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| Is it cheating? If permission is given | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:44 am (487 Views) | |
| Sakii | Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:44 am Post #1 |
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Let it fly
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Ok, I need some advice. a friend of mine and her husband. Are dating another married woman. I don't think her husband knows though. Well my friend. Gives her husband permission to sleep with their "girlfriend" w/o her. So long as he doesn't you know inside her w/o a condom. B/c she is going thru a "Dry spell" It's none of my business but she told me. B/c their girlfriend said some crap about my husband. But that is a different subject. Their girlfriend is seeking birth control. Mind you before she wasn't b/c her and her husband haven't had much relations since her baby was born about 6 months ago. And I have noticed an emotional attachment happening between my friends husband and the girlfriend. He post tons of stuff on her facebook. And insist on going to her house every day when he is home from work.( he is a truck driver). My friend thinks nothing is going on. But I feel shei s oblivious to the matter. Me personally I couldn't do or allow anything like that. For it is against my religion for one. And im a jealous individual anyway. So what should I do. Should I say anything.. Should I let her know I think what they are doing is wrong. She is supposedly a Christian and he is a Jehovah's witness. And their girlfriend is catholic. Not that their religions matter in this. I just find it hard to be around them. |
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| Uesugi Kenshin | Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:59 am Post #2 |
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Mewshuji
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Umm, if she's giving him permission to see other women, to be frank... there's not a lot wrong with that. Relationships are built on trust, and she trusts that he loves her enough to always love her more than this other woman. And you say she's dating her too, right? So like I can't see anything wrong. It seems a lot more like the problem may be that he's falling in love with this other girl. If that's the case, I'd ask him about it first, or not get involved at all. The whole idea of a romantic relationship HAVING to be 2 people only is sappy romanticism and, (I can't believe I'm saying this, ugh), no doubt created as a result of the patriarchy trying to ensure men always have a legitimate heir. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, and if I get a girlfriend/wife/partner you better believe I'll only be with her (or him I guess) unless she insists on starting a threesome herself. But that's a personal choice- just like there's no problem with people having a bunch of partners, there's nothing wrong with being monogamous. Point is, relationships aren't built on "okay, I'll only have sex with you and only you". They're built on "I trust you and care about you more than I care about myself, I would put my well being on the line for you". |
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| Mr. Kamikaze | Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:43 am Post #3 |
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God of War
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If she gave her husband the go ahead, then it's not cheating. She knows about it, hell, she okayed it. If it bothers you that much, perhaps say something to your friend, not in an aggressive accusatory way, just mention you find it weird and uncomfortable. Of course, don't try to talk her out of it...what happens with their relationship is their business, but you got it off your chest and now she knows. Beyond that, there isn't anything you can do about it short of just cutting off ties with your friend...which would be up to you, of course. |
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| Mr.Honda | Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:45 am Post #4 |
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Well, if they are what they say they are, then they've thrown religion right out the window with what they are doing because I don't believe any of those groups believe in open relationships. Personally, I'm against the open relationships. Call me old-fashioned or whatever, but when you get married, its to one individual. If you want more than one, stay single That being said, if what they're doing is something they all (each other and both spouses) agreed on and are ok with, then let them have their fun. If any one of the spouses does NOT know what is going on though (which I believe to be the case if I read your post correctly) then this is not going to end well. The husband is most certainly going to be drawn to this gf if that's where he's getting his. I really don't see a positive outcome for your friend if she's not able to satisfy him and instead sends him to a friend to fill those needs. As to whether or not you should say anything to her, that's a tough one. You can say you think its wrong and risk offending her if she believes the opposite to be true. However, I think as her friend you do have a right to tell her something if you're concerned as to how this will end for her if her husband is indeed drawing away from her towards the gf. It might be too late already though ... Yikes, so complicated though This is why I stick with 1-1 marriage
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| Skull Knight | Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:49 am Post #5 |
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Although it might be difficult since you know them I'd suggest staying far away from that situation. Going by your post it sounds like their relationship is really sloppy and messy and probably headed for alot of drama before too long since it sounds like the husband and this female friend are incapable of having no strings attached sex. Most women aren't capable of this anyway, which is why open relationships almost always fail. Also, if you do tell her and she and her husband make up she'll blame you for trying to come between her relationship, if they do break up you'll be the one who broke up the marriage. (Obviously you aren't to blame, but you'll probably get used as a scapegoat) Difficult as it may be you should probably just distance yourself from them and hang out with other people. People who are sloppy like that always end up bringing everyone else down and the fact they're supposedly Christian and involved with things like this is pretty disturbing, too. For the sake of your own well beings and your own faith I'd steer clear of those people until they get their act together, - you don't want to be mixed up in their sloppy marriage. Trust me. |
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| Sakii | Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:53 am Post #6 |
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Let it fly
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Thanks guys, it really helps me out. I mean im old fashioned as well. so to me marriage is 2 people no more. I guess that is what really urking me. I could never or would ever give my husband permission to sleep with another woman. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of threesomes. I don't want to cut off ties with her. But it might be for the best. There is a lot of he said she said bull going on. And I don't want to be in the middle of that. ”Z•P - thanks hun. I believe that may just be the best course. Edited by Sakii, Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:55 am.
