sword, and began to polish it as well. When both men were exhausted from their exertions, they went to bed together."

Xing Cai: Oh god...*VOMIT*

Zhu Rong: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU GOT IT ALL OVER THE DAMN FLOOR, YOU HUSSY!

Xing Cai: *vomit*

Zhu Rong: NOW I AM COVERED IN IT.

Suddenly, a flash of light, and white glowing balls appear, two figures step out. One clad in armor, and the other, a mystic.

Zuo Ci: Do not be afraid, I am the great Zuo Ci. This is Pang De. We are the other two guests who will be joining you all for these six months.

Zhu Rong: .....WELL, **** THIS CRAP. I SHALL BE AJORNING TO BED. COME MY LOVE. TO THE INNER CHAMBERS. WE SHALL LAY TOGETHER.

Jiang Wei: I agree, come Xing Cai.

Xing Cai: Piss off. I am rooming with Da Qiao. You room with Pang De.

Jiang Wei: Fine. Come Pang De.

Pang De: HURR.

Zuo Ci: I do not sleep.

Da Qiao: How can that be? Sleep aphasia?

Zuo Ci: Do not fret over me, little one. Run along now, I need to meditate.

Da Qiao: Like, whatever.

Xing Cai: That's my line.........

TO BE CONTINUED.
Edited by Mei Ling, Fri Nov 5, 2010 8:07 am.
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Mei Ling
Member Avatar
The night is dark and full of cherry blossoms
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
The Next Morning....

Zuo Ci: Ah, I see everybody has awoken. I've made some rice, and tea, and something the white men call..."pancakes?"

Zhu Rong: Uuuuuughhhh.....I have a massive hangover from drinking too much sake last night.

Da Qiao: Lady Zhurong, isn't sake a Japanese thing? And why would you be drinking it anyway?

Zhu Rong: Quiet human. I am the Goddess Of Fire. I will burn you.

Da Qiao: Ah...I see....

Xing Cai: Morning twerps.

Zhu Rong: DON'T CALL ME A TWERP YOU PIECE OF SHI-

Meng Huo: SWWEEEEEEETHAAAAAAARRRRRTTTTT!

Zhu Rong: Baby, stop it. It's that time of the month again.

Xing Cai: Go to hell!

Zhu Rong: I WISH!

Zuo Ci: If you two would stop fighting and just eat, we have so much to do today.

Suddenly, a sharp dressed woman in a business suit, with a long black ponytail, walks in, her heels clanking on the ground.

Greetings, my name is Morena. I am the chairperson of KOEI, due to the poisoning of the last CEO. May I please see Meng Huo for a moment?

Zhu Rong: *****, YOU BEST NOT BE MESSIN AROUND!

Meng Huo: Sweetheart, calm down. Let me go talk to the nice lady.

Zhu Rong: But baby, you promised me that we'd play leap frog tonight! In bed!

Meng Huo: I did? Don't worry dear, I'll be back.

He walks outside with Morena. At that second, a dart hits his back, and he falls to the ground. A CIA agent steps forward.

Morena: Check his pulse, and then load him into the truck. He's needed to conquer some...*puts on shades*...Empires.

YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! No not really.

Xing Cai: This rice sucks. Got any toast?

Pang De: Forgive me, I do not know this "toast?"

Xing Cai: It's bread, toasted, with butter.

Pang De: Still don't know it.....

Jiang Wei: I'm bored. I miss my boyfriend Zhuge Liang.

Xing Cai: Um...yeah...he has a wife, you know.

Jiang Wei: WHAT IS THIS BLASMPHEMY! How was I not aware of this?!

Zhu Rong: Dude, you kinda were. Remember when you attacked us in the jungles? Remember the red haired woman with the slightly dark complexion? With the fire breathing thingies? Yeah, that was his wife, Yue Ying.

Zuo Ci: I am to wonder, what is keeping Meng Huo?

Zhu Rong: Baby probably is being seduced by that two bit tramp.

Pang De: OH MY GOD. THEY HAVE TAKEN HIM AWAY!

Zhu Rong: WTF IS THIS?!

Pang De: Well, I was just talking to Xing Cai about toast, and then a time paradox occured where I somehow got up without anybody noticng, and I looked and nobody was there.

Zhu Rong: NO! THAT ****! I WILL BURN HER ASS TO A CRISP!

Da Qiao: Lady Zhurong, calm down. You can't leave, it's against the rules.

Zhu Rong: But...my husband!

She starts to sob uncontrollably.

To Be Continued
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SetsukoXara
Member Avatar
Lu Qiuyue : Ambush General & Firebird General
[ *  * ]
OMG!!! LOLZ!!! THAT'S GENIUS!!!
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Kohaku
Interesting.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
OMFG! :OMG:

This is the best comedy I've ever read in my entire life, I didn't know Zhu Rong swore a lot :huh: And I just love the fighting parts :XD

I hope to see more from you ^_^
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Sang Hee
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Ghost of the battlefield
[ *  *  * ]
This whole story makes Jiang Wei's death even more tragic. He was a good fella.
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ivycat
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First Lieutenant
[ *  *  * ]
Oh my gosh this is HILARIOUS! I am definitely following this thread. Love the idea. Yes!!! :wub:
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Coffeeccubus
Member Avatar
Incompetence is not the key.
[ *  *  *  * ]
I CANT BREATH!
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bao cai
Member Avatar
Officer
[ *  * ]
oh poison in air
we must cut the source
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