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Brother despressed; What should I do?
Topic Started: Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:51 pm (130 Views)
Mesperill91
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Okay, so I need some help. My older brother, around a month ago, was dumped by his girlfriend. At first I thought he would mope around looking like a kicked puppy for a while and then be alright. But that did not happen... He is still moping around, he doesn't come home until early morning (around 4-5 AM), and no one is able to get him to talk...

Me and my parents have tried everything we can think of: taking him out to eat, a movie, trips to the mall... I don't know what else to do! Do any of you have any suggestions on how to break him out of this depression? If you don't thanks for simply taking the time to read this.
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Sera
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It's always sad to hear that someone gets so depressed after having love woes, but unfortunately there isn't much to do if the person refuses help. I think you and your family are doing the right thing by letting him feel that you are there if he wants to vent, and willing to help and give comfort if he ever decides that he needs some.
My advice is to stay always close to him, and I hope he will feel better soon.
Good luck, adriannu.
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Tempest
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adriannu255
Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:51 pm
Okay, so I need some help. My older brother, around a month ago, was dumped by his girlfriend. At first I thought he would mope around looking like a kicked puppy for a while and then be alright. But that did not happen... He is still moping around, he doesn't come home until early morning (around 4-5 AM), and no one is able to get him to talk...

Me and my parents have tried everything we can think of: taking him out to eat, a movie, trips to the mall... I don't know what else to do! Do any of you have any suggestions on how to break him out of this depression? If you don't thanks for simply taking the time to read this.
You are so sweet. :wub:

You really care about your brother. You even went far enough to ask for help, and that shows me how much you love him.

I guess he was really in love with this girl if he's still depressed after a month. I don't know if this is his first girlfriend or not, but usually the 1st is the hardest to get over.

It can be even worst if he see her everyday. It's kinda like 'I see what I can't have'. I'm not saying he should avoid her, but I know what it's like to be heart broken by someone you really care about.

Don't worry sweety (although it is sweet of you) I think everyone recovers differently.

When the 1st girl I fell in love with left I was heart broken for almost 3 months, but after a while I got a chance to get out (already signed up for a field trip) and hang around other girls, and realized she wasn't the only person in the world that I could love.

lol now look at me. I love too many people. :wub:
(Hey I never had a girlfriend, but I can love :hmmm: )

I know you're worried but give him some more time. He got to recover on his own. I'm sure he'll thank you for being there for him when he do. ;)

This is just from my personal experience though. Hope it helps :(
Edited by Tempest, Mon Feb 21, 2011 12:47 pm.
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Xiuzhao
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Without meaning to sound curt, I think you need to simply give him some more time. I've been madly in love with a girl, and it definitely took me a lot longer than one month to properly get over her. It was more like roughly 6 months.

Emotional attechment like your brother has is good; as long as it doesn't continue for a very long time. And if you're really worried, take him to a doctor; they'll be able to either diagnose him or direct him to a specialised therapist. I'm no diagnostician but it doesn't sound like clinical depression to me; more details about his behaviour would help me understand a bit better.
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Joetri10
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Yes, you need to not try and make him happy but make him feel more comfortable and open... A lot of what depression is felling alone and caged in from the world, especially after a break up from someone you love..

What you first need to do is talk to him about it, he needs to open up to his friends and family and needs to talk about it, if he doesn’t want to do that then suggest to him to write he’s feelings and thoughts down on the computer or on paper, if he can read his own thoughts and emotions it can make him feel more at peace with them, tell him it’s ok to cry and it’s ok to want to be alone, he needs to know that the people are there for him when he needs them... You cannot force him to be happy or to do something that involves public interaction... What he also needs to do after he has done all that is to talk to that girl again, MAKING SURE he does not argue or try and get back with her, the best thing to mend a heartbreak is to end it with a high note, unfortunately i have a saying that you cannot be friends with an ex, because one person will always have feelings... He needs to end the friendship leaving no words left unsaid and making sure both him and her are happy... he then needs to cut contact.

After all that is done he needs to focus on something, slowly but surely let him meet new people, don’t take him out to family events but take him out to a friends of yours or introduce him to someone who is also currently feeling a little down, i know that sounds a bit strange but if if he has someone he can connect with, he will get happy faster because he won’t feel alone anymore. In this case you can wonder, why doesn’t he just be with his old friends?, that can work but only sometimes, at times like this its best to meet someone new because it will keep their mind focused on that more, there’s nothing better than making a new friend.

What you need to prevent him from doing is self harming and wallowing in his self misery and thinking about it all over and over in his head (as I said above, it’s better that he writes it all down), he also cannot be alone outside like he has been doing and he also needs to sleep and eat but again, do not force that.

He needs to find himself again and work from there, you cannot rush it.

Final note, if he does write it down, you cannot under no circumstances should you try and read it without his consent. If he refuses to any of what I said or is acting out because of anger then he needs to see some professional help.


Everything here^ is everything i have gone through.. It can help if he allows it... The most important thing is to make sure he does not turn to hate and you cannot force anything apon him, there is no quick fix.. Times aids this but only if he is willing to do anything.
Edited by Joetri10, Tue Feb 22, 2011 8:42 pm.
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Mesperill91
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Everyone, thank you so much for all your advice and well wishes! I will take all advice into account and see how things progress from there. Once again, thank you all so much! I truly appreciate it.

EDIT: He's finally coming around! :dance: I tried various different things you guys suggested and he's slowly going back to being the brother I knew before! He even started smiling again! I couldn't have done this without your suggestions guys! Thank you so so so much! :wub:
Edited by Mesperill91, Tue Mar 1, 2011 4:35 pm.
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