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Mr. Molehill Mountain
Topic Started: 26 Feb 2014, 07:57 PM (791 Views)
Jake
Member
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So, Here's one of my poems. I wrote it during tough times, would love some feedback! :)



The boy, half-heartened sat and pondered whether it’s OK to tell the light to go away over and over…

Perhaps the girl doesn't have the four leaf clover.

But he’d still quite like to know her.

He made every rhyme about her

yet he lives an ever-doubter,

clouding his own silver linings,

drowning in a sea of his dog-like pining.



The boy trades in words, but he’s running out of steam lately

'cause he embarrasses himself greatly at every opportunity.

He refuses even his own advice

but still hopes she’ll look at him twice

or thrice… who’s counting?

Some call him Mr. Molehill Mountain

wallowing in a two inch puddle cause he quite enjoys a struggle.

An urchin,

searching for a long lost cuddle from just another piece of the puzzle.
jakeftw.tumblr.com

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
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Pluribusmundi
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Newbie
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Can I just say that this is a wonderful poem. You have a way with language and flow. But at the same time, I felt like the first stanza was a bit choppy.

I look forward to seeing you write more!
Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
-Søren Kierkegaard
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Jake
Member
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Thanks for the compliments, I quite agree about the first stanza. I wish I knew how I write things like this, 90% of what I write just kind of explodes out of me without effort or intent. It's a beautiful experience but I'd love to be able to control and channel it.
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Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not
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Davo
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Advanced Member
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What I tend to find when writing is most of the time it does need to be spontaneous and free flowing just so you can get your thoughts recorded.
I keep a notebook and write a lot.

Of formal essay writing that I would like to publish one day I've found a two fold approach seems to be working.
First is to simply write with no analysis. Just write and get thoughts expressed.
I might give this to a select few to get their initial raw feedback. I'm not interested in editing at this point, just initial reaction to the thoughts and concepts.

I keep the original draft verbatim, then edit a second copy. It might be the case I rewrite quite a bit. There's nearly always gems in there I keep. I take the original concepts and refine my expression of them.

I took a lecture course on writing and I think the most useful thing I got out of it was "what and so what". What's your point and why does it matter to me. When you read great essays you'll find this what, so what pattern to them.
Be authentic. Be impeccable with your word.
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