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| UpInMahBubble | Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:41 pm Post #7 |
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Who you calling a cute prince?
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Relationships don't always have to be between two people. Polyamory is quite common these days. |
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| scholar | Fri Apr 11, 2014 2:13 pm Post #8 |
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It depends. If one of the four do not know, then the one that person is in a relationship with is cheating. If all four know, then it ultimately depends on what you think cheating is. Sleeping with someone else who you're not married with is sometimes considered cheating even if everyone knows about it, allows it, and encourages it. Its just that its not a violation of trust. Other people think consent is all that matters. I don't know enough about you or your friends to say if it is or isn't cheating, but ultimately that is up to them to decide. |
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| Erminaz | Sat Apr 12, 2014 1:00 pm Post #9 |
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Emperor's Retainer
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That is a very weird situation tbh, to me it sounds like he doesn't mean that much to her if she's ok with him doing the dirty with another woman. That said though if she really did "give permission" then it's their business, I wouldn't get involved. If you get involved you might come across as a cockblocker or a sh*t stirrer. Just stay out of it, you don't need that drama in your life and you don't have to get involved even if your friends want your opinion (which I'm sorry to be blunt, but they probably don't). I'll be blunt here, you practice your religion and let them do what they're doing. Lots of people (me included) hate having other people's religious views thrust on them. Just do you and let other people do their life. If you have jealousy issues then I'd suggest you seek help for it through counselling or something. You've already got your own problems, you don't need to get pressed on theirs. And ultimately, if it's that hard to be around them, you need new friends. I'm not saying cut them off completely, just find some new associates you have more in common with to hang out with instead. |
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| Sakii | Sat Apr 12, 2014 10:36 pm Post #10 |
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ty all this can be closed |
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| NaoHonda Kaishosho | Sat Apr 12, 2014 11:07 pm Post #11 |
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Tiger General
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They are religious? SINS, SINS EVERYWHERE! But honestly whilst open relationship is becoming more common these days I personally don't feel it's a great way to be in a relationship, it is possible to be with the same person forever as it's been proven a lot of times. I think there is a certain pressure in this day and age that could potentially ruin a relationship. I don't know, sex in a marriage usually fizzles and then so does the love, well a bad marriage anyway, so I would expect a divorce soon. Sorry your friend is stressing you out with this, it sounds like drama you don't want/need so I'd just tell her to rethink her marriage and make sure it's really what she wants. |
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| Ma Su | Sun Apr 13, 2014 3:20 am Post #12 |
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Seeker of knowledge and understanding.
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Polygamy huh? I see nothing wrong with it if there is complete knowledge and consent. |
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| scholar | Sun Apr 13, 2014 10:17 pm Post #13 |
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Closed per OP request. If anyone wants to start up the topic again, they are free to do so. |
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This is why I stick with 1-1 marriage 



8:00 PM Jul 11